Author's Note: This chapter was definitely all over the place for me, and something I had to leave and come back to several times due to the struggle I had with making it feel genuine. I had to cover a lot of material here, and tackle discussions that really needed to be brought up. Of course there's more to see coming up, but I like to think that we're really starting to dig into the psyche of the passengers now. (:

Chapter 4

It was somewhere around 2 AM that Saanvi decided that attempting to sleep was pretty much useless, and around 3 AM when a strange claw of anxiety began to rake its way up her spine.

Her conversation with Alex had stuck with her for the remainder of the day, and while a focused individual, her head was stuck replaying the words they shared between each other. The urge to act was tampered down by the logical side of her that knew she couldn't just hope to fix things with a snap of her fingers. Any hope of getting work done at home had been dashed early on, and she had been left struggling to complete even the most basic of tasks.

She had taken to cleaning at one point, straightening up the books and shelves in her living room, but that proved to be pointless–not only was there barely anything to straighten in her empty apartment, but the tingling she felt down her spine kept her from focusing on much at all. It was like the ticking of a clock–the countdown to something terrible she knew was coming and couldn't predict.

Saanvi paced her apartment then, shuffling through some medical documents before shoving them to the side. She held up her hands in a frenzied gesture before tightening them into fists and taking a breath. Something was off, she felt it, and yet nothing was hitting her.

For only a moment, she almost missed the Callings.

They were often vague, but they told her what to be on the lookout for. They gave her a goal. And yet, she had never been any real good at solving them. Not only did she not seek out other meanings behind the obvious, but she also had not had Callings for the same amount of time that the others had. Of course, that was on her too. It was all on her.

She continued pacing, hearing the clock tick along as she continued. It was repetitive, going on and on before it droned in the back of her mind.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The sudden clicks were not from the clock, and definitely not from her own head. Listening closer, she heard the hurried steps coming from the outside, and as soon as the feeling of anxiety had come on, it stopped abruptly. The steps outside stopped, too, and were suddenly replaced by urgent knocks at her door.

"Saanvi." Ben's voice–sounding like he was very much out of breath. "Saanvi, it's me."

The sudden release of the grip anxiety had on her was quickly replaced by confusion and bewilderment. Whipping open the door, she saw Ben standing there, his forehead caked in sweat and his clothing wrinkled. Before, she might have thought he had just discovered an answer to a calling.

Now, it looked like he had seen a ghost.

"God," she gasped softly–incredulously. Grabbing the front of his shirt, she dragged him into her apartment, briefly popping her head out and looking around to see if anyone had been disturbed by his sudden appearance. The hall was quiet, but Saanvi wasn't about to test her neighbors' patience.

She pulled herself back in and swiftly closed the door again, spinning around to Ben as her head went blank. "Ben, what is going on? It's three in the morning!" The words came out in a worried hiss. She didn't need neighbors asking questions, but she also knew Ben Stone was not the type to show up at someone's door in the early hours of the morning just for fun. It was never without reason.

Ben looked at her up and down, and she could see when the look of fear and concern turned to one of confusion. After a moment, his eyes settled on hers, and she could only keep the eye contact for a few moments before she instinctively looked down.

"I–" he started, and Saanvi wasn't sure what to make of his disoriented state. Surely a bad dream wouldn't cause him to just leave his home in the middle of the night and drive here.

She didn't say anything right away, hoping that giving him a moment to catch his breath might help. It was exactly why she wasn't expecting the cool hand to press against her cheek and another one to soon join it.

"Saanvi, what happened to your face?"

The question brought a sense of deja vu to her mind, and she instinctively wrapped her fingers over his wrist and lowered his hand away from her.

"I don't know. And before you ask–yes, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt."

Ben still looked taken aback, pulling his own hand away before looking down at it. He did so for a few moments, and she wished for nothing more than to just ask him what was wrong. That was what they did, right? But how long had it been since then?

"That was from me," Ben said suddenly, bringing Saanvi's attention straight back to him. "Those marks–those were from my hands."

Saanvi had already guessed it already, based on the burning sensation she felt after leaving Ben earlier that day, but it wasn't the realization he had that took her attention–it was the fact that he didn't seem all that surprised about it.

"Ben," she asked, reaching out for him, but pulled back hesitantly when he looked back up at her. Of everything he could have said, they were the words she would have never expected–but also dreaded ever hearing again.

"I had a Calling."

Suddenly the clock seemed too loud again, with the ticking in the background growing more pressing by the minute. That pressure in her skull started once more, though she was too in shock to even give it a second of thought.

"Ben, that's impossible." She felt ridiculous using the word, but no other seemed appropriate. "We're not there anymore–we're in 2013. The Callings were needed to beat the death date. We don't get them anymore."

Should she call him crazy? It seemed appropriate, but it also seemed hypocritical. The things she had seen, had heard…

"It was you," Ben said suddenly, preventing her from continuing. "You–your picture. It was on the wall with all of the others. They were all crossed out and yours… it burned. It burned to ash right in my hand."

Burned to ash.

Her skin breaking apart, the tingling of the growing heat only broken by Ben's face in front of her. Crying. Begging.

Saanvi. No, no, no, no.

"Where are they? These pictures?" Had it been a cruel joke by one of the other 828ers? Even thinking about it now, she found it to be a huge stretch.

"They're gone," Ben said quickly, followed up with. "They weren't real. I only saw them for a minute before they were gone."

Saanvi turned away from Ben, placing a palm against her forehead as she cycled through every logical thought that her brain could muster up. At this point, there weren't many–just half-hearted rationales that made this all seem less crazy than it actually was.

"You could have been dreaming," Saanvi said, hating the slight quiver in her voice. She hated sounding desperate, but she needed this to have been a dream–for Ben to not come to her for help. She couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear, or even humor the idea of the Callings. She needed to be the logical one here.

"This wasn't a dream," Ben insisted, moving around her to stand in front of her again. "Dammit, Saanvi, I didn't think I'd have to convince you of what I saw. It was there, and it was definitely real."

"I know you think it is, but it could have been–"

"No," Ben stopped her again, and Saanvi felt indignant. "It was not a dream, and not a fluke. It was real. Just like the pain I keep feeling–the storm. It's all connected."

She must have gone pale white then, as she felt a sheet of sweat cross her face. Ben looked at her strangely for a moment before pulling his head back and stepping away. "You've had them too."

Saanvi opened her mouth to speak, but unsurprisingly, no word of defiance or excuse could come out. Ben held his fingers to his head again, and Saanvi immediately knew the turmoil he must have felt–perhaps the betrayal, too, and the feeling she got was lower than dirt.

"You had the Callings and didn't tell me?" he asked, and the tone of his voice made her want to throw her hands up. She could cry or scream–maybe both. But he kept her grounded, and whatever she said, he had to listen.

"What was I supposed to do, Ben?" she asked him, and the fact he wouldn't meet her gaze hurt more than she wished to admit. "This is supposed to be our fresh start–a start to a better life! The Callings led us here, and we're supposed to do what we can to live it right. Not repeat the same mistakes."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" he asked suddenly, turning around with such fury that Saanvi was momentarily stunned into silence. "Keeping away from the house? Avoiding our calls and texts?"

She had been doing that–all of it, and yet Saanvi hoped that it had moved to the wayside. They were all still trying to adjust, and it should have come across as them just working to get their lives back on track. But looking at him now, she felt the indignation begin to fade, only to be replaced by a lump in her throat that she couldn't shake.

You are not going to cry.

"Fresh start, Ben, remember?" she asked, even barking out a small, pained laugh. "We didn't know each other in 2013. You have your wife and kids to worry about–I wasn't going to have you running in circles trying to fix everyone else's problems–least of all mine.."

"So you chose to ignore them instead?" Ben asked, sounding as though he was trying to convince her of something. "Saanvi, I'm not just going to pretend the last five years didn't happen. We're supposed to be a team. We're supposed to work together."

The man in front of her was grasping at straws, and for the life of her, Saanvi couldn't find the right words to dispute what he was saying. However, one thing still tugged at her brain, and she wasn't quite willing to keep quiet about it.

"What did Grace say when you told her?"

The silence that followed was enough of an answer that Ben didn't even have to speak. She had to wonder if she was surprised that Ben didn't tell Grace about the Callings–she hadn't told anyone either, but then again, Alex was still being pulled in the other direction by a family she had yet to step away from. Saanvi still wasn't a priority to her, and she was beginning to see why.

"Ben, look at me," she said suddenly, and she had to harden her tone to even get the words out. She put a hand on his cheek, hoping to ground him. "I am not here to get in the way of your family. I've been on the outside before–I don't want to do it again."

Ben took her hand and looked at her then, bringing them back to when Saanvi had treated the wounds on his face.

"Saanvi," he breathed, as though the effort of speaking was too much. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide away. You're part of my family too– our family. I'm not going to give that up."

The words made her heart clench, and she couldn't possibly tell him how much it meant to her to be a part of his family. But that had been before, when they had lived through tragedy and ridicule–where she had gone to Cal's side after Grace's murder, and where Olive had confided in her about her father's mental state. It felt so far away now.

She hadn't been lying to Ben when she said she still had feelings for Alex. They were not something she could just wish away, and they reminded her of a better time in her life–one without Callings and death dates and whatever else 828 decided to throw at them. But looking into Ben's eyes gave her a feeling she didn't want to admit to, and when he spoke about Grace so wistfully, she knew her feelings would not change anything.

God, she wished she could just tell him to go away. It would be so much easier to move on if Ben Stone wasn't a presence in her life. But the feeling of euphoria she got after returning to 2013–returning to find Alex waiting–had quickly faded away the farther they drove away from that airport. She had left something important behind, and she was in no state to fight for it. Yet, the selfish part of her now refused to let go. She was a weak person, after all. She could never measure up to Grace and the fighter she was.

"Don't," Ben suddenly said, and she realized at that moment that she couldn't stop the tears that were flowing. She wiped them away quickly before he stopped her with his hands again. "Saanvi, stop. I'm sorry. Whatever I said, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I don't want to be the reason you hide things."

God, if only he could have seen the inner turmoil she felt when leaving the airport. The feeling of getting into the car with Alex, watching her smile, ready to begin their life…

The feeling of wrongness that followed her all the way home.

"It's not your fault," Saanvi finally said, allowing him to lead her to the couch. Funny, how she had been crying her eyes out there just earlier that day. It was becoming a pattern for her.

When he sat beside her, she pushed her face into her hands, shaking her head but allowing no more tears to fall. "How did we even end up here?" she asked breathlessly. "This was supposed to be our second chance. We shouldn't be seeing things, hearing things… The Callings shouldn't even exist."

"I think we're past the point of understanding the 'why' of everything," Ben finally sighed, and Saanvi knew just how hard it had to be for him to admit that. She and Ben were cut from the same cloth–logic reigned supreme, and when someone like Ben wasn't jumping up to try and find the answers, she knew that there might not be any answer to find.

Silence again, but this time Saanvi felt Ben trying to come up with the right words. She waited patiently for him, wiping away the remnants of her tears before he finally clasped his hands together.

"That night…" Ben began, and Saanvi paused for a moment, unsure of what he meant. But when he looked at her, she knew.

We don't have to talk about it. She wanted to shut it down then and there, but she knew this conversation was for Ben just as much as it was for her. So against her better judgment, she just sat and listened.

"It happened because you're one of the most important people in the world to me," Ben said finally. "I don't want you to ever think I don't care, or won't come looking when you decide not to answer my texts. Or Mick's calls." He laughed, then. "You have to be suicidal to not answer those, so when she talked about it, I knew I had to find out why."

Saanvi laughed too, although it was definitely more guilty. Yeah, she knew that she was going to get hell for that when Michaela and her met up again, and she wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

"Hey," Ben said after a pause, placing a hand against her knee, "you know I'm here, right? Things might be different… but I'm not going anywhere."

He had to stop saying things like that, because Saanvi almost let herself hope . She knew what he meant, and knew that he was being truthful, but it was nowhere close to what she wanted, and that reality was more of a punch in the gut than any lie he could have told her. He was so kind, so honest, and yet that was the part that hurt the most.

She nodded mutely, the events of the day finally starting to drag at her. Ben seemed to notice, as he smirked lightly in his all-knowing way.

"Based on how quickly you opened the door, I'm assuming you haven't even slept yet."

It was definitely true, but for once, it wasn't down to her overworking herself. Overthinking was more accurate.

"Here," Ben said, scooting a bit away from her on the small couch and grabbing the discarded blanket on the floor. He tossed it to her and she looked at him, confused, before he patted his leg. "Try and get some sleep. I'm not eager to be driving back right now, so we can both try and relax for a bit."

Saanvi let out a small laugh. "You act like I need a lookout," she joked, although hesitantly moved so that her head rested against his leg.

"Sometimes it feels that way," Ben said, and it was said so casually that Saanvi didn't know how to take it.

Most 828ers knew the dangers that they faced for years. Even now, they were under scrutiny. But she had a feeling that Ben's comment was more personal than she let on, and she felt the guilt begin to swarm her conscience once more.

Ben was highly doubtful he would be able to sleep, but when he woke up to hear knocking at the door, he knew he had to have knocked out at some point.

Checking his watch, he saw the time blinking back at him. 6:32 AM.

He heard bones crack as he sat up, and was thankful that Saanvi seemed to have moved during her apparent sleep, and was now curled up with the top of her head pressing against the side of his leg. Carefully, he shifted out of his spot and stood up, relieved that she didn't even twitch at his lack of presence.

Hoping to let her sleep, he shuffled towards the door, feeling the cold of the hardwood floor pressing against his socks. It didn't even click in his head that this was not his apartment, and that he had little to no idea if Saanvi was expecting anyone.

Swinging open the door, he realized that both lines of thinking mattered little.

"Eagan?"

He would have slapped himself if he wasn't sure he was already awake. Yes, Eagan was standing outside Saanvi's door, looking at him with that mischievous grin that immediately gave him a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, Benny boy, you've really made yourself scarce lately, haven't you?" Eagan drawled. Was it too late to close the door? "It's almost like you've been hiding out."

Apparently it was too late, because the bane of his existence was walking through the door, arms extended like he was Jesus incarnate, and looking around with the amazement of an overly nosey child.

When Eagan finally looked in the direction of the couch, Ben followed his gaze, and without saying a word knew how it was going to look.

"Professor Ben Stone–getting some after hours action with the doctor, huh? Didn't think you were the type, but then again, we haven't shared all our secrets," He laughed quietly. "I'm assuming your wife doesn't know? Damn, that explains why you weren't at your house."

The last statement flew over his head as he grabbed Eagan's shoulder, shoving him towards the kitchen area before he could cause anymore destruction with his mere presence. He looked up at Saanvi again, relieved to find that she hadn't even moved, and was still deep in sleep. He hoped she stayed that way.

Once he was in the clear and they were out of immediate earshot, he spun Eagan around and glared at him. "What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed.

"Don't get your panties in a twist," Eagan said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "I thought it was a good time to check in, but you weren't at your house–and I wasn't about to rile up one Mrs. Stone at six in the morning just to ask about her wayward husband's whereabouts."

"You… I…" Ben started, trying to register everything he just said. "How did you even find me?" When Eagan didn't immediately respond, Ben jumped to the first–and only –conclusion. "Have you been tracking me?"

"That's just a technicality," Eagan responded, waving him away like he was just an obnoxious child, while Ben held up a finger to his lips again, an indication to lower his tone.

Eagan held up a brow, but didn't say anything about it.

Shaking his head, Ben asked again, "What are you doing here?"

Eagan's previous grin slid off his face, and he went straight into business. "A little birdy told me that we've been getting some attention from officials looking into the missing passengers," he said, and quickly followed up with, " Another little birdy also mentioned that you were around the site where they are rounding us up to interrogate."

Okay, Eagan was definitely tracking him.

"Are you surprised?" Ben asked. "We weren't going to get away without any questioning. Vance is trying to get whatever information he can."

"Ah, Director Vance on the case again," Eagan said, turning away and laughing lightly. "He's always sticking his nose into everything 828 related. I'm not surprised you've talked."

"You mean you haven't seen him yet?" That was a surprise to Ben. If he were to choose any of the passengers, Eagan's history left him most open to interrogation. Then again, back in 2013, there was no telling how much dirt they even had on him.

"Haven't had the pleasure," Eagan shrugged. "What I'm wondering is what you guys happened to chat about yesterday. And since you're here," he waved around the apartment, "I have to take a guess that she was there too." He flicked his hand towards Saanvi who was still, thankfully, knocked out on the couch.

Ben wondered just how much he was giving up by talking about it. Eagan obviously knew where he was, and thanks to circumstance, knew that Saanvi was at the same location at one point.

Eagan seemed to notice the silence that followed, and tilted his head. "Come on, boy scout. What happened yesterday? And if you're not hooking up with the doctor, why are you really here?"

The Calling led me here. It was such a simple answer, but not one Ben could give to him. Eagan might have made an effort to change, but Ben knew who he was at his core–ready and willing to take and sell out any information he was given.

Eagan seemed to realize this too, as his relaxed posture quickly became stiff. "Keeping secrets got you into trouble before–don't forget that. You and Vance may have been on the same side, but that's not the case anymore. You both have your methods–and you're both very impatient people."

The emphasis was not an accident, and Ben, despite his misgivings about Eagan, knew he was right about that, at least.

"You sound like him," Ben commented, eying him warily.

"Eh," Eagan shrugged, turning on his heel just as quickly. "He has a habit of rubbing off on you. I just have to hope you are telling the truth about all of this."

Ben followed him as Eagan opened the door, apparently deciding that he had nothing else to do here. Before departing, however, Eagan turned around and looked back at him. "Stay out of trouble, Ben Stone. Can't promise who's next on the chopping block." The absolute menace of a man then blew him a kiss before turning around and taking his leave.

Stunned wasn't enough to describe his current state. Annoyed, furious, paranoid . Those were better descriptors.

Slowly closing the door, Ben turned back around, only to hear Saanvi's voice pipe up.

"What is Eagan getting into now?"

He wasn't surprised that she was awake, but as she lifted herself wearily from her position on the couch, he couldn't quite tell if she had truly just woken, or if she'd been faking it. "How much did you hear?" he asked.

"A bit about Vance," she admitted, and Ben believed her. "But not much good. How did he even know you were here?"

I wish I knew. Obviously Eagan had more technology at his disposal than Ben thought. "Tracker? No clue. He said he went to the house first."

Saanvi let out a breathless chuckle. "That's not creepy at all. You're sure he's not stalking you?"

"I'm sure he is," Ben replied carefully, "but definitely not for any good reason."

"Was there ever any doubt?" Saanvi asked, stretching out her arms. Ben noticed that the red marks on her face had since faded, and she was left looking just as she did before they appeared. The difference wasn't lost on him.

He was doubtful that Grace was even awake yet, but he wanted to avoid a repeat of the last incident, and pulled out his phone to text her.

Emergency with a colleague. Will be home as soon as I can.

The urge to write more was there, but his fingers hovered over the buttons, saying little.

Love you.

It was the least he could say, given that he had just picked up and left in the middle of the night. Grace did not know that, obviously, since his phone wasn't blowing up with calls from her, but he still wanted to give her that security.

Ben had just pressed "send" when he watched Saanvi stand up, the blanket still wrapped firmly around her. It was difficult to believe that this was the person that had saved his son, put herself in danger for the sake of all of them…

He realized he would never be able to thank her enough.

Standing up himself, he was prepared to make the attempt, but Saanvi cut him off.

"We don't have the same materials or access as last time," she said, shuffling over towards the kitchen as though on a mission. "But you said that you managed to see the board last night–even though it wasn't real. We can start there."

Ben smiled. It felt like forever since he had prepared himself to solve such a mystery, and having Saanvi here to help seemed like just what he needed. Doing anything in his house–at least right now–was not a possibility, Ben knew. Placing up a board with names and faces tacked on for no apparent reason would no doubt unsettle Grace, if not place him in a mental institution.

Given that Saanvi lived alone, he knew that this was as good a place as any to start over.

Placing his phone in his pocket, he followed after her, the unknown calling to him once again.