Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Four

The Aftermath

New Sunnydale, the world without shrimp - November 2007

The pendant began to glow brightly, the metal heating until it was burning into his skin. He yelped but it was nothing compared to the last time his soul was returned to him. A bright light burst into the room, Spike's chest rose and fell as the piece of soul began to sink into him. "Ah-ah, it's back- it's back." He said gladly, his hands scrabbling over his chest. Buffy looked down and chuckled through her wave of tears.

Jenny stepped forward and clutched the pendant around his neck, "you have to keep this," she informed him. "You have to wear it always otherwise the soul may reject you. It's not your soul, it's Willow's, it'll do you good, Spike. You're very lucky."

Buffy looked at her, "thank you." It was honest, true. She couldn't be more grateful to her friends at this moment. As Willow began to sit up, she smiled in relief. She couldn't have known what consequences that follow this day. Jenny pulled away from the vampire and went into the back room, she had to tell someone she was leaving.

"Buffy?" Spike asked, looking up at her. Dawn took the hint that they wanted to be alone and picked herself up off the floor. "Buffy, I'm so sorry. For everything I said to you, it was Dru pulling me back. But I'm not just blaming it on her, I can't do that anymore." He felt a flicker of light inside him as the guilt came pouring back. "Oh Buffy it hurts, like last time but not as bad, I guess I did some forgiving after all."

"You're not going mad then?" She replied, letting go of her tight grip around his neck so he could sit up.

"I don't think so. But Buffy, what I did to you was unforgivable." Buffy shrugged, she had stopped blaming him a while ago, long enough for her to move on.

"You have a piece of Willow's soul inside you now, I hope that means you'll take a lesson or two from her." Buffy said as she helped him to his feet. The pendant still around his neck and the scarring on his chest that now resembled the star he would always wear.

"I'll try," he said. She clutched his hand but didn't kiss his cheek, she couldn't bring herself too. Something between them was broken for a little while, and now he was no longer in danger, her worry for him fell. She had other people to thank too.

Buffy and Tara helped Willow over to the couch, where she lay sleeping. Her eyes had returned to normal, and she was breathing steadily. Tara sat next to her, their hands clenched together. She was trying not to be angry, but looking down at Willow she realised how bad of an idea this was. She thought they were going to share the burden of the spell, but Willow had taken it all herself. Her soul was ripped into pieces. How much of her humanity was left? They'd find out when she woke up.

Buffy took Willow's other hand in her own, "thanks Will," she said through teary eyes. "You didn't have to do that, and you still did." She lifted Willow's hand and kissed it, just as she began to open her eyes.

"T-Tara," she mumbled.

"I'm here baby, I'm here." Tara said, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"I-I didn't know, what the-the spell would do." Willow stuttered, "well I knew but I didn't know, you know?" Tara chuckled, letting her breath out slowly. She was relieved Willow was babbling again.

"It's okay Will, we'll talk about it later." Tara said, gripping her hand tighter as Willow turned to look at Buffy.

"Buffy, you don't owe me anything for this. You're my best friend," Willow said.

"Just promise me you're okay? If you did this for me and then suffered I'd never forgive myself." Buffy replied.

"No, this was my idea." Willow said firmly, "anything that went bad was my fault. But we saved him Buffy, we saved him." She mumbled as she fell back to sleep. She was exhausted, her head and her chest aching.

*Flashback* Sunnydale, the world without shrimp (Jenny's Version) - 2002

"Jenny don't do this, please." Giles begged, his glasses slanted and a cut hovering over his eye, the blood threatening to trickle into his eye. Jenny stood, enraged, blood on her hands, black magic swirling around her. "I love you, you can't do this."

"Shut up!" She cried back at him, doubling over as the pain from his empathy seeped in. "Just shut up, stop talking!" She cried again, her hands reaching out for someone to hold but he was too far away.

"Jenny I love you." He said again, over and over until he was close enough for her to lean on his shoulder and embrace him with fighting anger. She hit him, over and over until his back was thumping but it didn't matter. Tears were streaming down her face as the overwhelming grief of what she'd done crippled her. Her tears made a patch on his shoulder that wouldn't dry for hours. She stumbled in his arms and dragged them down to the ground. Giles' knees hitting it first, the solid earthy floor of the world.

Everything was over. But Jenny was broken, her magic poisoned by darkness. He didn't know how they were going to get out of this. He had some ideas, but he had no clue whether they would make it out of this.

New Sunnydale, the world without shrimp - November 2007

He remembered it both ways, the one where Willow killed Warren with disregard for her own actions, where Tara had to talk her down, where her spirit was almost broken. And the one where he held Jenny until she stopped crying. How was he supposed to live with both realities churning inside his head when Willow was inside the Magic Box letting history repeat itself. None of them knew. None of them had felt what he felt when he saw Willow abusing magic, and he couldn't tell them. Yes, his life with Jenny had been traumatic, he had no reservations when it came to being in this reality. The one where he saved her and Willow never got addicted in the first place. He had to tell her, but he couldn't. So his turmoil made him leave. He couldn't stand to watch them agree to something like this without knowing how bad the consequences could be. But he couldn't leave town either. So he was stood in the middle of the road, a cigarette in his hand (a hangup from the eighties he'd never be quite over), cursing the names of the Powers for leaving him with this knowledge. He also cursed Ethan a little, but for entirely different reasons.

Jenny approached softly, treading each foot carefully to avoid startling him. Like a rabbit in a field before dawn, the peace of the glade, only for a bird to cawl and the rabbit to scamper away. "Rupert?" He turned and looked at her with such confusion in his eyes. He hadn't expected to see her. Hadn't expected her to be there at all. She walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He shuddered. "I'm sorry Rupert, but I couldn't stop them-"

"Willow? Is she...?" He couldn't seem to push the words out of his mouth.

Jenny shook her head, "she's fine. A little out of it, but fine. But the spell took a worse toll on her than I thought." Giles shook himself. He knew this would happen.

"I told them." His voice was so small.

"I know, but you can't father them forever."

A while later, when Willow was awake and talking again and had been plied with cookies. Buffy pulled Spike aside, her hand on his arm only gripping for a few seconds before releasing him. "Spike, something has to change between us. Again." She looked down at his scars and his hands and how dirty he was. "I can't just go back to what we were. I need some time, to think over everything. Things have changed already, everything feels so muddled in my head because I have to get straight what actually happened between us."

Spike looked at her seriously, he thought she might say this. "What do you mean?"

"I'm leaving San Francisco. I'm only telling you first because I need some time with them alone. I want you to go, Spike. I'm going back to LA to get my head straight. Maybe Angel needs some help down there. You can't change my mind-" She started saying but Spike held up his hand.

"It's okay. I understand, I didn't expect you to just fall into my arms. I get it." He started to walk away from her but she stopped him.

"You really killed her... Drusilla?" Buffy asked quietly, giving him a space to be honest if he needed to be.

"I did. I feel relieved almost, that she's gone. Ties to past disappearin' and all. Buffy I still, I still love you-"

Her head turned before she could hear him say it. Then she was walking away, the last touch she'd left on his skin still cold at her absence. He would stay away from her. He had to. He loved her but he understood it now, he couldn't have her. Not after everything he'd done. He left through the back of the shop, not talking to anyone. In any case, no one noticed him leaving. He lingered by the door, his gaze fixed on Jack's small body, that baby would be better off if he left.

Anya and Xander took Jack from the playroom back into the main area of the shop. Willow was still laying, Tara by her side, Dawn was standing next to Buffy and the air was silent. Everyone took a sigh of relief. Mainly because whatever ills had taken place whilst he was here had seemingly lifted once Spike had gone. Xander felt like physical gestures would be the way to go forward with this. Whatever decisions Buffy and Willow had made, they now bore the consequences. The years away from them had allowed him to separate himself and focus on his own problems. He put a strong hand on Buffy's shoulder and she smiled back at him.

As the others packed up their stuff and Tara helped Willow off the couch, Anya slipped her hand into her pocket. Giles had been so angry he wouldn't ask for the amulet back. She was glad about that, she hadn't wanted to fight him for it. The metal encasing the jewel felt cold in her hands, like it couldn't be warmed even by the desert sun. The chain coiled around her fingers and she felt strong for the first time in a year. She hid her excitement as the others left, mentally running through the incantations she'd need.

"Buffy?" Dawn said, "what are we gonna do now?" She was staring at Willow and Tara, thinking about Spike lying on the floor and her sister's face.

"We go home." She replied stoically. She'd tell everyone later, now she just wanted some normalcy, no magic, no souls, no vampires she didn't know how to love. She wanted to sit and watch tv. And Willow needed to rest, they all needed to rest. Some things needed to change.