Hi everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
My entry for this year's Cobert Winter Fanfic Exchange is set after S6E5 (or what I call the bloody dinner episode)
Robert was coming home. It had been two weeks since that fateful dinner party, a night she would never be able to forget, and now he was finally returning from the village hospital.
Cora was standing by the window in the small library of Downton, anxiously peeking out and letting her eyes wander over the grass and gravel leading all the way down to the gates of their estate.
He was supposed to arrive at the abbey at half past two. A quick look at the clock to her right told her that they were running late, almost half an hour already.
What if something had happened, what if he was not coming home after all?
Then, as her mind began to spin with all the what-ifs she could possibly come up with, each one worse than the one before, she saw a big motor coming up the gravel driveway. It was driving slowly, much too slowly for her liking, but after a while, she saw that this was the ambulance bringing him home. For the past two weeks, there was nothing she had wanted more than to simply hold him in her arms, to feel his presence with her while it was so sorely missed. She had found it hard to fall asleep without him next to her in bed every night, not that she would admit to that.
Quickly, Cora turned on her heel and left the room. With long strides, she crossed the entrance hall and walked out the front door to welcome him, just like they always did with their guests. Right when she came to a halt outside the grand wooden doors of their family home, the back doors of the ambulance opened and she got to look directly into his face, a sight she had been looking forward to for days now.
She had been so incredibly scared when they took him and rushed him to emergency surgery at the village hospital. She had been afraid that she would never get to see him again, that she would never get to see his gentle smile and feel his loving gaze on her, ever again.
The image of him lying in a pool of his own blood on the dining room floor, trying to tell her he loved her — it haunted her. She might have appeared put together as she tried to calm him down, but that was really just a façade. Deep down, she had been scared out of her mind, had been afraid of losing him forever. However much she had wanted to, she simply could not allow herself to fall to pieces in front of everyone — least of all their daughters, who had to watch their father be rushed away, covered in blood.
When Robert saw her, his face lit up into such a bright smile. But even the brightest and most sincere of smiles couldn't get rid of the dark circles under his eyes. His unusually sallow complexion worried her, as did his sunken cheeks. She had to remind herself that he had just undergone a major emergency surgery — of course, he was not going to come back home the picture of health. A gastrectomy was not to be underestimated, that's what Doctor Clarkson had told her when she visited Robert the morning after the incident.
She had expected him not to look his usual self, but not quite as bad as this. It would take a while and exceptionally good nursing to get him back on his feet. Cora was determined to help him as best she could.
The people who had driven him there set about getting his stretcher out of the ambulance to take him inside and up to the bedroom like they had been instructed to. Robert winced noticeably when they hoisted him out of the car, the sudden movement causing his fresh wound to hurt again despite the strong painkillers he had been given ahead of his departure from the village hospital.
"Cora!" he exclaimed weakly as they started to carry him inside past her. Upon this, though, the men stopped and waited until the Countess had had a chance to greet him.
„Welcome home, my dear. They will take you up to our room and I will join you as soon as I have talked to Doctor Clarkson," his wife replied reassuringly, letting her hand graze over his arm as he was carried inside once more.
Robert only managed a small nod in return, wincing and inhaling sharply at the swaying motions shaking him through.
He could hear her voice through the closed door, along with Doctor Clarkson's. However much he tried to concentrate to understand what they were saying, he could not hear a word of what was spoken. Their voices were simply too muffled by the wooden doors separating them from him lying in their bed, and his mind was still hazy from all the painkillers he had been given in the hospital.
Robert was already starting to drift back off to sleep, his eyelids getting increasingly heavy, when the door finally opened and Cora walked in.
She closed the door carefully behind her and took a seat in the chair that was put close to his bedside. When she reached out her hand to take his hand in hers, his eyes immediately flew open again. His gaze met his wife's, and he recognised the concerned look she tried to veil behind an encouraging and welcoming smile — he had seen this before.
"Oh my dear, I am so pleased to have you back home. You have no idea how worried the girls and I have been and how anxious we were to finally have you here with us again. Even your mother decided to let her grudge rest for now, though I suppose your return will lead her back on her warpath with me." She saw his blinking slow down — a clear sign he was tired — and so, after a short pause, Cora added: "I'll let you rest for now. I will redo the dressing on your wound after dinner, as Doctor Clarkson instructed."
Robert still had trouble speaking with his throat feeling sore, but he managed to croak out: "I am so- I'm so sorry you all had to witness this. But what about the nurse Doctor Clarkson wanted to send up to the house along with me?"
Cora handed him a cup of water already standing on his nightstand when he started to cough, wincing and pressing his hand to his side all the while.
"I sent her back to the hospital, she's more needed there to help with all the hurt and sick in the village. I can care for you, and Doctor Clarkson explained it all quite well. I know that I am capable of doing it," Cora said confidently when she set the glass back down.
"You really shouldn't, these are trained people for a reason and I wouldn't want you to have to see this," he whispered in reply.
"But I want to, Robert. Please."
Robert knew that this was an argument he was not going to win, his wife was quite headstrong when she wanted to be and clearly, she wanted in this case. So instead of arguing some more, he simply nodded slowly before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep again.
Later that night, Cora excused herself directly after dinner ended, not joining her family in the drawing room as usual. Instead, she climbed the flights of stairs to go to her bedroom and care for Robert. Mary and Edith had offered to help with the wound dressing, but Robert had refused them much more profusely than he had Cora when they had gone up to welcome him home after tea.
She felt nervous, even though there was no particular reason for her to be. Her husband was home and he was safe. He had had an emergency surgery a fortnight ago and there were hours when she didn't know if she'd ever see him again, but she did. The doctors managed to save him, to keep him there with her, and now it was on her to help him get better.
Doctor Clarkson had shown her how to dress the wound in fresh bandages and how to apply the creams and tinctures to help the wound heal quicker and better, and hopefully also scar less. He had also told her when to give him what kind of medicine to help manage his pain and minimise his discomfort. She was prepared as best as anyone probably could be and still, she was nervous.
What would it look like, how bad would it be?
Taking a deep breath to calm her down, she opened the door and entered their shared bedroom to find him asleep on the bed. However, he wasn't sleeping as peacefully as she had hoped — his face was pulled into some sort of grimace of constant pain.
Quietly, she gathered the supplies she would need to care for his wound and neatly assembled them all on his nightstand. Then, she took a seat in the chair that was still pulled to his bedside and tried to gently wake him from his uneasy slumber.
Robert heard a familiar, gentle and soft voice ring out to him and slowly, it took him out of his uneasy dream. Almost hesitantly, he came to and found himself face to face with his smiling wife.
"What a sight for sore eyes," he whispered softly, his voice heavy with sleep.
A wide smile graced Cora's features when he slowly reached out his arm for her to take. Gingerly, she put her hand in his offered one. When his fingers closed around her delicate hand, she was surprised by the strength of his hold. He had barely managed to reach out his arm, but his hold was fast and steady. That fact encouraged her, it gave her hope.
"Can you sit up in bed? I am afraid it is time to change your bandages and apply the creams Doctor Clarkson prescribed," Cora said after a while of simply sitting there and holding hands.
Robert nodded and further strengthened his grip on her to hoist himself up.
However, before he could even try to sit up on his own, Cora asked: "Do you want some more medicine to manage the pain? You did not take any this afternoon and you seemed to be in quite some pain when you were asleep just now."
Shaking his head no, he replied: "No, I can manage without." After a few short seconds and seeing her doubting look, he tried to distract her and added: "Are you sure you want to do this? Maybe Cousin Isobel coul-"
"No, Robert. I won't trouble her with this," she retorted sternly. Then, Cora stood up from her seated position to help him sit up in bed as well. "And now, let me help you."
He tried. He truly thought he would be able to do it. After only a second of trying, though, the pain in his abdomen became too much to bear and he wincingly fell back into the pillows. He didn't move, inhaling and exhaling quite sharply as he pressed a hand to his upper belly.
Cora let him catch his breath and then handed him a tiny glass filled with a clear liquid she took from the nightstand. Silently, she urged him to drink it, promising him a sip of water afterwards.
"You don't have to be so brave with me, dear. Take the medicine and it will all be a bit easier, for both of us. I can't bear to see you in such pain, not when there is something I can do to help," she said when he only eyed the small glass, clearly hesitant to sip it.
Begrudgingly, Robert drank the medicine, pulling a funny face at the lingering bitter and unpleasant taste.
They sat in silence for a little while, waiting for the medication to start working its magic. Slowly, Robert's tensely clenched jaw began to relax and his steely grip on the bed frame loosened.
"Let us try again, Cora," Robert said with a determined expression.
It cost him great strength and it hurt immensely, but he did it. They did. Somehow, he got into a seated position and managed to stay there while she unwrapped the white cloth bandages that were tightly wound around his torso.
The less his chest and belly were covered, the more her hands started to quiver. She kept her eyes fixed on the slowly disappearing bandages, until finally, the last of them fell away and she saw the wound.
Her breath got caught in her throat. She had imagined a lot, but nothing seemed to have come close to the reality. The wound was long and crooked, the edges jagged. It was painfully obvious that this had not been a planned operation. The flesh held together by the many stitches was coloured a sort of angry red, and it looked incredibly painful.
"That's why I wanted the nurse here to take care of this, at least in the beginning. I did not want you to have to see this, not when it still looks as bad as this," Robert whispered. He had noticed her hesitation and had seen and felt her movements cease when the bandages were gone.
Cora shook her head slightly at that.
"Why? You are my husband and I vowed to take care of you. I am not a young girl you could scare to death with this. You have been injured and I want to take care of you, that's all there is to it," she said, motioning towards his wound and the medical supplies on his nightstand.
With determination in her eyes, she set about caring for the scarring wound the way the doctor had instructed her to and before long, Robert got to lie back down with a fresh bandage wrapped around his torso underneath his nightshirt. This was exhausting, he had to admit, and he almost immediately dozed off into a light slumber.
Not much later, Cora got into bed next to him after her lady's maid had left the room. Baxter had worked silently and very efficiently so that she would not wake him when she helped Cora get ready for the night.
The mattress shifted when she got into bed, the motion woke him up and he watched as she tried to come closer while still trying to keep some distance between them so that she would not unintentionally hurt him.
"Thank you for doing this," Robert said, his voice heavy with sleep.
"We will manage this, you'll see. Just don't hesitate to take the pain medication from Doctor Clarkson, it is there to help you. You don't have to prove anything to me. It is not admitting a weakness or even defeat. You never have to be brave with me, dear."
Cora sat up in bed and placed an innocent kiss on his lips when he hesitantly nodded in agreement, followed by another one she placed on his jaw. Then, she settled back into bed and pulled the covers up over the two of them.
"Cora?" he asked again shortly thereafter.
She had already begun falling asleep, feeling exhausted after this day, and only managed a small: "Mmh?" in reply.
"I know this is hard for you, all of it. Just know one thing: you don't have to be so brave with me, either," he said firmly in the silence that had fallen over their room. His hand left the space on his belly where it had been resting until then and softly fell into the space between them.
Cora turned off the lights and settled into bed next to him. She couldn't cuddle up to him or even lie too close without possibly hurting him. But she could hold his hand, and so she did.
That night, for the first time in two weeks, she fell into an easy sleep, not haunted by a gruesome nightmare that took her back to the dinner party. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, thinking that finally, things were looking up again. She had her husband back home with her. Robert was lying next to her, he would eventually recover and she would help him as best she could. That was a promise she gave him and herself.
Things would turn out alright for them in the end, she was sure of it.