Winter 10

I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper. I felt as though I was suffocating. I couldn't see nor think. I couldn't even feel myself giving birth. There was no light, there was no sound. It was as if time had stopped. Then everything went completely black…

Winter 13

"Clara. Oh, Clara, what have you done to yourself?" I slowly opened my eyes and looked over towards my mother, who was stroking my cheek, and pushing back the little strands of hair from my face. I looked around at my surroundings, I was in…my room! So…this was all a dream? Right? I was in a long coma? Right? I felt a little relieved since I knew Leonel couldn't dead now.

"Shall I go fetch some stew from the stove?" I looked down the foot of my bed towards Cecilia…when had she gotten here?

"Yes!" My mother began, "That ought to do her some good. It'll be better than the bits of milk porridge she's been having." I just wanted to cry. Why were they talking over my head as if I had lost my mind. Had I? I just wanted to sit up, but I couldn't. Where had all of my strength gone? Ceci had left the room to go get my food as my mother pushed back the bits of my hair again.

"A bath." She declared, "Then we'll see what we can do about this unruly hair."

As soon as Ceci had brought in a bowl of stew, I felt myself tear up. I couldn't even keep the continents in my mouth. What was wrong with me?

After my meal, my mother ordered Ceci to fill a tub with warm water while she began to undress me. I felt so helpless and weak…like a newborn baby! Speaking of a newborn baby. Did I have one? Or was the pregnancy also a dream? I blinked a few times looking at my mother, she picked me up as Ceci brought the ivory bathtub full of warm water in. My mother sat me down and began bathing me in rose scented water.

What's wrong with me? I wondered as I felt stinging tears seep from my eyes, my mother washed me and Ceci held me so I wouldn't fall. What's wrong with me?

As soon I was dressed in clean clothes, propped against a chair with Ceci supporting my front so I wouldn't topple over as I felt the pull of a comb bring pain to my scalp. They put me back in my bed again, mom took down an extra blue blanket from the shelf. Was that the same blanket I had offered Leonel? I wanted to knock it out of her hands, but couldn't find the strength to do so, and it wouldn't do to disobey my mother, so I let her lay the blanket on me.

Moments later, Dr. Ray came in with a smile on his face.

"I'm glad to see she's awake!" he declared, turning to my mother he added, "A very little walk around the room and straight back to bed. Her strength needs to be brought back with patience." In addition, with that he began walking out the door.

"Waie." I said in a very hoarse and soft voice that I was afraid he didn't hear me. Luckily though, he did.

"Yes, Clara?" he smiled a bit as tears formed in my eyes.

"How dieh I emp up like dis?" His smile turned upside down as his eyes held a tint of sadness,

"About three days ago when Leonel passed away and just as you went into premature labor." I felt as if the world had stopped, so it all wasn't a dream! It all really did happen! I felt more tears bleed out of my eyes.

"Cooden you haf safet him?" I asked he just sighed and looked down before replying,

"Since he had started eating we thought he was going to be okay…but it seemed as if he had lost more blood than we had thought." I felt my tears come out of my eyes as I began to wail loudly. For many reasons actually and not just the fact that my best friend was gone; but the fact that our child, the only thing we had left of him was dead, the fact that Dorothy and Barrett had just lost their only child, and finally, the fact that his death was my fault.

They let me wail for several minutes before my mother couldn't take it anymore.

"Jack!" She called downstairs to my father, "Go to Mayor Byron's house and bring our daughter her baby!" I stopped wailing, taking in what my mother said. Did she say…what I think she just did? My baby was alive? Despite everything that happened?

It took about 20 minutes until finally dad walked into my room with a small bundle in his arms. I gasped as I felt tears of joy and hope trickle down my cheeks. Dad gave mom my baby as she walked over to my bed, leaning down to show me my baby...since I was too weak to hold it.

"The baby is a girl." Dad announced as I looked at the baby again. My little girl. Her little tufts of hair were golden just like her daddy's locks. She started whimpering a bit, squinting in the bright room. Revealing her beautiful blue eyes! Overall, she looked just like Leonel! It made me want to break down crying, as I felt so much love wash over me. I now knew how my mom felt!

According to Dr. Ray, my daughter was a mean baby. I laughed when he explained what he meant. He told me as soon as she was born he had high doubts she would live being born, not only prematurely, but also from a mother in shock, but she proved everyone wrong! My little daughter cried for hours upon hours until they finally got her to sleep. She was stronger than they had expected. I stared at her for a long time in silence; she was so beautiful, I just had to admire her beauty; that is until my father broke the silence.

"Have you thought of a name for her? We can't just keep calling her the baby." I blushed and looked at her, my beautiful daughter, I blinked… I hadn't really given much thought to a name, but I remembered Leonel telling me what he wanted to name our baby if it were a girl. It made me wonder if he knew she was going to be a girl.

"Cadence." I said.

"Cadence?" Mom asked as I weakly nodded, she looked over towards my dad, both of them were smiling.

"It's perfect!" Dad announced, "You know, Leonel's name was actually supposed to be Cadence!"

"Wha? Really?" I asked.

"Yes." Mom began, "Leonel was supposed to be a girl according to Alicia's prediction! But she was wrong! It was actually the only gender prediction she got wrong!" It was silent for a few seconds as I started to stare at my beautiful little girl! I smiled at her, feeling a little at ease with Leonel, even if he was gone. Speaking of…I looked over at my father.

"Hou are Dorfee and Barreh?" I still felt bad; my dad smiled a sad smile.

"Still hurt. But they loved taking care of Cadence while you were out." I felt a bit sick; I knew this was all my fault. I wanted to turn back time and apologize. That or erase what I had said to him. The tears started pouring from my eyes again.

"So, any idea for a middle name for little Cadence De Sainte-Coquille?" Dad asked, I nodded.

Cadence Dorothea-Rose De Sainte-Coquille. Even though I had difficulty with saying her full name, everyone understood.

"It's beautiful!" Mom said.

"Yeah, because she was named after you." Dad joked.

"And Dorothy as well. But, need I remind you, Jack, that our daughter was named after you?" I began to giggle weakly. Clara Jacqueline De Sainte-Coquille, that was me!

I started trying to get up, I really wanted to talk to Dorothy and Barrett. But, I was too weak and weary to lift myself up.

"Whe will I be able to geh up agah?" I asked, Dr. Ray pondered before replying.

"As soon as you've regained your strength, which will probably take a while…" And with that, mom gave Cadence back to my dad as he left for the mayor's house. Ceci and mom helped me out of bed to give me a little exercise.

It took nearly three weeks (Winter 23) for me to recover fully. Those were the hardest three weeks I have ever dealt with! I wanted…no...I needed to tell Dorothy and Barrett everything!

"I'll be back soon." I said.

"Be careful, Clara!" Mom said as I opened the front door of the farm house, making my way to the mayor's house.

I slowly knocked on the front door of Byron's house as he opened it smiling slightly.

"Hello Clara! It's about time you healed!" He carefully gave me a gentle hug, as I looked towards the empty bassinet.

"Where's…Cadence? Dorothy? Barrett?" he broke the hug, nodding his head towards the side, "They're at the church, most likely in the cemetery."

The cemetery…I repeated in my head, they were probably visiting Leonel's grave. Tears began pouring out of my eyes as I wiped my eyes with my palms. I thanked the mayor heading towards the church, bumping into Gordon and Cammy inside, they both smiled slightly.

"Hey, Clara. I'm glad to see you out!" Cammy exclaimed, giving me a hug as Gordon gave a hearty laugh.

"Cammy, don't hug Clara too tightly, she's probably still healing!"

"S-sorry." Cammy said, breaking the hug as I gave a small smile

"Are Dorothy and Barrett here?" Gordon looked into my eyes.

"They're with Cadence visiting out back." He motioned towards the door. I thanked him, pushing myself on to the burial ground. My eyes scanned the area until I saw them squatted in front of a tombstone with a candy pink carriage next to them. I slowly walked towards them, stopping behind them, looking at the inscription. I could see his name printed on the stone as I felt tears fall from my eyes.

"Dorothy, Barrett. I'm so sorry." I covered my mouth, falling to my knees; Dorothy embraced me, sobbing into my shoulder.

"Clara…he's gone. I feel this is all my fault." She sobbed even heavier as Barrett shook his tear-streaked head.

"It's my fault. I should have taught him how to fight." I felt awful, they thought it was their fault! But in reality…I had to tell them how his death really happened.

"His death was my fault. If I hadn't have said all of those horrible things he would still be alive right now." They looked over at me with a hint of hurt and curiosity. It would be embarrassing, and there would be tension, but they needed to know.

"During the falling star festival I…I told him the truth on why I had sex with him." They looked at me with confusion.

"Truth?" Barrett asked as I blushed, nodding my head in shame.

"He thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I told him that I only did it with him because I felt sorry for him." My tears were pouring from my eyes, they both had shocked and upset expressions as I continued.

"I was just a stupid girl. I was trying to help him but I ended up hurting him as well, and I'm sorry, I didn't think he would do something so stupid and selfish." I covered my hand with my mouth, trying to muffle my sobs. "I didn't think I would do anything so stupid and selfish." I began sobbing as they did as well.

I felt a little better about telling them. I waited for them to call me a bitch, but nothing came from their mouths, instead they embraced me as we sat in front of his grave crying. Cadence began to wail. I stood up and walked to her carriage, picking her up, I smiled at her.

"Do you miss your daddy too, Cadence?" I choked a bit before asking her again, "Do you miss him like I do?" I felt someone touch my shoulder as I looked behind me. Dorothy's tear stained face slightly smiled at me.

"Please, take good care of her, she's all we have left of Leonel." She gave my cheek a kiss before giving Cadence a kiss as well, Barrett nodded his head.

"I think it's safe to say how much we all love this little girl." He too kissed Cadence, stroking her little cheek before embracing his wife. With Cadence in my arms I walked over towards Leonel's stone, I knelt down, hugging it with my free arm before giving it a small peck.

"I'm sorry, and thank you for everything you've done. I wish you could've gotten to see our daughter, she's beautiful." I felt a little more at peace as I gave my sympathy to Dorothy and Barrett before walking home with Cadence in her pram.

I looked towards the skies as snowflakes began to swirl around me and Cadence; I smiled a bit as my thoughts began to wander.

When summer becomes winter, changes will occur. Some of the changes can be wonderful and some of the changes can be heartbreaking. But changes are part of life. They can be lessons or events. No one truly understands change until it happens, in the best or worst way.

Moreover, I swore the snowflakes dancing around me was Leonel saying good-bye to Cadence and me. I felt tears stream down my face as I hugged myself, pretending that I was hugging Leonel.

"Good-bye Leonel…and thank you." As I whispered that, the snowflakes departed, blowing away from us in a normal rhythm.