I
"There's a huge universe out there, Mario."
Noise.
Horns and flame.
Mushroom caps screaming.
Towers and turrets reduced to rubble.
Oh.
No.
It's.
-A-.
Me.
Mario awoke in a cold sweat. The dream came like flashes of light. It had started once they had broken the atmosphere. This was the seventh night in a row that he saw the same images of fire and death. The Odyssey rotated lazily along its axis, floating through a tranquil star field. Something about space didn't agree with him.
WOMP! WOMP!
The Odyssey lit up like a Christmas tree. Red lights swirling and horns blaring indicated that they were about to reach their destination. Finally, thought Mario. Time to get this thing over and done with.
"Alright everyone, shake your butts," cried Captain Toad. His mushroom cap wiggled as he descended the iron ladder from his bunk. "Luigi, what's our ETA?"
"Fifteen minutes, Captain. Atmospherics are denser than usual. Aluminum deposits. We'll be coming in hot," said Luigi, typing furiously on the Odyssey's nav computer.
"Wouldn't have it any other way," said Toad, lighting a cigar and taking a few puffs. "Mario? Dammit. Where is that brother of yours?"
"Don't know, Captain," said Luigi.
Mario shuffled into the command room. The rest of the crew was already at their stations. Toad in the captain's chair. Luigi on navigation. Daisy on the thrusters.
"Oh, Mario, so glad you could join us," said Toad, nearly biting through his cigar. "When I told you to shake your butt when the alarms went off, obviously that was a suggestion. I wouldn't want to impose on my lead engineer's shuteye. So, please take your goddamn time while the rest of us try to prepare for landing!"
"Here we go," said Mario through a yawn.
He sat at his station and pulled up the engine readouts. Prime engine was heating up fast. It was about to hit critical - meaning Kaboom! - probably due to the aluminum that Luigi had mentioned. Mario went to work, his white-gloved fingers typing furiously. Why did the system password have to be a randomly generated Sudoku puzzle? Mario hated math and numbers. He liked matching games, golf and tennis, running and jumping. But as far as he was concerned, math could go screw itself. The temperature was climbing. It had passed yellow and was now at orange. If it hit red, this mission would be over before it started. Finally, he solved the last line of the puzzle and was in the mainframe. He went to switch on the coolants but it was too late.
Bang!
Outside, the Odyssey's main engine blew, knocking the ship off course. It began to plummet and fast! Flames lapped at the red paint of the canopy. Inside, the astronauts were being cooked alive. Toad's mushroom head shriveled.
"Daisy, we need a crash landing," yelled Toad over the scream of the engine. Another blast from the engine as part of the structure dislodged from the main ship sent a shrapnel fire scraping past the glass windows. The scrape was deep enough to penetrate the glass and a hissing sound indicated that the main compartment had been breached.
"Captain, we're losing pressure," said Mario.
"Goddammit Daisy, I said land this thing!"
"I'm trying, Captain, but we're over the mountains," said Daisy.
"There's a marshland just over the peak," said Luigi.
"Pressure's reaching critical," said Mario.
"We don't have the air or the altitude," said Luigi, beginning to panic. "We either crash or we pass out and crash!"
"Shut yer damn cake-hole, Luigi," barked Toad. "Daisy, I order you to land in that marsh."
"Yessir, Captain!" said Daisy. She pulled back on the yoke with all her might but the engine shifted and the yoke snapped forward pulling her with it into the steering column. She licked the blood from her busted lip and spit it on the deck.
"That's it!" screamed Toad. "Again."
The mountain peak was dangerously close now. It was close enough that they could make out goombas sleeping in the snow. Daisy pulled and roared with the last of her strength. Toad roared as well as the mountain loomed near. In fact, they all roared except for Luigi whose scream was so high-pitched it threatened to break the already compromised glass. The yoke tried its best to shake itself free from Daisy's death grip but she held strong.
"Here it comes!" screamed Toad.
Finally, the Odyssey just managed to crest the mountain peak. Or so they thought! The rear antenna hit the tippiest top of the peak causing the ship to lurch forward. Blue skies were replaced with crags of death in the front-facing bay window. The ship ping ponged off the jutting structures, carving angry scars into the metal. Daisy tried to thread the needle through the perilous slope but the rudders had snagged!
"Land this thing!" cried Toad.
"It won't budge," screamed Daisy, as she threw her weight upon the wheel.
The Odyssey was now in free fall, bouncing from rock to rock.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," said Luigi, putting a hand over his mouth.
"You better swallow it, Luigi," growled Toad. "Do not make a mess of my ship."
Daisy continued to ram the steering column, hoping to get it free. With one last mighty thrust, she managed to dislodge the yoke - she howled - and her shoulder.
"Daisy!" screamed Luigi.
Daisy bit her lip causing it to bleed even more. The right arm hung limp and with the left arm welded to the yoke, she cleared the last of the rocks. Finally, with a bump and a thud the Odyssey tumbled down into the wet marshland.
Toad spit out the stub of his cigar. He looked around at the ruins of his vessel. "Well," he said. "This is a fine mess-a-shit."