Harry woke up in a bedroom that smelled like a lot of bam bam. No wait, he sniffed, "that is my scent." He was covered up to his elbows in his own bambam. Likely from that incident from hours earlier. His sweat was upon his brow.

"How did I get here? In this, a bedroom?" He realized then that his bambam must have created a teleportation device when it made contact with the wet sand, due to chemical reactions on an atomic level.

He was so stressed by the whole incident that his hair grew about 16 inches and it had a bit of nice wave pattern. It was brown still. He looked around the bedroom to see if he could find some sort of. OH! Before that were to happen he noticed his big dad charlie BARGE in with his roughly-the-size-of-a-barge-neck and let Bella his son know, about his fantasy footbrawl big boys gathei=ng he were to have upcoming and later into that night. He let his son Bella know that Bella should not be home tonight on account of th Ebrigs Charminka Football gala tonight hosted by Charley Welsh Swan, a pioneer in modern fantasy fooootbink. "BELLA MY SON' he scrame in a drunken stupor "You will NOT embarrass me again. Never again. Uh-uh. That is NOT happening tonight. Last week, BIg Jacobin Welpinfroge threatened to sue the Froks Police Forks. Actually Force. You CANNOT mess this up for me again. Now get yer ass up and walk to school in the freezing sideways rain and for god's sake find yourself a boyfriend today so you NEVER COME AGAIN. I WILL NOT regret saying this. "

WHAT that SMELL?"

Harry developed tinnitus that day. A horrible condition that would drive any young of age boy to near madness…

Harry Bella hurried and scurried off to school, but not before contracting scurvy. He ate a lemon and also came back home to get dressed bc he forgot to do that part. Silly guy. He pretended to wear on his head, a beautiful hearing aid made of diamonds and a peppercorn, some pretty makeup that looked like eyeliner but was really charcoal he got out of the grill (it had lighter fluid mixed in and burned his eyes and made them really flammable) and a hat that looked invisible to the naked eye.

He wore a huge king-sized snickers bar as a gender-neutral tunic, and underneath he had on tights made of woven cat hair. He wore a pitcher's mound as both of his shoes, and he had to hop because of it. He wanted to hop on pop, but Charlie was pretty pissed right now. He decided not to wear his braces today, and left them on the kitchen counter.

He walked to school in the sideways rain like we mentioned before, but this time Eyore was there, being depressing. He had an app that is like Uber, but it's called Eyore, and it makes Eyore come to pick you up and take you to school. He used it, but Eyore was slower than walking speed and also had no roof, so he was really late to his first day of school and really wet. He walked into chem lab class and Edward the vampire was there being really hot. Harry was turned on but tried to do a ollie on his skateboard over Edward anyway.

"Do you need to see my gummy worm collection?" spat Edward Cullen upwards at Harry (Bella who was now easily 3 feet above him, olli-ing for Christ. Harry is obviously on a suicide mission to spay his best mate ROlnd, but hey, what's little flirting gonna hurt or do? ;) Harry fell so hanking hard onto a fucking cattywhompus science lab stoooool. The kind of one where its 5metal and then wood on Caitlin Prazel laughed and tweeted tiktokd and Xd about it. She told the whole school. She stank. This stool had a short stump leg so he pretty much broke every bone in his body but played it off as a joke. He knew now that he will have to play the role of the class clown for the whole school year, maybe his whole life if he never gets out of this heckscape. "I asked you a question" Edward muttered cooly from up above over her. Harry was basically dead. He saw his life flash dance before his eyes and there was honestly too much pawn stars in there.

'Pawn Startz?' Harry thought. 'That reminds me of Rawn anb how he talks about when he starts all the time.' Starts period. His red undies period. Class period. Period at the end of this sentence. . Did you know that the period at the end of this sentence is about the size of a hyoombins human's egg cell, like in the fellopeon cubes? Oh wait I have to write a sentence where a period would be at the end. Meant ta. Put a period. I'm in class so where ids Rawn? Harry went to check the tile grout in the hallway for RONNNNNNNNN. rrrRRRAAAWWNNnn. Right now harry thinks that ron is tiny. Heehee. He thinks that Ron is bout the width of ==f a tile grout bump so that like really miniscule. Ha. Anyway, Harry collected his bones and wwith his one not broken finger dragged himself out of class. As he was sliding out he told teacher he had to "tee tee in the pink potty." And the teacher was so wigged the freak out that she just ugh let him go. Harry slid scraped his body out the door and and immediately was chenking all the grout. In about 5 seconds or less he used a pocket knife and made a contraption similar to the one the dad made in that movie where the kids were shrunk, where he's like checking the ground and grass blades. Hovering above it. It took harry 45 million years to check evrey area of grout in that school for tiny ron. …ron was never found. But then honestly herry remembered ron wasn't tiny why was he being so literally stupid like was that in a dream he had? So dumb ron is not tiny. Luckily harrybella had used a spell to freeze time and in the real world millions of year had not passed. Unluckily, Harrybellas all his broken bones in that time all fused together in one huge broken tangled mangled twined mass. So now he looked fucking horrible.

"Well that's how Harry-Bella Earned the nickname Heappilestack and Mound Harella." I whispered to my grandkids as I gently closed the leather-bound book and tucked them into bed. I blew out the candles and hobbled to the parlor. My ankles had become quite frail in my old age, but I didn't mind. Those young boys Oliver, Silas and Lincoln keep me alive and young. As I poured myself oh, about three fingies of whisky and started to drift off in my deep velvet armchair I suddenly heard a loud commotion just beyond the kitchen window. "Oh that must be a raccoon, looking to warm up" I thought. It had been such a harsh winter, and with little food to go around, the animals of the forest had become desperate." BRANNGK." A loud crash rang out from behind me. It all happened so fast. NExt thing I knew, I was on the floor, warm liquid pouring over my face and slowly suffocating me.

Heappilestack and Mound Harella now couldn't speak due to being a heap and all. Some bitch named Teacher Drano found him and right away began to shorten his nickname to Harella because no I'm not gonna type that all the daMN anyway He scraped up the heap that was our beloved dead harroir with lacrosse sticks (sorry, COACH Drano) and pretty slowly took it to the nurse area. The wing of the school that was allllll sexy nurses, baby. Harriok was SO embarrassed to be a bunch of bones stacked up in front of all these total nurse costume slut BABES. Good thing he was dead and in hell at the moment so he didnt have to feel any sort of embarrassment. Well he managed to get out of hell but before that he asked Satan for some "Make myself look better than this serum", which Satan was known for.

"Oop and reeeeboot poop up, dingy and doWN. Me hary weee scream scream scrum, I ooplied for job the pound! Two toad treat me, to toodles and a thumb, four frakes beat you, with prangles and old gum. Hey holly hoe! Jollywollywoe! Wipplewam wienerscam in my house of Frire? Fire Fraud, I fish for cod in Rapoolie lake of toe! Frodo in stasis, nick is dry. Hampry is my bassist, Roolie Joot Pie!" was the spell Harry had to say to make the serum work. He did it and now is in a wheelbarrow still looking really fucked up.

He's gonna go to your dick's reaer. He's gonna rear-end your dick. Harry fell in love that day. His rear end was ready and full, like the moon, meaning he had to put laughter in it. Which is the unintended side effects of being a craptillian douchebag IT auto-rig with set-up instructions in Spanglish. He had an anaconda with him at the time, which coindiced with the fourth cycle of Auquairusi in retrograde aligned with Venus tho. He drank a lot of water around this particular cycle, which he attributed to the 7th house which the sun was in which the sun. Was in. His doppelganer hadn't arrived yet, but he had to assume that, in theory, his doppelganger may never arrive. It was all theory, of course. Curl!

Satan worship had always been something of a little fascination with Kermanity (Harry's Fraiser-brained cousin) I saw Kermit's toothbrush I SAW IT. AND HIS DONG. The toothbrush was kinda big.

His quota is .dangerously low, even with The Who playing in the soft background. Sgt. Krofter's Big Bathtub Badboy Bab's Arena in New York City was one of the best venues. MAn, if he could count the times that he had had that though. Most likely his ball would fall down the chimney of an evil evil man. His name was Uno now. Happened in a dodgeball accident.

So Dobby, simultaneously dressed as Kurt Cobain, was desperately searching for Harry, who had disappeared onstage. There was a crowd of men watching, so so ready were they to be learning of a litter box, the most modern technology know to man, AND wizard. He crashed into a building with his Ford Escalade, which was on the brawny side. This was out of rage, not bc he was inebriated on Twisted Tea, Mike's Hard, and some sick ass Pineapple Express. It was out of rage.

When he crashed into the stage, everyone was very disappointed in him to the point that they actually all died. Nobody would remember their death. Insane bro.

"One day, you'll arrive at a home Depot, to fulfill the Rimbourge Hominid Prphechy Pwopesi of one day getting to be one of Home Depot's biggest lady. Then one day, which the last leaf falls, you will pawk your biiiig rig at the Home Depot parking lot in hte disabled parking spot. You won't even give a damn bc the big lady is going to go into the toilet depot and gonna do one big she's been saving for 30 years one big she's corked her butt for this one big she'll become the biggest, wonderous biggest coiledt Maxter in all of the Northeast, The Village of Nor'winderHam. Hampton. Ham-10. Here she is, the last day of trick or treating. She goes to home depot. The toilets are black, and there's even enough lumber in the store after hours to build your own monster house. That what all the men employee's say at the home depot (overnight workers) say, anyway. Can't trust those day-shifters. My big trasistor radio is making me want to say hi. They have a BIG radio in the back, and they'll use it on you.

They like to use their radio to call other war-vets. You can only be a war vet if you work the night-shift at home depot, hauling the haunted lumber. So anyway, Jerry Seinfeld was there, he gave you a map, instructed you to the nearst black, skull-shaped toilet, take the lid off the tank, do an upper-decker 9ft long, become a snake. Not your poop become a snake, You're a snake. Cum a snake.

Dobby was doing a ollie in space, because he did coke off his board in mid-air. Mid. He had several sausage wigs. They were like small wigs to go on top of all of his sausages. That's my–my snot.

In the wee hours of 8am,the next day, Dobbie arrived back into our stratosphere, kissing the skull toilet on the lips on his way down. As he landed, he became a real-estate agent, but also he started to look really frail, pale, nose-less, and so hot. He deduced with his magical powers that Harry was located approximately in Skinwalker Canyon, or Canch for short. Constant Marie and My favorite friend, Balls, were there staying on their radish garden was sparkling in the moonlight back in Hogsmeade, where his house was. He actually had his own house, with a nicce radish garden. Frida was there, washing clothes and doing a bit of light sketching. That's besides the point for right now, but mayhaps I'll reference it later.

Dobby cracked down on a clap of thunder into the lands like a talented young cheese-monger. He surprised all of the Skinwalker Ranch Onions, who were a snack for the cowhands. The cowhands were not meant to be there, and many would agree that Kermit never should have tried. He clapped into the room using clappers and stack-cups, which made everyone on the ranch tense. Harry, who was sleeping on the ranch in a bed in a room in a motel that the school had paid for, under a roof which was paid for of course by the Forks school system. I thought that teenager died there but that could be legend. Unbeknowenst to Harry, Dobby was now in the same Die-mension that they were. HE and Ron. They.

Ruth Meyer's' Steak House (Ruth Chris has a cousin, whose estate owns the shareholdings of the Ruth Meyer'ss Steak House in Toronto, CA. Elementary school Nick.) had a bastard child.

Sincerely, Spencery Jarzomback, Nick Parker, Seth McFarlane, Donnie dArko, Blake Webb, Sailor metss, z, love you all.

You were once a very big vampire daddy, and you need to reclaim the throne. For all of eternity, Bella/Harry had thought this far around Hemp-month, that when he got his next massage for half-off, he would need to ask for a wax from now on as well. He decided to book a massage and waxing for tomorrow, at the Skinwalker Ranch Spa. He now drifted off to sleep, much like driftwood tends to do near any body of water, especially the Sea. Harry thought of his own body as the Sea, and let himself go. Deep into the water, he allowed his beautiful body to sink into the inky depths of the Thames. But little did he know, the alarm was about to go off because it was 5am, his usual time for waking up. He needed to wake up so early because he had to feed the chickens, cows, pigs, duck, 2 geese, ducks, and some skunks. They all depended on him. NExt, he needed to oil the machines, which were known for being well-oiled. He often got grease in his hair, and, as such, did a little musical number like from Grease the musical.

Continental breakfast was served, which was underwhelming as usual, aka the yogurt was only lemon-flavored, and not in the good way. I mean it was soaked with pee. A werewolf took charge of the lunch menu, which means that it was a little better, but had some hair in it. Tit hair is the only FDA approved source of Ketaanits Vitamin 17 Katydid Variety of a vitaminj and mineral. Do not take Tit Hair if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, or if you're just too much of a scaredy cat to try taking it. Your doctor will publicly shame you if you can't handle this new drug technology, and he will still charge you for it as well. So try your best, today, with Tit Hair.

The commerical that was playing on the TV was for a brilliant new drug, prescription, whcih made you lose weight. Harryt thought about it, but decided he didn't want to lose weight. He really liked his body these days. I mean, sure, 7th grade was hard, but then once he got to high school and eventually young adulthood, his confidence grew (18+ reminder, this is about to remind you about that) and he weas confident once more. Y'see, all this tied together with the idea that Harry had outgrow Dobby. Dobby was his Hogwarts GF, but he was a man now, and Dobby was just not growing up. Like, he's a man-child. He honestly yells a lot, and mostly about things that go bump in the night. He is always scared, but angry. Just like a man.

Harry had actually been finding himself quite attracted to Edward, that guy from earlier back when Harry broke his entire bone skeletal structural system, integumentary system is what it is not. That time, Edward had been so sweet. It made Harry/Bella become infatuated with his little. I said a little ditty about his arm hair falling off but guess it got deleted. Sorry. He might have an arm-balding proble.? I think that he is fixin to do something improper.

So after a few hours of searching for the legendary skinwalker of Canch, Harry and Edward slinked off to go touch arms and flirt in ways that made everyone physically ill. The others, they got disentary, and unfortunately also contacted depression aand anxiety to boot. All because of that PDA. Dobby CERATINLY saw it happening and it made him fly. With rage, of course. He was like a little steamboat that was so, so full of charcoal and it looked very steampunk-like, in a final fantasy kind of way. That is to say, he was really mad. He began to devise a plan to kick BellasHarry's ass and maybe kick Edward's arse, but that would for some reason be an add-on and not the main event. Idk man. Dobby;s got weird priorities?

Dobby hopped on the nearest Razor Scooter and turned the ringtone off of his Raxr flip phone from 2006. He didn't want any business calls to come through while he was rage=scooting with the Scooby-Doo theme playing from his large boom box. It would have been embarrassing, to sy the leat. He flew down the highway, 90 miles per house, but literally just was going! Going so far, so wide. It made him bleed for at least 1 mile, but by mile 2 he had enough Astrophysisists assembled between his thighs that he could kill an ox, metaphorically, and using astro physics. I mean honestly I regret bringing oxen into this, please forget that I wrote that in. MY backspace button stopped working which is why the story is like this so far (haheheh yeah right, fat chance.) Anyways, I'd love to tell you the epic romance of Edward and BellHair, but unfortunately I need to talk about the 7 dwarves again.

"This is mad, at this rate we'll be the only ones without a date."-Ron WEASEL