Chapter 32 : Tempus Fugit - You're lashing out.

I have no idea how I ended up in this situation.

"I have no idea how I ended up in this situation." I can't help but voice my thoughts aloud, a tad distractedly.

Next to me, a brightly beaming, crimson headed devil gives me a megawatt smile.

"But, isn't it great, Prima-chan?" Rias happily chirps, even as she shows me another undies and bras combo, "What do you think about those, huh?"

I give the very flimsy, extremely sheer, and entirely too thin pieces of fabric a careful glance, as if it would bite me at any moment.

It is black with purple accents, and with way too much lace for my own taste.

"Hard pass." I not-quite blurt out near instantly.

"Mou!" The devil -because, right now, she definitely fits the stereotype, at least for me- pouts, but I'm undaunted in front of her inherent cuteness, "That's at least the twentieth you refuse!"

"I'm really not into that whole g-string idea," I answer, eyeing what is supposed to be covering my privates as she clutches the ensemble in her hand with barely hidden distaste.

"Fine!" She pouts, once again, before putting the ensemble back on its display, "But it would be easier if you told me what you liked, you know!"

Ah, right.

That's the reason why I'm suffering through a whole Sunday afternoon doing what I apparently still abhor, even from this side of the gender-fence.

Shopping.

More specifically: shopping for underwear.

Now, you might ask yourself, why did I even find myself in this mess?

Well, the answer to that is rather simple: Rias and I share a PE class, and, eventually, after a few months, she noticed that I only wore sports underwear.

Brassieres and panties are perfectly fine for what I do with those, so sue me!

Alas, in a twist that really shouldn't have surprised me, the Gremory heiress and her propension to favor what would definitely pass as risqué lingerie in my old world took offense to it when she finally dared to ask why I never wore 'cuter' undies.

Considering I still had to go beyond the boundaries of pre-insertion Prima's wardrobe -which, understandable, since I was both poor and too busy to care-, the answer to her inquiry had been a resounding 'no', my tomboyish memories indicating a profound disdain for feminine lingerie.

The look of sheer horror she threw my way when I bluntly told her just so greatly amused me, right until she clamped a hand on my arm and made me promise that we'd go shopping this week-end.

Since she decided unilaterally to foot the bill, I only put what could be considered the token amount of resistance, because I knew she wouldn't budge on this, her Determination so strong in the Immaterium it looked two seconds away from fully materializing in the material plane.

And I was now regretting everything.

A discreet titter from my other side prompts me to lock eyes with Akeno, who's unashamedly laughing at my expenses and clearly enjoying how her King is currently making me squirm.

I give her a gimlet eye, one she answers with a challenging rise of her own eyebrow.

I huff, before turning myself back toward a still hopeful, and very much not undaunted at the perspective of wasting several hours of our respective lives, Rias.

I softly sigh, a hand coming to rub at one of my temples.

"...What about panties?" I hesitantly say after a beat.

"Nope!" Rias instantly refuses, shaking her head for emphasis, "You're both too young and too-" her eyes darts toward my hips surreptitiously for a flash, "-gifted for those. You'll end up looking like a grandma!"

I flinch a little at her assessment.

But I couldn't say that she wasn't totally wrong either, my butt was probably way too 'shapely' for more simpler apparels.

I slowly blink, before tilting my head in thought.

"How about a compromise?" I ask aloud, prompting Rias to blink in turns.

"I could swear there was a middle ground between… this-" I gesture gamely toward the g-string previously shoved into my face, "-and panties."

"Oh!" The Gremory heiress perks up, even going as far as snapping her fingers in realization, "You're speaking about Tangas!"

"If you say so." I answer blandly, having absolutely no idea what those were.

A considering hum from behind me prompts the both of us to give the half-fallen in our midst a glance-

-too see her with her eyes locked on my butt, a hand rubbing her chin.

"My eyes are up there." I drawl, a tad humorously.

The jade-black haired girl waves my remark away, before nodding to herself and looking back to her King.

"I think Hanako-san has the right idea." She ends up giving her own opinion.

"And you needed to look at my butt this intently to arrive at this conclusion?" I deadpan.

"Why, I needed to give myself as accurate a picture as possible." She shamelessly answers, a sweet smile plastered on her face, to which I retort with an exaggerated eye roll.

"Let's give it a shot, then!" Rias enthusiastically says, clapping her hands excitedly, before bouncing away to another shopping area.

I can only sigh heavily as my trial continues.

I have mixed feelings as I look at myself in the wall-sized changing cabin's mirror.

Once we 'theorized' what kind of undies I'd be into, Rias went to find some of those, and, since I wasn't as repulsed by those as I'd been with the previous ones, I promptly ended up coaxed to try them by my overenthusiastic friend and her eternal shadow.

And, to tell the truth?

…I wasn't as nonplussed at my current reflection as I thought I'd be.

Because while I still had my real undies on, since trying this kind of 'clothing' without yours on was a big social no-no and I at least knew that much, I could easily picture what I'd look like without and-

-I kinda liked it?

While there was nothing really special to say about the bras, since I was firmly against the idea of buying some with a push up effect or anything along those lines, bar the fact that they were of better material, decisively more feminine than my standard fare, and exposing a bit more of my cleavage, the tangas -or at least the one I was currently wearing- had a very low cut while simultaneously riding high on my hips, and, from what a glance at my profile told me, nicely exposing my buttcheeks, the fabric only highlighting my curves.

And I didn't really know how to take in the fact that it made me blush a little.

Don't get me wrong, I realized months ago that I was a girl and that I liked myself way better that way, but, at the same time, I didn't really consider myself feminine.

Hell, everything I was doing checked the boxes of the gym-bunny tomboy, every god damn waking moment, even my confrontational and 'in-your-face' attitude when someone pissed me off or my very understandable aversion toward the length of the skirt of our borderline stripper outfit uniform yelled to the world at large that I wasn't into the whole pink, frilly and lacey stuff.

Except…

Except I was stereotyping and that there were more ways about 'how to girl' than I'd thought, if that made sense?

And I was a girl… who didn't really know 'how to girl' herself.

Which, understandable, and I'd even go as far as to say that, as an ex-adult who didn't really know 'how to adult' before, there were probably a lot more people in my exact case than I'd had ever given thoughts.

At least, that impromptu trip would have made me discover that I wasn't as adversarial toward the idea to pretty myself up as I thought.

That, and that I liked my cute, round, butt more than I'd readily admit.

Shaking my head, feeling some heat rising on my cheeks, I go to try the next ensemble-

-only to scramble away from the curtain with a yelp as it is pulled to the side.

"What the fuck?" I stammer, eyes narrowed at a nonplussed Akeno-

-who looks as if she doesn't give a fuck about my privacy, as she steps inside without an afterthought, pulling the curtain closed behind her.

"You were taking ages, and I was curious." She answers, weathering my glower like a champ.

My only answer is to keep staring at her, one of my eyebrows quivering in repressed annoyance and my mouth dangerously flat, even as she placidly smiles back.

With a sigh and another shake of my head, I stop giving the half-fallen my attention, as I look back to the mirror, my hands going behind my back to unclip the bra.

"I see that you were right, Hanako-san." My personal peanut gallery interjects as I shimmy out of my clothes, our eyes locking through the mirror, before the jade-black haired girl leers at my body without any shame, "It does suit you."

I snort, a notch derisively.

"I didn't know you were a butt girl, Himejima-san." I joke, as I shimmy out of the tanga, my eyes already roaming the different 'outfits' to see what I'm going to try next, "Rias is still looking for something?"

"She got bored and started to look for a new swimsuit for herself." She answers distractedly, before pointing to a chocolate brown bra and tanga combo, "Try this one next."

"Bossy, aren't you?" I grumble, giving her the stink eye through the mirror, before doing as I am told.

"What can I say? I like having a firm hand in my relationships." The purple eyed girl answers back, a dark glint in her eyes and a sadistic smile on her lips.

"No, you most certainly don't." I answer without thinking, pulling off of its little coat hanger the ensemble-

-and only noticing a few seconds later how heavy the silence in the changing cabin got as I lock eyes with a wide-eyed Akeno staring at me in the mirror.

Fuck.

I messed up.

Great.

I sigh softly, even as one of my hands comes to rub the bridge of my nose, waiting for the inevitable question that is soon to follow.

"Why exactly would you say that?" She finally probes, when she sees that I'm not gonna elaborate until she asks.

I turn myself to face her properly, bras and tanga still clasped in my hands.

"Because…" I start, hesitating a little, before telling myself that I'd rather rip that particular band aid now than later, "You wouldn't be subservient to Rias if this was the case."

"I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with that?" She asks, slightly peeved on, her brows furrowed.

"Because you're not sadistic, you're lashing out." I answer bluntly, and she positively reels, looking for everything in the world as if I have just slapped her, "I'm at least smart enough to understand that Rias probably saved you from a bad situation, one which left some marks and which you still haven't overcome, and, to an outside observer, it can certainly look like your repaying her for what she did for you, but this isn't only it."

I step closer to the fallen-angel as she remains frozen, googly eyed.

"This whole act, this deference, isn't only because of your good manners, or how you were raised." I carry on slowly, dark-blue orbs locked into purple ones, "It's because you don't attribute any worth to your own life and decided to dedicate it to the friend that extended a hand to you in your time of need."

Granted, I'm overly simplifying things here, but she wouldn't always have a shadow of Self-loathing around her in the Immaterium if this wasn't the case.

It took me ages to see it, but, now that I'm starting to get a better handle of my abilities, it's hard to miss when it's a constant thing.

"A-And, even if this was true," She starts, a little haltingly, and her cheeks reddening in barely repressed anger, "What does it have to do with my preferences?"

"Everything." I answer, even as I enter fully in her private space, a hand, lightning quick rising upward-

-to catch her chin in two fingers-

-and she instantly freezes.

I stare imperiously at her, channeling just a smidgen of Domination through my aura to make my point, even as my thumb rubs a little the bottom of her chin.

"...You're collating your own lack of self-worth with sexual preferences, but, in the end, you're the one who would like to be fucked cross eyed in the mattress, made into a putty by a skilled lover. Everything else? The aggression, the snide comments, the jibes, the dark urges, it's just you lashing out because you cannot stand yourself.

"I should know, after all-"

I step back, breaking the spell, before giving her a self-deprecating smile.

"-I was just like that, once."

Worst is?

I'm not lying one bit.

I turn myself, leaving her a tad shell shocked, as I go to put on the tanga.

It isn't before I finish putting on the bras that she manages to find her voice back as I busy myself looking at my reflection.

"...How?" She starts, worryingly bitting at her lower lips, and wringing her hands together, "How did you do it?"

I pause, locking eyes with her through the mirror-

-and she looks pitiable in that instant, hell, I'd almost give her a hug.

I sigh, thinking fast at what I can give her for an answer, because I can't really tell 'I got isekaied by what I assume to be a bored deity in a body of the opposite gender I started with which made me realize why I had so many hang ups', because it's both unbelievable and only applicable to my own case.

In her case, though-

"You can't change who you are," I answer, the sentence even ringing true to myself in that instant, as my eyes roam my own body, one I wasn't born with, but one I'd kill a newborn in cold blood to keep, "Nobody has even an ounce of control about how they're born, how they're raised, who their parents are…

"No, the only thing you can decide is what you do with your starting hand, and how do you go from there.

"But, if I have one piece of advice to give you, even without knowing your whole circumstances," I tell Akeno, locking eyes with her once more, "You'd probably better let it go and accept that certain things are beyond your control."

Then, I snort, before shaking my head derisively.

"Granted, for a traditionally raised Japanese, that's a hard pill to swallow." I jest, before looking back at my reflection.

And, I'm pleased to say, but dark chocolate is a cute color on me.

…Maybe I'll keep those as a surprise for Sakura, hmm?

Food for thoughts, food for thoughts.

"...This isn't that easy." The half-fallen ends up biting out through clenched teeth, her eyes lost in distant memories.

"No, it isn't." I clip back, "But it's also the healthy thing to do."

She throws me an acidic look, to which I answer with an interrogatively raised eyebrow-

-only for the moment to be shattered as the curtain is swept aside, making the both of us jolt in surprise.

"That's where you went!" Rias instantly zeroes on Akeno, a finger accusingly pointed, "I went looking for you everywhere in the store!"

"Apologies, Gremory-san," The half-fallen instantly demures, her easy smile back on her lips, "Hanako-san and I were just-"

"-taking a look at what you brought." I smoothly add, just to be safe, even if I'm relatively certain that the jade-black haired girl wasn't going to throw me under the bus for calling her out on her neurosis.

"Really?" The crimson headed devil perks up, entering the changing cabin herself without any hesitation, "And? What do you think?"

"I kinda like it." I prelude, giving myself another glance in the mirror, "It… fits, for lack of a better word."

"It makes her butt sinful." The purple-eyed girl chimes in, her smile provocative.

I snort.

"Down, girl, or I'll have to get the squirt bottle." I throw over my shoulder-

-only noticing through the corner of my eyes that the usually sadistic girl is a little red on the cheeks.

Huh.

Guess I did make an impression on her, I guess?

We will see if she decides to drop the stupid ball before a certain boobs obsessed moron enters the picture.

"That's great, but I thought about something." Rias says, apparently not paying attention to her unusually flustered Queen, "Do you have a swimsuit, Prima-chan?"

I freeze, my hands still in my back and my bras not fully unclipped.

"...No?" I answer hesitantly, already dreading what is soon to follow, "I mean, I have the one the school gave us, but-"

The Gremory heiress gasps -gasps!- in barely repressed outrage.

"That will not do!" She exclaims, a hand already solidly holding one of her peerage's member arms, "How will you go to the swimming pool if you don't? Akeno, please, come help me find something for Prima-chan!"

I groan in my hands, even as the whirlwind known as Rias promptly storm off the changing box-

-but not before I have the time to trade a look with her slightly disgruntled Queen and silently mouth to her 'think about it'.

The jade-black haired girl gives me a discreet, if terse, nod, before she vanishes behind the curtain.

[AN: Wow! This chapter was a doozy to write.

Mandatory 'I'm buying underwear for the first time and I like it'-scene, check.

I wanted to address Akeno's issues in a manner that wouldn't look ass-pulled for a long while, and I think I did an adequate job at it. And, no, for me the girl isn't sadistic, at least, not in the bedroom, she just has zero awareness as to how to deal with her own issues and adequate her proclivities outside of it to some dark urges that she has on the side.

As Prima remarked, she's lashing out, and this isn't necessarily her true nature/her real desires in a relationship.

If you think that's OoC or something, too bad, I'm the asshole writing the story, eh!

Hope you enjoy nonetheless, xoxo]