Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer
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Where the Lines Overlap
Season 1 - Stuck on You
Pour your heart out to me
What is it that he doesn't understand? I questioned myself internally. Doesn't he already know about how I feel for him?
I felt myself frowning and started explaining impulsively.
"I know you're worried about hurting me 'cause you're too protective of me, but I also know you wanna be with her, so be with her. I don't want you to hold yourself back just because of me."
Edward released a heavy breath while softly shaking his head.
"Can you repeat that?" His voice was low and it broke a little.
I averted my gaze, exhaling forcefully and trying to remain centered. Then I got closer before covering his hand with mine, hoping he couldn't feel how it was trembling.
"Edward, you don't have to go anywhere or even give up on Rose. I can do this." I assured as confidently as I could. "I won't let what I feel for you hinder our friendship or your relationship with my sister."
"What do you feel for me?" He blurted out.
Seriously? Is he really asking me this? Isn't it clear enough? The questions popped up in my mind while my body got a bit rigid.
I swallowed the instant lump in my throat
"So you really need to hear all the words." I thought out loud.
I saw Edward nodding once, and my heart almost stopped. I clenched my jaw involuntarily.
"I love you, Edward." It was my turn to blurt out broken words. "I'm in love with you." I shrugged, trying hard to hold back the tears and the fear that was about to overwhelm me.
His reaction happened so quickly that I nearly missed it.
Edward gasped while his hand came around my neck and he pulled me to him.
I also gasped in sheer surprise, but I didn't have time to react beyond that… our lips were pressed against each other, and I just sighed and closed my eyes instinctively.
My mind went promptly blank.
Edward was kissing me…
…And I kissed him back.
His lips were so soft…
My skin was tingling everywhere.
Our lips moved in sync, his trapping my lower lip and sucking gently… I sighed again.
I'd kissed a lot, so many girls I couldn't even count, but kissing Edward… it was like nothing I had ever experienced before.
I trapped his upper lip between my teeth softly, making him hum low. His hand was demanding on my neck, leading my moves, aligning me as he wanted.
I was putty in his hands…
He couldn't have the slightest idea of how vulnerable I was at that moment… how I was giving myself completely to him despite how baffled I was…
Is it possible to love someone so completely that you feel truly whole, even though you've never realized you were incomplete?
My comprehension of what I felt toward Edward was so new, and yet, at that very moment I felt like I had loved him my whole life…
And maybe I had… maybe it was supposed to be us all along.
Edward entangled his fingers in my hair, pulling the locks a little, making me shiver. I raised my hands to his neck and held him firmly.
We kept this pace, lips molding and nipping and lightly sucking, until my body started to burn. Without consciously thinking about it, I moved my hands again to his shoulders. I tried to bring him closer to my body but our positions weren't convenient enough.
I felt his smile on my lips and broke the kiss slowly.
Our eyes met and my heart was suddenly filled with warmth and my stomach with butterflies.
"You feel the same for me…?" I asked in a barely-there, slightly skeptical whisper, still trying to assimilate what was taking place.
Edward held my face softly.
"Yes, Jazz." His voice was firm. He smiled while sighing before completing. "I feel the same for you. I love you."
An involuntary chuckle bubbled out of me and I shook my head.
"Is that so hard to believe?" Edward asked, seeming a bit expectant.
I just nodded.
"I thought you didn't love me this way." He said with a small smile plastered on his beautiful lips. "But… you do."
"I do, I love you..." I breathed out. "...for some time now… and so fucking… much it…" I cut myself off and heaved a breath.
"...Hurts." He softly completed my unfinished sentence. "I understand."
I shook my head again, asking myself why I was just looking at him when what I wanted to do was kiss him once more.
So I just did it… I pulled him to me and kissed him.
Edward was kissing me back but our exchange was still too sweet and soft… I wanted more. I wanted to feel his mouth on mine completely. So I tilted my head to the side and darted just the tip of my tongue.
His lips parted a little further.
I never thought it would get any better than that. It was already perfect. But as our mouths fit and our tongues touched… I knew what heaven was like.
The kiss got deeper, but the pace was still slow. Our tongues entwined leisurely, like a caress… our lips moving in such perfect simultaneity… they had been made for each other.
I would kiss him for the rest of my life if he let me.
We kissed for a long moment, softening it now and then so we could breathe a little better… but our lips were never far apart.
Eventually, I loosened the hold on his neck and rested my hands on his shoulders, allowing him to lead the kiss.
I'd never felt happier and more complete. By the time I had realized I loved him, I knew we were part of each other, but it wasn't until that very moment, having him hold me as if I belonged to him, that I could finally understand what he meant when he said we were twin souls…
The feeling grew suddenly stronger… it inflated my chest as if preparing to burst out of me.
I broke the kiss carefully.
"I'm so in love with you…" I murmured on his lips, attending to the urge to confess.
Edward pulled a bit away with his eyes still closed. He moved his hand back to my face and put his forehead on mine.
"You have no idea how many times I fantasized about this…" He whispered, and I smiled broadly. "You, kissing me, loving me… saying these words to me…" He backed away and finally opened his perfect grayish eyes.
His stare was so serious that I tensed a little.
"I'm in love with you, too, Jasper. I've been in love with you for a long time…"
I took a deep breath.
My eyes started to sting so intensely, that I had to close them for a brief while so that I wouldn't embarrass myself with the tears that were threatening to fall. My heart ached with the possibility of losing something so precious… I had just gotten him when I had thought I never could.
"Please, E…" I looked at him with pleading eyes. "Tell me this is real. Tell me we can be like this, together." I sighed heavily before continuing. "Tell me you'll stay here with me."
He smiled sweetly, bringing my face to his again until our nose tips were touching.
"Do you have any idea how you break me when you're like this…? How you disarm me whenever you're this vulnerable?" He pecked my lips. "I don't get to be stern when you are pleading or to stand my ground when you're this close." His voice broke a little. "I was trying so hard not to give up on my decision, I was forcing myself not to back down, but… then you were here…" He shook his head lightly. "You have no idea of the power you have over me…" I sighed together with him 'cause these words were charged with intensity. "I have so much to tell you… so many things you need to know… but later, not now. Now I just want to be with you, so yes… I'll stay here with you, and I'll go with you to... wherever." We chuckled at the same time. "This is all I want. This is all I ever wanted."
"So you're not going to Oxford?" I asked dumbly, pretty sure I had a goofy smile on my lips.
Edward laughed a little and joined our foreheads once more.
"I'm not going to Oxford." He confirmed in a whisper. "You're stuck with me now."
I pulled him to me one more time, not very subtly. We laughed a little as our mouths clashed and we kissed again. And again. And again with no interruption for a long while.
"Do you wanna get outta here?" I asked him when we took a quick breathing break.
"The lake?" He replied in a soft tone.
I just nodded and then we were rushing to my car and away from the Cullen's house.
.
.
.
We were closer to the lake, standing ten feet away from the shore, looking at the sparkling water under the golden sun. We'd been like that for a while, just assimilating what had happened, I guessed.
I had the boy I loved holding me, my back on his chest, my head resting on his right shoulder, both his arms surrounding me and my hands over his forearms. My heart was calm, as was my breathing. I could feel Edward's as well, since our bodies were flush with each other. We were in a soft synchronicity from the intensity we were touching to the peaceful silence between us.
It seemed like a moment of understanding, a moment to internalize all the strong emotions we'd experienced. After so many kisses and some whispered declarations of love, it seemed more than suitable to stop and contemplate.
We were finally aware of each other's feelings. We were more connected than ever before.
"You've always been so special to me…" I confessed in a whisper, trying not to disturb the quietness too much. "I don't understand why it took me so long to realize my feelings."
"Emotions are complicated." He said calmly. "And there was so much going on between us already." He sighed. "I know how confusing it can be at first."
"How long…?" I started to ask but never finished.
"I've loved you?" He completed it softly just half a minute later and I smiled, incapable of containing the joy that the fact was provoking in me.
I nodded without turning.
"A while." Edward answered even more subtly.
I straightened up and turned, already laughing a little.
"How long exactly?" I insisted with a smile, amused by his shyness.
Edward heaved a pretty heavy sigh and tried to smile, but his lips trembled and he got serious.
"That I'm truly aware of, two years, give it or take."
I gasped quietly.
"But I think these feelings have always been there…" He continued after another sigh. "I was just too young and inexperienced to understand them."
"I've never noticed anything." I affirmed in surprise.
"You've always been very inattentive." He kinda mocked me. "And I've always been really careful, nevertheless. I was afraid that, if you found out, you would push me away."
"You know I would never do that, even if I didn't feel the way I feel. I would never push you away. You've always been too important to me." I hurried through the words.
"I know, Jazz, but in the beginning I was a mess. I didn't know how to deal with it. My mind was in chaos, I couldn't really discern much." He shrugged.
I nodded, comprehending what he meant.
"So how could you disguise it so well?" My question was charged with amazement.
"It was crazy hard… But I managed." He exhaled forcefully. "I had to monitor myself all the time, always paying attention to the way I would talk to you and behave around you. Was I staring too much? Or, was touching you too much while we were messing around…?" He took a deep breath and, once more, exhaled forcefully. "I was always trying to keep myself under control. It was damn difficult." He smiled ruefully, this old sadness tainting his gaze. "I used to think it would eventually get easier but, my feelings for you kept growing, and even the small things, like having you shirtless around me or, listening to you bragging about the girls you had hooked up with, or seeing you interacting with Bella… it all became almost unbearable on several occasions…" He released a puff of air, looked at my hand, and took it in his free one. "I slipped a bunch of times, but it was never something too obvious or too revealing. There were minor things, things you would consider natural… but I was always tense… I was always wondering when you would figure it out and confront me."
I sighed softly, trying not to interrupt him, trying to make him feel free to open up and put it all out.
He freed my hand and ran his through his hair while heaving another deep sigh.
"That's what I thought had happened, by the way. I thought you had figured out my feelings." He huffed a short laugh and looked at me. "I had been so transparent… on your birthday and at the festival… I couldn't disguise how I felt and I thought you had noticed everything." He looked questioningly at me and I shook my head no. "And when you told me you were uncomfortable with it, I…"
"Wait, you thought I was saying I was uncomfortable with you loving me?!" I blurted the question out as the fact dawned on me.
Edward frowned.
"What else would I think?"
"I was talking about you and Rose." I explained rushedly. "I had seen you two kissing and I thought…"
Edward's eyes suddenly became huge.
"We didn't kiss, she kissed me." He hurried through the words. "And I pushed her just as it happened."
I gasped and frowned and took a deep breath while internalizing what he was saying.
"But you took her on a date and then you said you liked her…" I spoke cautiously.
Edward smiled with a skeptical look on his face, shook his head, closed his eyes for an instant, and then looked at me kindly.
"Jazz, I took her to the mall so she could buy you the birthday gift she didn't have the chance to on time. She had asked me to help her choose." He elucidated in a steady voice. "When we were back at my house she kinda confessed her feelings for me, and then I confessed mine to her. The feelings I have for you."
Right there I remembered him saying "your brother" to Rose a little before they kissed, and it started to make sense.
"I told her I couldn't return her feelings because I had feelings for you." Edward continued, unaware of my realization. "I told her I liked her in answer to her question but what you obviously didn't hear was me telling her I liked her like a sister after I pushed her."
We were both silent for a minute before I grasped everything that was coming to light.
"So there has never been anything between you two?" I just wanted to be totally sure.
Edward chuckled softly and shook his head.
"What about the girl you were talking about with Bella?"
"When?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows.
"The day after my birthday, at the pool."
Edward chuckled.
"I wasn't talking about a girl, I was talking about a very inattentive boy I've been in love with." He explained with a wide smile and amused voice.
"You were talking about me?!" I exclaimed a bit skeptical, trying to remember everything I heard that day.
"And who else would I've been talking about, dummy?"
"I thought you were talking about my sister." I shrugged.
Edward huffed a brief laugh.
"You're really distracted… didn't you hear how the conversation started?"
"Not really."
"Bella commented that all Rose had talked about those days was me and then asked if she had a chance. I said…"
"She's not really my type. She's too eager for my taste." I repeated the words I heard, finally putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.
"It has always been you, Jazz. No one else."
I felt myself smiling broadly while seeing him shorten the distance between our faces. He leaned in and left a lingering kiss on my lips.
When Edward pulled away slowly I looked down, feeling my cheeks burning up. I heard his chortle but didn't look at him.
"So cute…" He kinda breathed the words.
I turned my back to him and resumed my former position. It clearly was just a maneuver to lessen my embarrassment, but Edward didn't comment on it.
"Can I ask you something?" I heard the caution in his tone.
"Anything."
"What about you and Bella?"
That question was so unexpected that I took almost a minute to assimilate it. I remembered Emmett telling me about how it looked like we were together somehow, so I knew what Edward was thinking.
"There's nothing beyond friendship between us." I said steadily before turning again to him.
"You two have grown closer in the past few months…" His voice, as his countenance, was calm. "And I saw you two about to kiss on more than one occasion…"
"Bella and I about to kiss?! When did this happen?"
"That same day we just talked about…?" He squinted, and I shook my head. "I went looking for you 'cause my dad wanted to talk to you about your pre-med application."
"Oh!" It all came back to me.
Bella and I, on the swing, Edward coming out of nowhere, his weird behavior later...
"We were not about to kiss, I was just blowing a speck out of her eye." I explained simply. "Is that why you were all weird? You were looking at me like I had offended you."
"You caught that, huh?" He mumbled, seeming a little shy. "Yeah. I was jealous. Obviously. Like I was at the festival."
"Nothing happened." I assured him.
He looked down and pursed his lips.
"What…? I'm not lying to you."
"I know, it's just… besides the pecks you two share every single time you meet, at the festival I saw you two getting away and you weren't coming back so I went after you… and I saw you two hugging and you had your forehead on hers, so…" He shrugged again. "About to kiss…"
I took his face between my hands and made him look at me.
"She dragged me away because, according to her, I was…" I hesitated a little, but then I decided it was no use keeping that from him. "I was eyefucking you." I felt the heat creeping up my neck and cheeks.
Edward laughed.
"Really?" He seemed amused. "Were you?"
I smiled coyly and shrugged.
"I guess I was."
He smiled his crooked smile and trapped his lower lip between his teeth for a brief moment. I sighed.
"Anyway…" I resumed and became serious. "She was actually comforting me. I was a wreck, trying to gather my thoughts around what I was supposed to do… If it hadn't been for her I'm pretty sure I would've gone mad that day." I sighed. "I got a little disoriented, actually… after our conversation in the car…"
We had a brief moment of silence, looking at each other with expectation. Edward sighed softly before I resumed what I was saying.
"I couldn't sleep that night."
"Me neither. I thought you had noticed something. The next morning, when I called you and you said that we needed to talk…" He ran his hand through his hair again. "God! My stomach was in knots and I was sure you were about to question me about my behavior… I knew you were confronting me later that day… I was a little nervous with the perspective but, I was willing to open up, to tell you everything, to confess. I was tired of the secrecy. I wanted you to know. But then…"
"I saw you and Rose kissing." I completed with a scoff. "And then I was insanely jealous and said things without thinking."
"And I understood it all wrong." He added with a roll of his eyes.
We looked at each other and chuckled. I took his hand in mine.
"I was going to tell you about my feelings that day…"
"You were…?" His voice was low as usual but he was a little surprised.
"Yes."
He smiled kindly and we shared a look full of longing. But in a split second, his face fell as if something had hurt him.
I knew what that was about.
"Just one last thing…" It sounded like a question, and I kinda braced myself for the one that was coming. "You… slept with Alice…" He sighed. "You had already realized your feelings for me, so… why…?"
"I wasn't thinking… I was drunk and hurting…" I tried to explain.
"It hurt." He cut me off. "A lot."
"I'm sorry." I muttered.
Edward's gaze softened.
"None of that matters." He whispered, getting closer. We sighed together at the same time, as our foreheads touched. "Let's just forget it all." He held my chin and pulled me to him until our lips almost touched. "We're together, and this is the only thing I want to focus on right now."
And then he kissed me, softly, slowly… lovingly. Somehow my hands found their way to his hair and my body got closer to his… I unfolded my legs and kneeled in front of his crossed ones, pulling his face to mine like I couldn't have enough. And I really couldn't…
As my tongue was granted into his mouth he uncrossed his legs, opening them up and stretching them on both my sides. I got even closer. My knees touched the insides of his thighs and I sat on my heels as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
The kiss got deeper… he moaned softly in my mouth. A strong shiver ran down my spine.
And as his lips trapped my tongue between them and Edward started to suck on it a little more intensely than he had done in the kisses we'd shared before, I understood that all this, being in love with a boy, this boy being my best friend, my feelings for him being insanely strong, it was all just the tip of the iceberg… If I thought that I had gone through a lot, it was just because I hadn't stopped to think fully about all the implications of wanting Edward...
I was fucking aroused… really aroused. My whole body was suddenly aching and I had a "restraining" problem in my jeans, more specifically in my groin area… I was hard.
That was fucking new… and pretty scary.
Of course I was aware that at some point this would happen. I wasn't that naive to the point of thinking that things between us wouldn't get sexual. What had never crossed my mind was that I would be that excited with just a kiss and so fucking quick… I was baffled, to say the least. I wasn't sure how to behave. And I was also rather embarrassed.
So, unwillingly, I lightened up the kiss, afraid of how Edward would react if he noticed my predicament. Thanks to the high forces of the universe, he didn't try to stop me when I broke the kiss subtly. I sighed when I joined our foreheads and realized that he hadn't noticed anything.
We took some time to regulate our breaths. We shared this moment in silence, with eyes locked.
"I love you." I murmured.
He smiled sweetly.
"I love you more…"
I smiled back at him, a little surprised.
I took his hand in mine and interlocked our fingers.
"How was it, realizing you felt this way for me…?" The question simply slipped.
Edward frowned and released a puff of air, then he nibbled his lower lip.
Before he could say anything I anticipated.
"It was difficult." I assumed and he nodded.
"And painful." He mumbled while averting his eyes from mine.
"How did it happen?" I asked as softly as I could.
His eyes went to our hands, laced together between us, and he shook his head slightly.
"It's a… very painful memory that I try not to think about." He frowned further and his voice was strained. "Long story short, I saw you with Alice this one day…" He really crumpled his face in a mask of pain and I felt bad. "And it dawned on me." He shrugged, his expression still pretty tense. "Violently."
"It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it." I hurried to spare him. I really wanted to know but I didn't want to cause him any pain. And it was clear that just the memory of that story was hurting him deeply. "I don't really need to know."
"Thanks." He sighed heavily, clearly relieved, then looked at me.
His gaze was so odd… There was this glint of a past melancholy… It kinda wounded me.
That must have been truly terrible for him. I had never seen that look in his eyes before, and it was not like Edward to avoid talking about anything, even difficult subjects, especially with me. But if he felt relieved in not discussing the matter it meant that, indeed, it must have brought him a lot of pain.
"Did you confide in anybody?" I asked worriedly.
I would like to think he had some support. I didn't know what I would have done if I hadn't had Bella.
"Yeah. Only in one person though. At least until recently."
"Emmett?" I tried to elicit.
Edward shook his head and raised his eyes to mine.
"I didn't need to tell Emmett. He read it through me and confronted me… I just couldn't lie to him." He smiled tentatively. "But it was a couple of months ago. My father was the one I confided in since the beginning."
That piece of information surprised the hell out of me. Carlisle was the first person to know that Edward loved me. His father knew.
I kinda envied him… I knew mine would never accept my feelings for another boy.
I swallowed my subtle jealousy and tried to be nonchalant. After all, Edward and his dad had always been really close, if I had stopped to think about it, it wouldn't be that much of a shock he had gone to him first. It made total sense.
"What about your mother?"
He sighed softly and shook his head.
"My father thinks she suspects, and he tried to convince me to open up to her but… I'm not really sure how she'll react."
"I think she'll be fine with it." I tried to assure him.
"Maybe… I just didn't dare to tell her. But now it's different anyway." He shrugged.
"You'll do it now." I assumed in a careful tone.
"I have to." He replied simply. "We're together now."
I smiled at that and tried not to think that soon I would have to do the same myself.
"Emm knows about me." I took the opportunity to tell him. "He found me yesterday. He was worried about you and wanted me to interfere… and then when we were talking he kinda figured out what I was hiding." I shrugged.
"He's that perceptive." He smiled.
"He was the second person to know."
"Bella was the first." Edward deduced easily.
I nodded.
"It seems she knew long before I did." I laughed a little and he did too.
"It seems we were the only oblivious ones…" He commented with a provocative grin.
I nodded, smiling too.
"C'mere." Edward asked in a barely-there tone after getting suddenly serious.
I brought my face closer enough that our nose tips were touching.
"You wanna kiss me again?" I teased in a whisper, feeling his hand wrapping around my nape.
He just nodded before shortening the remaining distance between our lips.
.
.
.
The sky was white and gray as usual, but we could see the lights of the sunset behind the heavy clouds. We had spent the whole day effectively changing things between us.
I stopped the car in front of his house, killed the engine, and sighed, slightly frustrated for having to leave Edward. Then I turned on my seat to face him, and he did the same. We leaned our heads on the headrest and looked at each other for a while.
"What do we do now?" I broke the silence with a murmur.
"We go on from here." He answered simply. "I know you're not ready to face your parents, and I'm not asking you to, at least not for now." He brought his hand to rest on my left cheek and caressed it slowly. "You make the decisions and I'll go with them. I want you to do only what you feel comfortable with."
"What about what you feel comfortable with?" I asked softly.
"I just wanna be with you." His reassurance warmed my heart. "I don't care about in which terms it happens, as long as we're together."
How could he be so perfect, so generous, so caring? My heart felt so big inside my chest I was a little breathless.
I held his neck softly, bringing him closer.
"What if I don't want anybody to know for now… will it bother you?" My question, as my voice, sounded clearly hesitant.
"You mean we'll sneak around? Like, seeing each other furtively and stealing kisses while nobody is watching?" His mocking tone was back in full force.
I laughed slightly.
"Maybe…" I shrugged.
Edward closed the few inches between our faces and bit my lower lip lingeringly.
"I don't mind. As long as I get to kiss you, I don't care how, when, or where."
I heaved a soft laugh and intensified my hold on his neck, shutting us up with a smoldering kiss.
Once we got completely breathless we broke the kiss with soft pecks until our foreheads leaned on each other and we sighed.
"I have to go…" He said in what seemed to me like a whining.
"I know." I replied with a heavy breath while pushing myself slightly away from him.
We looked at each other some more, clearly unwilling to get apart, but then Edward sighed heavily and straightened up, holding the door knob soon after.
As he opened the door a silly question popped up in my mind, and I couldn't refrain myself.
"We're still best friends… right?" I asked, wanting to make sure that hadn't changed because we were in love with each other.
I wasn't sure where this stupid doubt came from, but I thought it was a valid question.
Edward smiled softly.
"Yes. We're still best friends." He assured me. "But that's not all. Not anymore." He hinted while arching his eyebrows.
"We're boyfriends." I affirmed but it came out in an interrogative tone.
"We're boyfriends." He confirmed.
He got out of the car after that, and I followed him to his door. I wanted to kiss him one last time, but we were out in the open, and it kinda held me back.
"See you later?" I asked.
He smiled sweetly at me.
"Yeah."
We smiled at each other and then I got back to the car. Before I started the engine I glanced at him one last time. He was opening the door.
"Look back." I murmured, thinking out loud.
As if he'd heard my murmur, Edward turned and smiled before silently mouthing "I love you".
My whole body shivered with the energy that took me. I sighed heavily.
"I love you more…" I whispered.
He smiled before getting in, and I went home with my head in the clouds.