Chapter 1: Danzaburo and Zorori: Tails of Horror

Two figures sat around a fire. One was a small tanuki, his fur was brown predominantly, save for his eye mask, his ringed, bushy tail and his arms and legs. The other was a kitsune, with bright red fur all over, save for the tips of his tails, all of which were pure black. Both were dressed inconspicuously, in large, black cloaks. It was important nobody saw them. The fire shone off half of Danzaburo's face, as it glowed and crackled and hissed in the darkness of the woods. Zorori sat hunched, listening to the tanuki.

"Teke-teke-teke, and there was nothing more, but the sound of her spine dragging across the ground." Danzaburo finished grandly. He waited a short while for the kitsune to give his opinion. Then he heard light snoring. "Do you mind!?" He snapped suddenly. Zorori was probably one of the only people alive the Spy of a Thousand Scents showed his emotions to.

"Huh-wai-what? Oh yeah." The kitsune gave a long fake shiver. "That was really scary Danza-sama."

The tanuki frowned at him. "You were asleep."

Zorori yawned loudly. "Sorry." He stood up and stretched, his ten tails rolling up and curling.

"But you missed the whole Teke-teke story!" Danzaburo protested.

Zorori was yawning again. "Yeah, I already know it. Some rice farmer sliced someone in half by accident and buried her legs, but couldn't find the other half of her. Then he found her in his bed when he got home and" he yawned again, his eyes watering. "You know the rest. Speaking of home though, I should probably be getting back." He turned and walked away. "Night Danza-san!"

Danzaburo was annoyed as he watched the kitsune walking away. He had tried his best to make the stories unique and frightening, and in the end the fox had walked away falling asleep… Then an idea struck him… He hadn't really been trying his hardest, had he?

Zorori was whistling as he went, paws in his pockets, his ten tails blowing in the wind behind him. His whistling was echoing through the forest, bouncing around from tree to tree. It was almost scary, but Zorori had never really cared about much. He stopped whistling abruptly as he spotted something rising from out of the bushes. His tails whirled into one, and he approached cautiously.

"Hello?" He called. "Who's there?" His questions echoed around him. The figure turned to him. And pulled down her hood.

She was gorgeous, with wonderful, shining silver fur, deep green eyes and a fan held shyly over her muzzle. She giggled. "Do I look pretty?"

"Yes!" Zorori said automatically. There really was no other answer, she was so, so-

She removed her fan, to reveal a ripped muzzle, and bloodstained teeth.

"How about now?" She asked, her voice deep and threatening.

Zorori stumbled for an answer and heard Danzaburo's voice echoing in his head. "Kuchisake-Onna they call her now. She was once the most beautiful woman in the world, until her husband caught her with her lover. He ripped open her face, and left her only her lover to eat. So she roams the land, looking for a loved one… To devour!"

"Am I beautiful?" She growled again.

"You look like a treeeeee!" Zorori screamed, racing away from her deep, hungry, eyes. The only way to escape her was to confuse her. And now she had to ask someone was a tree good looking. Once he had ran far enough he pulled himself together. She wasn't chasing after him, he would get home. Zorori breathed a sigh of relief.

Then he heard a noise. Teke-teke. Teke-teke. Ears raised, eyes widened in fear, Zorori turned to see the top half of a cat racing after him, dragging her exposed spine behind her and leaving a trail of blood.

"AAAAAAIEEEEEE!" He shot off again, but tripped on a tree root, rolled across the dirt and got up, face to face with a large, red, grinning mouth on a tree.

"The Jubokko, a tree that is infested with the ghosts of the unavenged dead, that snatches all who travel past, in case it's the one that wronged them." Came Danza's voice.

"AAAAAAAAIEEEEE!" Came Zorori's scream as he tried to back away, tripped over a root and was wrapped up in it's vines. The tree dangled the young fox upside down over it's wide, blood-stained mouth.

"They come after battles, and stay until they have fed enough, or avenged themselves."

"I didn't kill you!" Zorori shrieked as the mouth opened impossibly wide, revealing a pile of bloody skeletons within.

Screaming, Zorori expanded his tails and managed to slip through the roots, before running away as fast as he could.

He was soon out of breath and gulping for air, and relaxed against a-he checked- normal tree. Then he heard a snarl from behind him, and turned to see a kitsune, three tails stiff and rigid, growling at him, fangs bared, it's muzzle bloody. It was as large as a leopard and growling.

"A feral kitsune is a creature that is rarely seen or heard of. It exists to grow stronger, believing the number of tails connotes strength. To get more tails, the kitsune devours the hearts of it's victim, and their soul with it!"

"Um, b-bad doggie!" Zorori whimpered.

The kitsune lunged, while the smaller one dived away. Zorori got up and was disappearing through the trees. He hoped that the kitsune found Kuchisake-Onna, or Teke-teke, so long as it didn't find him!

He fell on his face again and looked up. Then he threw his paws over his eyes. "Oh my god! Put something on!"

"The feral tanuki… Nothing to see here." Even Danza's inner monologue was lost for words!

Zorori got up as the dumb raccoon was smacking it's belly and showing off it's abnormally-sized-

The kitsune peeled his eyes away. "Seriously…get some pants or something!" Zorori walked away, more weirded out by this last encounter than frightened.

As he was finding his way back he spotted the fire from earlier, and remembered Danzaburo. Deciding he would warn the tanuki he raced towards it. The tanuki's back was to him and something was burning in the fire.

"Danza-san! I know you might not believe me, but this is important! There's a creepy tree! Kuchisake-Onna, Teke-teke, some mad kitsune and a tanuki who really needs some underwear! Danza-san this is-"

Then he spotted what was being cooked, Danzaburo was roasting over a fire and standing in his place was someone else.

They turned to the frightened kitsune. "Hello! Who's Danza-san?"

It was Kuchisake-Onna.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Zorori turned tails and ran away.

For the upteenth time he tripped, and landed on his face. On a giant web….

"Well hello." It was yet another monster. Half spider, half female bird, and was smiling at him as she approached on it's eight, large and hairy legs.

He shrieked and tried to pull free.

"It's okay. You must be cold. Let me get you warmed up!"

"No! Nonononononononononono!" He thrashed wildly, madly. He wasn't going to die! He still had his whole life ahead of him! As he was struggling, he didn't notice that the spider-lady had begun laughing, and that it was in the voice of Danzaburo, he also didn't notice that the web had become tar-coated rope.

Eventually he stopped thrashing and glared at the tanuki.

"Think this is funny?" He asked, trying to hold onto what was left of his dignity.

Danzaburo was doubled over with laughter, if you saw him now you'd have never believed he was a capable spy and competent killer. "You-should-have-seen-your-face!" He breathed between laughs. Eventually he managed to calm himself. "And your screams. 'AAAAAAAAIEEEEE!'" He doubled over again as Zorori pulled himself free of the tar-coated rope. The kitsune would have been angry, but he figured he'd have done the same if he had thought of it first. He would also have been laughing madly if it had been someone else that had gone through his ordeal.

"The Jubokko was cool, and Kuchisake-Onna was perfect. But the teke-teke was a little disappointing."

Danzaburo sobered up suddenly. "What teke-teke?"

"You know, the one that chased me. Aw come on man, you don't have to keep up the illusion!"

She was dragging herself forwards again, her spine making the noise that was her name-sake.

"That's not my illusion." Danzaburo whispered.

Zorori's eyes widened. "It's not?"

"On the count of three, we run."

"Got it!"

"One…"

Teke-teke.

"Two…"

Teke-teke.

"Three!"

Zorori turned and bolted, right into the web. Then the air was once again alive with Danzaburo's laughter.

Footnote: Happy Halloween! While I don't have four stories to publish like last year, I did make several 'early Halloween' ones, like the remake of Haunted House and Chillius, this year Journey to Japan has lead us to this.

Originally I think it was just Han Guan meeting Kuchisake-Onna, but I decided that it was a little plain. Then this came along after Zorori and Danzaburo's sort of friendship and Berserker88 cleverly suggested using more than one Japanese legend. I have taken some liberties, but they are scary stories on all of the things Zorori encountered, except maybe the tanuki.

While Zorori did fall asleep I do think that he was paying attention beforehand, notice that the Teke-teke doesn't have a Danza 'monologue'. I could say it's a purposeful device used to show that Zorori wasn't paying attention, but that's just English Literature talking. Interpret it (or rather don't XD) as you will.

I also would like to point out that as far as Halloween fics go... This one is mostly funny.

Zorori is mine.

Danzaburo belongs to Berserker88.

Scary stories belong to Japanese folklore.

This might get editted later, it's just more fitting to publish on Halloween itself.

Anyways, happy candying!

Chapter 2: Suna's Orphanage: Under The Bed

Li I sucked at his paw diligently all the way through dinner. He was thinking. Very deeply. The rabbit was determined to find something out.

He was an orphan, or at least he lived inside an orphanage. But he knew in his heart of hearts that his father was still alive. For he could not be dead. Because if he was dead Li I would know. What he was thinking about was something far more important than the massive piles of dumplings being devoured in front of him.

What is under a bed in the dark?

Being young he had never bothered to check. He knew that some of the other orphans asked Mrs Yang, the kindly sheep who was the orphanage keeper, to check under their beds at night... but he was not sure why.

All day he'd been asking people about it.

"Mrs Yang?"

The elderly sheep sighed. "Yes?"

She must have been very tired. Well... being in charge of an orphanage was very tiring. "What is under a bed in the dark?"

The sheep cocked her head to the side. "Why... nothing." She then smiled warmly. "Perhaps some dust if Mung forgot to sweep the floor."

But that seemed unlikely... if there was nothing under a bed, then why did the other orphans ask about it? There had to be something more. So he had asked Mung. The orphanage cook and janitor.

"Under a bed? At night?" Mung's eyes widened in mock-horror... not that Li knew it was 'mock' horror.

Li I nodded, sucking his paw determinedly.

"Why... only the most ferocious beast known to animalkind!" He hopped onto a stool so that the young rabbit was not looking down at him. Being a rat meant he was smaller than... Pretty much the entire orphanage. Except that one kid that was a hamster. Mung stretched his paws wide above his head, making himself seem larger than he was. "It has claws and teeth bigger than me! And a tail full of big, fat spikes! It's jaws stretch open wide, wide, wide!" Mung stretched his paws into the air as far as he could reach. "And it's so big that it can swallow up naughty children whole and kicking! Especially those who steal from my kitchens." The fat little rat ended his tale with a confident smirk and paws crossed over his tiny chest.

"If it's so big, how does it fit under my bed?"

The cook failed to answer that question.

Next Li I had asked Fidget the half-bat (half-bat because he missed one leg, an eye and parts of one wing), another orphan like him. Only he was an orphan because criminals didn't make good parents. The bat had shrugged.

"I never checked. But I heard that To-Mi tried to hide Lee's umbrella under a loose floorboard under his bed."

So not even Fidget and all his gossip could answer his question. He'd next asked another orphan.

"Flower?"

The skunk looked up at him from where he sat, drawing an exaggerated depiction of Mung. "Yes Li?"

"Do you know what's under a bed in the night?"

Flower gave him the strangest looks. The skunk chewed on his claws, worry creeping in on his face. "It's... A... Giant nose. And... It's judge-medal."

Li I frowned. "Why's there a giant nose under our beds?"

The skunk shrugged rigidly, as if scared to do so. "Lee said so anyways." He swallowed heavily and checked to see if anyone was listening. "B-but I'm too scared to check."

"Alright, time for bed." Mrs Yang announced. Her decree was met with familiar groans and muffled protests. She shook a hoof in their direction. "Don't make me drag you there."

Shuffling footsteps and the sound of stools scraping against the floor filled the hall. Yet all Li heard was his own voice.

What is under a bed in the dark?

By now Li I was back in bed. Dinner was over and he was alone in his mess of a room. There were no lights and all was dark. He swallowed heavily.

Flower was brave enough to admit he was scared. But Li was not scared. He was brave like his father would want him to be. He crawled to the edge of his bed, uncomfortably aware of every sound his body made as it moved. He leaned over the edge and peered into the darkness.

There was no dust, for the underside of his bed was the only clean part of his room. There was no gigantic monster ready to eat him for robbing Mung's kitchens. Lee's umbrella was also not present and there were no giant noses to be found either. Unfortunately there was also no trace of his father. All there was... Was darkness...

Li I frowned and settled back into his bed. There was nothing under it. Just the air and the night.

Evidently noone other than Mrs Yang and himself... had been brave enough to look.

Footnote: The Halloween Special is a staple of mine. Didn't have much idea of what to do this year up until this morning. Hence this short little story. Clearing up my profile a bit so here we have this new fic that is... Kinda gonna be filled with short stories. Some may be longer than one chapter mind you. It's also where I focus on characters like Crotos Quillus, Splintnose and co. Might also bring in Cheesethief. This is also where all the Suna's Orphanage's shorts will get put. As well as any other shorts relevant to Group I. I've got a whole bunch planned out but I am also open to requests. The same thing will eventually get done for Each Group.

I'll also move all my older fics into one story. Gotta clear up this stuff.

Enjoy.

Chapter 3: Jin And Wan: Murder Vows

For any other pair of lovers Wan's next words would have been the norm. But for Jin the Assassin and Wan Wu, their next task was almost impossible.

"Let's not kill someone tonight."

"Huh?"

"Well you know how we always kill someone on our anniversary?"

"We do?" Jin would have probably remembered if he wasn't staring right into her eyes. The eyes that made his heartbeat slow down to a rhythmic beating.

"We do." Wan Wu said affirmatively. To be fair on the love... erm... assassins, their primary source of income was murdering people. And you could not go out on a fancy dinner without a fair amount of cash. So for a birthday someone had to get injured. For a festival someone had to be maimed. And for an anniversary someone had to die. She giggled. "Remember how we had the same target last year?"

"How could I forget?" Jin squealed in delight as the memory replayed in his mind's eye.

Jin whistled as he strolled casually through the drug lord fortress. A minor criminal of next to no importance, yet with a bounty and the bodyguards to make this trip quite worth it. Despite being a contract killer, Jin was as far from subtle as a rainbow-colored pony. Clad in bright green with light brown boots to match (or rather, gloriously contrast) the tall fox repeatedly loaded his crossbows.

The 'safehouse' of this drug lord was a large mansion far on the outskirts of Hubei. If he could do this job quickly he might even get the chance to stop and say hi to his beloved Wan before their anniversary date! Thoughts of the single most important person in his life (more important, even, than himself) brought a spring to the fox's step that was even less subtle than the loud whistling.

At present the mansion was abandoned, and the scent of blood, familiar to say the least, brought him to a dining hall. His target, a pug-nosed goose who thought himself invincible was groaning in the middle of a pile of dead bodies.

This would have terrified the clinically sane, but Jin was not exactly sane. Which was why he noticed that the bodies were piled into a heart shape. The familiar scent of the Wu sisters, and especially his beloved Wan, still lingered despite the stench of blood.

"Awwwwww! She left me a heart! Isn't she the best girlfriend ever? I need to leave her a heart now. An even bigger one..." He tapped a finger against his chin. "Hmmmm, where am I going to get all the corpses?"

"Please!" The goose drug lord begged, dragging himself to his webbed feet. "You have to help me! Th-the Wu sisters! They tried to kill me! Th-the she-devils they- the-"

Whatever the she-devils had planned on doing Jin did not hear. Noone called Wan a she-devil on his watch! Noone! No less than a hundred bolts soon stuck out from the goose's front, and the avian fell flat on his back.

"I still have to leave you a heart of corpses!" Jin sighed.

"Aw! You're so sweet! You're like honey!"

"And you're like tea! Together we're invincible!"

They 'awwwwed' each other, a habit they had picked up in Japan.

"But like I was saying." Wan continued seriously (or with as much seriousness as her nature allowed). "Let's not kill someone tonight."

Jin paused and stroked his tiny 'beard'. "But how're we going to pay for dinner?"

Wan rolled her eyes dramatically. Jin was silly sometimes. It was another thing on the (extremely) long list of reasons she loved him. "We won't pay for dinner. If someone tries to make us we'll threaten to kill them. And who'd doubt us with reputations like ours?" She explained slowly, sounding like an overexcited Su.

"You're so smart." Jin sighed. It was yet another thing on the equally long (if not longer) list of reasons he loved her.

Wan giggled. "And then we can rob a firework stand!"

"Brilliant!" They high-fived. "And if guards or bounty hunters try to stop us we won't murder them!"

In unison they cried, for everyone in a hundred li radius to hear. "We'll maim them instead!"

Hubei was a city, a volcano and a province- all situated in China. The volcano, of course, was the headquarters of the Wu sisters. The province was ruled by a new lord every half a century. And the city was half a slum. Dull and grey and boring and filled with orphaned children running hither and thither. Perhaps it was the near-constant infighting of the province that lead to the city's current state. Or perhaps it was because parents sucked. Or both. Either way Hubei was where they went to celebrate. They were once, after all, the same orphans now running around and robbing the disgruntled traders.

Two infamous killers walking in broad daylight through a semi-crowded street turned relatively few faces- after all, most of the people here weren't exactly on the legal side of things and the few guardsmen that walked around were either the most criminally connected, or unlucky recruits the Imperial Army had assigned to ensure law and order were kept. These usually lasted about a week before they turned up again as corpses.

Paw in paw, the killers strolled through the city. Suddenly Wan gasped, and pointed at a wanted poster… of Jin.

"They ruined your nose! A-and your beard! You don't even look like an assassin!"

Jin gasped just as loudly at the sight of Wan's wanted poster. "They made your beautiful eyes big and creepy! And they called you Wing!"

"Is there a problem?" A gazelle wearing the bright red Imperial Army uniform approached, squinting suspiciously at the duo.

Wan grabbed him by the collar, and her claw firmly pointed at the offending posters, bluntly explained the problem. "You idiots don't know how to draw! They don't look a thing like us and you ruined my Jin's beautiful nose!"

"And Wan's even more beautiful eyes!" Jin added, glaring over her shoulder at the sweat-soaked soldier.

Wan turned to him. "Your nose is more beautiful." She giggled, tapping it.

"Not as beautiful as you."

"More."

"Impossible."

The gushy romance went on for quite some time, by which time the terrified gazelle had also grown disgruntled. He managed a nervous grunt to bring the attention back to himself, only to be slammed into a wall.

"Who is responsible for this!?" The assassins asked in unison, their fury rekindled.

The Imperial Army office in Hubei had been as quiet and full as usual. So far no officers had turned up dead and that was a good thing. Most members of the Imperial Army tasked with keeping the peace looked forwards to their big score, the day they'd get a promotion for apprehending a dangerous criminal. In Hubei, they only hoped for survival.

Their hopes and dreams almost shattered when their window did.

Jin pointed his pair of crossbows at all present while Wan threw the gazelle's groaning form upon a table, her claws outstretched.

"Which one of you makes all the wanted posters?" Wan asked sweetly, as if all she wanted were directions to the nearest candy shop.

All eyes turned to a rather chubby bunny in the corner, who simultaneously pissed himself and gave a nervous chuckle. Jin pointed both crossbows at him.

"I- I was j-just doing my job." Despite the years of Imperial Army training (most of which, to be fair, had been learning to draw accurately) the rabbit exploded into tears. "Please don't kill me!"

"Oh we're not here to kill you." Wan slammed a thick pile of paper onto the bunny's desk. "You're going to make wanted posters of us that look like us. And afterwards you're going to change your pants. But first." And now she handed him ink and a paintbrush. Stepping backwards she and Jin blew each other kisses, before freezing in place (they had discussed many such poses on the way to the office). "You will do your job the right way."

Two hours later the bunny was too tired to change his pants (and probably needed to shower the sweat off anyways) and the rest of the Imperial Army division were glad to see the assassins leave, their dreams of living long, unfulfilling lives not yet brought to a halt.

Jin and Wan were also glad, and now armed with two hundred posters of the pair of them in all their romantic glory (with ridiculously high bounties to boot) skipped around the town, showering the streets and walls in wanted posters of their love.

"I'm going to keep this one." Jin declared, showing his beloved the poster of him holding her up- their eyes filled with love and adoration- the bunny had even added the terrified faces of his co-workers into the background.

"Aww! Then I'll have to keep this one!" Wan showed him the same poster- only their roles had been reversed in this pose- with the leopard holding up the fox instead.

"Aww!" Having bedazzled the town with their love, the pair continued to stroll at a leisurely pace. Until they came to a pig selling fireworks.

"How much for the whole cart?" Jin asked, with surprising politeness for a criminal.

The pig squinted, as if he had not heard. Then, after a pause, declared a price far too high for anyone (Emperor of China included) to pay. The tall fox grinned, and pointed a crossbow at him. "So how much would you say your life's worth?"

Wan giggled at the look on the pig's face and promptly began to push the cart- fireworks in tow- away.

"G-guards!" The merchant yelled, as Jin turned away to follow his beloved.

Those who were addressed as guards took one look at who the thieves were, before deciding their lives were more important.

"So, are we going to rob a food merchant or a restaurant?"

"Is both being greedy?"

"Just a little."

"Then you pick."

"No you!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"You!"

The endless cycle of 'no yous' came to an end when one young mongoose had decided the squabbling fox and leopard had money in their pockets. He did not find much money, but the crossbow soon pressed against his throat wasn't exactly cheap! Not like he was in any position to steal it…

"Awww!" Wan, ignoring the terrified orphan's helplessly muttered excuses, spoke to Jin. "He tried to rob us! Isn't that sweet!"

"We've got a really bad boy on our paws, don't we Wan?"

The mongoose shut his eyes, expecting death at any moment. Instead be found a firework pressed into his paws.

"A for effort kid! Keep up the work and one day you'll be almost as good at killing people as we are!" Cried Wan, throwing her fist high into the air.

"Just don't go for the same targets as us." Said Jin with a wink.

The exchange, of course, befuddled the would-be thief, but he was glad to have his life at the moment. It probably would have made more sense if he'd known that Jin and Wan had started out no better. A pair of unwanted children that had robbed Hubei's tradesmen for food. Yet of course, destiny had had other plans for the star-crossed lovers and they had not stayed on the streets for long.

"Alright, I think robbing a restaurant is more romantic than robbing a food stall. So you're okay with that?"

"Of course I am! I love all your ideas!"

The restaurant did not share her sentiments. Perhaps it was because they had kicked the door down on their way in. Or because they held staff at crossbow-point for several hours. But Jin and Wan loved it. A table for two, a candlelit dinner, all the dumplings they could eat- and best of all, each other's company.

Ai hated love. Oh he hated it! He may have been named after it but that sure as hell did not mean he had to like it! Romance was for the weak and puny, as he had learned the hard way when the crush he'd been stalking for twelve years had not reciprocated his interests! Damn her!

Ai was a freakishly large vampire bat. Bigger than any other bat and clad in a wonderful flowing robe of crimson that perfectly matched the blood he so loved to drink.

Living in Hubei gave him many opportunities to enjoy it. Imperial Army guards, unlucky orphans, down-on-their-luck traders- the menu was always full of options.

His favourite victims, however, were lovers. Oh the foolish romantics! Perhaps it was his hatred of sugar and spice and all things nice that drove him to his targets. Or maybe it was because the unnatural pulse of two hearts that beat as one was especially flavoursome. While they weren't exactly easy targets, couples more than made up for it in their final moments. The pleading, the begging, the 'take me instead, just leave him/her alone'… it was so much more exciting than just plain old whimpering.

In brief Ai hated love. He hated romantics but enjoyed killing them and he was a twisted soul in every way, shape and form.

It had started off as an ordinary evening in Hubei, with the (literally) bloodthirsty killer on the prowl for his next juicebox. A fat rabbit exitting an Imperial Army office had seemed a decent catch- but perhaps a little too much trouble for an ordinary night.

A young mongoose, bragging to other orphans about a firework, was the perfect choice. Noone ever cared enough to ask after an orphan gone missing and he did not seem strong or well-fed enough to provide much (or even any) resistance.

He'd just begun to close in on the unwary mongoose, when a large 'WANTED' sign caught his eye. A fox and a leopard, blowing kisses at each other. The price on their heads was a whopping twenty-five million yuan! It could have been a joke, but the Imperial Army seal was as real as they came- fresh even, only a few hours old.

Everything about the poster made Ai forget about his would-be dinner. The Emperor would be paying him to murder a pair of lovers?

Forgetting the insultingly-easy choice of mongoose orphan, Ai flapped into the air. Now all he had to do was find and kill the lovebirds!

If Ai had been wise enough to read the names on the poster (painted in glorious red and decorated with a thousand pink hearts each) he would have probably remembered the age old expression. If something was too good to be true, it probably was.

"Keep the change!" Jin called back as Wan and he swaggered out the restaurant. The deadly duo hadn't exactly payed, but 'change' probably meant their lives, and for that the waiters were grateful. Although their miserable lives did not exactly pay the bills (or replace the doors, which were now in great need of replacement).

The two were happily full and well-rested enough now to continue the chaos all night long. And they both knew exactly how to do that!

Ai came to a halt outside his favourite restaurant (the waiters here were notoriously easy to kill and usually plump enough to serve as nutritious). Someone had kicked the doors down, but there was no sign of his quarry beyond the infuriating wanted posters that followed him throughout Hubei.

"If only there was a sign!" He growled in frustration, kicking the dirt in rage.

Just then an enormous explosion drew his attention to the sky, where an enormous firework imploded- showing for all to see, a likeness of Jin and Wan holding paws, their image surrounded by a shimmering red heart.

It was a sign not even someone as blind as a bat could miss.

Throughout the night the fireworks hissed. Most were shaped after themselves, but a fair few were made in honour of friends and relatives.

"Let's do Hei Zei next!" Wan giggled.

'Editting' a firework was not particularly difficult. Especially considering Jin had some practice with explosives (having a large amount of trick arrows for when he felt subtlety did not help get his point across… which was almost always…).

"I don't think he'd like being made into a firework."

"Make him grumpy then!"

"Good idea!"

Alas Hei Zei never got a firework, for the two were interrupted by the sudden arrival of one serial killer.

"Lovely night for a walk, isn't it?" Ai leered, drawing closer. He was usually rather good at subtlety but now he craved blood so badly that copious amounts of drool was spilling from his mouth.

Wan, ever the enthusiastic cat, threw her paw into the air. "Then go for that walk! Walk your legs off batty!" He stared at them intently, a flicker of recognition beginning to form within his hungry eyes. "But we were kind of hoping for some alone time so it would be nice if you could walk away."

Wan Wu… one of the Wu sisters… alone. An easy target now that the assassin had no vortex to rely on. A feast, bags of gold and a bit more street cred for the Underworld? What more could a serial killer want?

"Okay Jin, I think this creep wants to kill us." Wan said, crossing her arms. The deduction (while correct) did not have much proof behind it.

"On the one day we decide we're not going to murder anyone." Jin rose to his feet.

"I know right? What are the odds!"

"And the fireworks were going so well!"

"I know!"

"Can he come back tomorrow?"

"I don't know, let me check. Hey drooling batty, can you come back tomorrow? It's kind of our anniversary today and we were having lots of fun. I mean, we can always kill you in the morning, can't we?"

"Oh I can't wait that long." The bat hissed, drawing back his wings to reveal an assortment of weaponry. Daggers, knives, blow-darts. For some reason all of it was fang-shaped. "And I don't think I'll be the one dying tonight! Hehehehehehehehehe!"

"An evil laugh before you murder someone? Really?" Jin was not even frightened enough to draw his crossbows.

"That's so last dynasty." Wan agreed. "Try giggling."

"Hehe?"

"Are you nervous or something? It's hihi or hm-hm."

"Get your pre-murder laughs right for goodness sake." Jin continued. "This is the last thing your target's going to hear, you really don't want to screw it up."

"Gah! Educated by petty assassins! I have murdered twice as much as the both of you put-"

"Three hundred fourteen." Wan cut him off, scowling. How could anyone say they had murdered more people than her?

"Maybe not twice but- how did you murder that many people?"

Jin shrugged. "Well it's not really murder. We're just doing our job."

"Someone has to pay for lunch." Wan agreed.

"And I would die for Wan. But killing for her is easier."

"Aw! I kill for you too!"

As the two devolved into a sickening pair of lovey-dovey assassins, Ai was reminded exactly why he wanted to murder these two. It was more than just pleasure- he hated romance!

Ai freed a pair of knives from their scabbards and tossed them into the air. Flapping off the ground he made to catch them in his talons… unfortunately Jin's reflexes were faster than his, and a pair of bolts threw both blades out of reach.

"Of course, the fact that we murder for money means we're more likely to face armed opposition."

"And you might want to work on your knife tricks." Wan added. "Letting go of your weapons in a fight is a big no-no." She paused briefly to giggle. "Except when Jin does it, then it's cute."

The tall fox promptly tossed both crossbows over his shoulder.

Snarling, Ai shot forwards, going into a spin to increase impact-damage. Somehow he failed to avoid Wan's fist.

"H-how did that n-n-not work?" That move had had a one hundred percent success rate against his previous opponents (though none of his poor victims were anywhere near as formidable as the deadly duet).

"I'm one of the Wu sisters. We're like, the inventors of spinning attacks."

"Fine then! No more nice Ai!" The bat snarled, tearing free a katana. Ai repeatedly swung at Wan's feet. The leopard did not seem to mind his new offensive, and lightly bounced over every blow that came. Hating the fact that his sharpened blade had become nothing more than a glorified skipping rope, Ai raised the blade a little higher.

Wan could have easily dodged the blow, but Jin was not willing to let her loose even one drop of blood- especially not on his watch!

The tall fox kicked the vampire bat's butt (literally) and although he was not much of a brawler, punched him on the nose. Ai growled and swung the katana at Jin. Irrespective of whether or not the blow would have been fatal, Wan was not going to let her boyfriend be scratched on her watch. Putting her Kung Fu training to good use, the youngest Wu brought her foot firmly into the bat's side.

He collapsed a few feet away and threw a hissy fit at the unfairness of fighting two on one.

Both Jin and Wan ignored him.

"He's so weak. I'd almost feel bad about beating him up if he didn't… didn't… didn't…" Jin furrowed his brow. There was a very fancy word he had learned a few days ago and now wanted to impress Wan with. "Instigate it!" He declared, snapping his fingers in triumph.

"Aww, did you learn a whole new word for me? And yeah, you're right. He's like a training dummy."

"I heard that!"

"A training dummy that hears things!"

"Hey! That's a great idea! Let's use him to practice those 'duo moves' we were talking about!"

"That's a great idea! Quick, go get your crossbows!"

Jin hastened to obey and scampered towards his abandoned weaponry.

"Not on my watch." Ai drew a blow dart and inserted it into the aptly named blowpipe. He took aim, but Wan smacked him hard across the ear before he could fire.

"Be patient! Jin just needs to get his crossbows so we can practice those dual attacks we came up with."

Ai raised an eyebrow.

"All couples do it! And don't worry we won't go beyond maiming you tonight."

"I've got them!" Yelled Jin, several feet away the fox waved his pair of crossbows haphazardly in the air.

The two assassins struck before another word could be said. Well actually they did a bit more talking first.

"So what are we starting with? The Acrobatic Wan or the Explosive Wan?"

Wan paused to think, ignoring their opponent's attempts to stab her in the leg- she was too fast for him anyways. "I think the first one is a better warm-up. Explosive works better as a finisher."

"Couldn't agree more. Now let's kick his ass!"

Ai threw himself in a roll to avoid the neat rows of crossbow bolts now peppering the ground between him and Wan. A flourishing sweep of his wings sent a dozen knives Wan's way. Nimbly avoiding the incoming projectiles, the leopard bounced from bolt to bolt- never once touching the ground. It was like a demented version of The Floor Is Lava, and it was terrifying.

What was equally terrifying was the way she hurled him into the air. Before he could expand his wings and gain at least an airborne advantage, a pair of bolts punched into his groin. The pain was unimaginable.

"Jin!" Wan gasped, coming to a sudden halt and thus letting Ai fall upon the ground. "We said we wouldn't kill anyone!"

"Blunt bolts honey!" The fox answered, showing that indeed, the bolts were blunt.

"Now I feel bad for doubting you." Wan said slowly as a rush of guilt swept over her form.

Jin grinned. "Then you had better throw harder! I want a challenge!"

Throw harder she did, and Ai, despite being gifted with flight, had never felt more powerful G-forces affect him. Not that any of them knew what G-forces were…

The shots were easy, not because Wan threw badly, but because he wasn't Jin the Assassin for nothing. And quite frankly Ai was a bolt magnet. Still the tall fox put on a grimace every time she threw particularly high- hurting Wan's feelings was the one sin he would never do, irrespective of consciousness.

By the time they were done using him as a literal dummy Ai no longer resembled a vampire bat. Not only because his teeth were knocked out, but also because each bolt had hit him with the force of a hammer. Sometimes thrice in the same spot. Evidently the fox had something against stomachs.

Ai hit the ground hard on his rump.

"Time for our finishing move!"

"THE EXPLOSIVE WAN!"

Wan backflipped until her feet came in contact with Jin's waiting paws. Her leap and his shove combined, launched her towards the helpless serial killer. She flew over him, and for a second the bat was convinced their 'finishing move' had missed. It was then that he noticed the small sack atop his head.

Jin fired and Wan kicked the bat away from her. The bolt spun through the air, and neatly caught the sack on the bat.

In hindsight, what with a name like The Explosive Wan, it should have been obvious what was inside the bag. In case it was unclear the bag promptly exploded.

"Y-you're not really g-gonna murder me are you?" The now-terrified serial killer asked. He'd murdered at least a dozen happy couples and half as many unhappy ones- somehow to be murdered in turn came as a shock to him. He'd done one or two grand deaths before- yet now his would be the grandest. Strapped tightly to an overly-large firework he could only try and appeal to his intended victims' better nature.

"Of course not silly!" Wan giggled, flicking his nose. "The firework will!"

"We agreed not to kill anyone on our anniversary and any promise we make to each other is a promise that must be kept!" Jin announced, bending over to light the firework in question.

"No pleaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" His screams were perfectly in tune to the whistling of the firework. It was like music to their ears.

Turning to his girlfriend the tall fox smiled, as if he hadn't just sent someone to their death. "Happy anniversary Wan. I know I say this every year but you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Awww, I love you too Jin." They hugged as the firework above imploded into a million glorious pink sparks- or maybe that was just bat blood. "Next year, let's go on a killing spree!"

Footnote: Whether or not I write that killing spree remains to be seen. This was supposed to be a Valentine's Day thing but I got a bit busy (and the fight scene issue I've been having) so hence the delay. But hey it's still February!

Jin is the property of Berserker88, and Win (the pairing of Wan and Jin) is his brainchild. Writing the pair of them was one of the most fun things I've ever done (in the Heist) and thus this story was born to celebrate my personal favourite KFP ship (yes I prefer this to Crane/Mei Ling, fight me)

The heart of corpses idea, and the idea of 'dual attacks' were both Berserker88 as well- although I actually came up with the specific moves (and Wan's name is perfect for basically any dual attack) I'm not *that* proud of them (and I think it's hard to tell exactly what 'them' is…), but I have never done any 'duo moves' before with any character (though I have used some characters that technically should have duo moves ie Qian and Jian, the badger twins from Journey to Japan… though I don't own any of them…)

Ai is most likely dead at this point- but if I ever need a random serial killer I might just bring him back. Although he probably got overshadowed (and murdered) by the main characters. For the record, I subscribe to the headcanon that the final scene took place after midnight- which means that technically Jin and Wan did go a whole anniversary without killing someone. Success!