CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Website where all photos of all outfits mentioned is on my profile. Another time jump (only 3 days though.) Sorry, posted wrong version!

Waking up the morning of our assessment with the social worker my nerves already feel slightly frayed, knowing that whoever it is that's coming today will be the final person who decides if I get to legally become Abel's mother is terrifying. That it could be someone who hates the Sons on principal has been in the back of my mind since the day we filed the paperwork but not having put it into words to Jax or any of the three other people who know (Donna, Opie and Happy) had me snapping at everyone last night while Jax tried to explain my short temper as being anxious about the trial. Thankfully everyone had believed him.

Jax reaches over and slaps the alarm clock so that it's shrill ringing stops, the sound seeming to echo in my ears for a second "You feeling better babe?"

Shaking my head I curl into his side, resting my head on his shoulder "Not really."

"So tell me." Jax says, running his hand over his face slowly as his brain wakes up "I know that I told everyone you're stressed about the trial, which I know you are, but this is more than that. You've been jumpy over everything the last coupla days."

I sigh deeply closing my eyes for a second "I know and I am sorry for being a right pain in the ass."

Jax laughs, reaching his arm down my back and tapping the top of my behind "I like your ass not in pain, but what's up?"

Opening my eyes again I look straight into the concerned depths of his and my mouth opens, word vomit spilling without my control "I am nervous about the trial, I'm nervous that I'm not going to be able to convince anyone that I haven't seen Craig since I left New York, I'm worried that they're going to know that I had something to do with him disappearing and that they'll find out that he's dead and it's my fault." Jax opens his mouth but I talk right over whatever he was going to say "I'm worried that Ope and D's house won't be finished in time, I'm worried that D won't find a car she loves at the lot and will settle for something she thinks she should have. I'm scared my businesses will bomb before I even get them open; I'm concerned that BV will fail and the club would have poured huge amounts of money into a dead end project. I'm dreading clearing out the barn and what I'll find which will open old wounds. I'm worried about LOAN and how they seem to have fallen off the radar completely, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm worried about Hap finding a house for him and his Mom, and Maria's health. I'm stressing about today."

Jax takes a few deep breaths and squeezes me close to his side "Shall I go through them in order?" He chuckles and my glare "The trial will happen how it's meant to. You'll be fine, you're not the one being prosecuted for anything and you have nothing to hide. Your ex died because he was an oxygen thief who needed to be exterminated like a bug. It was not your fault, nothing that happened to him was your fault, it was all his. Ope and D will be absolutely fine too babe. Their house is due to be done in November and if it doesn't happen it doesn't matter. Juice and Al aren't in a huge hurry to move out of the clubhouse yet, even though they've already started buying and setting up stuff. D will find a car she loves and if she doesn't Ope won't buy her something. By now I'm sure we all know when she's lying about something, right?" He pauses while I nod.

Taking another pause he leans over and kisses me lightly "Your businesses will be fine, Ma already told me heaps of people have been asking when they're going to be open and what's going in them. She knows about the ice cream store but she's upset that she knows nothing about what you're doing with the other space. She'd like to be able to talk up what it's going to be."

I chuckle and make a mental note to tell her what it will be, once today is over with that is.

"Right, next on your list. Bella Vista is not going to fail, the base page has been up for a week and it's already had over 10 thousand hits according to Juice, linking it to the distributors page was a stroke of brilliance. Pre-registrations are sitting around 1,000 so don't worry about that, it's already paying back some of what we've used." Jax waits till I nod before continuing "As for the barn of stuff, I'll help D, Ope, Hap, Lyla, Cherry, Al, Cam, Ma, Clay. We're all going to be there to help if you need us. Just open your pretty mouth and ask." I nod again, kissing his shoulder as he eliminates my worry list one by one.

"LOAN, we know they're still around. They're currently trying to set up shop in Oakland. It's not going down well with Laroy, but he's dealing with it as he does."

I giggle knowing Laroy from the few times I've met him dealing with it probably means bloodshed and explosions.

Jax sighs "Right, the last two things. Happy was going tell you himself last night but you were in a shitty mood. He found a house and put an offer on it. He's due to hear back this week."

I smile up at Jax "Really?"

Jax nods "Yeah, and before you ask, it's three blocks away. That blue place that you always said would be pretty if it wasn't so bright."

I shudder, the house is so blue it's almost glow in the dark. "He does plan on painting it doesn't he?"

Jax nods "Yes Darlin' he does. Maria has already picked out paint colours. She couldn't come to look at it so Ma went with Hap and took a whole lot of photos of it all. And last thing. What's happening today?"

I widen my eyes, hoping he's joking but seeing the complete blank look I sigh, lifting my head and banging it on his shoulder a couple of times.

"Sarah, don't do that. What's happening today that I've apparently forgotten?"

I roll out of his embrace and sit on the edge of the bed for a second. Getting to my feet and walking towards the bathroom I turn around as I reach the door "The adoption assessment."

Stepping through the door I close it behind me as Jax slaps himself in the forehead "Fuck!"

It's not till I'm rinsing conditioner out of my hair that Jax comes through the door frowning, holding Abel in his arms. "He needs a bath."

Turning the water down I push the door open and hold my arms out "Give him to me; I'll wash him in here."

Jax passes Abel over, carefully staying out of the splashing water. Turning around I put his back under the water, smiling at the stunned look on his face as the splashes bounce around us.

"Babe I'm sorry I forgot about the assessment today." Jax says, hoisting himself onto the counter between the sinks.

I shrug lightly as I start rubbing Abel's back "Can I have some of his bath stuff; it's in the middle cupboard."

Jax brings over the blue bottle, returning to his position while I carefully rub the baby soap over Abel's skin. "It doesn't matter they're not assessing you. You're Daddy regardless of what happens today." My attention is so focused on Abel that when Jax's arms slide around my waist I jump a little, Abel's body slipping in my arms a fraction of an inch.

Jax's voice is heavy with a huge range of emotions when he whispers beside my ear "It doesn't matter what happens today you are his Mommy. You will always be his Mommy."

I sigh slightly, leaning back into his arms "I know that. But without today going the way I want it to I'll be Step-Mommy. I know I'll never be his real mother, that won't happen without some sort of way to erase Wendy."

Jax tightens his arms around me, laughing as Abel grabs his fingers as tight as he can. "Babe it doesn't matter what a piece of paper says it doesn't matter what the world says. As long as you, me and Abel know that you're his Mom that's all that matters. And you're not gonna find a single person who's opinion will matter to him as much as ours."

I laugh at him, shaking my head "Until he discovers girls, then what we say will be boring and old fuddy duddy shit."

Rinsing all the baby bubbles off Abel I turn around and pass his slippery body to Jax, taking a few minutes to wash myself before stepping out and grabbing a towel. Wrapping a huge spa sized towel around a 4 month old baby who weighs less than 15 pounds makes me laugh, but with all his baby towels either in the laundry or still in his room I decide that's easier than tracking water through the house.

It's not till I'm walking towards the door that Jax notices I'm leaving the room "Darlin' I need to tell you something."

Turning around I prop Abel on my hip "What? And why don't I like the sound of that?"

"You're not gonna. I can't be here today." Jax says, looking at me through the glass wall of the shower.

Dropping my head forward so he can't see the disappointment on my face I shrug again, lifting Abel up and kissing him "Doesn't matter. I'll be fine."

Leaving him in the shower I take Abel and go straight to his room, picking out clothes and dropping them onto the changing table.

He's dried and dressed before I go back to our room, finding Jax now sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but his jeans. Patting the bed beside him he waits till I sit down before lifting Abel out of my arms and sitting him on his knee. "You know normally I'd change everything I could do be here but without telling Ma or Clay why I need to be here it won't fly, not with how much stuff me, Juice, Hap and Ope have to get through before leaving for at least 2 weeks tomorrow."

I nod silently looking down at the carpet.

Jax reaches over and grabs my chin moving my head till I'm looking at him "Darlin' I know you're upset. I am too, but without blowing the secret that we've managed to keep so far I don't have a choice."

I sigh, standing up and retrieving clothes from the wardrobe. Coming back to the bed I drop them beside him, his t-shirt and button up in one hand "I know that. Really I do but I can't help but be a bit disappointed."

Jax grabs my hand, smiling at Abel when he grabs my hand too "I know you are, so I am. Will you be okay without me?"

I nod, pulling my underwear up my legs and doing my bra up as Jax sighs in disappointment. "I'll be fine baby. I'll tell you what happens every step of the way, and if the assessment doesn't go to plan we may have a body to bury."

Jax laughs "You mean another one?"

Nodding he gets up and sets Abel on the bed where he wiggles around till he's on his stomach, rolling over was a recent development and I'm pretty sure the first time he did it I almost fell over with happiness. Hugging me tightly he runs his hands over my back, stopping over the clasps of my bra till I lean back "If you undo that then you won't get breakfast before you have to leave."

Jax groans "Okay, I'll leave it alone. For now."

Throwing his shirts over his arm he picks Abel up and takes him out of the room "I'll go get the monster fed and Abel in his high chair."

As soon as he starts down the stairs Doj is off the couch on the landing and following him rapidly.