Chapter 19 - Conversation

Tamsin's eyes shot wide open as icy cold water forced its way into her mouth and her nose.

Didn't I get pulled out of the lake? She wondered in panic as she scrambled to get out.

The angry water wouldn't let her. It wrapped around her body and pulled her down, dragging her deeper and deeper.

Her vision alternated between dark and bright. Shards of memories pierced through her.

She was trekking through dark forests with her raven. She smelled pine, snow and fern.

She was inside a cabin with a lit fire. Through the narrow slit in the roof the smoke escaped. The warmth of fire and the heat of someone's skin comforted her.

She heard weapons clashing. She heard whispers of love. She heard the lake weep and bellow.

Falling snowflakes;

moonlight falling on the tip of a spear;

a flickering pendant;

someone's warm hand;

a broken arrow;

Knut's preening beak;

a pot of hot stew;

the sound of a working loom….

Every light eventually reduced to an excruciating pain.

She was hurt.

She was bleeding heavily.

She was heartbroken.

She was dying.

The dark water pulled her down, but she wasn't alone.

Someone was right there with her, someone she knew, someone close to her.

Their bodies were entangled. Their faces were buried into each other's shoulders. They were so close that she could hear the other person's heart beat.

It was dying, too.

There was a weak flicker in the dark water, a pendant around that person's neck. On it were small punched holes in the shape of a bird.

Slowly, she surrendered to darkness, but the faint smell of blooming angelica and rue kept pulling her back.

The bright sunlight exploded. Her eyes fluttered.

Someone whispered her name.

Yes, yes I am here. She shouted and screamed, kicking and punching.

Vaguely, she saw her face. She saw her rosy lips. She opened them slightly, and bit her bottom lip briefly, before opening them again.

Revna. That girl uttered, with a smile. Revna.

Tamsin desperately held onto that whisper, as she wondered, Revna...who the hell is that?

Right…who was Revna? Was that her name?

No...that wasn't her name...it wasn't.

That finding somehow crushed Tamsin. She let out a weak cough, as she closed her weary eyes.

The last gleam of light slowly weakened, but right before it was completely gone, someone called her, "Tamsin, Tamsin…."

Tamsin, Tamsin thought. That sounds...familiar. Right...that's me...

"Tamsin, can you hear me?"

Yes, I can hear you. I'm right here, Bo.

As she uttered that name, something fluttered inside her.

Vague, fuzzy light came. It tore through the heavy darkness.

Then, she saw those eyes. She saw those warm, brimming eyes.

She saw the reflection of herself in them, scared, confused and spent.

She closed her eyes briefly, before she opened them again.

Those warm brown eyes were still there.

She could finally make out Bo's face. The brunette was leaning over her with a hand gently cupping her face.

A drop of Bo's tear fell onto Tamsin's cheek.

Tamsin tried to say something, but the slightest attempt of moving her vocal cord made everything hurt.

She wanted to touch Bo's face. She wanted to feel her. She wanted to wipe her tears away. She wanted to pull her close and hold her tight.

However, she couldn't lift a single finger.

After a few seconds of struggle, she passed out again.

Tamsin was awakened by the regular beeps of a medical device that was beside her bed.

She stared at the monitor screen of that device for a long time, as she tried to figure out what those numbers and curves might mean.

Then, she turned to stare at her own arm. There was an iv needle in it, and the skin around the needle had a slight bruise. The fluid that was being slowly sent into her body had a faint red tint.

Her body was heavier than lead, with lingering pain.

Closing her eyes briefly, she let out a deep breath.

She remembered, vaguely, being pulled out of Bo's mind while losing consciousness.

Bo. She let that name slip out in a silent whisper.

It amazed her how fast a single syllable could light her up and heal her.

She turned to find Bo, and there she was, in a large chair right by her bedside.

Wrapped in a blanket with a printed Valhalla symbol, Bo was soundly asleep. On her lap roosted Knut. The black bird was asleep as well, occasionally smacking his beaks once or twice.

Tamsin's eyes moved to Fenrir, who was resting by Bo's feet. He somehow sensed Tamsin's gaze and opened his golden eyes immediately.

He approached Tamsin, carefully sniffing her hand. Then, he jumped into her patient bed and lay down beside her.

Resting his chin on her stomach, he comforted her with his strong heart beat and his warm stare.

Tamsin lifted her hand and placed it over his head. The pup let out a lazy, soft grunt and narrowed his eyes.

Tamsin sighed and closed her sore eyes.

She had never had such peace in her entire life.

Everything that she thought she would ever need was right here.

Two days later, Tamsin was released from intensive care. The healing process however, at least according to Valhalla, did not end there. She and Bo were put into a program specifically designed for post zone-out recovery.

They went through twelve sessions of physical therapies, before they were asked to attend counseling sessions at Dr. Finola's.

The doctor (and her dog) was happy to see them, and congratulated Bo on her dawning.

"So, the first thing I'd like to ask is, do either of you have any questions for me?"

Bo and Tamsin exchanged a look, and nodded at the same time.

"Who'd like to go first then?"

Tamsin took a deep breath and held Bo's hand. "So, when I was inside her mind, I saw things that-I saw memories that I thought belonged to me. How is that possible?"

"What kind of memories?"

"That dream I kept having, you know, the things we've talked about before, the field of angelic and rue, me sinking deeper into dark, cold water, and that girl…."

Finola nodded. "When a Valkyrie enters an Einheri's mind, the Valkyrie essentially brings her consciousness with her. Usually, the Einheri's mind is in control, but zoning out is a very complicated process and often the Einheri's mind can be vulnerable. Sometimes, it loses its dominance briefly and lets the Valkyrie's consciousness bleed through. We call it mind melding."

"Okay, mind melding, whatever. I saw her face. She looked exactly like Bo, like...uncanny."

"Mhm, when your consciousness is in control, even though very briefly, it could bend things at your will. In this instance, maybe you wanted to see Bo and you wanted her to be Bo."

"I don't know about that, but the whole thing felt like my memory, like I once knew someone who looked exactly like her, but I knew she wasn't Bo.

"It is entirely possible that you did once know someone who looked exactly like Bo, Tamsin."

"What? How is that possible?"

"Well, people can have look-alikes, like identical twins for example. Sometimes one would look a lot like her mother, or maybe even the grandmother. Occasionally we see two unrelated people that looked like each other. In fact, scientists have once concluded that, statistically, one may have as many as six doppelgangers in the world."

"So you think somehow…many years ago I knew a girl who looked exactly like Bo, and then bam years later I'm…with someone who happens to have the same face?"

Finola gave her an intriguing smile at the word "with", and Tamsin rolled her eyes and turned away.

"There can be other explanations as well, Tamsin. For example, maybe that girl that you remembered was Bo."

"Huh?" Tamsin frowned hard.

"Maybe the two of you knew each other before, which actually explains why you saw things that you thought only you would remember while you were inside her mind. It could be her memory all along."

"I'd really appreciate it if the two of you could talk like you know I am right here," Bo complained. "And I think if I really knew Tamsin before, I'd remember that."

The doctor leaned in slightly. "Tamsin was pulled out of a frozen lake thirteen years ago. All her memories prior to that were lost. No one, not even herself, knew what her life was like before that. As far as we know, you could have gone through the same thing, Bo."

"No, that's not possible! I mean, sure, I don't remember a lot of things that happened when I was little, but I do remember things as I grew up. Hell, I have several albums of photos that could prove that."

"I was simply providing theories, Bo," Dr. Finola explained. "Those could still be your memories, just not from this life."

Tamsin's jaw dropped. "This Life? Oh you've gotta be kidding!"

"I am not kidding, Tamsin," the doctor shook her head. "The concept of reincarnation or rebirth exists in many different cultures. The belief of the existence of an immortal soul predates us. I might not believe any of it, but I certainly can not rule out the possibility."

"Okay, let's just stop right here, before we have to argue whether the earth is flat," Tamsin drawled.

Dr. Finola nodded firmly. "Anything else you'd like to talk about, then?"

Tamsin shrugged. "I think that girl uttered a name, Revna. I don't think I remember anyone with that name but it sounded familiar."

"Revna, interesting," Finola tapped her finger on the desk. "It is an old Norse name, meaning raven. Do you think it might be your name?"

Tamsin shook her head. "I have no idea. I don't feel any connection to it."

Finola nodded and turned to Bo. "What about you? Does that name jog any memories?"

"No, not at all. I did remember quite a few things of my childhood while I zoned out, though."

"Would you like to talk about them?"

"Ummm, sure…I was in my childhood home. I think I saw a photo of my mother but I couldn't see her face. No matter how closely I examine that photo, her face was blurry."

"Mhm, what about other people?"

"There was a trick-or-treat photo of me and my friends."

"Do you remember any of them?"

"No, I mean, I'd have to see their faces to know, I guess."

"So you couldn't see any of their faces in that photo?"

Bo licked her lips. "It's not like their faces were blurry or anything, but their faces were either covered in costume or turned away from the camera."

None of their faces were visible. As that thought came to Bo, she remembered all those faceless children in the outdoor mall.

"I mean...none of the kids I saw had a face."

"But the adults did?"

"Yeah, except my mother. And of course, the other me had a face, my face."

"The other you?"

"There was this…being that had my face and my appearance. First she was a little girl. Then she became an adult. She kind of haunted my mind...she forced me away from Tamsin and imprisoned me. We had to fight her to get out."

As the memory of the other "Bo" injuring Tamsin came to her, Bo squeezed Tamsin's hand and pulled it closer to her.

"She was not like the other presences in my mind," Bo continued, "Somehow, it felt like she had her own thoughts and she just...hated me. She wanted me to be gone."

Finola pondered for a while. "I think we are getting somewhere, Bo. This other you, it could be a manifestation of your entire childhood memories that were lost. It is possible that when you were little, you experienced some sort of trauma. In order to protect yourself, your mind blocked those memories and sealed them away."

She paused for a while, before she murmured, "or…."

"Or?" Bo raised her eyebrows.

Dr. Finola shook her head slightly. "I think you would benefit from another hypnosis session. It might help remove that mental block. Would tomorrow 9am work for you?"

"Sure."

Bo visited Dr. Finola the next day with Tamsin. She was instructed to lie down on the couch.

With her head resting on Tamsin's lap, she closed her eyes and focused on Dr. Finola's voice.

Slowly, she went under the doctor's hypnotic spell.

"...you can open your eyes now, Bo. Do you see anything?"

"I see…brightness. I can smell the caramel popcorn."

"Where are you?"

"The outdoor mall."

"Is there anyone with you?"

"Tons."

"Do you recognize anyone there?"

"No."

"Are there any children?"

"Yes, a lot."

"Are they still faceless?"

"Yes…."

"Can you try to make out their faces?"

Bo tried. She then quickly shook her head in a painful whimper. "I can't. I can't. I can't…."

Tamsin felt her anxiety and fear. She took Bo's hand and squeezed it gently.

"It's alright, Bo," Finola said softly. "Now, I want you to step away from the crowd."

"Okay," Bo nodded.

"Can you find the way to your childhood home?"

"Yes."

"Tell me when you get there."

"I'm here."

"Do you feel safe there?"

"Yes."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes."

"What do you see?"

"Ummm...I'm in my bedroom. I see...my bed, and a toy shelf. My dresser, too."

"The photo that you mentioned, the one that had your mom in it, can you find it?"

"...yes."

"Can you see her face?"

"No." Bo started to pant as she clenched Tamsin's hand hard. "I can't. I can't."

"It's okay, Bo. Put the photo back and step away from it."

"Okay."

"Where are you now?"

"I'm outside the study. Someone…someone's talking."

"Do you recognize their voice?"

"I think...one of them is my mother. I knew the other voice but I can't...I can't..."

"It's okay, Bo. What are they talking about?"

"There is no time. Ysabeau must leave tonight," Bo hissed in a voice deeper than her own. Then, she immediately changed her voice to mimic a higher pitched one and said, "what happened to the other children?"

Alternating between two voices that weren't hers, she repeated the entire conversation, "you know exactly what happened to them. They have already found the one….when? Eleven o'clock tonight…."

She kept going, but only incoherent words came out after that. Tamsin was able to grasp the word "safari" before everything turned into panicking gasps and painful groans.

"Bo, Bo, calm down and follow my voice," Finola commanded. "I want you to step away from the study and walk slowly back to the entrance of the house. When you reach the door, I want you to open it. When the door is opened, you can wake up."

In a loud gasp, Bo opened her eyes. "I...I don't think I was able to see anyone's faces."

"That's...okay," Finola said. Something else seemed to be on her mind.

"Well, you did repeat a conversation in someone else's voice, which was creepy," Tamsin commented.

"Yeah...I remember that..." Bo nodded absentmindedly.

"You said one of them was your mom. Do you recognize the other voice?"

Bo clenched her hand over her lap and shook her head. "No."

Finola nodded. "Well, you can always give me a call when you do remember something else. I think anything would help."

"I know. I will."

After returning to their apartment, Bo and Tamsin shared a frozen pizza. As they were throwing away the paper plates, Bo cleared her throat and murmured, "I lied to the doctor."

"About what?"

"I did recognize the second voice."

Tamsin raised her eyebrows at Bo. "Who was it?"

"I think...I think it was Dr. Olivia Smith."

Tamsin's jaw dropped. "Right...yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense, Bo. I mean...she did tell you to look for answers in your childhood home. And...and her death...she had a list of names with yours on it. She definitely knew you when you were little. Actually, how did you become her patient?"

"Well, I was having pre-dawning episodes when I was like ten, maybe eleven ish. I didn't know that those were pre-dawning episodes at that time, of course. I remember having intense headaches and ringing ears and…you know, all that kinda stuff. I went to the school nurse, who later sent me to my pediatrician. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and he sent me to a specialist, who sent me to another specialist whose name was Dr. Olivia Smith."

"And your pre-dawning episodes just went away after seeing her?"

"They never went away. They just hit less frequently and I learned how to deal with them."

"She never mentioned any Einheri or Valkyrie stuff to you?"

"Not a peep. She never even implied that she knew my mom, or me."

"She did that for a reason. I mean, that conversation she had with your mother, it sounded like something was happening to kids and they were trying to get you away or something."

"She could have at least told me that when we met."

Tamsin sighed. "Maybe to her, pretending not knowing you was the best way to protect you."

Bo nodded and let out a deep, frustrated sigh. "I feel like whenever I find one answer, I also find like a million new questions."

"We'll figure everything out," Tamsin said as she wrapped her arms around Bo.

Bo buried her face under Tamsin's chin. "Tamsin..." she whispered.

"Hmmm?"

"When you...when we returned from, you know, the spiritual dimension, you were-your heart had stopped for a little bit."

"I know. They told me."

Bo inhaled deeply. "You have no idea how scary that was," she admitted in shivers.

Tamsin tightened her arms. "I'm alright now, Bo, and I'm right here. I am right here…."

Bo woke up from her short nap in a gasp.

Tamsin, who was working on her laptop right next to her, turned to check on her. "You okay?"

Bo nodded. "I...I had a dream."

"Like, being chased by a bad dog dream?"

"No...it was more like...making cookies with my mother dream."

"You remember her face now?"

"No, but I saw something. When I was in the kitchen, there was this...this fridge magnet. It was shaped like a tooth.

"Okay…."

"I think it was from a dental office. It had that clinic's name on it, something bright smile, or bright smile something. Anyway, there was a phone number printed on it as well. I don't remember the whole number but the first two digits were 5 and 8."

"So the area code starts with 58...hey with that and the fact that the practice's name contains 'bright' and 'smiles', we might be able to find it. If we find the dental clinic-"

"-we may find where my childhood home is!" Bo exclaimed excitedly. Then, she sighed. "But, how are we gonna find this particular clinic?"

"Well, one of the many perks that Valhalla offers is the access to many different databases," Tamsin explained as she opened her laptop. "We can start with the area code and then cross check each place with the name of the dental clinics..."

"So area codes that start with 58 and are in use are 581, 585, 586 and 587, 588."

Bo leaned in and read the notes of those area codes. "Well 581 is Quebec. Had that been my hometown, I'd have remembered seeing or hearing a lot more French, right?"

"Right, so it's probably not Quebec. 585 is northwestern New York," Tamsin scanned the notes. "That might be where you were from...oh wait...this area code was not activated until 2001. By 2001 you were almost in middle school. You couldn't have been with your mother then."

"No, so 585 is out too. What about 586?"

"Somewhere in Michigan, and it was not activated until late 2001."

"Next one is 587. It's Alberta, Canada...could this be it?"

Tamsin pondered. "It's possible but those mophead hydrangeas...I don't know if they'd survive the Alberta weather."

Noticing Bo's teasing eyes, Tamsin cleared her throat and explained, "well I once did a lot of research on plants because, you know, that dream of mine. I thought maybe I'd find some clue by identifying the plants I saw. Turns out they were angelica and rue and they grow pretty much everywhere."

"Okay, so that leaves us 588."

"588 is the area code of a small town named Lundeville. It's kind of between Tennessee and the Carolinas."

"Would hydrangeas grow there?"

"Definitely."

"Does it have a dental clinic with 'bright' and 'smiles' in its name?"

"Let me check...yes it does!"

Before Bo cheered, Tamsin sighed and said, "well, there was one, but it was closed permanently many years ago."

"Could it be in business during my early childhood?"

"I can't tell. Very little information about this clinic is left in the database."

"But, this is the only place with the area code that starts with 58, right? This has to be it!"

"If your hometown is somewhere in North America," Tamsin corrected. "What if it's in another country that has its own area code that starts with 58?"

Bo let out a frustrated sigh. "Any other clues that we might have?"

"Well, all the faceless children were at the outdoor mall," Tamsin said as she did more searches. "According to this article from Lundeville's local newspaper, its outdoor mall would host its annual holiday festival. I know the picture is very low res, but does it look familiar to you at all?"

One look at the photo, and Bo started to nod frantically. "Yes! This is definitely that outdoor mall!"

"Then I guess we are going to...Lundeville."

A/N: Finally another update! I blame the holiday season! Hopefully next update won't take this long.

588 is not a valid area code in the US. Made that up for the fictional town Lundeville. The other area codes mentioned in this chapter are actually real and accurate (according to Google).