Introduction
On a calm night, Jango kicked back on his pirate ship like a pirate boss with no boss. Captain Kuro had sailed off into the sunset a few years back, leaving Jango to enjoy some well-deserved ship, once a hub of schemes and chaos, was now peacefully sailing on autopilot - well, on his crew's work. No crazy orders, no sneaky plots, just the soothing sound of waves and the occasional seagull arguing with a fish.
Decked out in his signature heart-shaped glasses, Jango reclined in a deck chair, looking as chill as a popsicle in a freezer. His sandy blonde hair caught the moonlight, and he grinned like a guy who just discovered a stash of hidden treasure (which, technically, he did).
No more fancy outfits for our man Jango. He swapped the flamboyant threads for a laid-back sleeveless shirt and comfy trousers. It was like Casual Friday, but every day.
As the ship sailed smoothly, Jango gazed up at the stars, probably contemplating the mysteries of the universe or deciding which constellation looked most like a pizza. Who knows? With no Captain Kuro to boss him around, Jango was the undisputed king of his ship. The only orders he had were from the ocean breeze, telling him to chill out and enjoy the pirate life.
"Yo".
A nonchalant greeting echoed as Jango, startled, tumbled off his reclining chair. Startled, he turned to face the source of the interruption—a super tall man, like, "Am-I-in-a-funhouse-mirror" tall.
Draped in a yellow-orange suit with light yellow stripes, a dark green disco-style shirt, and a purple tie that seemed to scream "I party harder than you," the stranger's fashion sense rivaled the most vibrant sunset. To top it all off, he wore orange sunglasses that probably doubled as high-intensity spotlights. The ensemble was so eye-catching that even the ship's resident parrot might consider a career change.
"You're Jango, right ? Of the black kitties, or something ?"
Brushing off the imaginary dust from his dramatic tumble, Jango couldn't help but notice the colossal Marine coat draped over the towering stranger's frame. The thing looked like it could double as a makeshift sail if they were ever short on materials. As he did not recognize the epaulettes, he did not know the rank of the marine in front of him.
Jango coughed nervously, clearing his throat as he attempted to regain his composure. With a forced casualness, he began, "Ahem, yeah, well, you see, I'm..." He paused, his eyes darting between the perplexing epaulets and the towering figure before him.
Summoning whatever courage remained, Jango finally admitted, "I'm the captain of this fine vessel. Welcome aboard, I guess?"
One of his brave crewmates decided to play pirate superhero and attacked the towering stranger. With a casual snap of his fingers, the stranger unleashed a dazzling light show, turning the deck into a makeshift disco. It was so bright; even the sun would've asked for sunglasses. The attacking crew member, attempting the world's fastest power nap, collapsed alongside the rest like a pirate-themed game of musical chairs gone terribly wrong.
As the disco lights faded, revealing the crew sprawled across the deck like a bunch of knocked-over dominos, Jango couldn't decide if he was witnessing a standoff or an impromptu pirate naptime party. The stranger, wearing a grin that screamed "Ta-da!" instead of "Uh-oh," appeared to have turned the ship into the funniest pirate-themed sleepover ever.
"What…what can I do for you ?"
As the crew lay scattered across the deck, their impromptu naptime resembling a pirate-themed comedy sketch, the mysterious stranger broke the silence. With a smile that still screamed "Ta-da!", he casually revealed, "I'm Kizaru, the Yellow Monkey, Taddadi Yaddada, Admiral of the Marines. Nice ship you've got here. Cozy." Jango, trying to maintain a shred of dignity, found himself involuntarily leaking laughter and a bit of something else. (Pee. It was definitely Pee).
Kizaru, his face still beaming with that "Ta-da!" grin, asked with a hint of genuine curiosity, "You guys always nap this hard, or did I bring the party too early? Speaking of celebration, got any snacks on this ship? I'm feeling a bit peckish." The admiral's request hovered in the air, blending with the chorus of snores and creating a moment of cosmic comedy on the high seas.
And so, in a bizarre turn of events, Jango found himself prostrated before Admiral Kizaru, who, with an air of nonchalance, was casually munching on cookies. In a mix of genuine fear and a desperate attempt at diplomacy, Jango began to beg for his life amidst the crunching sounds of the admiral's snack attack.
In the midst of Jango's begging-for-his-life routine, Admiral Kizaru, with all the composure of a casual snacker, launched into a whimsical monologue.
"You know," Kizaru began, chewing on cookies like they held the secrets of the universe, "since my reincarnation as a light-speed guy, I've been pondering some real head-scratchers. Like, if bullets just pass through us Logia users, does that mean I'm always light under a thin layer of skin?"
Jango, still on his knees and now utterly bewildered, managed a hesitant nod. Kizaru, undeterred, continued his philosophical ramble, "And when I transform into light, where does the food go? I can go days just beaming around, but for some reason, I still crave cookies. The mysteries of the universe, my friend."
Kizaru's train of thought took an unexpected turn, and he concluded with a quizzical look, "And relationships! How am I supposed to navigate the seas of love when I'm this tall? It's like trying to dance with a normal-height woman while wearing stilts. Quite the conundrum, wouldn't you say?"
He paused dramatically, staring into the cookie bag as if expecting profound enlightenment. "Now, the aging thing," Kizaru resumed, "Why do I age if I'm basically a walking flashlight? Does it only happen when I'm in my human form? And why, oh why, did I have to keep the same physique after my fruity makeover? I mean, a little variety wouldn't hurt, right? I could've been a light-speed sumo wrestler or something - logia should be this versatile…"
In the midst of Jango's confusion and Kizaru's cosmic contemplation, the admiral pulled out a drawing from his pocket. The sketch depicted a man resembling Kizaru but a tad younger and with a scale next to him. Kizaru, still nibbling on cookies, revealed his ingenious plan.
"So, here's the deal," Kizaru began with a twinkle in his eye. "I've deduced that most of these weird Logia properties are either psychosomatics – my 'body' memories insisting on keeping the old forms – or just devil fruit fuckery. In either case, I've got a solution." He held up the drawing like a masterpiece.
Pointing at the immaculate image, Kizaru continued, "If I can trick my own mind into recalling the wrong body form, maybe I can just become this new, improved version of myself, you know? And that's where you come in, Jango, my unwitting hypnotizer extraordinaire. If you can make me believe I'm the dashing fellow in this picture - younger and smaller me ! -, well, congratulations! You get to survive! Yay! If not…"
Jango, still kneeling and now thoroughly convinced that he had stumbled into the weirdest twilight zone episode ever, managed to mutter, "Hypnotize you? But... you're the admiral! Aren't you supposed to, you know, capture pirates ? How could I dare to hypnotize you ?"
Kizaru, with a playful glint in his eye, just shrugged and said, "Ah, details! Now, get ready for the most important hypnotism session of your life! Or the last one, you choose ! "