Chapter 2: Divide and Conquer

Harry and Hermione were still dealing with the fall-out of their two best mates getting together weeks after it happened. The charismatic quartet had naturally splintered into two distinct pairs, one of which was romantically involved with each other, while leaving the other pair heartbroken and on the outside looking in.

Walking with Hermione between classes one day in the corridor bordering the courtyard, Harry couldn't help but replay over again in his mind their conversation from the night that Neville and Luna had first snogged.

"How does it feel, Harry? When you…. watch Luna…. I see the way you look at her…. You're my best friend…."

"It feels like this…."

This, of course, being the sensation of being branded with a hot-poker whenever he so much as came across Luna caressing her lips against Neville's. For a couple of social outcasts, the hapless Gryffindor and barmy Ravenclaw had managed to achieve some competence in snogging, even with tongue.

The way Neville and Luna were clearly kissing now, as if each was intent on extracting the other's tonsils using nothing but their tongues. Rounding the corner, Hermione jerked to a halt, her chocolate-brown eyes landing on where Neville's one palm was greedily cupping the swell of Luna's breast through her robes, the other hand groping her bum where it now sat astride his lap.

With remarkable dignity, Hermione straightened and murmured with belying calm, "Excuse me, I think I have to go vomit…." Turning on her heel, she flounced away, leaving poor Harry in the lurch to watch his other best girl friend making out with his and Hermione's best mate.

"Wha….? – Hermione?... Hermione!"

Harry chased Hermione back down the corridor, hoping to head her off before she entered the girls' lavatory. But Hermione didn't appear to be on a path for the loo. She stalked into the library instead, still stewing, leaving Harry no choice but to pursue her through the bookshelves.

"Hermione…. I know you're bothered about seeing Neville kissing…"

"The man is at perfect liberty to kiss whomever he likes! I really couldn't care less!" Hermione growled, her tone not entirely convincing as she plucked a book off the shelf.

"I know you don't care," Harry lied for the both of them. "But I just think we're running out of options here except to be supportive. They're our best mates, and they've found each other. Shouldn't we be happy for them?"

Hermione spun about, her brown curls tousling. "She's…. she's not right for him!" she spluttered. "You know I love Lu, but she still believes in the daftest things, with her head in the clouds, and she's an entirely unserious person….!"

Harry smiled sympathetically. "She also makes our Neville really happy," he explained gently.

"I know that!" Hermione snapped, sniffed. "He must be feel jolly good playing tag in her willing mouth!" She folded her arms, steaming.

"And what ruddy else would you expect a bloke to be feeling snogging a girl, especially if she's willing? Would you be any less willing if it was you Nev was kissing?"

"Of course not me!" Hermione twittered, again unconvincingly. She just about scoffed. "Don't be daft!" Harry watched curiously as she blinked back tears. "I just… I don't want him to get hurt. Neville needs someone who will ground him! Bolster his confidence!"

Harry smirked. "What makes you think Luna isn't doing just that? More to the point, why do you think you would do it better?"

"Honestly, Harry!"

"You didn't pretend that you weren't upset the other night, on the steps with me," Harry pointed out knowingly. "Do me the courtesy of not starting now."

Hermione unclenched her body a little, though she gave no verbal acknowledgement. Harry decided to take the win.

"So," he changed the subject. "Are you going to Slughorn's Christmas party?"

She rolled her eyes. "I suppose I'll have to. Besides, you know Neville will be there: this is the first time he's been in any kind of social elite!"

Harry smiled, knowing Hermione would brave any dull party just to spend more time with Neville, even if she wouldn't be the first to admit it. "You'll have to find someone to take, then."

"Oh, tish tosh!" Hermione snorted. "Anyway, you first!"

"Hmm. All right…." Harry smirked, relishing the game, their banter, glancing about. "What about if I took that bird over there, eh?"

"The one who's been making eyes at you for the last ten minutes? That wench is Romilda Vane, Ravenclaw. Luna warned me about her."

"Then maybe it's better that Luna's the wench who's gone and seduced our Neville, rather than her," Harry quibbled wittily. Hermione's brown eyes expanded over just what he was insinuating, and her cheeks had flushed pink. Peering around her, Harry studied Romilda Vane, jumping only when Hermione snapped her fingers over his head.

"Hey! She's only interested in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One!"

"…. But I am the Chosen One."

Hermione thwapped him over the head with a ream of parchment.

"Right. Sorry…. Kidding…." He straightened his glasses where they had gone askew. "Fine. I'll ask someone I like. Someone cool…." He appraised her for a moment; Hermione noticed.

"Honestly, Harry!"

"What? You know we'd just be going as friends…." His hazel-green eyes suddenly twinkled. "Unless we wanted to give two certain somebodies something to talk about and make them jealous."

To his surprise, Hermione snorted. "Those two wouldn't come up for air long enough to notice, even if we did try to make them jealous!" The thought of her and Harry pretending to be anything more, even just to get a reaction, was absurd, even as it also amused her. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in her head. "At any rate, I have a better idea…."

Harry pursed his lips in wary bemusement. Not that Hermione's ideas weren't almost always brilliant, mind, but still…. "What did you have in mind?"

"You know Neville's going to want to ask Luna to the Christmas party. She won't get in otherwise; she's not a member of the Slug Club the way the rest of us are! Unless, of course…. We ask them first."

"What do you mean?"

Hermione smirked and rolled her eyes. "I'll ask Neville to accompany me to the party, while you take Luna!"

Harry frowned. "Wouldn't that be a little dubious to ask out somebody else's boyfriend or girlfriend, especially since we are fully aware that our Lu and our Nev are a couple?"

Hermione ignored him. "So long as we ask each of them before they ask each other, we could get away with it. We're their best mates! What are they gonna do – turn us down? Besides: I've got a favor to return, and asking Neville out would do it!" She shrugged. "We all get what we want, Harry. Everybody wins."

Harry nodded leerily. "Except for Neville and Luna…." He muttered under his breath. While he was likely as jealous as Hermione felt (or more accurately, was pretending not to feel), moving between the couple didn't seem like the most considerate choice.

But Hermione's mind was made up. And when Hermione Granger made her mind up, there was little anyone could do but hang on for the ride.

Harry was surprised and thrilled when Luna actually did agree to attend the Slug Club Christmas party on his arm. Hermione appeared to have equal luck with Neville, appearing ecstatic that she got to return the favor from Neville's taking her to the Yule Ball two years ago. When Harry left her back in the Gryffidor Common Room to go pick up Luna at Ravenclaw Tower, his best girl was primping and preening, though tastefully, so that Neville could call on her as his date.

The Christmas party began with an ice cream social. From where he was seated next to Luna across the table, Harry noticed how Hermione lay a gentle hand over Neville's palm, stilling how they were shaking over his bowl of ice cream, and gave him a gentle smile. If Luna was miffed that someone else had deigned to take her boyfriend to a social function, she didn't let on from where she serenely sat next to Harry.

In fact, the most awkward moment of the ice cream social when Slughorn asked Hermione, "Now Ms. Granger, tell me: your parents are Muggles, yes? What do they do?"

"Oh. Um…." Hermione bit her lip, glancing shyly once to Neville as her cheeks turned pinks. "They work as dentists." There was a long, awkward silence as everyone glanced down at their bowls of half-melted ice cream almost guiltily, newly remined of their sweet tooth's over-indulgence.

Music and dancing followed. Luna seemed bright and gay, spinning about in Harry's arms, even as Harry was ever conscientious about not getting too comfortable at the feel of her in his embrace; his two left feet helped in preventing any kind of amorous temptation from translating into intent.

Glancing across the floor, Harry noted how Neville had clearly not improved in any of his dancing abilities since two Christmases ago, holding Hermione at arm's length and glancing down to count his steps. He seemed not aware at how she was smiling at him kindly, encouraging him to dance with her.

"Did you know that Nargles can put mad thoughts in your head?"

"Huh? What was that, Lu?" Harry blinked.

"I said, did you know that Nargles like to put mad thoughts in your head? They tend to burrow in mistletoe," the understatedly pretty Ravenclaw said.

Harry tried not to be too eager in scanning the rafters for any sprigs – it would be the perfect excuse to try and kiss Luna, and even if she objected on ethical or fidelity grounds, he could always explain his actions away as being in the spirit of the season.

Sadly, no sprigs were forthcoming, and he eventually retreated to behind a tapestry to cool off. He was startled when he was suddenly joined behind the fabric of artwork by a flushed and even shaken Hermione.

"Are you all right? Where's Neville?"

"That pig Cormac McLaggen was trying to cut in and dance with me… under the mistletoe! Poor Nev – you know how he struggles to stand up for himself. I left them after punching Cormac."

"Mistletoe? Where?" Harry peeked out from behind the tapestry briefly, scanning for a sprig that he could maneuver Luna under. Then he did an auditory double take. "Hang on: did you just say you punched McLaggen….?"

"GRANGER?!"

"Oh, no! Here he comes!" Hermione squeaked, ducking away.

"Maybe find Nev and dance with him again!" Harry hissed to her retreating back. "That'll get McLaggen to back off!"

The pair of best friends were lucky that boyfriend and girlfriend Neville and Luna hadn't gravitated back towards each other in their respective dance partners' absences. Harry was the first to leave the party, spotting Hermione resting her head on a frozen and nervous Neville's shoulder during a slow dance. The Boy Who Lived escorted Luna home. Leaving her off at the entrance to the Ravenclaw Common Room, studying how her blonde hair in ringlets caught the holiday lights, he had never been more tempted than to dive in and snog those lips right off. Only basic morality, friendship and loyalty held Harry back.

Though he did part from Luna with a friendly handshake. And even, on his part, a daring peck on the cheek. He had felt her jerk in slight surprise when his lips brushed her skin, but Harry didn't bother to read her reaction, instead floating home towards the Gryffindor Common Room on a kind of love-struck cloud.

He wondered if Hermione wouldn't be so constrained by ethics and just dive in for a full-blown snog on the lips with Neville, if for no other reason than to slam the proverbial door in that git Cormac McLaggen's face. Judging by the exhausted and pining and crestfallen expression on her face at breakfast the next morning, however, it was clear that Hermione had missed her chance for a good kiss as well.

Well, that made two of them. Two lost souls, unlucky in love.