It's My Life
Aside from dinner being eaten and everyone just keeping an eye on Harry; it was a quiet evening. In worry that Harry might not be alright, and wanting to be there for him; everyone decided to stay in the great room overnight. Remus, Severus, and Lucius took shifts making sure nothing happened. The next morning came fast and it was now 10:00 am, the group already had breakfast and remained in place for Harry to wake up, which sadly, had not happened yet even though Severus said he was sure Harry would.
"Why isn't he up yet?!" Remus asked Severus.
"I don't know, Remus. He didn't knock unconscious, so he's not comatose. It was just a sleeping draught, so either his body is keeping him asleep to heal or he was really tired." Severus informed. "Stop your howling…" He remarked.
"Severus!" Minerva's voice came through the fireplace. "Why was I not informed immediately that Harry was taken prisoner by death eaters at the train station!?"
"Calm yourself, Minerva." Severus told her.
"I will not! And I'm coming through with the Order." Minerva huffed.
Before Severus could say anything else, the fire call ended. Severus sighed and just waited as Minerva was through first, then as expected, the Weasley's along with Kingsley, Alastor, and Tonks. Right behind them was Neville, Luna, Seamus, and Dean.
"Minerva, this was hardly necessary to involve the children. You said the Order, and this is not even all of them." Remus remarked.
"I'll not hear it, Remus. They're worried about their friend considering it was plastered all over the Daily Prophet this morning." Minerva scolded. "Harry Potter taken prisoner by death eaters being the headline with a shot of Harry being held at knife point by Bellatrix Lestrange, and the scene of him backing away from the group he port-keyed away!" She shoved the paper into Remus's hands, who looked it over, and then gave it to Severus.
"We're mobilizing the Order to find Harry…" Alastor said.
"There isn't a need for that because Harry's right here," Lucius motioned to the couch. "He didn't return unscathed, but he did get himself out and return here last night."
"We don't read the Daily Prophet here because that Skeeter woman is a menace, and this proves it." Severus stated calmly.
"She wasn't even around yesterday, the platform was about empty except for us." Pansy mentioned.
"Skeeter is an unregistered animagus, a beetle. You never would have seen her as herself." Hermione informed. "It's how she gets so many stories on Harry, because no one knows she's around."
"How badly is he hurt?" Kingsley asked.
"Basic spell damage in the form of cuts, bruises, and burns. The worst was the dagger he took to the stomach…" Remus stated. "He's been out since last night."
"How long was he gone?" Molly asked.
"An hour." Narcissa said.
"You should have told us right away, Severus." Alastor remarked.
"We made him wait." Lucius remarked. "Harry obviously knew he could get away at the station and didn't, so we feel there was a reason he let them take him so easily."
"Why on Earth wouldn't he just power up and force Bellatrix to let go of him? Then stayed with all of you to portkey home…It doesn't make any sense why he'd stay when he had a chance to get home too, to avoid the fight altogether." Remus remarked.
"What portkey?" Kingsley asked.
"His Potter lordship ring is a portkey right home when he activates it. Yesterday, Harry removed the ring and made Draco hold onto it when he backed out, then called the activation word to send them here while he stayed back." Severus stated. "That's the scene you see on the paper. Harry activated his own portkey to save the others."
"Then he had nothing to get back himself with!" Minerva said quickly.
"He had his Black lordship ring, but that should have taken him to Grimmauld. Somehow, he ended up here." Narcissa informed.
"Unless that's what he wanted…" Blaise offered as the adults stared at him. "Getting captured, or letting them take him so easily. What if that's what Harry wanted. A chance to be taken right to him? Voldemort has done more to Harry than anyone else, it's not like Harry doesn't have a reason to want revenge on the guy."
"Harry doesn't seem like the revenge type…" Ron stated.
"That's not entirely true." Lucius said. "Harry was angry and upset enough to cast a wordless Crucio on Bellatrix after Sirius died. Using an unforgivable when he knows they're illegal? Thank Merlin it was wordless and failed or I despair to think of the trouble he'd be in."
"He what?" Alastor asked.
"The battle at the ministry, when Harry made Bellatrix trip during the chase. Harry cast a wordless Cruciatus, but it failed and just made her trip, then fall." Severus sighed. "It failed because despite how angry and upset he was…He didn't truly want to hurt her. And everyone knows that when you cast Crucio, you have to want to hurt someone. You have to mean it. Harry's suffered the cruciatus before and he's too kind a person to want that pain on someone else, no matter who they are."
"Maybe he didn't go for revenge…" Draco suggested. "What point would there have been? He knows he can't kill Voldemort without destroying those pieces of his soul."
Narcissa's eyes widened with realization. "He went for information."
"What?" Severus demanded instantly.
"What about soul pieces?" Kingsley inquired. "Why are we not being kept informed of things regarding the dark lord? It's essential to his defeat."
"Harry is the only one with the power to vanquish the dark lord, so let's not start throwing around us defeating him." Lucius rolled his eyes. "The rest of us are back up to deal with the death eaters or act as a distraction."
"It's something Dumbledore told Harry the day he got sentenced, that the dark lord has pieces of his soul hidden and it's why we can destroy his body, but not him. At current standing…He's immortal as long as his soul is split up and hidden." Severus explained. "It's what Harry's been researching since June, last year. We've been able to assist in offering the only way you split your soul. Acts that violate nature. Murder. As for the pieces…We don't know."
"But we know Harry had a piece of the dark lord's soul inside him." Remus reminded. "The piece that ended up there when Lily put herself between Voldemort and Harry. It was the reason he had a link with Voldemort. A piece of him was living inside Harry all these years. Dumbledore told Harry at the trial before the sentencing that he had to die to kill the piece. Harry had to die for the dark lord to die."
"Oh my gods…So Harry's going to die either way. He's meant to be a sacrificial lamb?" Minerva put a hand to her heart. "Dumbledore knew this? He was actively trying to raise Harry like a pig for slaughter, so he could die at the right moment?!" Severus nodded to her. "I swear to Merlin, I want him back so I can kill him myself! I said it over and over again that Potter was a boy, not a piece of meat. That it was wrong to just offer him up as bait. I said it. You heard me say it in fourth year, Severus!"
"Yes I did…" Severus replied.
"Harry's not going to die so Voldemort can be killed because Harry already made that sacrifice. During the ministry battle, when he let the dark lord kill him on purpose." Draco mumbled. "Harry knew it would need to happen, so he just let it happen. What Dumbledore was wrong about was Harry coming back to life…So now the piece is gone. The next time Harry gets killed, he'll stay dead. That piece of Voldemort living in him was his one return from the dead card."
"Now, what were you saying, Narcissa? Harry went along with being taken prisoner for information?" Severus asked the woman.
"Severus, think about it for a moment…None of us can figure out why Harry would back out of the circle to portkey home. The standard reasoning would dictate that Harry knew anyone holding on would end up transported here, so he removed himself to get the kids out safely. That leaves him there to fight alone with full focus on the fight rather than the extras he'd have to watch out for." Narcissa revealed. "However, as you mentioned, Harry could have powered up and forced Bellatrix to let go of him…So it seems more like he allowed himself to be taken because he knew the others wouldn't hurt him. The dark lord told us many times that he would be the one to kill Harry…"
"Narcissa is right, my friend. Harry being there wasn't an accident, he allowed it and not to fight or kill Voldemort because he knew he couldn't kill him, as Draco stated. Can't kill him yet at least and the only thing we know that will allow Voldemort to die is destroying those soul pieces that we know nothing about other than the one that lived inside Harry himself, which is gone now." Lucius added.
"Harry allowed himself to be captured and taken to Voldemort to get information on the one thing we don't have anything about. The soul pieces. The ambush wasn't planned, that did take Harry by surprise…But then he saw an opening to get into the fold, and took it. Harry went as a prisoner to be a spy."
Severus realized how right they were. Harry could have gotten away and home safely, but chose to back away and stay behind. Nothing else made sense, Harry wanted information and the best way to get what he was looking for was from the source itself. Damn that boy!
Severus was going to have a long talk with Harry about his decision to inadvertently be a spy after the argument he made for Severus to stop. Because it risked his life and Harry didn't want to lose him. Harry turned around and risked himself as a spy, and got himself hurt. Severus could have lost him. Oh, they were going to have a long, serious talk when Harry was healed and awake.
"I suppose now the only real questions are did Harry get whatever it was he wanted from being there. How much did he suffer? What happened? And when will he wake up?" Arthur looked at the others.
"We'll just have to wait…" Remus mumbled.
"Then we're all waiting here…" Alastor said.
What more could they do? Harry was still out and the only one with answers. It was a waiting game.
. . .
A few more hours went by before it was 3:00 in the afternoon. Everyone ate lunch, and continued to talk about theories of what could have happened to Harry. It was so odd and worrying to see Harry lying motionless on the couch close to the fireplace for warmth. The only thing they had to go on that Harry was alive was the fact he was breathing. It was something that Severus personally kept looking over to check and it was surreal to everyone else there to see Severus so alarmed and concerned for one person. Once upon a time, the only people he truly cared for in life were Lily Evans, before she married Potter, and Severus's mother, Eileen Prince-Snape.
After that, Severus's friends Lucius and Narcissa, who he met in school and was beside when he joined Voldemort years ago as a seventeen year old. Then there was Draco, who Severus was chosen to be godfather for. Besides those people, nobody else got that kind of care. Harry had probably moved into spot number one as Severus's son.
"We should check over him, Severus…Make sure nothing is infected?" Remus suggested.
Severus nodded as he went over to Harry and started looking him over, checking the wounds. Everything seemed fine, but Severus did redress Harry's stomach wound; it looked a lot better today and nearly closed. "He's alright. Everything is healing as it should." Severus reported.
"He'll wake soon." Molly assured. "Not much keeps Harry down for long."
As if on cue, Harry groaned and turned his head a bit before his eyes opened slowly and he was looking around at everyone there.
"Harry…Thank Merlin you're awake…" Severus sighed in relief as he knelt down and placed a kiss on Harry's forehead. "Gave us quite the scare."
"Sorry…" Harry tried to sit up, but failed.
"Stay down, your stomach isn't healed yet." Severus told him. "Are you in pain?"
"A little, but not unbearable." Harry told him. "I'm glad all of you got back here safely." He said to his boyfriend and Slytherin friends.
"Yes, indeed…Now, maybe you can tell us why the hell you didn't just power up and get Bellatrix to back off to come too?!" Draco scolded.
"You were too close for me to do that. It's defensive, you would have gotten hurt so I made a decision to remove myself and get you out of danger." Harry informed. "That was my job. Keep the students safe as they deboarded the train and met up with their parents or guardians. Boyfriend and friends do not change the job I signed up for. You were in danger, I kept you safe." He stated.
"And maybe you can explain why it is that when they were safe, you didn't power up and get yourself away?" Severus asked calmly. "It's all over the paper, Harry," He showed his son the headline. "You just standing there and letting them take you. Why?"
"I had a reason." Harry told him.
"Would you like to share?" Remus questioned.
"No, but I know you're not gonna let it go so…" Harry paused for a moment. "I wanted information and since I can't get it anywhere else…I went right to the source. I went with a plan and it went about exactly as I expected it would. I'm fine."
"You were not fine! You got captured and taken to Voldemort's base and returned to us burned, cut, bruised, and with a poisoned dagger in your gut!" Severus said firmly. "Harry, had you not gotten back when you did and that poison sat too long without a counter; I would not have been able to save you."
"Okay, the dagger wasn't part of the plan, but she threw it in the middle of me port-keying out. I had no way to stop it." Harry stated.
"Merlin, Harry…" Draco sighed.
"You're being extremely calm and relaxed about this situation when it's, in fact, pretty serious, Harry…You willingly got taken to the base and took all this torture, just for information. You're not a spy! You're just a-," Severus started.
"A child?" Harry finished for him. "Is that what you were going to say, Dad? Because you know I'm not. Haven't been since September 1st, when I passed NEWTs and the ministry accepted me as a fully trained adult wizard with all the allowances of being of age." He reminded. "It's right there on the mantle."
"But you are still my son." Severus told him.
"You make it sound like you don't trust my ability to protect myself. I have a mastery in defense, do you really think all this was from torture?" Harry asked. "Because it wasn't. All this came from the escape battle where it was one against ten death eaters and Voldemort himself. Yes, I took some damage, but not a single one of them hit me with anything severe or deadly."
"That dagger you took wasn't even a spell and it could have killed you!" Severus stated. "You would have died and we already exhausted your one escape death free card! I told you no more risks to your life because we could lose you for good."
"You're not going to lose me. I'm okay, home safe and sound." Harry argued.
"We could have lost you last night if you hadn't appeared the moment that dagger struck you. Why isn't this sinking in that you could have died, Harry. We could have lost you! I could have lost you! I don't want that!" Severus scolded his son. "Remember? You made me promise to never take the risks that could make you lose me."
He paused. "And I did, Harry. I made you the unbreakable vow I'd never go back to Voldemort or spy again. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to have to sit here, wondering if you were alright? I couldn't do anything to help because I'm unable to go search for you. Rescue you because I'm under a vow that will kill me instantly if I break!?"
"That's a vow you chose to make, you can't guilt-trip me for your choice." Harry told him.
"A choice I made for you!" Severus said. "Because I never wanted you to worry about losing me again. Because you said you wouldn't be able to take it. Wouldn't be able to handle it." He reminded. "I made that choice to stop spying, for you. So you could have some peace of mind that I wouldn't rush off at a summons and get killed. I didn't even make that promise to your mother and that's why we never fixed our friendship."
"Because I wouldn't give up the dark arts for her, despite the friendship, despite the love. I didn't stop doing what I wanted for her." The man stated. "But I gave up being a spy for your own safety, for you. If I'd been in the loop as a spy, I'd have known about the ambush and could have ensured the Order was there as protection. But I gave it up for you, for your sanity, because you're my son and I love you, and nothing will ever mean more to me than you."
Harry stared at him. "I gave it up for you, but you're so willing to throw yourself back into the fire and risk your own life? I have to promise you not to spy anymore for your peace of mind, but you risk your life to spy for information? Where's my peace of mind? Harry, I already lost your mother. I may not have fixed the friendship, but as soon as the dark lord targeted you…I put my life on the line to change sides to keep her safe and when she died; I barely survived. And I never got over losing her." Severus reminded.
"I kept my life on the line all these years to protect you because you…You are the one thing I have left of her besides memories and I am not about to lose you too. I promised you when I adopted you that I wouldn't lose someone else I care about. I won't lose you, Harry. I can't lose my son. If you say you can't lose another father because it'll destroy you…Then I can't lose someone else I care about because it'll destroy me." Severus stated.
"I am begging you, Harry…" Severus said while on his knees next to the couch. "Literally on my knees begging you to never do something like this again. I know risks are inevitable…But this was not one you needed to make. Please?...Promise me, please, that you will never do something like this again. And I want your word, Harry. Not the unbreakable vow, but your absolute word that you won't do this again. Do not ever willingly put your life at risk. No spying. For the love of Merlin, please do not try this again. It's not worth your life. It's not worth us losing you. Please? Please, son? Your word. Give me your word because I know you don't lie and you never break it."
Harry sighed. God, he and Severus really were alike. The same kind of breakdown over the same thing and using the same lines in different contexts. "I give you my word I'll never do something like this again."
"Good. Good, thank you." Severus hugged him and kissed his forehead. "We'll figure out this soul thing together, we don't need him."
"Not anymore we don't." Harry remarked. "I got the information I wanted and Voldemort has no idea that I know, so I'm about to destroy him right under his non-existent nose."