18

I wallow for three days.

And by wallow I mean I clean every square inch of my apartment and organize a year's worth of texts from Jane where I was being asked to complete duties that weren't in my job description.

I'd say it's one of my more productive spirals.

On the fourth day of Wallowpaloooza, Edward sends me a message before I'm even out of bed.

Edward: Sorry for the early text. Just wanted to let you know my friend finally got back to me. He hasn't looked at your manuscript (lack of time, not lack of interest) and isn't going to pass it on unless you want him to, so please don't worry about that anymore, okay?

I "love" his text.

And then I reply because I'm a sucker for him, even if what he did wasn't cool.

Bella: Thank you. Do you miss me yet?

Edward: Does a bear shit in the woods?

Bella: I don't know. I'm not a nature girlie.

Edward: You don't have to be outdoorsy to know the answer. Where else would a bear shit if not in the woods?

Bella: Can you just say that ~yes~ you miss me without bringing feces into this conversation?

He calls me.

"Yes, I miss you," he says over the line, making me smile.

"Good. I miss you, too. And I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days," I say. "About publishing."

"And?"

"And… I literally have nothing to lose, so fine. I'll do it. Try or whatever."

I can hear his smile when he says, "I need a little more enthusiasm from you. This is big, Swan, and I'm fucking proud of you."

I laugh sleepily. "Well give me a second. I just woke up."

"You really want to do this? Because I think you should but it won't mean shit if it's just me pushing you into it."

"I really want to do this," I say, meaning it. "I'd love to talk to your friend. But I'm also not opposed to self-publishing if that means I get more of a say over the final product. And of course, I'm still pissed I was wrongly terminated, and feel like I let my dad down, but maybe this is a good thing…"

"Bella. There's no way in hell you're letting him down. I bet he's really fucking proud of you. There's no way he couldn't be, especially when you put so much heart into creating something special in his honor. Okay?"

I sigh softly, appreciating—and needing—his words of encouragement.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you," I murmur.

"Don't be sorry for that. I deserved it for being a dick, and I'm sorry for going behind your back. I promise nothing like that will ever happen again."

"Well, no. I'm not sorry for getting mad over that because it wasn't cool," I clarify. "I'm sorry for making it seem like you got me fired. It wasn't you at all… it was all that heinous bitch. I don't have access to my work email anymore, but I'm trying to collect texts as proof of all the shit she asked of me, so hopefully that will help my case in the exit interview."

"That's a good start. I gotta say, it's been really hard not to say or do anything on your behalf," he admits. "But you told me not to raise hell and after the stunt I pulled with the manuscript, I'm trying not to overstep."

"Even if the idea of you sticking up for me is hella sexy, I appreciate that. I think the main thing I need from you is screenshots of any texts where I've said I was doing things for Jane. It'll help corroborate what I'm going to show them."

"Corroborate?" he echoes. "Okay, Law & Order."

I laugh. "Detective Swan, ready to take a bitch down. I hope."

"You got this, Bella. Whatever you need, just let me know."

I smile a little. "Well, now that your punishment is up, let's hang out tonight."

"I wish I could but I can't," he sighs, sounding disappointed.

"Why does it feel like I'm the one being punished now?"

He laughs softly. "You're not. But hey."

"What?"

"I'll see you at your mom's Christmas Eve party tomorrow."

"You really want to go to that?" I ask, getting out of bed and walking into the kitchen to find something to eat. "And don't answer by asking if a bear shits in the woods."

Another breathy laugh fills my ear. "Yes, I want to go. If the invite still stands."

"Of course, it does," I reassure him. "People start showing up around 5, but if you want to meet me here, we can ride together and go a little early."

"How generous of you to offer me up as your chauffeur," he laughs.

"Not my chauffeur, dummy. My date."

I can hear his smile when he says, "Yeah. I'll pick you up around 4. Do I need to bring anything?"

"It's a potluck and there's always too much food, so just bring my mom a bottle of red wine and she'll love you forever."

"Red wine it is."

Unsatisfied with the contents of my fridge, I close it.

"Wait. Are you going to the office Christmas party tonight?" I accuse. "Is that why you're busy, you traitor?"

"I can't lie, it does sound fun," he admits.

The company rented out Hula Hula, a tiki karaoke bar, for the event. And for as much shit as we've both talked about it, it would be fun. But, "I will die from FOMO if you go without me, Cullen."

"I wouldn't go to the Christmas party without you, Bella. Fuck that. If you wanted to go I could bring you as my date but I figured you wouldn't want to."

"Yeah, I'd love to be your date, but I'd rather use bleach for contact solution than see everyone I was just embarrassed in front of."

"You don't even wear contacts."

"Right, but I'd get a prescription and wear them for this purpose."

"Naturally," Edward laughs. "That's a bit extreme for seven in the morning."

"It's on-brand for me."

"True," he agrees, sweetly accepting me for who I am.

"So, what are your plans for tonight? Why can't you hang?"

"I'm going to the hockey game for an article I'm working on."

"Oh. Fun! Let me go with."

"Since when do you like hockey?" he asks, amused.

"Since I started liking you."

"It's sold out," he says apologetically. "Otherwise, I'd love for you to come."

"Well, what am I going to do tonight then?" I ask, starting the electric kettle for coffee. "Do you think whoever wrote me that secret admirer note is free to hang out?"

Edward exhales a growl into the phone. "Fuck that guy."

"Eh, no thanks. He's probably not my type," I tease. "You know I'm kidding, though. Even if you're too busy for me… you're the only guy I want and need."

"That's pretty damn sweet for seven in the morning, Swan," he says, sounding happily smug.

"What can I say? I have my moments," I tease. "Ahem. A little reciprocation would be nice. It's your turn to say it, too."

"You're the only guy I want and need," he repeats verbatim.

I laugh. "Jerk."

"You know how I feel about you," he says softly. The desire to ask him to tell me in great detail everything he loves about me is there, but I push away the urge when he says, "I need to go shower but… maybe I can come over after the game. I'm not sure when it ends, but maybe I'll leave early."

"I'd love that," I murmur.

His voice is an octave lower when he says, "Hey."

My stomach tingles. "Yeah?"

"I really do miss you. No feces."

I crack up, my heart swelling despite the foul remark. "Goodbye," I say, ending the call as his laughter fills my ear.

I somehow eat breakfast after our phone conversation, then start the grueling task of filing for unemployment. The process is so annoying and brain-hurty that I eventually call Alice to come over and help because she's off work until after Christmas and is good at adulting.

"Oh, my God!" she gasps in genuine shock when she walks into my apartment later that afternoon. "Were you… robbed?"

"Uhhh…"

"Oh." She glances around. "Oh, never mind. It's just clean. Wow."

I smack her arm. "It's amazing the time one has when they're wrongfully terminated."

She laughs but it's laced with sympathy. "You'll be okay. Like, I hate that Jane bitch so much and if I ever see her I will key the shit out of her car, but… you really will be okay."

I laugh. "Thanks, psycho."

We spend a couple of hours trying to figure out the process and filling out information before we give up and start drinking homemade margaritas while watching The Holiday.

"When are you going to send me your book?" she asks when we're two glasses in and Cameron Diaz has just been introduced to Mr. Napkin Head.

"Is that why you're getting me tequila drunk in the middle of the day? So my guard will be down and I'll send you my shit?"

"Yes," she says honestly.

"I don't know," I groan.

"Are you scared to let me read it?"

"Yes and no."

A rare flash of sincerity passes over her face. "It's gonna sound so emo, but even though I know reading it will make me sad, I miss Dad so much, especially this time of year," she admits. "Sometimes I worry I'm forgetting him. Then other times I know there's no way in hell I'd forget his obnoxiously infectious laugh."

My eyes burn but I smile. "Yeah." It's all I can manage without bursting into tears.

"Not trying to push you, but I selfishly want to remember him through your eyes." She sighs and sips her drink. "Anyway. Enough with the heavy."

I take a second to let my emotion pass before saying, "Edward sent my book to one of his friends with publishing connections."

She perks up. "That's amazing!"

"Without my consent," I add.

She's undeterred by that additional information. "Well that's probably because he knew you would put it off forever," she says simply.

"Yeah, but…"

"Did he apologize?"

"Many, many times."

"And he had good intentions, right?"

"The best," I sigh.

"He's a good guy. He loves you."

"Yeah, he—" I pause. "What?"

"The dude is in love with you."

I cover my face with a throw pillow. "Shush. Don't get my hopes up."

"He is," she insists. "You'd have to be blind not to see it, Bell. I really like him. So do Jasper and Mom."

"They've met him once!" I tell her, dropping the pillow. "Mom talked to him for less than two minutes."

She hesitates before saying, "Well, he gave us a good first impression."

"Yeah," I agree, softly sighing. "He's good at that, huh?"

My family's acceptance of him warms my heart, and so does the tequila, so I tipsy-text him.

Bella: Listen. Skip the hockey game later! Cum straight over.

Edward: lol jesus, Swan. you can't type stuff like that when I'm in public.

I laugh out loud and Alice steals my phone to see why.

"Ew," she says, dropping it from her hands like she's traumatized.

"I have no shame when it comes to him."

When my phone chimes again, I assume it's Edward because who else do I talk to? But it's Angela from work.

Angela: Hey! I heard what happened and I am SO sorry. Jane is the fucking devil, you didn't deserve that at all. If you ever want to talk or just hang out, hit me up! Some of us are going out after the xmas party tonight if you're around.

Her words spark a new idea. I'm not saying it's smart or anything, but it's an idea and that's what counts.

Bella: Hey, thank you! I'm actually going to be at the Christmas party tonight as Cullen's date. So I'll see you there!

I see she's typing but I go to my text thread with Edward because I can multitask like a motherfucker.

Bella: Change of plans, Pretty Boy. Let's go to the office party.

Edward: I thought you'd rather use bleach for contact solution than go to the party, Popeye?

Bella: LOL. First, you're rude with that name. And second, ignore what I said earlier. That was a sober-Bella thought.

Edward: Ahhhh. So you're day-drinking.

Bella: Duh.

Edward: lol you actually want to go?

Bella: Yes! I'm owed mediocre food, free drinks, and karaoke. And the higher-ups never go, so it's not like I'll run into Jane. This party is purely for peasants to keep us appeased going into the new year.

Edward: You sound (drunkenly) determined.

Bella: I am. They can't say I'm not allowed to go if you're bringing me. Oh, FYI, I already told Angela I'm your date.

Edward: Of course, you did. I still have to wrap up stuff after work even if I'm not going to the game, so we won't get there right on time. But if you want to go and think it's a good idea, we can.

Bella: I've never had a bad drunk idea.

Edward: I dunno. Playing hide and seek at the mall after happy hour that one time wasn't a good idea.

Bella: It was a blast!

Edward: You got lost while trying to hide from me and had to go to guest services like a child who got separated from their parent.

Bella: LOL. I stand by what I said - it was a blast.

Edward: I'll admit it was pretty funny. You're lucky I like you.

Bella: I know.

I send a million red heart emojis. He sends a few of his own, too.

Bella: So that's a yes? We can go?

Edward: Yeah.

Bella: I need a little more enthusiasm from you, sir. I mean, it's not like I can get fired again, so what's the worst that can happen?

Edward: You know saying that just guaranteed something crazy will go down, right?

Bella: Does a bear shit in the woods?