Genshin Impact: Mondstadt Alter
Act 1 Chapter 2.0:
False Mental Expectation
Currently, I'm sitting on the bed, reading a book. Since no one is home, The Seneschal told me I could stay here as long as I wanted. And since I'm an orphan, they can take care of me. Having no reason to refuse, I accepted his offer.
While I'm still twelve, living alone at home is nothing new. Dad and Mom were rare at home. They were often busy with work and at home, mostly at night, on days off, and on weekends. However, I almost never felt lonely. If anything, the sense of being bored occurred more often than being lonely back then.
Strange, isn't it?
Don't get me wrong. If that somehow sounded like I'm distant from my parents, that's not true. Indeed, we didn't spend much time together, but my parents always made up for the time lost on their days off or weekends.
I always appreciated their effort to spend their time together with me despite them always being busy with work. Our time together was something indispensable to me.
Looking at my left wrist, where there are bracelets. "... I feel lonely now that they're gone."
My eyes started to moisten. I shut my eyes tightly and take a deep breath to compose myself.
[I see.]
"Really? That's all you got to say?" I frowned.
[What do you want me to say then?]
"Well, I don't know. I'm expecting something like comforting words or something."
[Like what?]
"Uh… I don't know?"
"Look, listen. You asked me to tell you my story, and so I did. Here I thought you would feel sympathy for me by saying something more sentimental than a mere 'I see.'"
[Nah. All I said was that you didn't look good, and then you started the whole story as if I asked in the first place.]
I blink a few times when I hear that. I feel the heat rising to my face, thinking if what he said is true, then that means I accidentally vent on him? But still! That doesn't mean he should just say, 'I see' after hearing my story. What kind of person does that?
[Comforting words won't matter. You've been keeping these feelings since you recalled that tragedy.]
"..."
[You feel a little better now, right? Instead of offering sympathy, I believed it was not required.]
"... You are cold."
[I won't deny that.]
I know, he's like this. He is supposed to be like this.
At first, I thought I would think of him as an invisible companion or, at worst, a parasite. I don't know what his name is, who he is, his objective, or his appearance. I also don't know how far I can trust him and his words. This past week, he hadn't done anything but spoke to me occasionally.
[By the way.]
"What?" I replied, slightly annoyed.
[You've been staying in this room for a week without going outside. Are you not bored?]
His question piqued my interest.
Indeed. I've been staying here without leaving the church. I mostly stayed in this room, only leaving for bathroom breaks. The sisters always brought me food when it was time to eat, so I didn't have to go out and ask them to make food for me.
My appetite has not been as usual as well. While sometimes boredom still creeps at me, nothing is worth noting, especially knowing me in this state. But I could ask people to bring me some books so I can read them to pass the time.
[Let me guess.]
"What?"
[I could tell you were bored sometimes this past week. But since you're still grieving, the boredom doesn't bother you as much.]
I'm intently listening to what he said, so I stay silent.
[In your story, you don't seem to have friends. You never mention you spent your time with one after all.]
My eyebrow twitched hearing him say that.
[You must be a homebody.]
"Excuse me?"
[Oh, maybe a recluse is more fitting for you?]
"What are you talking about? Of course not!" I denied his claim.
[Really? Then how come nobody has visited you until now?]
"..." I didn't know what to say.
"Okay, this is getting annoying. What's your point?"
It's rare for me to go outside. I would be lying if I said no to that statement. I often hear my parents say how crucial it is to have friends, and they always encourage me to step outside and make some. I disregarded their advice because I believed I had everything I needed already.
Sometimes, I find it irritating when they repeatedly bring the topic to me, even though I know they have good intentions. Although my parents were concerned about me feeling lonely without playing with other children my age, I never experienced those feelings.
[Sheesh. Chill. I'm just trying to say you need someone to talk to.]
"Aren't you contradicting yourself?" I contended.
[I know, that's why I said it.]
"I don't get it. Explain it like I'm five."
[Simply put, get your ass out of here.] I refused.
I don't believe my issue can be solved by simply venturing outdoors. Plus, I don't know what I should do after that.
[You sure are a stubborn one. I'm starting to think you're actually a recluse.]
"Say whatever you want." I grumbled.
I look back at the book I'm currently holding.
[Continuing with this behavior could lead to madness.]
"I'm not mad."
[Yet.]
I just responded with a sigh.
Neither of us speaks anything for a while. Since it's still very early in the morning, only a few have awake. The sun hasn't risen yet, creating a serene atmosphere enhanced by the gentle breeze.
"What makes you think going out would help me?"
I straightened my back on the bed and closed the book.
[Oh? Finally interested in my suggestion?]
"I'll consider it."
[Human needs each other, Morgan. It's best to interact with others to help cope with your sadness instead of isolating yourself from people. I can tell you have a strong will for being a kid, but you can't solve everything alone. You have people around you, and they are nice to you. I'm sure they are more than willing to help you if you ask them.]
I listened carefully and thoroughly without missing a beat. Closing my eyes as I face up, I grit my teeth and clench my fist.
I know that I shouldn't keep grieving my parents' death forever.
I know what I'm doing to keep myself together is wrong.
I know I don't have anyone.
I know my flaws better than anyone, and hearing that from someone really pisses me off. While his statement may be accurate, it was difficult to accept. In the past week, I didn't just sit on the bed while reading books without thinking about the future.
Is the solution really that simple?
Did I overlook and underestimate it?
Is the crisis I'm facing right now isn't even a big deal?
"Ugh…" I clutched my forehead.
[Are you done having an existential crisis?]
"Spare me. Do you think it's okay?"
[I only gave you a suggestion. It's entirely up to you whether you do it or not. It won't hurt to try anyway.]
Perhaps he's right.
Sitting here all day won't get me anywhere, and it's the first time he gave me some advice. It's not like I trust him, but I don't have a better option. So far, everyone I have spoken to has seemed hesitant to talk with me at length.
People tried to give me comforting words. However, most of what they said got into my right ear and then out to my left ear. Losing my parents seems like giving some sort of trust issues.
"It's around 5 in the morning, so most people are still asleep. Let's head out." I said as I put the book on the table.
After getting out of bed, I make the bed and put on some fresh clothes. When I put my hand on the knob, he speaks to me.
[By the way, don't forget about your vision.]
Ah, the vision is lying on the table. I didn't touch it for a week as I purposely neglected it. A few days ago, Grand Master Varka informed me that his men had discovered that vision beside me. Therefore, it is mine.
However, why would I want power after when I needed it the most?
"Why?"
[You won't let yourself go through that again, would you?]
I widen my eyes and click my tongue when he brings up that memory. I sigh before giving in and walk toward the table to pick up the vision. Upon close inspection again, this thing is a beauty.
I pick it up and put the vision on my right hip, hiding it under my shirt. I have no reason to hide it, but I don't want to use it if possible. Keeping it away from my sight will allow me to forget it exists.
As I walk towards the door again, I prepare myself and hope to find something by doing so.
"Enough time to mourn."
A/N: I gave Morgan the same, or at least similar, treatment to Rosaria, where the Church of Favonius takes care of him. Now that I think about it, both share some common ground. No parents, need rehabilitation, and they get their vision when the one they love/care for dies.
Thank you for reading, and carry on!