The entire district seems to have gathered in the town square. There are peacekeepers on either side of the platforms and we step out, met with a roar of applause. Aunt Madge's father steps up to the podium, announcing us as the victors and what an honor it is to have us back home. We wave and take pictures with him until we're able to greet our families who should be waiting right by the stairs. I don't even think, letting go of Sawyer's hand when my little sister launches herself at me.
"You did it!" She cries, her thin arms squeezing my waist as hard as she can. I run my fingers through her hair, pressing my cheek on top of her head. It feels like she's grown since I last saw her.
"I did promise I would try," I say. And then I'm being squeezed from both sides, and I'm being pulled into my mother's arms, Dad wrapping his arms around all of us.
"I knew you'd come home, little songbird," dad says and I try not to burst into tears when hearing my nickname again.
"You are never leaving my sight ever again," Mom says, laughing through happy tears.
I glance back to see if I can spot Sawyer, who is awkwardly standing alone a few feet away. I search around for his family but it doesn't look like they're here. I look back at my own family, who seems to notice, and of course, Dani, being the person that she is, attacks Sawyer next.
"Dani, careful! His leg," I remind her, but Sawyer doesn't seem to mind.
"I was so scared when you got blood poisoning," she tells him. "I'm so happy Willow got you that medicine."
"Me too," he says, chuckling at my sister's enthusiasm. Mom then squeezes his shoulder and Dad gives him a hug, whispering something in his ear. They then leave us for a moment to go greet Haymitch.
"Where are your parents? And your siblings?" I ask. They should be here. Sure, the homecoming wasn't mandatory but it's weird that they're not here at all.
"They we're probably too busy, " he says, but I know he's hurt. "I think Dad probably took another shift at the mines. But your parents are nice. Your sister too. I think she likes me," he bumps my shoulder and it's the first glimpse of the playful Sawyer I've gotten in a while.
"She likes everyone. So don't go getting a big head." We're both quiet, watching Haymitch attempt a smile, which seems out of place on his face, as Dani tries to put a flower in his hair, talking his ear off. I have a little more courage now that I'm not looking right at him. "I just need some time, Sawyer. To think. I…I haven't…you've noticed me longer. I just need to catch up." I hope that's enough. I don't know if there's something between us. Maybe there is, but it's all so new that I just simply don't know what to call it.
Sawyer doesn't look at me but he reaches out to grab my hand, interlocking our fingers. We've both been through too much to lose each other now. "I'll take you in any way I can get you Willow, even if it's just as a friend." I know he's said that solely for my benefit. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I didn't know if we could be Willow and Sawyer as star-crossed lovers, but I was pretty sure we could just be Willow and Sawyer.
I squeeze his hand in thanks just as my family rejoins us.
"Ready to go home?" Dad asks. I glance between my parents, not sure what that means for us anymore.
"At the Victor Village?" I frown. "You're moving in with me, right?" I had assumed they would.
"I was thinking we'll stay at the bakery tonight, and we can move in tomorrow. We still have some things to sort out since we won't be living above it anymore," Mom says. "We might have to stay there some days if we have big orders but we'll make it work," she squeezes my arm in reassurance. Then she turns to the boy next to me. "Sawyer, would you like to join us for dinner?"
His eyes light up but then he pinches his brows. "I should go see my parents."
"Well, it's still early," Dad points out. The sun was still high in the sky. It was early afternoon. "Why doesn't Willow go with you to see your parents and then if they're willing to spare you, you can join us at the bakery."
"Can you make cinnamon rolls?" I ask, knowing they're Sawyer's favorite.
"How about I leave out the ingredients and you can make them. Don't tell me just because you're a victor now you've lost your baker's touch," he smiles and I nod eagerly.
"Sawyer will help me," I suggest. "Ready to go?"
"You don't have to-"
"She's going. I'm sure Nana and Papa will want to see you too," Mom interrupts him. And she can be more stubborn than I can so there's no arguing with her.
"We'll see you at home," Dad says, squeezing me again. "We missed you. And I'm so proud of you." I can feel the tears start to well up but I hold them back. Sawyer notices though but I shake my head since there's still people around. Some come up to congratulate us, tell us how they were always rooting for us, and wish us well. Haymitch has snuck off at some point and the crowd has started to disperse, going back to their homes and their own lives, so we start the trek to the seam.
"How's the leg?" I ask. Sawyer is still using his cane but he seems fairly steady on it with only a slight limp.
"It's different. But it's getting easier," he says. "Why were you so upset earlier?"
I knew he would ask about it. Because he genuinely cares. And though I would have a hard time admitting this to anything else, it doesn't feel like I have to hide anything from Sawyer. I don't think he'd judge me.
"I was so afraid that after the games, everything would be different. I mean, the things we had to do in there…" I was mainly talking about the killing, but I'm sure he's thinking about our moments as star-crossed lovers too. "I thought it would make them see me differently. But I don't think it did. Or at least, not in a bad way, necessarily."
"They love you a lot," Sawyer says. "I don't think they care how you did it. Just that you came home."
"I know that. But I don't really know who I am anymore and I don't want to feel like I can't be myself ever again," I tell him. "Because I know what I'm capable of now."
"But Willow, we were put in a situation that no kid should ever be put in. Who knows what kinds of things that brings out in others. Maybe Herc wasn't like that before the games either. We did what we had to," Sawyer says.
We arrive at my grandparents house so we part ways here.
"I'll come find you," he says, turning to go to his own house.
I knock on the door and it swings open. Immediately I'm pulled into a tight hug.
"Willow! My baby," Nana checks me over as if she expected me to still be injured.
"There's our little songbird!" Papa gets up from his seat and comes over to greet me. "If anyone could do it, it's you. Never doubted it for a second. And nice going with those berries," he winks. I'm not afraid of being watched here so I smile.
"I just wanted to see you. I'm waiting for Sawyer," I tell them.
"I always liked him," Nana says. "He's such a sweet boy. I can see why you're so taken with him."
I shift on my feet, remembering that all of Panem thinks we're in love, including my own family. But I can't tell them the truth.
"Is his leg bothering him?" Papa asks. "A buddy of mine got his leg blown off and it irritates him at night if he doesn't remove the wood stump."
"I'm not sure," I admit. "He hasn't complained about it."
Nana rummages through her cupboards and hands me a small jar. "I'm sure the fancy Capitol medicine will work wonders, but just in case, he can use this if his leg is bothering him. It should help."
"Thanks," I tell her just as there's another knock at the door. "That must be Sawyer."
Except when I open the door, the boy on the other side is clearly on the verge of a breakdown. Tears fill his eyes and he's struggling to put on a smile.
"Oh, hello, Sawyer," Nana says softly, in the voice she uses with her patients.
"Hello Mrs. Everdeen," his voice shakes, but he still manages to stay polite.
"Thanks for taking care of our little songbird," Papa says. "You're a strong boy, Sawyer."
Sawyer quietly thanks him but looks back to me and I know I should get us out of here.
"Mom and Dad are expecting us home for dinner," I tell them, but I'm sure they know we want to get away. "I'll come visit again soon. Or you should come over. We have plenty of room now."
"I'm sure you do," Papa kisses the top of my head. "We'll drop by soon."
I nod, pushing Sawyer onto the porch and closing the door, right as his tears start to spill over. I'm not really sure what to do, but if the roles were reserved, he would be comforting me, so that's what I try to do. I pull us down on the porch step and pull him to me, letting him cry on my shoulder. For a second, I worry about the cameras and the audience watching, how we can't show our vulnerability, but we're not in the arena anymore. It's okay to cry.
"Was it your parents?" He nods but doesn't say anything. I wait until his sobs turn to sniffles as he clings to me like a child. Because that's what he is. That's what we both are. It was hard to remember that sometimes. Eventually he lifts his head, looking at me with blood-shot eyes.
"My dad," he says, looking down at his hands ashamed.
"What did he do?"
"He said…he said he's never heard me talk about you outside from that one time in the woods, so everything I said and did must have been fake. He's ashamed that I sold myself out going as low to fake a relationship with a merchant girl just to get some sympathy points. That it would have been more noble to die in the arena. That I don't deserve any of it because I didn't really work for it. You did all the work."
"But that's not true!" I'm furious and I have half a mind to go over there myself. "If I didn't have you in that arena, if I was alone in there, I wouldn't have been strong enough to fight Herc. I wouldn't have been alive to have the chance. You fought him off by yourself to help me escape. Your dad is full of crap!" I throw my hands up, my body shaking with anger. "And what about your mom?"
"She um… she didn't really say anything while Dad went off on his tirade. I think she felt bad though. After he stormed off, she gave me a hug, told me she was glad I was home but it might be better if I stayed away for a while."
I look back at his house. It's so close, maybe they can hear our conversation. But I want nothing more than to go over and set them straight.
"Don't," Sawyer grabs my hand.
"What?"
"I can see it in your eyes. You want to go over there," Sawyer says.
"How did you know?" I'm surprised he can read me so well.
"After spending a few weeks on the brink of death with someone, you get to know them well."
"Oh come on. We're big scary victors now, you know," I say. I can't help it. It's so easy to talk to him.
"Now who's got a big head? Besides, I'm pretty sure my dad is already scared of you," Sawyer chuckles, and I'm glad to see he's cheered up a bit.
"Well then, I suppose I'll leave him alone for now. We, on the other hand, have some baking to do," I help him stand up and hand him his cane.
It takes longer than I expected to get the cinnamon rolls in the oven. Dani wanted to help, and there was no way I was going to deny her anything after weeks of not seeing her, and halfway through, Dad steals Sawyer to help him frost some cookies. Apparently, he thought his camouflage skills would translate well, and they did. He's almost as good as Dad, definitely better than me. Mom comes home with a few rabbits for dinner, and I'm grateful she had the time still to venture out to the woods. She doesn't go as often to hunt anymore, mainly to have a peaceful place to get away from town, but I don't know if I'll be able to hunt so soon after the Games.
Dinner finally feels normal, and for the first time in a long time, I'm transported to before the games, except Sawyer is here now, but he doesn't feel out of place. He and Dani are cut from the same cloth, along with dad and the three of them carry on the conversation, Mom and I happy to just listen. Sawyer doesn't seem upset anymore so that's good. Even if I'm still not sure what to make of us, I'm glad he's not alone.
"Thank you for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark," Sawyer says, after he's finished his cinnamon roll. Dad wraps up the rest for him to take with him. "I should get going before it gets too dark."
"Are you going all the way back to the seam?" Mom asks. It was a little bit of a walk.
Sawyer shakes his head. "I'm staying in the Victor's Village."
"What about…" Dad starts to ask. But I plead with him not to, knowing he's going to ask about his parents. "Are you going to be okay walking alone?"
"I'll be fine, Mr. Mellark," Sawyer says. "I should practice more on the leg anyway."
"Oh!" I remember the jar Nana gave me. "Here. My grandma was worried your leg might be bothering you since you're still getting used to it."
Sawyer stares at the jar for a few seconds. "Thank you," he gives me a completely genuine smile. "I'll see you all soon," he says.