Chapter 34: Cornelia Street
The moonlight illuminated her ocean-blue eyes while she gazed at it. Under the moon, Serena looked as beautiful as ever, yet she hadn't done anything different to look so lovely. She wore the same outfit, she brushed her hair the same way, and she smiled the usual way. However, underneath that calm and friendly exterior, there was a girl who made an ultimatum. It was one of the toughest things she had ever done, but she saw it as the only way to move forward with her journey. Her decision was made. A new chapter was unfolding. The performer sighed.
"Hey, Serena," Ash announced his presence when he came out of the Pokémon Center. Like Serena, something about Ash presented him as more dashing on this fateful night, yet he appeared the same. His hair was fixed the same way, his outfit was still the same red and blue, and his dopey smile remained as big as ever.
Serena turned around to find him walking up to her. She didn't see Pikachu with him, so she knew he was alone as requested. They stood on a sea of grass just outside of the center. It was a brisk, quiet night. There was no sign of life but them. There was no sound to accompany the starry night. Not even the wind had come out to play. It was almost eerie or somber. The Kalos girl spoke, "Hey, Ash. Thanks for coming to meet me," Serena mustered a welcoming grin.
Ash put his hands behind his head. "Of course! So, what did you want to talk about?" the raven-haired teen tilted his head with a puzzled look.
Serena stared at him with a timid smile. She rehearsed so many times, but it all seemed in vain. The performer had felt so confident when she practiced it in the mirror. Regardless of whether she felt confident or not, it was too late to take it all back now. Ash was here. This was it. She had no choice. The performer lowered her head as she tried to summon her courage. Ash slightly lowered his head to see if something was wrong. He could tell she was trying to say something. "Serena?" Ash lifted an eyebrow.
His friend raised her head. Serena placed her hand over her heart. Her welcoming smile from earlier melted, replaced by sad eyes. She swallowed her hesitation and ripped the band-aid. "I'm leaving tomorrow before the sun rises, and we might not see each other for a long time," Serena nervously informed him.
Ash crossed his arms. He wondered if that was all Serena wanted to share, "Oh yeah! I figured since you're competing in Hoenn, I don't think we'll see each other any time soon, but why don't you wait till we wake up tomorrow so we can walk you to the port?"
Serena bit her lip. He clearly misunderstood what she was trying to communicate…again. The performer nodded her head sideways, "No, Ash. That's not what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I can be your friend right now. I don't think I can be for a while. That's why we won't see each other for a long time. That's why I'm leaving before dawn."
The trainer froze. His eyes communicated his shock and confusion. "Oh," was the only thing Ash could initially say. Serena stared at him for a few seconds. She knew he needed a moment to process that reality. Then Ash's eyes became sad, "Why are you saying that, Serena?"
Serena shyly crossed her arms behind her back. "Because I depend on you too much for my happiness. I can't do that anymore. It's too painful for me," the performer admitted. She fought back the lump forming in her throat.
"You depend on me too much to be happy? I don't understand. We aren't even traveling together anymore," Ash said with a confused tone.
"That's true, but I still find happiness and comfort when I think about you even though we're far apart. It's nice to know you're in my heart, but I can't rely on that feeling anymore. It hurts too much to make you the reason why I smile. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to myself," the performer explained.
Ash's eyes wobbled as he listened to her. "Did I hurt you in some way? If I did, I'm sorry," the auburn-eyed trainer tried to comprehend her by apologizing.
"Don't be," Serena nodded sideways again. "I know it wasn't your intention. It's who you are. You didn't do anything wrong."
Her friend became confused again, "Then why are you saying I hurt you?" Ash struggled to wrap his mind around her statement.
The performer let her patience slip a bit. She wished Ash could see, but even now he failed to see it. Serena clenched her fists to contain her anger, "Ash, I kissed you when we said goodbye. I thought you'd realize what that meant when I did it, but I was being too hopeful. I guess that makes me the foolish one. I was convinced for a time that there was something between us. Now, I don't think so." The blonde-haired girl elaborated with defeat in her voice.
"Serena, I…" Ash felt a rude awakening rush through him. He understood now. Her kiss was more than a thank you between friends. Her kiss was more than good luck for the future. Her kiss was more than a way of celebrating their closeness. Her kiss was her way of showing the strong feelings she harbored for him and that she'd want something more someday. How could I be so stupid? Ash criticized himself in his mind.
Before he could say anything, Serena interrupted. "Don't feel bad. Like I said before, it's who you are. Maybe if I had been more forward? I don't know. It doesn't matter now. Just because I have feelings for you doesn't make it your obligation to have feelings for me. I've accepted that despite how hard it was. That's the reason why I need time away from you, Ash. I need time to adjust to my new reality." The girl looked at the moon. Tears were swelling up in her eyes now.
Ash's eyes glistened from tears that started to form, too. The moonlight made them stand out clearer than Serena's. He was at a loss for words. Serena used all her strength to summon a gentle smile. The performer reached her hand out. She touched his warm cheek with her delicate hand. Ash enjoyed the softness of her touch while she caressed him. "I know you're still processing this, but you need to focus on processing your feelings for May. She's the one for you. Don't let her get away," Serena's voice nearly cracked.
Her best friend's eyes widened. Serena highlighted what Ash failed to fully admit to himself up until now. Even though he appeared understanding when May told him that she didn't want a relationship, deep down he knew he wanted it. He wanted to be with May, but that wasn't all. Upon recognizing that he discovered something else. Ash looked back on memories with the other girl who accompanied him. She made him laugh, smile, and forget about anything whenever she talked to him. That's when Ash realized he cared about Serena as much as May. He couldn't deny those feelings. He felt it almost like the warmth of the sun. Why had he ignored his feelings until now? Why did he keep Serena at an arm's distance until now? Was it the same reason he failed to admit that he wanted to be with May?
In his moment of fear, Ash wanted to tell Serena what he was uncovering. He wanted to confess that she also held a special place in her heart. Serena was the first girl to teach him what it meant to connect on a deeper emotional level with a girl. He felt it the day he gave Serena the blue ribbon. Ash had never done such a thing for anyone before, but he wanted to do it for Serena because she helped him, and her help made his Pokémon happy. Seeing his Pokémon happy made Ash happy, and it was all thanks to Serena, too. Many of Ash's friends believed that Ash brought out the best in them, including Serena. In the case of Serena, in reality, it was the other way around. Serena brought out the best of him. Ash remembered who snapped him out of his fears and doubts after he failed to defeat Wulfric to earn his eighth Kalos badge.
"Ash!" Serena called him. Ash lifted his head to see the girl panting.
Ash was surprised to see her stand before him in the snow-covered forest. It was only the two of them. He pulled the brim of his hat down with a defeated expression, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just left you like that." His eyes hid under his hat.
Serena approached her. She spoke in a sweet tone. "Ash, if something is bothering you, you can talk to me. I'll listen any time you want." She bent slightly forward with her arms behind her back. "Seriously, anytime, anywhere," the girl encouragingly spread her arms. Ash remained still in his defeated posture as he sat on the log. Serena kept trying to encourage him, "I know how you feel. I've been there." Ash still refused to look up at his friend. "Remember when I really goofed at the show-," the performer sheepishly admitted until Ash cut her off.
The trainer angrily stood up with a scowl and snapped, "You don't have a clue how I feel!" He clenched his fists with frustration. The two stood in silence with the wind blowing through the frozen forest.
Serena's eyes immediately displayed the pain she felt. She had her hand over her chest. The girl was hurt and shocked by Ash's reaction. With an upset tone, she retorted, "Then tell me about it!" The girl had her arms to the side. The Kalos girl intensely glared at him.
"It's none of your business. Leave me alone!" Ash didn't back down. He turned his back on her with his head lowered. Suddenly, he heard a grunt and felt a snowball hit the back of his head. The trainer turned around to see what Serena had done. He got caught off guard by her action.
Serena stood there with a lowered head. Her eyes hid under her fedora. She held a snowball in each hand. "The Ash I know is full of energy. He's a leader, always tries his best. He's always positive, and he never gives up. He hangs in there till the very end." The girl lifted her head, revealing watery eyes. Then, she furiously threw the snowballs at him. "You're not acting like the Ash I know!"
Ash blocked one of the snowballs with his arm, but the other struck him in the forehead. The hit landed so hard it made him fall back on the snow. Ash grunted in pain after Serena's unexpected response. "Stop! Give me back the real Ash because you sure aren't him!" Serena demanded. After Ash fell, she turned around to run away. The blonde-haired girl cried, hurt by her friend's words.
The auburn-eyed trainer remained still on the ground with his hat knocked off. "Real Ash? Whoa," Ash processed what Serena said to him. Ash groaned, "Oh man!" He yelled in anger over his situation. The trainer sat up and stretched himself, "I've had enough of this. I'm overthinking it. It's making my head hurt. I've gotta get myself in gear." Ash's smile returned to his face. Serena was his wake-up call.
Later, when he caught up with Serena and the others, the performer shyly addressed him with her hands over her chest. "Uh, Ash," she wasn't sure what to say.
Before she could muster to say anything, Ash answered her. "Thanks, Serena."
"Huh?" the girl was surprised by his gratitude.
Ash's face glowed with joy, including his big smile. "What you said made me snap out of it."
Serena's face eased up. The girl contently grinned and lightly giggled. "I'm glad. Welcome back," she softly remarked.
Ash placed his hand over his heart with tearful eyes. It was one of his most treasured memories with Serena. Anyone who could pull him back from the brink like that was someone Ash would want beside him forever. Unfortunately, it was too late for any declaration. It wouldn't be fair to Serena or May if he tried to stop the unfolding chain of events. By reading Serena's eyes, he knew she made up her mind. If he threw a wrench at her, it would do more harm than good now. He didn't want to confuse or break her heart more than he already had. The trainer lowered his head. His auburn eyes hid under the brim of his hat.
Serena backed away from Ash after a moment. Tears rolled down Serena's face while she stared at her sad friend. She didn't know where she found the power to speak, but she did, "I want you to know that I'll continue to root for you in everything you do. I will always cherish you as my friend even if we're far apart for a long time."
Ash raised his head, revealing his watery eyes. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He still struggled to find any words to say. Serena didn't expect him to say anything, but at least she knew Ash valued her enough to show such emotion. The girl gave him a weak smile, "I hope the next time we meet, it's under happier circumstances." Nonetheless, she wasn't sure if she'd ever see him again.
"Serena, I'm scared," Ash suddenly stated, surprising the girl.
The performer looked into his eyes, "Scared of what, Ash?" She'd never heard him speak like this before.
Ash clenched his teeth as more tears started rolling down his face. "I'm scared I'll lose everything we've built in our friendship," Ash admitted that he didn't want to forget Serena. He didn't want to picture a life without her. He wanted her to at least stay with him in some capacity.
"Ash…" Serena softly noted. Her blue eyes appeared defeated. Then she thought of something her mother said in Lumiose City before Serena embarked on her journey to Hoenn. Serena called upon more strength to form a small smile. "There's no reason to be scared of that. Everything we've experienced on our journey together will always be a part of us. Be confident of that. Our memories are with us, always. We never really lose them," the performer's eyes glistened.
Ash's eyes widened. His experience with May confirmed what Serena believed. Memories are never gone for good. Serena was right. "I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend," Ash lifted his head higher, his eyes wobbled from the constant swelling of tears.
"Don't be sorry," Serena nodded sideways. She maintained a warm smile despite her tears. "You were everything I needed and more. Thank you for helping me become stronger," Serena took a few steps forward to peck him on the cheek. Her lips felt the warmth of his skin and the saltiness of his tears. Without another word, she walked back into the Pokémon Center. She left Ash with his sadness and thoughts. Besides May, there went the only other girl who filled his heart with something he failed to understand for too long, love. He turned to the moon with longing eyes. Goodbye, Serena, Ash thought.
May and Pikachu waited in the lobby of the Pokémon Center. May held an anxious stare as she waited. Pikachu could feel her anxiety by the way she paced back and forth. The mouse sensed uncertainty as he patiently waited for his best friend. May halted her pacing when she saw Ash return from the rooms. She quickly stood upright upon seeing him. The brunette put her hand over her heart. Her sapphire eyes sparkled from the tears she was holding back. Ash's facial expression confirmed what she feared, "She's really gone?"
"Yeah…" Ash lowered his head with disappointment.
"Chuuuu," Pikachu also lowered its head and ears with sadness.
Ash looked at May with defeat. "She took all of her stuff. Serena's gone," the raven-haired trainer felt pain in his heart when he said it. Before the coordinator could say anything, Ash pulled out a white envelope. He handed it to May, "She left a letter addressed to you. You can give it a read while I check us out."
May's eyes grew when she received the envelope. She wondered what it said. "C'mon, Pikachu," Ash told his friend to accompany him to Nurse Joy's counter. The Electric-type hopped on Ash's shoulder and left May to her devices.
With Ash and Pikachu gone, May opened the envelope. She pulled out a note. To May, May read the heading. The coordinator sighed. She started reading it in her mind:
There's no easy way to say this, but by the time you read this, I know I will already be gone. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you longer. The night of the festival, when we spoke about Ash, I knew I wanted to be your friend forever. I wasn't lying when I agreed to that, but I hope you'll understand that I need some time away right now. It only took a matter of days for our friendship to become one of the most important things to ever happen to me, and I know we'll meet again. Until then, May, I wish you nothing but the best on your journey. Remember that I'll be in your corner till the end.
With love,
Serena
May put the letter down. The coordinator hid her eyes under her bangs. Serena, May thought. Tears flowed down her cheeks, her arms pressed to her sides. The brunette wailed in a low voice. Ash's heart wasn't the only one touched by Serena's friendship. May wished her friend back, but she knew it was too late. She lamented everything that went unfulfilled, from trying new foods to shopping for contest outfits together. May's time with Serena was up, and the brunette didn't know when she'd see her again, either.
Serena's last sentence reminded May of what the performer said the night before her battle with Wallace. I'll be there to support you all the way, no matter what happens. She overlooked it then, but now May believed she was also referring to Ash when she said it. In the end, May sighed. She understood why Serena had to leave. May didn't blame her. Besides Serena and maybe even Misty once, May knew better than anyone that loving Ash was hard.