"Why did the Dagger group chat blow up while we were in class?"
"Hmm?" Natasha glanced up at the dark-haired female across the table, who was casually scrolling through her phone.
Right as Bob dropped her back at the house after filling out her transfer paperwork, Callie called and asked if she wanted to go to a last-minute indoor cycling class. "C'mon, let's get some girl time in before we get sent back to our testosterone-driven bases," she insisted. She had gone inside, changed into a pair of leggings and a tank top, and ran out the door and into their rental car. As she walked through the house, she took note of two empty beer bottles sitting on the counter and no sign of Jake.
"The group text," Callie reiterated, grabbing hold of her smoothie, leaning back into her chair. "There are a million and one texts from the last hour."
Natasha dug her phone out of her bag and blinked. Callie was right - there seemed to be a multitude of texts waiting to be read.
Payback: I heard from a Little Birdie that everyone is back in town! Do you know what that calls for?
Omaha: Which bird are we talking about, Rooster or Phoenix?
Fritz: This squad has too many people named after birds.
Yale: Phoenix would kick someone's ass if she was referred to as a 'Little Birdie.'
Coyote: Phoenix Rooster.
Coyote: If we're talking size…
Rooster: Wow.
Payback: Is anyone going to answer my question?
Harvard: Yale and I are in!
Omaha: What time are we meeting?
Hangman: I'm free around 9:00.
Bob: I'll be there!
Payback: You guys didn't even guess what my question was going to be…
Yale: We didn't have to.
Fanboy: Why are the girls not saying anything?
Fritz: HALOOOO! PHOENIXXXX!
Omaha: Callie told me that they were going to go work out, so they probably don't have their phones.
Fritz: WHEREFORE OUT THOU LADIES?
Rooster: And you wonder why you're single.
Payback: See everyone at the Hard Deck at 9:00 in your civvies!
"They're ridiculous," Natasha murmured under her breath, not attempting to hide her smile as she rolled her eyes.
Callie laughed. "You know you're going to miss this when you and Bob go to Lemoore."
"I didn't say I wouldn't," she shrugged, taking a sip of her smoothie. "We formed a dysfunctional, fucked up family with those weirdos."
"That's one way to put it," Callie grinned. "Now that everyone will be back together for the night, I'm setting out on my own personal mission."
Natasha smiled at her. "And dare I ask what that personal mission is going to be?"
"Mission 'Bag Bagman'," Callie threw her head back with a laugh.
Those three words were so unexpected that Natasha felt like someone had sucker punched her in the stomach. She swallowed hard and rushed to formulate words that didn't sound like gibberish. "We're talking about the same Bagman here, right?"
"The one and only," Callie chuckled.
"You told me in training that you thought he was a dick," Natasha managed to muster.
"You thought he was a dick too until he saved Rooster," Callie countered with a shrug. "Besides, I thought about it and came to the conclusion that no one can be that much of an arrogant prick and not have something to show for it in the bedroom."
"Callie…"
"C'mon, Nat," her friend groaned. "I haven't had sex in months. Let me have some fun without the lecture I know you're dying to give me."
Natasha breathed slowly through her nose. She and Jake had discussed their entanglement being a temporary thing, but it was the first time she had let the thought of him with someone else cross her mind. The uneasiness that was spreading through her was unfamiliar and the thought was ultimately devastating.
The words slipped out before she had a chance to stop them. "I heard he's seeing someone."
Callie raised an eyebrow. "Hangman? Seeing someone? Puh-lease. That man doesn't have the ability to settle for one girl." She paused. "Who'd you hear that from, anyway?"
"I must've heard Coyote mention it." While the lie came out easy, the pit in her stomach intensified.
Callie hummed disapprovingly under her breath and took another sip of her smoothie. "That'd be a shame for my libido if it's true."
Natasha stayed quiet, her eyes drifting to her hands that sat twisting on her lap.
"What about you?" Callie's question made her gaze rise.
"What about me?" She asked with a soft, forced chuckle.
Callie shrugged, a soft smirk across her lips. "You can't tell me you didn't notice the looks that Yale was giving you for the entire duration of training."
"Really?" Natasha blinked. If that was true, she hadn't noticed a single glance. "I guess I never noticed."
"I'm just saying…" Callie's sing-song voice seemed to tease. " If I'm getting laid tonight, you should, too."
The uneasiness in her stomach roared its ugly head again. She did her best to smile across the table at her friend as she responded quietly, "I'll think about it."
Even as Callie laughed and threw a fist up in the air in celebration, all Natasha could see was Jake's face, his smile, and the damn twinkle in his eyes that made her knees feel weak. She gulped down the knot that seemed to be forming in her throat.
She knew what this was, even if she didn't want to admit it. It was the slow, painful start to saying goodbye.
"If you had just let me put one more coat of concealer –"
"Nat, it's fine," Jake tried to assure her as they walked towards the front doors of the Hard Deck. They were approximately forty minutes late to meet the rest of the Daggers due to her insisting that they coat his bruises with as many layers of makeup as possible. "If anyone asks, I'll just say I got into a bar fight… which, y'know, isn't exactly a lie."
Natasha narrowed her eyes at him. "That's not funny."
They paused several feet from the door, and she heard Jake sigh at her side. "Ready for a night pretending that we are indifferent to each other?"
She shrugged her shoulders in response, frowning. "We agreed, Jake. The last thing either of us wants is them gossiping."
"They're already going to be gossiping about me with this shiner," he grinned at her, and she smiled weakly back at him.
"I wish you had let me put some more concealer on," she murmured.
He reached out to tug her hand and pull her to him. "You did great. I look like a million bucks."
"Maybe not a million bucks," she smiled slyly, patting her hand gently on his chest. "I would call it five hundred thousand, tops."
"Ouch," he laughed, resting a hand on the back of her head and pulling her close, pressing a kiss on her lips. He pulled away a moment later and whispered, "You go in first. I'll follow in a minute."
She nodded her head, took a slow breath, and made her way through the door. Her eyes scanned the room to take count of each pilot - Coyote and Halo were collected around the pool table. She found Payback and Fanboy at the bar, talking with Penny as she handed over two more beers. Bob was sitting on a stool watching Yale and Fritz in a seemingly competitive darts battle. Her eyes fell on Rooster last, who was standing in the corner of the bar talking with Omaha and Harvard.
It didn't take long for the cheers to start.
"There she is!"
"The Phoenix has risen!"
"Phoeeeenix!"
At the sound of her callsign, Rooster's eyes shot up to meet hers. She scanned his face, noting the cut on his lip and the bruising alongside the left side of his jaw. He murmured something to Omaha, patting him on the shoulder and taking one step away from the group, and one step closer to her.
Abort, her internal alarms were ringing. She turned, taking quick strides towards the dartboard, not waiting to see if Rooster was going to follow. A few steps later, she came to a stop and wrapped her arms around Fritz in a tight hug, and then Yale. "Hi, boys," she murmured, feeling the smile in her voice.
"Of course you would show up fashionably late," Yale teased, ruffling her hair. Her conversation with Callie earlier rang in her ears, and she took note of how slowly his hand went from the top of her head down to wrap around her shoulders.
"Putting on this face takes time," she laughed. "It's not my fault you guys chose to meet here so early without my input."
"At least you're not the last one here," Fritz joined her laughter as he threw another dart.
"Who are we missing?" She asked. In the corner of her eye, she could see the beguiled look that Bob shot at her and a weak attempt to hide his smile.
"Who do you think?" Yale rolled his eyes, chuckling under his breath.
"Speak of the Devil," Bob interjected, an amused undertone evident in his voice. Natasha glanced over her shoulder to watch Jake stroll through the front doors, his signature grin across his face and a toothpick hanging from his mouth.
His swagger was hard to ignore before, but now, it was entrancing. She let her eyes stay on him as he moved past the bar and the dart board to meet Coyote and Halo at the pool table.
And she wasn't the only person to notice him walk in - she could see Callie's demeanor perk up immediately as he neared, and the hairs on her arms stood up. She watched as Jake hugged Coyote, and then wrapped one arm around Callie's shoulders in greeting. It was hard not to note how long his arm stayed there, or Callie's hand lingering on his chest as she turned to talk to him with a dazzling smile.
She averted her eyes back toward Fritz and Yale, letting her smile widen as the pressure in her chest rose. "So, is someone going to tell me who's winning? I want to know who my competition is."
As the night continued, she tried her best to keep her view away from Jake and Callie - the latter of whom she could hear laughing from across the bar. She had managed to give her nearly undivided attention to her darts game with Fritz and his horrible darts-related jokes ("If you haven't tried blindfolded darts before, you should," he was already cackling before he could finish. "You don't know what you're missing!")
"Who wants to take the next game?" Natasha asked, setting her now-empty bottle down. "I need another drink."
"I'll go with you," Yale responded, downing the rest of the bottle that he held as Payback and Fanboy grabbed the darts from off the table.
She nodded and turned her heel towards the bar, more than cognizant of Yale's fingers skimming her lower back as they walked. Her eyes darted towards the pool table, watching as Callie and Jake high-five after she sunk her callshot.
"Phe?"
"Hmm?" She turned her head back towards Yale, whose head was cocked to the side.
"I asked what you wanted to drink."
"Do you want a shot?"
Yale stared at her for a moment before a grin overtook his face. "What's your poison?"
"José."
As Yale leaned on the bar to order the drinks, she took a moment to glance across the room to the last place where she had seen Rooster. He was still there, holding his beer and chatting with Omaha, but his eyes were staring directly at her. She wasn't sure what made her feel more uneasy - the stare or the injuries to his face.
"Here you go." Yale slid a shot glass in front of her.
Natasha turned her gaze as she reached forward to grab it. "Anything you'd like to cheer to?"
"Cheers to…" He pondered for a moment. "... new beginnings?"
Her gaze lifted to look at him. He was smiling wide at her, looking at her the way a woman always wanted to be looked at - and yet, it all felt wrong. Her gaze shifted over Yale's shoulder to look at Jake, who had his back turned from her and was leaning over the pool table to make a hit. Callie was leaning next to him, whispering something in his ear –
"Cheers to new beginnings," she mumbled as she closed her eyes and shot the tequila back. She wasn't sure which burned more, the drink or watching Jake and Callie from across the room.
"No salt or lime?" Yale laughed as soon as he popped a lime slice out of his mouth. "What a champ."
"My family believed that tequila should be sipped instead of shot, but that wasn't very fun when I would go to parties," she admitted with a shrug, setting the glass back on the bar. "So I learned to take them quickly. Old habits die hard, I guess."
"Phoenix? A partier?" His tone was comically skeptical. "I never would've imagined."
She shot him a half-hearted smile. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me."
"Well, I know that you're headed to Lemoore with Bob," he countered, but his tone was anything but condescending. "He shared the news before you arrived. Are you excited to get out of Fallon?"
Natasha felt her smile widen. "Very much so. I tried to get stationed there a while back, but that's when I ended up in Fallon. Have you ever been to Lemoore?"
"Nah," Yale shrugged. "Oceana has everything that I want and need, and I don't think Harvard would want to move that far away from the ocean. But now that you're headed over there, I may have to pop over for a visit."
It was hard not to notice the edge of flirtation in his words. She opened her mouth to respond but stopped as she felt an arm lazily drape over her shoulders.
"Fantastic idea, Ivy League!" Jake's voice was playful. "You can take that girl that you've been seeing on vacation to California to see our little Phoenix! I'm sure she'd love it. What's her name again – Mindy? Molly?"
If she hadn't been watching Yale's face, she wouldn't have noticed the look of annoyance that he quickly covered up. "Macy."
"Ahh, that's right." Jake took a swig of his beer. "Macy."
An awkward silence fell between the three. After a moment, Yale murmured, "Come back over when you're ready to play another round, Phe."
She watched him walk back towards the dartboard before her gaze shot to Jake. "Someone's being possessive."
"He's been in a situationship for who knows how long with that girl," he shrugged but shot her a toothy smile as he unwrapped his arm from around her shoulders. "I wasn't about to let you get sucked into that drama."
"You sure that's the only reason?" She raised an eyebrow.
Hangman scoffed, but his smile remained. "Are you trying to accuse me of something, Phe?"
"No accusations," She turned her body to face the bar, her eyes glancing back towards the dartboard. Yale seemed to have tucked himself into a corner, chatting with his wizzo who had finally walked over to join the group. In the meantime, Payback and Fanboy were yelling nonsense at each other about their game of Around the World. "Just an observation. Did you have fun with Callie?"
She could tell without looking that Jake had turned his body towards the bar as well, but could sense that his eyes were on her.
"I did," his response was slow. "Is there a reason I shouldn't have?"
"Nope," she popped the p as she spoke. "You do realize that she's trying to get in your pants, right?"
Jake let out a barking laugh. "Of course I do. Halo is a lot of things, but being subtle is not her forte."
Natasha didn't respond, instead focusing on Payback's attempts to distract Fanboy as he tried to land his final number on the board.
"Oh, I get it," Jake's voice was quieter and tinged with humor. "Is someone jealous?"
Was she jealous? Of course she was - but she didn't want to admit that. Not when their arrangement was going to be ending as quickly as it was.
Instead, she chose to glare at him. "Don't flatter yourself, Bagman."
He scrunched his nose, which made his smirk look even wider. "Thank God you're a naval aviator and not an actor - you wouldn't make it in Hollywood."
"You're so funny," she rolled her eyes, but let a chuckle escape.
A comfortable silence fell between the two, and she let her eyes scan the room again to account for all the pilots. She located all of them except for one – but maybe Bradley was just trying his best to keep his distance.
"I think I'm ready to head out when you are." Even though Natasha's room scan was over, she didn't turn her glance back towards the blond standing by her side.
"Wow, the mighty Phoenix is tapping out already," he teased. When she turned her head to look at him, he was holding up two fingers at whichever bartender happened to be closest. "Why the rush?"
"It's really loud in here and I'm getting a headache."
"You sure it's not from the tequila shot you just took with Ivy League?"
Her eyes narrowed at him, yet she remained quiet.
"C'mon, Nat, we've only been here for an hour," he was quiet. "Let's have another beer or two, and then we can Irish goodbye out of this joint."
She heard the noise of two beers being set on the bar, both of which Jake grabbed. He held it out to her, his signature grin across his face. To anyone who might have been paying attention, it would just look like old times - Jake cracking a joke, and her looking annoyed.
Natasha sighed and grabbed her beverage from him, mumbling before taking a sip, "Fine, but you're paying."
"Of course I am," Jake's eyes kept glancing over her shoulder, and then back to her. "I am a gentleman. This is something you should know by now."
Before she could ask why he was acting so strange, the bar went quiet with the sound of the jukebox being pulled from its power source. She let out a soft sigh and took another sip of her beer - she knew what that silence meant, and now knew exactly where Bradley had been.
"You want to go outside and drink these?" She asked. Her eyes lifted to Jake's face, her curiosity peaking at the attention he seemed to be paying to whoever was walking across the bar. "Jake?"
"It's too muggy outside," his response was quick, almost deliberate. "We'll be more comfortable drinking here."
"Jake-"
"We should stay in here, Nat," he interjected, his voice suddenly serious. "Just… trust me for a moment, ok?"
Natasha stared at him, setting her drink down on the bar top. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Jake opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of the piano interrupted whatever he was going to say. Natasha's thoughts paused at the sound - the tune was slow, not like Bradley's usual go-to choices, but it sounded oddly familiar. Her body turned ever so slightly, eyes slowly glancing over to the instrument and at the man sitting on the bench, who seemed entirely too concentrated on the keys. After a few moments, he began to sing.
"We're talking away, I don't know what I'm to say, I'll say it anyway, today's another day to find you…"
The short, unexpected gasp that she let out was involuntary. If she hadn't rested her beer on the bar before she realized what song Bradley was singing, she was sure that it would have slipped out of her hand. She slowly turned her body so that she was facing the piano from across the room, her eyes staying locked on Bradley.
"Take on me, take me on," he sang, Natasha noticing the slight quiver in his voice. "I'll be gone in a day or two."
She had always adored Bradley's singing - she had joked on more than one occasion that if he ever wanted to retire from the Navy, he could make a living in Nashville singing at a dueling piano bar that they had gone to during one of their leaves. But this – this was on an entirely different level. A knot formed in her throat, and she swallowed hard to try and force it down.
The entire bar seemed to go quiet, their attention all locked on Bradley. Natasha noticed the bead of sweat drip down the side of his face, his eyes staring intently at the keys as he continued through the song. He sang the second verse and repeated the chorus, the quiver in his voice that she had noticed earlier fading.
"All the things that you say, is it life or just to play my worries away? You're all the things I've got to remember," his eyes finally left the keys and glanced around the room until they locked on to Natasha. She felt her chest tighten at the sight and bit down hard on her bottom lip.
"You're shying away," he continued, the ghost of a smile forming on his lips as he watched her. "I'll be coming for you anyway."
In that instant, it was like being transported back to the mess hall on the day they had met, debating over their song choices like there was nothing else happening around them. Back before his mustache was ever a thought, and before they had decided that they didn't need anyone else but each other to get through school and that crazy thing called life, and before she thought she had lost him –
Natasha hadn't realized that the song was over until the hoots and hollers of everyone in the bar brought her back to the present moment. She slowly sucked in a breath, her hands gripped onto the edge of the bar to center herself. Her eyes lifted to look back at Bradley, who was still carefully watching her from the piano bench. She watched as his eyes shifted slightly to her side, and he gave a quick, sharp nod at someone.
The realization of who he was looking at hit her, and it took her a moment to glance at Jake, who seemed to be hiding a smile behind the mouth of his beer bottle as he took a swig.
"...You knew."
An uncharacteristically soft smile spread across Jake's face as he lowered his beer. "Someone had to make sure you stayed, darlin'."
"But earlier…?"
"We came to a truce." He paused, his smile morphing into a grin. "A truce for Trace."
She opened her mouth to speak, but the words were caught in her throat. The number of emotions streaming through her body was overwhelming - but for the first time in a long time, she felt as if she could embrace them with open arms. But even as that feeling threatened to take hold of her, there was still one thing on the top of her mind that seemed to hold her back.
"Nat?" Jake's voice was quiet, his fingertips gently grazing her wrist. "You still with me?"
Her eyes glanced back at Bradley, who had risen to his feet and was leaning against the piano, his eyes still carefully watching her. Natasha slowly sucked in air through her mouth as she glanced down at Jake's gentle grip on her wrist, and then back at Bradley. She watched as his gaze slid from her, to the man next to her, and then back.
After what seemed like minutes, Bradley's shoulders relaxed and he gave a slow, small nod of his head. It was a sign - the sign - that Natasha hadn't needed, but one that seemed to take the weight completely off of her shoulders.
"Yeah," she whispered, looking back to Jake. For the first time in forever, she didn't need to find the words. "I'm pretty sure I've always been with you."
Her phone vibrating with an incoming text was enough to wake her up.
Eyes still half shut, Natasha reached toward the bedside table and grabbed hold of the device. The first thing she noticed was the time - why was something texting her at six in the morning? The second thing she noticed was the content of the message and who sent it. There was no caption on the picture that Bradley had sent to her, just his hand holding a disposable cup with a lid on a beach, the ocean shining in the background.
It took her a moment to let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding in. She didn't need a caption to know what he was holding, or where he was. They had spent too many early mornings drinking coffee from those same disposable cups at the same spot on Pacific Beach for her to not know where the picture was taken, or what it meant - it was a peace offering.
She let out a quiet sigh and moved the bed sheets off of her, slowly rolling to the edge of the bed. Before she could get to the end, a hand slinked around her waist and pulled her back. "Get back here," Jake's tired voice mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of her shoulder. "Too early for you to be getting out of bed, darlin'."
Natasha smiled softly, even though he couldn't see it. "Go back to sleep. I'm going to grab coffee with someone."
He didn't respond, and she wasn't sure whether or not he had already fallen back asleep. As she glanced over her shoulder to check, she was half shocked to see him watching her with a hint of a smile on his face.
"Proud of you, Firebird," he mumbled.
How was it possible for her heart to beat faster with four simple words? She rolled over to press a quick kiss to his lips before rolling back to the side of the bed, swinging her feet down to the floor. She threw on a sweatshirt and slipped into a pair of biker shorts, and by the time she slipped on her shoes and glanced back at the bed, his eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy.
She and Rooster had been to the same location on the beach so many times before that she felt like she could get to it blindfolded. Part of her was surprised that even staying in a new location, her autopilot senses engaged the moment she sat down in the driver's seat. Within minutes, she was stepping out of the car to the sound of waves crashing and birds awakening.
Natasha's eyes slid across the sand, landing on Rooster. He was sitting on a blanket, staring out at the water. There was a certain tightness in her chest at the sight of him, part of her wanting to get back in the car, drive back to the house, and jump back into bed with Jake. The other part of her urged her forward. He's trying, her mind trying to calm her. You need to try, too.
Her feet slowly moved towards him, her eyes never leaving the back of his head. Time seemed to slow down as she walked, up until the moment she was standing behind him. She inhaled slowly and crept to the other side of the blanket, slowly taking a seat next to him.
She could feel his eyes on her from the moment she moved from behind him. He was quiet, and she chose to do the same. After all they had gone through, she wasn't sure what the appropriate way to start a conversation of that magnitude.
"I wasn't sure if you were going to come," He was quiet when he finally spoke, handing her one of the to-go cups.
"I wasn't sure if I was going to, either." She answered the comment honestly, gently grabbing the cup and taking a slow, long sip.
They were both quiet, sipping their drinks and looking out at the water. She could've sworn she saw porpoises in the distance, coming up for air between the ripples. Now and then, she could feel Bradley's gaze on her - but she actively chose to stare straight ahead.
"So," Bradley broke the silence. "Lemoore, huh?"
Natasha nodded her head, taking a sip of her coffee. "I head back to Fallon in a few days to pack up my stuff and report to base on the seventeenth."
"It'll be good for you and Bob to stick together. You make a great team."
"When do you head back to Japan?"
"Three days." He paused to take a sip of his drink. "We head out on the ship in two weeks, so it gives me enough time to get adjusted to the time change."
His voice faded, and the silence took over once more. She wasn't sure if they sat there for a minute or an hour, but they kept quiet as their eyes scanned the water.
"I never thought that I would ever feel this awkward talking to you," Bradley admitted quietly.
She sighed. "That makes two of us."
"I…" His voice waned, and she heard the rustling of paper. Glancing at his lap, she saw a crumpled envelope clutched in his hands. She didn't need to be told what it was; she knew exactly what it was.
"I wrote this for you on the carrier the night before the mission." His eyes were back on her, and there was a long, pregnant pause. "Do you want to read it?"
Natasha swallowed down the ball of emotion that was forming in her throat and forced a shake of her head, her gaze shifting forward.
"Can I read it to you, then?"
Eyes still cast on the water, she nodded her head.
She heard the envelope rip, and the sound of more paper crumpling. Rooster quietly cleared his throat and began.
"Nat," He paused to take a deep breath. "Trace. Phoenix. Natty Light. Big Bird. Even Badder Bunny."
She closed her eyes and fought a soft chuckle at the listing of all of his nicknames for her.
"I came back to my room as soon as we were dismissed from the announcement on who was flying the mission, and I stared at this blank piece of paper for the last half hour. At first, I wasn't sure who I was going to write this letter to. I can't write to my parents. I don't talk with my uncles, aunts, or cousins. There are things I want to say to Mav before I write a goodbye letter to him. I thought about even writing to Uncle Ice's family, but we don't keep in touch like I should've after my papers got pulled. There are people that left me, and people that I pushed away. Those who don't know me would look at me and say that I don't have a family, and for a while, I think I accepted the idea of it. But all of that changed the day that I met you."
He tried to hide the crack in his voice as he continued. "Whether you realize it or not, meeting you that day in the mess hall changed my life and my outlook on life and the people in it. I clung to you like static wrap, not because I wanted to but because I couldn't stop myself. You became just what I needed, even when I didn't want it." He took a deep, shaky breath. "A week or so ago, I was having some spiritual talk with Omaha and we got on the topic of twin flames. He said something that I haven't been able to get out of my head: Twin flames always meet because they have the same hiding space. And that got me thinking about you and me, and the circumstances that we met under. The turmoil that we both went through to get to where we were to debate over your terrible choice of 80's music on our first day of class. It's like the universe conspired to help us find each other."
Hot tears prickled behind her closed eyes, and she kept them shut to stop them from falling.
"Outside of my mom and Mav, you are the longest-lasting relationship that I have ever had. You're probably laughing right now because you know that I can't maintain a relationship to save my life; just ask all of my ex-girlfriends."
He was right. Her hand rested over her mouth to hide the soft laugh that was doing its best to escape, but the small shake in her shoulders gave it away. Her other hand gripped onto her to-go cup harder, like that would stop the emotion from bubbling to the surface.
"We are leaving on our mission in less than ten hours, and I don't know if I'm going to get the chance to talk to you before everything happens. I have full faith that if anyone can get through this and come home, it's going to be you. You were made for a mission like this." His voice faded for a moment. "I don't have the same faith in myself. I've accepted the fact that there is a big chance that I won't be coming back from this. But there are certain things that I want to make sure are said, just in case you come home and I don't."
"Let's get the hard stuff out of the way first. In the event that I don't make it, I want you to know that I left my house to you. That decision was made way before this mission was even a thought. You can do whatever you'd like with it, whether you want to move in or sell it. If you keep it, I want you to only think about happy times when you step foot in there. I hope that you're able to look in the nooks and crannies and see me, like Casper the Friendly Ghost. You'll also gain access to my bank accounts. Don't get too excited; there's not much in there. My only request is that you use some of that money to continue sending flowers to my parent's graves every month. The florist's information is on the yellow piece of paper on my fridge and she knows my usual order."
The shakiness in her shoulders was no longer from laughing. Instead, she was biting down hard on her lip, praying that the pain would be enough to stop the tears that were already tracing down her cheeks.
"Secondly, I hope you know how proud I am of you. I am lucky to have had a first-hand look at how your tenacity and perseverance have grown throughout the years, and that has made me want to do better. I wanted to make myself worthy of being in your presence. I've always tried to tell you that I'm proud, even when I think you don't want to hear it. So, here it is in writing, so you can't escape it: No one could be more proud of you than I am. I hope you hear me telling that to you every single day, and that it helps you move on and be less sad."
"Lastly…" His voice faded, and she heard him sniffle. She didn't dare look at him when she opened her eyes, instead finding the view of the top of her coffee cup to suddenly become interesting. "... and most importantly, I've Had the Time of my Life will always be better than Take on Me. You can't fight me on it this time, so that means I get the automatic win."
She couldn't help but let out a sputtering, wet laugh. He was laughing, too - in a sick sense, it felt like old times. The thought made her chest ache even more.
"I love you and will love you until the end of time. Thank you for being my family. I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you. Until we meet again, Bradley."
Natasha didn't realize that she had been holding her breath until she gasped for air. She set her coffee cup between her legs and held one hand to her chest, trying to take in a slow inhale. The other hand wiped the tears that were readily running down her cheeks. Her gaze was still straight ahead on the water, afraid to turn her head and look at him.
"I'm sorry." She almost thought she imagined his whisper, but he reached out to grip her hand as a confirmation. "I am so sorry, Nat."
"I know you are," she managed to murmur, still watching the water. "I'm sorry for pushing you away."
"I should've talked to you," he continued. "I shouldn't have been too prideful to see that you were hurting. And there's no excuse for leaving things the way I did, or not telling you goodbye." He gulped. " I can't lose you, Nat. I can do a lot of things, but losing you is not one of them. I will do anything I can to prove that to you."
Natasha didn't respond. Instead, she reached down to grab hold of her cup and took a slow, unsteady sip of her coffee. It was already turning cold.
"Do you think that we can ever get back to where we were before the mission?"
There it was. The hard question that Natasha had been trying to ignore whenever he popped up in her mind.
"I don't know, Bradley," she whispered.
For the first time since she sat down, she turned her head to look at him. He was staring out at the water, chewing on his lower lip. She could see unshed tears in his eyes, and the small shake in his shoulders as he fought for control over his emotions.
Eleven and a half years flashed before her eyes as she watched him. Bradley, before his mustache was ever a thought, laughing across the table on the day they met. His arms wrapped tight around her as she cried on her first birthday at the Academy when her parents never reached out. Both of them in their dress whites at graduation. Marking each other down as their emergency contacts. Bradley visiting on free weekends when they were both in their respective flight training, even though it was nearly an eleven-hour drive each way between Meridian and Kingsville. Her hysterical laughter as she read through his poorly drawn comics that he would send with his letters while she was deployed. Natasha, her arm linked with his, as they made an appearance at the wedding of his ex-girlfriend - the one who got away - and holding him that night as he drunkenly sobbed about letting her go. Relaxing on the couch and watching chick flicks to get their mind off of their jobs. The late-night phone calls and early-morning texts. Her riding his back piggy-back style as they trekked through the Cascade mountain range on their leave. Their laughs. Their hugs. Her sobs and screams when she thought she had lost him.
Her eyes shifted down to look at their hands - he was still gripping hers tight like he was afraid to let go.
And she knew he wouldn't, not ever again.
"But I'd like to try."
Rooster's eyes shot up to look at her, and she tried to smile from behind trembling lips. He let go of her hand and surged forward, wrapping his arms tight around her and pulling her to him. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck, arms around his shaking frame.
It felt like finally coming home.