Bernice Halper Gets Help Herself

by EntrancedCat

Bernice takes part in a psychological clinical study at Monnie Uni where she has a major realization about herself. She confides in her best friend, LuAnn DeGroot. LuAnn decides to help Bernice by introducing Bernice to a mutual friend in an unexpected way. This action takes place after the story 'After Party Planning'.

Bernie Halper Gets Help Herself

Bernice Halper sat up from reclining supine on Dr. Heilprin's comfortable couch as he called five minutes left on their therapy session cum clinical study visit. Bernice swallowed a couple times and blinked at the doctor who still hovered his pen over a yellow legal pad.

"It is a lot to take in, Bernice." The psychologist offered his patient some sympathy with a box of tissues. "But I dare say you've made more than a few things fall into place in our sessions."

Bernice nodded as she daubed her eyes. "Yeah, I understand now why I sincerely see LuAnn as my best friend but still needle her and pick on every little thing. She's my first crush and my best buddy and confidant; I want to keep her close to me because I'd love to–to–kiss her; but I was afraid of facing my orientation, and I didn't want a sexual relationship with her to ruin our friendship."

"I think so anyway," Bernice said as she stood and the psychologist and subject moved to the office door. "It's a lot to unpack."

Dr. Heilprin nodded, "I think you'll do fine. We can talk about it more next session. Okay, Bernice, you know the drill: you get a bill in the mail and the survey in your email. Complete the survey and half the bill is waived."

"And thanks again for taking part in our clinical study, Bernie." Dr. Heilprin opened the door then paused. "Oops, sorry, so many 'Bernie's' at shul: 'Bernards' and 'Bernices' and of course, our rabbi Bernadette Schumway, that just slipped out, Bernice."

Bernice gave him a smile as she slipped past the bald six-footer into the hallway. "You know, I think I like 'Bernie' now; I just might tell my friends to start using it."

Bernie Halper started down the hall, then looked over her shoulder to smile at the doctor, "And I just might see you at shul too, Bernie."

"That would be nice," Dr. Bernard Heilprin waved, then turned his parting gesture into a beckoning one for his next patient.

"LuAnn," Bernie thought as she stuck her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and started on the diagonal sidewalk across the Moony Uni Quad and back to her dorm. "The blonde ditz' hair is just the right length to pull her lips to my–"

Bernie stopped cold, causing a student taller than Dr. Heilprin to snarl, "Hey, watch it, chica, I nearly ran you over."

"Sorry," Bernie moved off the path to sit on a bench and contemplate the thought which had caused her to pause in mid-stride.

"LuAnn? Pull her hair? What the H-E-double toothpicks? I've admired her blonde mane many times before but never ever have I ever wanted to pull it. 'Course I really enjoyed brushing it when we had sleepovers. What the heck Bernice–Bernie–Bern?"

She got up and glanced around seemingly afraid that someone could read her thoughts but of course the students passing were likely concerned with classes and parties and the faculty carrying briefcases were thinking about their hot suppers at home on that late afternoon on a cold Fall day.

"Ah, Dr. Heilprin said I likely would start to have floods of unusual intrusive thoughts. Let 'em come, Bernie, observe, obsess not and note for later contemplation and discussion."

"Ah, it's too cold to think out here in the wind. Better get in and check over my notes for tonight's floor meeting. Homework may be done but an RA's work is never done. Ah, not true, this year's crop of freshmen is pretty mellow."

Bern trudged on with her head down to better let the thoughts come and be observed and noted.

THUNK.

"Eep," Bernie squeaked as a wide, thick red Frisbee smacked, skidded and scraped across the sidewalk towards her feet.

"OH, SORRY!"

The muscular student sheepishly stooped down to retrieve his disc and stood up to reveal a height a couple inches over Bern's American female average. Bernie noted the evidence in his tight thin white cotton tee that he was likely cold. She smiled into his green eyes. She felt her smile broaden as she watched the muscular, likely freshman's eyes widen.

"That's quite alright. But, you know, people are walking here and trying to keep from being decapitated."

"Thanks," the flustered freshman stuttered. "Um, sorry again, we'll be more careful."

"Yumm, yeah, he must be cold in those tight thin gym shorts. My favorite shade of red, yum." Bern thought as she watched him trot off. "And just the right height, I like 'em not much taller than me. And, Bernie, yeah chica, you are definitely, most definitely, bisexual."

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LuAnn DeGroot sat up on her bed. She put aside the pillow she was clutching in what she realized was a sort of defense against what she was hearing from her best friend.

"You mean, Bern," LuAnn said. "That's the reason you've been riding my ass all these years?"

"Eeep," LuAnn squeaked. "I want to rephrase the 'ass' part. I mean that's why you are sometimes way critical of me?"

"Well, you do have a nice butt–and you do know it, Lu, I've seen you preen when you know boys are watching." Bernie Halper said as she pulled her downcast eyes on the carpet after her admission was made in LuAnn's bedroom.

Then Bernie bit her lip, "Yeah, Dr. Heilprin helped me realize it: I'm bisexual and I hid it from myself longer than most. It's pretty standard behavior for teen-age gays and bis; crush hard on your same-sex best friend without really knowing why. I was afraid of losing your friendship so I pushed any attraction away with a lot of petty nitpicking and bickering"

"But no more!" Bernie vowed. "Oh, and it's 'Bernie' now for the nicknames, Lu. No big deal but a new name for a new self-awareness. 'Bern' is okay too once in a while; it reminds me of all the times we've had together."

It was LuAnn's turn to bite her lip as she swung her feet over the bed to the floor and faced Bernie more directly. "So, you don't think, you don't believe–"

LuAnn trailed off long enough for Bernie to look at her intently. LuAnn giggled before continuing. "You don't think, now with your increased gaydar or something–that I'm at all–um–you know, bi too?"

Bernie threw back her head and laughed, "Chica, no! LuAnn, you're the most boy-crazy, straight girl I can think of."

"Tiffany is pretty boy-crazy too," LuAnn offered.

"Pish-posh. That girl is just into herself."

Bernie leaned forward further into LuAnn's personal space and smirked, "And if I had even the slightest suspicion of you batting for the other team, well, I'd be all over that cute ass of yours like a warm winter coat."

LuAnn scooted back in bed then suppressed a further 'eep' as she looked at her friend smirking at her. Then LuAnn chuckled and smiled widely.

"Chica?" LuAnn questioned. "Wow, Bern–Bernie I mean–you have changed. I like it! The new Bernice Halper! I like it! You seem more confident, more accepting and ready for adventure."

Bernie checked her phone and announced that she needed to get back to Moony Uni. They moved to the front door of the DeGroot's house. Bernie once again noted how quiet the place seemed with LuAnn's brother Brad not living there anymore and LuAnn's parents at their cafe and cabaret business, The Fuse. The two young women paused at the front door.

"You know, we should go out on the town soon," LuAnn proposed. She leaned forward conspiratorially, "On the hunt. You can go after and distract the girls while I bag the boys. Then—"

Bernie laughed and interrupted, "That's my LuAnn, always thinking of others."

Bernie pulled the big front door open then gave her friend a side-hug and smooched LuAnn with a not so quick slow slobbery smooch on the cheek. Bernie instantly reddened and rushed out the door. Without looking back she waved over her shoulder and said, "Toodles."

"'Toodles'?" LuAnn said quietly to Bernie's retreating form. She brushed fingertips over the wide patch of Bernice's warm saliva drying on her cheek in the cool breeze.

LuAnn paced to the kitchen and prepared a salad in keeping with a resolution to eat better. Most of her mind was on Bernice's revelations. The house was empty of teasing big brother and questioning parents, only Puddles present and he was chowing down on his favorite dog food with which LuAnn had unexpectedly treated him. LuAnn indulged herself by talking out loud.

"Say what she will, Bernice has definitely still got some residual attraction to me. I know she won't act on it but it's gonna make things uncomfortable for her to be with me. Can't have that, what to do?"

Puddles looked up hopefully as he finished his yummy doggie glop and he heard LuAnn opening a can. LuAnn could swear that he gave a disappointed doggy sigh and shrug as she showed him the black, ripened olives for her salad. She moved her bowl of salad with crusty bread and spicy cheese to the table.

"She needs a girlfriend? That might be rushing things but why not? It's been years for her without romantic action and Bernie seems a lot more confident now and open for new things. She's never had much luck with guys so–"

Puddles wandered off to find a warm spot near a heat vent. LuAnn munched and crunched veggies as she considered the issue. She slapped her palm on the table.

"I am thinking of others! Dang it. I haven't had much luck with guys and here I'm trying to matchmake her, a big gay matchmaking granted but still. Hmm, just like I did with Tara and Pru and Ann the Awful Eiffel. Hmmm."

BH TS BH TS BH TS BH TS BH TS BH TS

Bernie Halper rapidly shuffled dresses back and forth on their metal hangers in the mall's best high quality, discount fashion store. Jenny, the retail clerk looked up at the slinking, sliding metallic sounds of the hangers across the metal bars of the racks.

"Oh, no problem," Jenny thought after she took in Bernie's mood with a practiced, jaded eye. "Anger shopping. Mad at her mother or father, most likely. I bet the chick slings three or four outfits over her arm in five seconds flat. And anything's a big improvement over her frumpy sweater and brown slacks. I'll sidle over to help her with any excess she can't heft. Pretty quiet today anyway, nobody else around."

"Dang it." Bernie said out loud then reddened, switching to internal monologue.

"Where is that LuAnn? She said we needed to go shopping and have a nice soup and salad at Grab the Grit Vegetarian Buffet to get our minds off everything. Not the first time she's been more than fashionably late but this is ridiculous; she's been more conscientious lately."

She slipped two coordinated outfits off the rack, onto her left arm: two skirts and top combos. Slip, sling, fling, two more outfits followed as Bernie flung them over her arm like party guests being told to just put their heavy coats on the hosts' bed. Bernie barely noticed the steadily incereasing weight on her arm.

Bernie softened, "Oh well, no problem. It's semester break for both of us. Shopping alone is actually kind of fun today. Hey, what's this?"

She stared down at the last skirt and top set which had barely added any weight to the pile draping her left arm. Bernie recognized the sleeveless top to be of exquisite silk, colored a barely perceptible mauve, the skirt a black so dark she labeled it with a word she had recently added to her lexicon.

"Fuligin. Blacker than black, like Ann Eiffel's heart and soul, although much softer."

"Let me help with those," Jenny took the excess from Bernie, letting Bernie hold up the skirt and top to more carefully assess.

Jenny retreated after giving her opinion, "That would look great on you. You've got the legs for it, I can see even under those baggy slacks. We have some killer mid-height heels in black and even mauve to match. I'll be right over there if you need help."

Bernie nodded as the feel of the top and the shortness of the skirt took her down memory's road-closed-to-thru-traffic byways.

"Ann Eiffel, teased and intimidated me in this kind of get up, a uniform really for her. Sitting on the edge of her desk, her signature short skirt riding up, flashing me with her black panties, cupping my chin and stroking my hair while she mouthed vague, not so veiled threats."

"And promises." Bernie finished with. "My word, is my tongue hanging out?"

"That would be absolutely great on you," Bernie nearly dropped her armload as she heard a woman address her. "And I've got just the shoes to go with it."

Bernie half turned and looked up to instantly recognize the close-cropped red-head approaching her. She could feel the store lights grow even brighter as she put a name to the face and hair which she could never decide was natural or some color from a pack of Kool Aid.

"Tara Starr!"

"Hi Bernice the Boss," Tara Starr stopped a few paces away, dropping her blue-violet eyes suddenly. She quickly regained her composure and met Bernie's brown eyed gaze.

"Sorry, Bernice Halper, force of habit. Yeah, it's me: Tara Starr, Marauder of Moony Uni, the Vandal of Vending."

Tara smiled unsurely but met Bernice's now more focused glare steadily. Tara almost retreated from Bernice's suddenly wide smile.

"I remember the night LuAnn and I watched you go all kung fu ninja on that burglar at The Fuse, Tara. Pretty impressive, chica, pretty badass and it turned out to be your black sheep, bad-to-the-bone cousin too as I recall. Oh yeah, glad you weren't run over by her too. Sorry I acted so flighty while you were down on the pavement, Tara, I'm not used to attempted vehicular homicide."

Tara cocked her head from side to side regarding a Bernice Halper seemingly changed, more carefree and loose. Without another good response she held out a pair of shoes, "Hey, Bern, I did find some awesome shoes to coordinate with that outfit, a near match for what you're looking at like it's a rare treasure."

Tara flourished a black mini paired with a light green silky top. In her other hand she waved a pair of low pumps at Bernie.

"Not quite my style," Tara said. "And I take it that's not quite yours but, hey, people change. I've got a few bucks saved up so what the heck?"

Tara swept items on the rack left and right before hanging up her picks and putting the shoes beneath. She put her hands akimbo on her tight jeans and regarded the display critically.

"Of course," Tara judged. "If I wore that skirt, I'd have to start wearing underwear down there."

"Hmm," Tara put her hand to her chin. "Of course, it might be interesting to feel the breeze in the trees and on my bare pu–"

"What are you doing here, Tara Starr?" Bernie interrupted.

"Whoa, Bernie," Bernie corrected herself mentally. "Don't start picking on some other girl if Lu's now off-season."

"Hey, it's a public place, even for small-time thieves, Bernice the Boss." Tara resumed her akimbo pose and turned to Bernice. "But fair question: LuAnn the Great, LuAnn the Ever Airhead suggested she and I meet and do some precious chick time bonding over shopping."

"But, LuAnn was going to meet me here too. She's–," Bernie consulted her chrono watch. "Twenty minutes late."

"Wow!" Tara stepped up close to Bernie. "Is that really a Swarovski Octea Lux chronograph? I've got an Invicta subaqua myself."

Tara flicked her sleeve down to reveal a light pink watch, "Bernice, you've just gotta get that blouse; it's begging to be matched with your understated blue Swarovski with that blue leather strap."

"And l'm still surprising myself," Tara said. "I never used to be concerned with fancy watches or miniskirts or pumps to match. But–"

"People change. This watch was a gift." Bernie said mechanically. "I didn't like it at first but I changed the metal band for this blue leather strap and now I wear it everyday."

Bernie realized she was rambling and shut up. She put her own arm load of clothing on the rack besides Tara's choices. Both young women stepped back to appraise the raiments.

Then Tara and Bernie faced each other, mouths open in silent, sudden mutual conclusion.

"LuAnn was going to meet me here too. At this exact same time," Bernie began.

"Yep," Tara nodded. "I see. Like I said, Bernice, she told me like twelve times to meet me here too at this time."

"She's not that scatter-brained!" Both young women concluded.

"You owe each other a root beer," Jenny the clerk came up. "Hey, I just want to confide in you that I'm supposed to put those duds on sale tomorrow."

Jenny jerked her chin to indicate the garments on the rack. "But, hey, you'd both look so hot in those, I can give you the sale price now. But really you girls should get your boyfriends to buy that stuff. And just so happens we have bra and panty sets which match too for that added hotness, as desired you know."

Jenny added a wink and a nod. Tara and Bernie followed the swish of her hips in Jenny's own miniskirt as she strode off.

Bernie shook the sight off first and said to Tara, "So LuAnn told you to meet her here too? She never mentioned that to me."

Tara shrugged and gave her a smile, "Yes, Ms. Halper." Wink. "She never told me Bernice the Boss would be here too."

"I'm kind of going by 'Bernie' now." Bernice finally got around to mentioning it, wincing at 'the Boss' business.

The young women fell silent in contemplation. Bernie stroked the fabric; Tara looked up at the ceiling then the floor then her hand met Bernie's in pawing the material. Both young women looked up into each other's eyes. Bernie let Tara's hand linger on hers a moment before feeling the stuff of the skirt carefully.

"She set us up." Bernie concluded.

"Yeah, sure looks that way, Bernie. Like that new moniker by the way. Look Bernie, I'm starving. LuAnn was going to treat me to that new burger place where Weinie World used to be; you know, Build Your Own Burger Piled Higher and Deeper. Let's make these buys and grab a bite, my treat."

Tara nodded at the set which Bernie had flung across her arm. Tara snatched up her choices and headed for the checkouts. She turned as she realized that Bernice the Boss was not following.

"Hey," Bernie said. "I just might need to try these on, you know."

Tara smiled widely. "Yeah, you do that, Ms. Bernie. I'd just might like to see that, you know."

Bernie felt her face heat up as Tara hung her stuff on a rack and resumed an arms-akimbo pose, this time with a satisfied expectant smile. Bernie thought she could feel Tara's eyes on her backside as she marched to the fitting rooms.

A few minutes later Bernie had given up on attempting to pull the miniskirt lower and accepted that the skirt fit her perfectly, snug and well-slung otherwise. She smoothed it down and slowly opened the fitting room half-door.

"Bernie," Tara said as Bernie came out of the dressing room, "That clerk chick is right, you look hot in those. You got great legs; really reminds me of someone I used to know who really knew how to rock a mini and a blouse. Eep, I mean yours are nicer of course, show 'em off more, girl. I mean–"

Tara instantly reddened. "Not that I've seen or have interest in your gams or hers–well I mean."

"Ann Eiffel." Bernie blurted.

"Wow, yeah," Bernie thought. "Look at her eyes bulge out at that."

Tara's mouth worked a couple times but she was silent. Bernie decided to continue.

Bernie asked. "Did she cup your chin too? Did you pick up that skirt because Ann the Evil flashed you in one just like it? She wore pink unmentionables for me. Did Ann nearly ruin your life too?"

Tara reddened and said, "Yes, I mean, no, I mean, sort of."

Tara smiled and looked off into the middle distance, "Ann wore green to match her top. Ahhh."

Bernie changed and the two checked out, taking advantage of the secret sale and thanking Jenny profusely. Outside the store, Tara and Bernie sat down in the center of the quiet mall's main hall to rearrange sacks of boxes of skirts and blouses, shoes, bras and panties. Tara took a breath.

"Ya know, this sort of reminds me of geometry. Ann and LuAnn are the two focal points of that regular planar shape thingy–a–a."

"An ellipse?" Bernie finished helpfully.

"Yeah," Tara sat up straighter. "The ellipse. See, Bernie? I've been studying, applying the brain to something besides petty thievery. Ann the Evil? Ruin your life? Sounds like you've had a hell of a time with her. Ann's not so bad really; a little bossy for sure. A little like some people I know and won't mention."

Tara smirked and dug a gentle elbow into Bernie's side. She drew a deep breath.

"You made a pass at LuAnn, right Bernie? Just like I did, right Bernie?"

Tara's smile did not meet her eyes at her confession. She looked at Bernie unsurely.

"Yeah, I did." Bernie said. "Well, I bussed her on the cheek, okay, I kissed her on the cheek, a big wet smooch with a good deal of sloppy tongue. Eep."

"Fuck, I planted a big endearing suck face right on her lips. I'm lucky she didn't plant a big smacker right on the nose. LuAnn? She just brushed back that cornsilk hair and blinked all confused like she gets sometimes–you know?–and sweet as you please told me she wasn't gay."

"You're bi, Bernie." Tara concluded. "My gaydar is still pretty undeveloped but you don't strike me as a full on lesbo, ah, excuse my French, but it takes one to know one, eh?"

"You're a bisexual too," Bernie ventured. "And I'm guessing that, like me, you just figured it out recently."

Tara nodded and the two fell silent again, Tara regarding the potted plants and Bernie noting the floor's tile pattern. Bernie swung her feet on the high bench a few times before standing.

"And Lu's still the boy-crazy straight chica I knew in high school,"

Bernie extended a hand to Tara and gently pulled her to standing. "And Ann, well, I have not seen her for a good long time and I want to keep it that way. Hey, LuAnn was going to Grab the Grit veggie place with me, but I bet we can count on her being a no-show and I know I need some protein, chica. C'mon, Tara."

Bernie pulled Tara to standing and was about to release her grip when Bernie heard a woman approaching and asking a little girl to hurry up a bit. On sudden caprice and inspiration she pulled Tara into an embrace and bent the half-inch down necessary to align their lips. Bernie planted a full puckered osculation on a startled Tara's lips. Bernie opened one eye to watch the woman hustle her little girl by them as Tara's stiff posture softened in her embrace and Tara began to squirm happily. Bernie closed her eyes; she felt one foot lift off the floor.

A moment later the two broke apart without breaking their hand-holding. Tara gently squeezed Bernie's hand. The two smiled, brown eyes into blue-violet and they walked down the hall like two little girls hand in hand on a playground.

TS BH LD TS BH LD TS BH LD TS BH LD TS BH LD

"The Poseur's Last Hope." Bernie Halper needlessly read the store's sign to LuAnn DeGroot as the two passed the time on the frost-coated sidewalk in a margin of the city between the respectable, thriving downtown and a sketchy neighborhood showing signs of nascent gentrification.

LuAnn smacked her mittens together and blew steam into the morning air. She stomped her boots a couple times for emphasis. Both young women glanced up and down the littered sidewalk and up at the bright, clean store front. Bernie wrapped her arms around herself and shivered more in frustration than actual chill.

"Are you sure Tara meant 10AM?" LuAnn asked. "I think patrons of this store would be more likely denizens of the night than up this early on a cold as Hell morning."

" 'Cold as Hell'?" Bernie smirked at her friend. "My stars and broomsticks, Lu. Is that rough community college teaching you to swear like a drunken sailor?"

LuAnn shrugged, "We're finishing up Dante's 'Inferno' in Western Civ. The lowest circle of Hell is frozen, you know."

"Cocytus." Bernie added. "And I'm lamenting standing here freezing my butt off while we wait for Tara and the freaking store owners to open no more than ten minutes late."

LuAnn pulled her blue toque down over her ears then pointed a blue mitten up the sidewalk toward the iffier part of town. "There she is."

"Hola, chicas, lo siento, sorry I'm late." Tara Starr sans cap and hand protection strolled up smiling.

"Eep," Bernie said a moment later.

It was LuAnn's turn to smirk as Tara exaggeratedly stood on tiptoe to sweep Bernie into a hug and good morning greeting kiss. LuAnn averted her eyes to give her friends a bit of privacy as a passing car honked in appreciation. An old man shuffling by paid closer attention to his path than the two young women smooching in public. The girls heard the rolling back of deadbolts as Bernie and Tara broke contact.

"Come in, come in out of the cold, ladies. Sorry, we got a late start this morning. Whoa, hey, you guys look familiar."

Bernice Halper and LuAnn DeGroot were not frozen in place from the cold but from the voice greeting them out of the warm breeze wafting from the door. Bernice stepped away from a curious Tara and everyone and LuAnn turned to scrutinize the grinning male figure in the doorway.

"Knute!" LuAnn exclaimed.

Knute's smile split even wider as he returned, "Bern, LuAnn! Welcome, welcome, c'mon, c'mon in. Crystal will be tickled to see you. And yeah, your wardrobes need some spiffing up."

Knute swept a backwards blue baseball cap off his head as he swept into a bow to welcome them into the store. He held the door for them as they entered the welcome dry warmth. The four gathered on the retro black and white tile floor in the foyer.

"You and Crystal work here, Knute?" LuAnn said a bit needlessly as the young women took off their gloves and caps.

"Work and own," A higher register female voice called just as Knute was about to answer. "But Knute, this bozo, work? I wonder. He can't recall that at least one of you has an appointment here."

"Crystal!" Bernie exclaimed as another of their high school classmate's approached from between store aisles.

Knute beamed, Tara looked on in bemusement as LuAnn, Crystal and Bernie hugged greetings. The three assumed a triangle of conversation as they evaluated classmates they had not seen for several years at least.

LuAnn and Bernie noted that Crystal had gone seemingly fuller Goth since high school: high-collared black jacket over white ruffled blouse, long sweeping, pleated black skirt nearly brushing the floor but just short enough to reveal boots of a moderately high heel. The only color Crystal sported was a fine-linked golden chain from which hung a simple fish symbol.

"Ichthos." Bernie said without thinking. She clapped a hand to her mouth.

Crystal smiled, "Yep, the secret Christian symbol from back when we were eaten by lions in arenas. The church gave us each one when we joined."

Crystal turned to a suddenly self-conscious Tara who dropped her eyes to the floor, "And I do believe we have something ready for the other member of your party. But who is supposed to wear it I am not quite sure."

Tara glanced up at a curious Bernie and raised her hand, "That would be me–I mean I ordered the stuff and I wear the–ah–neck thing."

Knute beamed, Crystal gave a limpid little laugh at the three young women.

Knute gave a tiny bow and swept an arm to indicate that they all should venture deeper into the store. Crystal led them to a large open area behind a check out counter.

LuAnn's mouth fell open as she looked around, "Whoa, wow, a '21 and over only' poster. Sturdy looking pulleys and things on the ceiling? Um, maybe I should get home?"

"I'll just go get those items right now," Knute said. He returned from a back room with a red and black box.

Before he could open it Tara spoke up, "Ah, let me go somewhere to put it on."

Crystal smiled and took the box, "Ah, good, ceremony. We like that here. Come with me."

LuAnn and Bernie glanced at each other with bewilderment then at Knute who beamed happily and cluelessly back at them. Knute bobbed his head a couple times as they heard Tara and Crystal approach. Tara had put a thick scarf around her neck. Tara held up a hand as Bernie was about to speak.

"Bernice," Tara began locking her blue eyes into Bernice's brown. "We've been together for three months now. It's been so much fun and other things—"

Tara looked around at her audience nervously then: Bernie looking anxious, LuAnn curious and confused, Crystal smiling and nodding, Knute grinning and vacuous.

"Knute," Crystal said. "Why don't you go clean something?"

Knute blinked, "Oh yeah, great idea. Yeah, the restrooms always could use a good cleaning. Have fun and congratulations, girls."

Knute stomped off and Crystal turned back to the trio. Tara and Bernie concentrated on each other once more.

Tara smiled and continued, "I thought of friendship rings, believe it or not, but that's too high school and class rings are just plain dumb. So, uh, Crystal if you would."

Crystal stepped forward to Tara's side like a second in a duel. She held out the closed box as Tara undid the scarf and paused. Bernie brought a hand to her mouth as Tara dropped the scarf to the floor. Crystal flourished the box open.

"Eep." Bernie breathed as she stared at the wide, black velvet collar gracing Tara's neck.

Tara stood taller making her neck appear like a tower. At the collar's front a bright, silver ring glistened in the store's fluorescent lights. Crystal presented the box to Bernie. With both hands trembling Bernie took out a long, supple black velvet leash. Bernie stared at the control lead in her hands.

"Well, 'cmon." Tara said. "You can snap it on me. This is a lot more comfortable than Puddles's dog collar."

LuAnn gasped. "I was wondering where that collar and leash went! You guys owe me fifteen bucks. Uh, forget it, don't bother to return 'em; you can have 'em as spares."

Bernie's shaking hands could not secure the leash true at Tara's neck. Tara giggled and Crystal gave a bright laugh.

"You're such a dork!" Tara told Bernie.

Bernie nodded as Tara took her fingers gently and the two managed to snap the control instruments complete. Bernie smiled broadly and took even, slow steps back stretching out the leash.

"Come here," Bernie commanded, drawing the leash shorter, drawing Tara to her until the young women were touching. "Tara, I will never hurt you, you know."

They embraced and kissed and LuAnn and Crystal burst into delighted soft applause. LuAnn brushed back her hair.

"I feel like one of you should throw a bouquet over her shoulder, maybe both of you and I can catch two bunches." LuAnn said as she noticed the large white stone on Crystal's left hand.

"Uhm, guys," LuAnn added several moments later, louder than soft murmurs emanating from the clutching couple.

Everyone jumped a bit further apart as they heard non-Knute footsteps approach. Crystal handed the box to LuAnn and assumed a professional stance. Tara and Bernie fumbled at Tara's neck then gave up and looked embarrassed.

"Hello? Anyone back here?" The four heard a clear slightly accented female voice ask.

Crystal stepped forward to forestall any intruders but too late as two women rounded an end cap and stopped. Six women now regarded each other in the large show area near the back of the store.

"Ann Eiffel!" Bernie and LuAnn nearly shrieked as Ann jerked in shock herself.

"And," LuAnn said to the tall Asian woman in the long mauve sheath dress standing by their nemesis' side. "You're–you're–oh, sorry, Table 7 at the Fuse, merlot."

The woman smiled and extended a hand to LuAnn. "Shria Lee but you can call me Sheila, sweetie. I believe you are LuAnn DeGroot; I have seen you at The Fuse, yes? Tall, fair-skinned, blonde, name like that so I'd say Dutch, right?"

LuAnn nodded gamely and shook limply. LuAnn looked away from the confident Sheila to Ann Eiffel standing by Ms. Li's side. Ann had regained some of her old confidence LuAnn and Bernie noted but there was something different to their old adversary. Ann's short stature had never let that discourage her but Ann seemed modest standing by the taller, regal Asian woman. A billowing white woolen coat swept to Ann's ankles, a contrast to the light-consuming fuligin on Tara and Crystal.

"Ann Eiffel!" Bernie took steps forward, not used to having someone on a leash in public pulling Tara along with her. "We don't need any trouble from you."

Ann shook her head and something of the old Eiffel haughtiness returned as she stepped forward to meet Bernie. Ann's companion glanced between the two women and made a quick decision to step slightly to the side. Bernie and Ann drew breaths but before they could speak Tara took up some slack on her lead.

"Ann, Bernie, hold up a second okay?" Tara said. "Ann, I'm with Bernie now. You get that? No reason to give me or her or LuAnn any trouble."

Tara said softer then, "Ann you were my first, well, you and Pru, uh, anyway, but, yeah, Bernie Halper, now, gosh, I guess we're going steady."

Ann smiled, the smile curving her eyes gently with sincerity.

Bernie nearly took a step back, "That smile, it almost looks real. Careful Ms. Halper."

"Stay away from Tara, Ann." Bernie commanded. "You can forget about her."

"Bernice dear," Ann's smile continued through her words. "Let's just forget the past okay? You're got this cute redhead on a leash and collar. I'm with Sheila. Tara, you and Pru were fun but, again I'm with Sheila."

Ann stuck her hand out and Sheila grasped it. The two looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

Sheila and Crystal beamed and Tara, Bernie and LuAnn shuddered at Ann's next comment, "God, I love Asian girls!"

"You're such a pervert, Ann." Sheila said. "And just for that."

"No, please Shria. Not here, not now." Ann cast her eyes down.

"What the Hell?" Bernie thought. "Ann's embarrassed but this almost looks like a show. Ann the Awful is looking around making sure she has our full attention."

Sheila Lee positioned herself, towering behind Ann. She put her hands on the collar of Ann's white coat. "Take off that cashmere wrap, girl."

Ann blushed as she made a show of shrugging off the creamy coat which Sheila flourished away from her. Tara, Bernie and LuAnn gasped as Ann cocked a leg forward showing off her five-foot-two-inch trim frame in a green top and a black skirt even shorter than what she usually wore back in the day. Bernie put a hand to her mouth as Ann swept her long hair back revealing her neck.

"A, a collar? You're wearing a collar too?" Tara said for the trio.

"Here you go." Crystal presented an open box to Sheila.

Sheila Le snapped a leash onto Ann's collar and Ann tilted her chin up and turned her head this way and that, giving the young women a good look at her control lead.

"Collar and leash, Sheila's collar on Sheila's leash on Sheila's property." Ann said. "Sheila, now show them what I gave you."

Sheila extended her left hand with another surprise. Fluorescent light glinting off the huge stone on her ring finger nearly blinded the trio.

"I bought it with my own money too." Ann declared. "My own rightful, honest Abe money."

"I know you did, sweetie," Sheila told her. "I know it; that's all that's important. That and soon I will be Mrs. Sheila Eiffel, rid of that awful name the Han Chinese forced on my family."

"What now? I'm too tired of surprises for the day," LuAnn DeGroot thought a moment later as she heard another pair of boots approaching.

"They're back here somewhere, dude." Came Knute's cheerful voice.

As the footfalls grew louder, Bernie suddenly clutched a startled, unresisting Tara into an embrace and deep kiss. Knute led a young buff Asian male around some display to the back area of the store.

LuAnn stared at her embracing, smooching girlfriends, "Yipe, Bernie spoke the truth in confidence to me: she really does get turned on by being caught and watched. Ewww."

"Whoa," Knute said. "We gotta make our presentation space bigger if we're gonna have more get-togethers like this. Crystal, it's a slow morning; I locked up the store for now to concentrate on customer service for our best patrons."

"Hi Mom. Hi Ann." The newcomer said, glancing around. "Oh, hi too, Bernice."

Bernie wiped her lips as she disengaged. She pointed at the muscular, tall twenty-something in a Moonie Uni jacket. "You're Kip! Oh my God, 'Kip Lee', 'Sheila Lee'? Your mother?"

Sheila Lee smiled, "Yep, that's how it works out, Bernice. Karl, 'Kip' Lee has a mother, that's me. And soon I'll have a daughter thanks to Kip and Ann!"

"MOM!" Kip said. "Jeez, boundaries, okay? You don't have to over-share everything."

"Oh hush, Kip," Ann said. "It's not like you shtuped me or anything. Isn't medical science wonderful? You girls want to see my ultrasounds?"

"Eep!" LuAnn, Tara and Bernie said all at once.

"A little girl," Sheila said. "What should we name her? We're open for suggestions."

Kip looked down at the floor then around at the assembled crowd.

"Uh, Mom, Ann," He stepped close to them and whispered something.

"You got that dumb little tart Steff pregnant?" Kip's mother nearly shrieked. "Well, I've got enough money from my panda dung tea and yak milk import business to support you all but still, Kip!"

"Uh, well, Mom," Kip rubbed the back of his head and cast eyes down to the floor. "Not just Steffie but, uh, there's this other girl, you know her from the Fuse, her name is Tiffany Farrel, you don't have to worry about her, her dad is loaded."

"Mother and double grandmother!" Ann said, bouncing on her feet. Her leash wigwaged like a sine wave and her mini rose and fell on her trim thighs. "Sheila, it's gonna be a great new year. Now let me see the other delightful surprises you have for me in that box."

"Uhm," Tara managed to say just as Knute took the box from Crystal and was about to open it. "We all should be going."

"Yeah, absolutely. Gotta get home to feed the dog. Yep, RA dorm meeting coming up in a couple hours–I mean real soon."

Bernie, LuAnn and Tara made more hasty excuses to Knute and Crystal, Ann and Sheila, the latter two more interested in the box Knute was still in presentation mode over than the young women making a retreat.

Kip shook his head and mumbled, "Mom, Ann, I'll see you later at the Fuse for the celebration dinner. Mom, you promised Ann, no Merlot in solidarity, remember?"

Kip and the three amigas soon stood on the sidewalk outside Crystal and Knute's shop. They all glanced at each other without words. After being reassured that Bernie, Tara and LuAnn did not need rides, Kip strode to a Dodge Viper glinting in the sun. The three watched Kip rev up and roar away.

"Well, that was interesting," Tara broke the silence. "Lu, dear, you can close your mouth now."

LuAnn gulped and took car keys from her purse. "I need a big hot chocolate, preferably from that new burger place where Weenie World used to be. Then home. Guys, can I take you all back home, Tara, Bernie?"

Bernice squeezed Tara's hand gently. She reached up with sudden expertise and unsnapped the leash from Tara's neck.

"I think I'm going by 'Bern' or 'Bernice' now, pretty exclusively." She looked at her smiling girlfriend. "Hot chocolate, my treat. Then take us back to Tara's pad."

"Tara," Bern said to her. "I want you to do a lot of things to me today, and tell me first in your exquisite, explicit storytelling detail."

LuAnn clapped hands over her ears, "Guys, TMI, TMI okay?"

"So," LuAnn continued. "That Kip got Ann the Awful preggers and everybody seems pretty happy. Ann's getting married to–wow–essentially her daughter's grandmother?"

"Yeah, and I think Sheila got Ann pregnant," Tara proposed.

"More likely Ann got Ann pregnant and Sheila will make an honest woman out of her. An honest Ann? A long shot but it looks that way." Bern posited.

Tara and Bern swung their linked hands happily and beamed at LuAnn. "And you got us together, maybe not so honestly, Lu, but happily."

"Yeah, not so Honest Abe but happy, clever LuAnn DeGroot," LuAnn looked at the couple. "I'm hungry guys, if you can delay your, uh, games, how about Grab the Grit vegetarian with hot chocolate lava cake dessert. You can tell me how I'm the expert at arranging lesbian love for my buddies but can't manage my own hetero, true love match."

Bern grinned at her evilly and said, "Maybe you need to switch—."

LuAnn cut her off, "Bernice! NO! I do not need to switch teams!"

AN: Sheila Lee is from the first panel of April 5, 2019's comic in which waitress Tiffany has a merlot ready at Miss Lee's favorite table at The Fuse; this appears to be her only appearance in the comic. I made Miss Lee the initial importer of Dez' panda dung tea and yak milk. I headcanon that Kip Lee is Sheila Lee's son with the first name of 'Karl'. This action happens after 'After Party Planning' fic.