Chapter 4: The Party
A million thoughts raced through Bella's mind as she walked home to her apartment. It took her two unsuccessful attempts to return to the alley before she began to experience a splitting headache.
Even if Jasper kept his promise and didn't kill the woman, his previous statements only reinforced her mistrust of him.
He had said, "I won't kill her. I don't have venom."
Whatever Jasper was hiding from her, it had caused his vampirism to change. When he had pale, crystalline skin, bullet train speed, and monstrous strength, she would not have believed his promise. When James had bitten her, Edward had to suck out the venom, or she would have died and changed fundamentally into another species. But now, whatever kind of monster Jasper was, she didn't feel as confident that his bite would be the death sentence it once was.
What a horrible night, she thought. She would have never imagined that her reintroduction to the supernatural world would be like this.
Emmett, Alice, Edward... gone.
She had given up the hope that Edward would take her back once she started going to therapy, but she could have never in her lifetime fathomed this outcome. She thought maybe she would see him again in passing. Or even never at all, at least knowing he would be around for eternity.
Clearly, Jasper wasn't dealing well with whatever happened to him. She wondered how Rosalie was doing and what she thought about all this. She must have the same condition as him. Bella remembered his earlier statement that they no longer strayed too far from one another in case they experienced "further change," whatever that meant. And if she was anything like Jasper is now, that probably means she was feeding on humans. She shivered at the thought, remembering that Rosalie now worked with children.
And Carlisle and Esme—they must know what happened to Jasper. Yet they trusted him enough to leave the country.
Her sobs were loud and ugly, with fat teardrops rolling down her cheeks. She had to stop walking for a few minutes and pause to look at the lonely Haunted Hanover House on Fox Hill in the distance when it felt like her entire body was crying. Her heart ached so much that her sobs became silent, and she couldn't even take another breath. She couldn't make another move. She thought she understood pain when he left her. That was not a fair comparison to what she felt at that moment.
She was finally able to lean against a wall and breathe. She recalled all of the skills she had learned in therapy and attempted to put them to use by taking slow, deep breaths. "A universe without change would not exist, for everything and anything requires change," she recited her mantra. "And loss is nothing else but change, and change is nature's delight."
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Bella had walked another half-mile towards her apartment when her phone rang following a string of new text messages. She quickly scrolled through them to see that Jenny, her roommate, was at the party she had invited her to earlier and needed someone to make sure she got home safely by the end of the night.
Bella almost ignored the messages and went straight home and into bed, where she could sleep and stop thinking, or even drop off her backpack first. But after witnessing Christine being violated by two different men within fifteen minutes and knowing that Jen was the only person who had supported her after what happened last year, she knew she would never forgive herself if something happened to her friend.
It was eerily quiet, with very few cars and buses passing by. As night fell, the city grew darker, and the spaces between the apartments turned black. On occasion, she noticed some people on the sidewalk, but they would quickly enter a building nearby.
She wondered if the cops had arrived to save Christine.
She felt alone.
She felt alone even when she was surrounded by people, even after months of therapy. Until Jacob, that is. Then he left her too.
She could hear the music before she saw the house. There were students all over the lawn, and groups of people were restlessly going inside, packing themselves like sardines. Her backpack weighed heavily on her shoulders.
She let out a sigh. New mission: find Jen and go home.
It took her ten minutes to find Jen doing shots in the kitchen with a couple of their friends from the school's UNICEF organization. Bella gave them a little wave when they were done making sour faces, and the girls descended on her, squealing.
"Bellaaaaaaa, you came!" Stephanie slurred.
Bella was sandwiched between three girls, all of whom were hugging her and each other. "Guys…can't breathe!" she said dramatically.
As Jen, a pretty girl with corn silk hair and a long, narrow face, measured and added various alcohols and mixers to a red Solo cup before handing it to Bella, she said, "We thought you would be stuck in the library until tomorrow morning. Looks like you headed straight here, huh?" She pointed to Bella's backpack.
"I told you not to bother studying for Chu's physics final. Answer 'BABDC' in that order for the entire exam, and you've earned yourself an A," counseled Rupa.
"I told my roommate that, and she got a C on that exam," Stephanie complained.
Bella had met Jen, Rupa, and Stephanie when they were all sophomores last year. While Bella had been held back a year, her friends had moved on as juniors, already career planning and taking graduate school exams. She initially felt shameful at the start of this year, but her friends hadn't once spoken to her with pity and that helped dissipate her worries..
She didn't know what to say about the previous hour, so she simply explained, "I just had a date who ditched me to munch on another girl and left me with the bill."
Rupa cackled next to her. Bella playfully punched her on the arm.
"Ouch," Jen sympathized.
"Was he hot, then?" Stephanie inquired.
Jasper's numb, blunted face as he fixed his gaze on her throat flashed through her mind. "Fuck, no." She immediately felt ashamed, remembering that she had once had countless erotic dreams of Edward and even Jacob doing the exact same thing to her.
"That makes it almost worse," Stephanie said with a scrunched-up face.
"Sorry, Bella. Sucks to suck. Alright, ladies. I'm gonna go make my rounds," Rupa said with a wink.
The three girls watched Rupa saunter away with confidence. Although all four had jokingly vowed to be sexual deviants this year, Rupa was the only one who managed to keep her promise, bagging a guy almost every weekend. The girls sighed—this was the curse of being shy nerds.
The party buzzed with excitement as Bella, Jen, and Stephanie navigated through the crowd. Whoever was in charge of music had put on a song from the 80s. There were some groans and laughter, but some people started singing alone. 'I have a picture pinned to my wall….' She fidgeted with her drink, absentmindedly tracing her finger along the rim of the plastic cup. But her mind was miles away, lost in a whirlwind of thoughts, flitting from Edward, her finals, Edward, Jasper's fangs hovering over Christine's neck, Edward, Edward, Edward, Did I abandon a girl to die?, Edward, Jasper's cool breath on her lips, Edward, Edward….Jasper..
Her heart ached at the mere thought of him. The absence of him gnawed at the familiar, patched hole in her chest. She couldn't help but replay the memories of their time together—his gentle, feathering touch, his mesmerizing gaze. The void he left behind was a constant reminder of what once was and what could never be again.
"Are you okay?" Jen asked. "I invited you and didn't even think about..."
"I'm fine," Bella said quickly, dismissing her worries. "Just stressed about finals."
"Ooooh, Bella, don't look," said Stephanie. "A very delicious man is looking at you. Hey, dummy, I said don't look."
As Bella's eyes wandered aimlessly across the room, her thoughts abruptly ceased their chaotic dance. They settled on a pair of intense ruby eyes, staring right back at her. Jasper, standing near the doorway, seemed to be the only person in the room watching her.
'Look at our life now—all tattered and torn. We fuss and we fight and delight in the tears…'
At that moment, time stood still. The noise of the party faded into the background, and the world around her came into sharp focus. Bella's heart skipped a beat as she met Jasper's gaze. It was as if an invisible connection had been forged, pulling her back to the present and leaving her breathless. Bella's attention was irrevocably drawn to Jasper, who stood across the room, his enigmatic gaze fixed on her.
'Hold me now….'
A shiver of anticipation—dread—tingled down Bella's spine as their eyes met. His eyes were blank, but she felt a sense of disbelief from him. As if he were trying to say, "So you really tried to do the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do, huh?" She could almost feel the anger rolling off of him in waves.
'Warm my heart...'
As if he could read her mind, Christine walked by in front of him, the collar of her jacket covering her neck. She still appeared drunk, but she was more alert than she had been in the diner or the alley. She chatted with a couple people, completely oblivious to the vampire still behind her.
'Stay with me!'
Bella tore her gaze away, her heart pounding in her chest, relief spreading across her body. The noise of the party crashed her back into consciousness, jolting her to the present. So Christine was alive. But when her eyes darted back, he was gone. She looked around wildly for him. She both feared that he was hidden somewhere amongst the throngs of people and that he might be gone.
"Mr. Delicious, 10 o'clock," Stephanie whispered. "I swear, I didn't think this kind of shit happened outside of movies."
"It doesn't," Bella muttered, though feeling content that she could place him again. "He's the one who ditched me earlier." She shot him a dirty look, knowing he could hear her.
"Okay, then are you blind?" Stephanie said it incredulously. "That guy is hot as fuck. That guy could ditch me all day long."
Jen and Bella both looked at Stephanie. "Gross," they said simultaneously.
Turning to Jen, she forced a smile and suggested, "Hey, let's head out of here. The party's getting a bit too crowded, don't you think?" She hoped the music masked the trembling in her voice. It was their mutual code for 'I'm having a terrible time and I need to leave.'
Her friend nodded in agreement, glanced at Jasper and looked back to Bella as if to ask, "are you sure you're saying no to that?, oblivious to the invisible web that Bella was caught in. "Steph, you're free to join us. I have wine coolers and Beauty and the Beast on DVD." She raised an eyebrow to entice Stephanie into accepting the tempting offer.
"Let's blow this popsicle stand," Stephanie agreed.
As they began to make their way towards the exit, Bella could feel Jasper's gaze lingering on her, the weight of his stare pressing against her. What he wanted from her, she didn't know. What she wanted from him was, well, quite a lot.
She fought the urge to look back. Deep down, she yearned to. She was afraid she would never see him again. Afraid that, like the Cullens before, he would leave her to be the sole keeper of secrets, her resolve crumbled as they reached the threshold, and Bella stole one last glance over her shoulder, meeting Jasper's gaze for a fleeting moment.
Suddenly, she felt a calmness that was unlike the feeling Jasper used earlier to relax her. It was assuredness, a sense of knowing.
Bella would see him again.
She gulped as she stepped back out into the chilly night, unsure whether she wanted that anymore.
A/N: Let me know what you think! Would love any feedback or thoughts. Things are only going to get crazier from here. ;)
Song in this chapter is Hold Me Now by Thompson Twins. It creeped me out thinking about this romantic song playing in the background when the blinking contest between Jasper and Bella is very tense.