If you haven't read the previous chapter from a couple of days ago, go back and read that one otherwise this one won't make much sense.

I was in good spirits the rest of the weekend. Both Hannah and Evan commented on it on Sunday over lunch. Usually, I'd get irritated when Evan especially made remarks about my moods, but it didn't even bother me because in my mind, I was moving in with Crane and Molly already. I'd moved schools, was loving my classes and had made a bunch of new friends.

"I'm just in a good mood!" I told Hannah.

"That's nice," Hannah said. She looked pleased.

Guthrie looked at me strangely.

"What?!" I said.

"You're being weird!" he said, shovelling a roast potato into his mouth.

"No, I'm not!" I protested. I was a bit offended to be honest. But then I thought to myself that I'd been miserable for a long time so it was probably a novelty to see me in a better mood.

Molly was staying for the weekend since Crane and Adam were away to help with Starr, so she was also at the table. She sat across from me and I smiled at her.

She smiled back at me, but it was strained. She was probably nervous, I thought, about what Adam and the others would say when I told them my plan.

Guthrie asked Hannah how long she thought it would be until Adam and Crane were back and Hannah said she didn't know but Adam had said they wouldn't be longer than a couple of days.

"I hope Brian is with them," he said, his voice hopeful. I knew that Brian's sort of breakdown was hard on Guthrie who idolised him.

"He'd better be sober when he gets back," I said and Guthrie glared at me.

"I'm sure he will be," Hannah said soothingly, covering Guthrie's hand with her own.

I couldn't wait for Adam and Crane to be back so I could start working on them. Brian I could take or leave right now to be honest. I wanted him back for Starr's sake, but only if he ready to pull himself together.

/

We didn't need to wait too long. When I came home from school on Tuesday and walked into the kitchen, Brian was sitting at the table facing the entrance to the kitchen, eating a chicken mayonnaise sandwich. I noticed there was a glass of water in front of him, instead of a beer which is what he might usually drink.

I wasn't expecting to see him, so stopped dead in my tracks, just staring at him. I guess he wasn't expecting to see me either which is silly because he'd have to know he was going to see the family at some point. He had been about to take a bite of his sandwich but now his hand hovered in mid air and he stared at me as well.

"Hi," he said, simply.

"Hi," I said.

I felt supremely uncomfortable, like the person sitting in front of me was a stranger. He was clean-shaven and was wearing clean clothes which means that he must have gotten back earlier that day. But he looked pale and he had lost weight over the past week- I could see it in his face.

Even though I wanted to turn around and go upstairs to avoid facing Brian, I knew I couldn't, so ventured further into the kitchen to get a glass of water which is what I had come for. I filled up my glass from the tap in silence and then turned around and leaned against the sink. Brian took another bite of his sandwich.

"How you doin'?" he asked me. I could tell he also felt uncomfortable. Good, I thought. He deserved to.

I shrugged. "Fine."

Brian gave a nod and then took another bite of his sandwich.

"How are you doing with… everything… you know," I said.

Brian put the remains of his sandwich back on the plate and wiped his hands with a napkin.

"I'm back," Brian said, simply again.

That was it? That was all he was going to say? I felt a wave of irritation rise up in me then. Brian's answers were monotone; he was hardly giving me anything. If I had acted like that with him after taking off for a week and shirking my responsibilities, he'd hit the roof and threaten me with all sorts.

"Cool," I said, probably a little sharply and pushed myself off leaning on the sink, intent on getting up to my room as quickly as possible. Never in my whole life had I had such a weird and uncomfortable interaction with him.

As I was stalking out the kitchen, I heard Brian sigh and then call my name.

"Yea?" I said, shortly, turning my head.

"We'll talk later okay. Properly I mean," Brian said. He sounded conciliatory.

But I was still pretty pissed off.

"Whatever."

/

I spent the next couple of hours up in my room doing my homework with the door closed. I would, I reasoned, need a good grades on my transcript for when I moved schools. When I do my homework and I'm really concentrating then everything else around me melts away and I'm completely in the zone. It's like that when I read a book or watch a show I really like. Adam told me that when I watching a show as a little kid and him or Brian wanted my attention, they would need to turn the TV off, otherwise I wouldn't even hear him calling me. So, while I definitely heard a lot of activity going on downstairs, probably more than usual for this time of the day, I didn't register it. When I was called down for supper, it surprised me that Evan and Daniel were there too. Evan was there sometimes, but Daniel- he had been around less and less lately. Crane wasn't there though. I figured he must have headed back to Bear Valley after he had come home.

Everyone was sitting in their customary places. Brian was holding Starr, giving her a bottle, and acting like nothing had happened. Everyone was acting normally towards him, even Hannah who I knew had been really mad at him.

I hadn't seen Adam in a couple of days. He looked tired and didn't say much while we were eating apart from smile at me and ask me how school had been the last couple of days. Daniel and Guthrie dominated most of the conversation talking about gigs and soccer matches. Guthrie was talking really quickly though and looking at Brian every now and then, like he was desperately trying to get his attention. It was weird and I felt tense. Were we all going to dance around Brian coming back like nothing that happened? It made me mad. It really did. I wished that Hannah would say something.

As I've gotten older, the more I've found it hard to keep my mouth shut when I'm annoyed, but I knew that I had to keep on Adam's good side, on account of my plan and all that. So I kept my lips firmly sealed until I'd finished eating, and then since I was next to him, I asked him quietly if I could be excused.

"I need to finish my homework before night chores," I said quietly, so only he could hear under the din at the table.

Since I had left school without telling anyone to go and see Olivia, part of my punishment was to help Adam with extra chores. We mostly did them in the evening after supper. It hadn't been so bad, really. I mean there were definitely other things I wanted to be doing, but Adam had been pretty nice about everything. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we worked in silence. I was planning to use the time we spent together that evening to talk to him about moving schools and all.

"Stay until we're finished," he said, equally as quietly to me. He had finished too, but most of us were still eating.

I sighed. "But then I won't finish my homework before chores."

"I'm too tired for extra chores tonight, baby," Adam said, "We'll start again tomorrow evenin'."

Immediately I felt disappointed. I was impatient to talk to Adam. I wanted out as soon as soon as possible.

Adam must have read me correctly because he said, almost incredulously, "You're not disappointed not to be doing chores, are you?"

I smiled, even though I didn't feel less like smiling.

"No, Adam."

"Phew!" Adam said, teasingly, "For a moment there I thought aliens had taken over your body."

I smiled and rolled my eyes a bit at his lame joke.

I sat back in my chair then to wait for everyone to finish so that I could get out of there. There was ice cream and cookies for dessert, but I was full up, and again, asked Adam if I could be excused.

"Just be patient."

"Why?"

"You'll see," he said, patting my hand.

I sighed again and slumped back in my chair. Not dramatically or anything but Brian noticed and looked at me. I didn't care. Let him try to say something to me.

After everyone had finished and were drinking coffee or whatever, I caught Adam first sharing a look with Hannah and then Brian. Daniel and Evan were getting up to clear the table when Brian, from his place holding Starr, who he was now winding, said, "Hold up, guys, will ya? I got somethin' to say."

Evan and Daniel sat back down and then Brian cleared his throat. He looked uncomfortable.

"I want to uh, talk to y'all about my behaviour the last few weeks."

"Forget about it, man," Daniel said, waving his hand in a dismissive kind of gesture. "You're here now, right? And that's all that matters."

I knew Daniel was just trying to make Brian feel better, but I thought that was rich, I really did. Daniel had hardly been affected by Brian's mood swings and by him taking off, so it was easy for him to be all forgiving.

Brian looked at Daniel gratefully but he said, "Thanks Danil, but I owe you- all of you- an apology." At this, he looked directly at Hannah, "Specially you, Hannah. I know you've done the lion share of lookin' after Starr."

Hannah looked all tearful and nodded at him. I could tell that this wasn't the first time he had apologised to her. She was too calm for that- he must have done it earlier in the day too and was probably only doing it now for the benefit of us kids.

Then Brian looked at Guthrie and me and swallowed, "I know I haven't been a very good role model the last few weeks. I'm gunna do better. For you and for Starr."

"You've always been a good role model, Bri," Guthrie said loyally. His cheeks were flushed red and I knew it was because he was so relieved to have Brian back in the fold.

"Thanks, partner," Brian said.

"Glad to have you back- there's a mountain of chores waitin' for ya," Evan joked. Typical Evan- he always made a joke when it came to talking about feelings or anything serious.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, as though they were waiting for me to say something nice or whatever. And a big part of me did want to. But I was also still mad.

"What about what you said the last time we saw you?"

Brian looked confused.

"What did I say?"

"You said that you were sick of looking after kids you didn't ask for," I said.

"Heidi," Adam said, quietly and I knew he meant for me to be quiet, leave it.

"That's technically not what he said," Evan said.

"It's what he meant," I said.

"What did I say?" Brian asked. He had gone red and I realised then he had no idea of what he had said. He was probably too drunk.

"I think what you actually said was you wanted a night off cuz you'd been lookin' after kids you didn't ask for your whole life," Evan said.

"That's literally what I just said!" I protested to Evan who rolled his eyes at me.

"I said that?" Brian asked. He looked stricken. Embarrassed.

"Guthrie was really upset!" I told him.

"Heidi!" Guthrie said, glaring at me.

"You were!" I said.

Brian manoeuvred Starr so that she was facing all of us now, dangling on one of his knees and bounced her gently.

"I didn't mean it," Brian said, nuzzling the top of Starr's fuzzy head with his chin. "I was drunk… I don't even remember it."

"I know you didn't mean nothing by it, Brian," Guthrie said, shooting me another glare.

"And it can't have been easy raisin' Evan at all," Daniel quipped.

"Look who's talkin', Daniel," Evan said and they tussled playfully.

Everyone laughed, even Brian, and it broke the tension, sort of.

Brian got up to change Starr's diaper and then Evan and Daniel helped Hannah clear the table. Daniel wasn't on our dish rota anymore- he was never home enough to make it work, so when he was home for supper he helped clean up.

I got up to go upstairs too, but Adam caught my arm gently from where he was sitting.

"Listen, kiddo, do me a favour and go easy on Brian, alright?" he said.

I looked down at him mutinously.

"Why?" I said, feeling self-righteous.

"Because he's been through a lot. And coz he's forgiven you in the past for whatever you've done. Remember earlier this year?"

It was true- I'd behaved terribly that one Sunday afternoon, destroying things and yelling at him and running away. I'd said some pretty nasty things then too. And although Brian had been mad, he'd forgiven me quickly, putting my feelings above his mad.

I felt my face go red. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself.

Adam was looking kindly at me now. I think he could tell I felt bad.

"We're a family, Heidi. And that means that we always, always forgive each other after apologies. No matter how badly someone behaves."