AN: Don't own anything. It is set in the World of Darkness and uses its terminology.
Silence. The smallest ray of the dawn's sunlight passed through into a shed. The outside was well-kept, matching the wealthy estate it was a part of—a mismatch with the cluttered interior and the kid dreaming within it.
Shirou lay on the ground, surrounded by random things. There was no rhyme or reason for what was in the shed. There was everything from broken appliances to whatever his older sister left around his home.
He slowly stirred from his sleep. A shiver ran through his body as his eyes slowly slid open. One of his hands raised to rub his eyes.
The young boy felt tired. Sleeping on the cold ground didn't do much for restful sleep, but at least he didn't have any nightmares on that night. But he couldn't remember what he dreamt of…
Shirou sighed and slowly stood up. He needed to get ready for school before Taiga arrived. If she knew he fell asleep in the shed again, she would yell at him.
As he walked out of the shed and crossed the courtyard between it and the rest of the estate, the snow crunched under his step. The few rays of sunlight that pierced the cloudy night did nothing to illuminate the dull world.
Everything seemed so dull. The colors were washed out. The silence born of emptiness, not tranquility.
Shirou walked past the closed door of his old man's room, his amber eyes turning away from it. It was too soon to be thinking about him. He wasn't ready yet. He needed to get to his room. Not Kiritsugu's.
The sound of his bedroom door sliding open was quiet. The motion to open it was machinal and monotonous. The red-haired boy's hand moved at one continuous slow speed.
An empty room greeted him as he entered it. He never liked or needed much of anything. All he needed was the mat on the flood, and he would be satisfied. If only his older sister understood that and didn't try to get him to furnish his rooms with things he didn't need.
He walked to his closet, which had a few sets of casual clothing and school uniforms inside. The most common colors among the former were blue and white. The school uniforms were the standard gray garb everyone at his school had to wear.
It looked like he would have to do laundry in a day or two. Taiga needed to be told so she could drop off her dirty clothing as well. Doing his older sister's laundry at the same time as him would save them both time. Somehow, his adopted sibling always had a mountain of work for him to do, but knowing it made her happen was all that he needed to be satisfied.
Shirou took his clothing and walked to the bathroom to take a bath. He did it swiftly. Never stopping to think or enjoy the feeling of a hot bath, even though he spent the night sleeping on the cold, hard ground.
The shampoo and soap he used were cheap. Almost odorless.
He got out of the tub and got dressed quickly, then brushed his teeth just as fast. He didn't bother to comb his short hair with anything but a few swipes of his hand.
Shirou exited the bathroom, walking towards his kitchen.
It was the same banal routine he had every day. There was something unfilling about it. Grating. Sad… Empty.
Just like he so often felt.
The son of Kiritsugu Emiya passed his father's bedroom door once again. His eyes linger on it as he stops this time.
Two weeks ago, he would have stopped and checked on his father. Two weeks ago, he never had to again.
Shirou closed his eyes and let out a breath before continuing his journey to the kitchen. As he did so, he couldn't help but think about the final words he said to his old man, the final promise.
He would become a hero of justice, just like Kiritsugu. He knew it would be impossible to be as incredible as his father, a man who saved an undeserving child like him and took him in. Treated him as a son despite the fact that he ran; he left his pa- them to die along with everyone else he knew. Yet, Kiritsugu still saved him from the fire. Still, let someone as guilty as him become his son.
The last time Shirou saw him alive – when he made that promise – Kiritsugu seemed melancholy, nevertheless tranquil. He was smiling in the end, even though he was dying before he should have, despite having so much more to live for and leaving just as much unfilled.
Thus, Shirou would be the hero of justice in Kiritsugu's place. He would fulfill that dream.
Thinking about it made the boy feel sorrow, yes, but he tried not to dwell on it. The feeling of excitement, fulfillment, and other emotions he hadn't felt in years more than gave him the strength to try and move on from the sorrow.
It was one of the two things that made this monotonous life of his seem worth living. Without it and helping people, he would be crushed. The guilt. The sorrow. The worthlessness. The emptiness. They would break him.
Shirou reached the kitchen of the Emiya estate. It was clean and well-stocked enough to rival a restaurant. The eating space was connected to and visible from the Kitchen, making it easy to serve guests.
The various appliances in the kitchen were expensive high-end cooking equipment Kiritsugu and Taiga got him once he started to learn how to cook. The things were nice, but they shouldn't have gone out of their way for him. He was cooking because he wanted to make them – or anybody – that consumed his food happy. It didn't feel right for them to have to put in money for him to do that. He could have used the older appliances Kiritsugu had before.
Shirou thought about what to make before getting started. Imagining all the different things he could make if he had the time. Time reality wouldn't give him, so he narrowed the options down to only what Taiga would enjoy.
He could focus on making something healthier for her rather than what she would like. However, as he daydreamed about what he could make her for breakfast, he found himself drifting to the latter. After a few more seconds of consideration, he decided and got to work.
The boy grabbed what he needed to cook and began. The rich scent of food filled the air once Shirou began to use the stove.
Compared to the other tasks he does every day, cooking feels more fulfilling. Less restrictive. Less banal.
He used a black spatula to stir the food inside the pan. For the briefest of moments – right as he was about to be done – it seemed to change, seem brighter. The black color gives way to gold.
"What-" Shirou started to question the strange sight until he was distracted by the sound of a door slamming open and a cheerful yell.
"SHIROU! BREAKFAST! NOW!" the hungry tiger roared as she entered the room, drawing his attention briefly to her. When he looked back at the spatula, it was no longer gold. It returned to its dull black.
Shirou stared at it for a moment before shaking his head. He must have been seeing things. That made sense. Any alternative wouldn't make sense. "It's almost ready!"
"HURRY UP THEN! I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY!" Taiga needlessly shouted before plumping down on the floor next to their dinner table. Shirou didn't need to look at her to hear her turn on the random TV she brought into the Emiya Estate. His older sister put it in their dining room so she could plan games despite Shirou asking her not to.
He hoped to convince her to get rid of it quickly, but then he had to handle the funeral. The annoying TV ended up being forgotten about. He would try to get her to remove it later.
Shirou quickly finished the meal and prepared the plates while he heard his sister play a game on the TV. From the sound of it, it was that same game by Tellus Japan she'd been playing seemingly daily for the last few months. She only stopped briefly two weeks ago.
How she could get so much entertainment out of a shooter was beyond him.
Shirou left the kitchen with both meals in hand. He placed his dish on the table along with Taiga's. "Finished."
"Thanks, I'll get to it in a minute," Taiga said, not taking a second to even look at the food Shirou made for her.
The boy frowned at his older sister. He was slightly annoyed that she didn't even look at the breakfast he made specifically for her. More than that, Shirou was concerned and surprised. Taiga always placed his food first, yet here she was, choosing a game over it. Why?
He put a lot of thought into what he made her. Rather than make her something generic, it was a home-cooked meal he imagined up and prepared.
A small part of Shirou wondered why he bothered. If she wasn't going to enjoy it – didn't seem to care –then what was the point?
Shirou did his best to ignore that part of him. Those thoughts wouldn't get him anywhere. Instead, he walked over to the TV, his sister too engrossed in the game to care, and unplugged the gaming console first – to his sister's indignant yelp. Then he unplugged the TV.
"Why'd you do th-" Taiga started before stopping as she looked over at him. He didn't know why, but suddenly, she seemed more tuned into reality rather than the game world. A brief flash of shame filled her expression.
Shirou could've complained or scolded his sister for ignoring his meal, but he didn't. Instead, he sighed and looked away. "Your breakfast is ready."
The young cook walked back to the table and sat on the floor across from his sister. He began to eat his meal. It tasted blandered than he wanted it to.
"Thank you for the meal," Taiga said to him after a moment. She hadn't begun eating yet.
"I hope it's better than that game," Shirou shot back at her without looking up, instead continuing to eat.
His sister audibly sighed before quietly eating her own breakfast. It was rare for her to be so subdued. The silence was as deep as the one that greeted Shirou when he woke up this morning and the mornings before that one.
A gloomy mood presided over the table as they ate and finished around the same time.
"Leave the dishes on the table for now," Taiga broke the silence first. Her tone became closer to what it usually was. "You can scrub them later. We gotta leave early, or you'll be late."
"Why?" Shirou decided to ask. He wasn't pleased with the idea of not at least putting the dishes in the sink before leaving.
"Someone got killed along the normal route. We're going to take the long way to avoid that whole mess," she told him while getting up.
He stood up as well. He felt a little bad for the person who got killed, even if it was someone he knew. If Shirou became a hero, that would happen.
"You don't have to walk me to school," Shirou told his older sister. If there was a killer on the loose that attacked him on the way to school, he preferred to be alone. That way, only he would get hurt. Besides, Taiga has her own life to deal with. She had her classes to become an English teacher that was far from his school.
"But I should, at least for the next couple of weeks," she countered, her voice saddened. Her eyes glanced in the direction of Kiritsugu's room.
Shirou nodded, unable to protest. It wasn't because of the killing that she was walking with him. She'd been doing so for the last two weeks. Or, at least, the days he went to school.
Walking together must be her as much as it was for him – that's what the look in her eyes said, at least. If it was for her, he wouldn't protest.
"Great! Now getting marching!" the sorrow in her voice was replaced with the energy he expected from her. She marched out of the room, leaving Shirou to follow behind her. He left his backpack by the door, letting him grab it as they left.
The walk to his school was going to be a long one if they were taking the long way to it. Taiga kept the air filled with her words as they walked. Shirou split his attention between her and the world around them.
They passed people shambling their way to their destination. Almost everyone seemed to be dressed in drab colors. Some of the adults they passed seemed to have no life in their eyes as they made their way to work. Many of them wear the same black suit as each other. There was no variation. No individual touch to them.
Fuyuki's buildings stood tall. The cloudy sky gave the far-away skyscrapers an ominous presence as they cast shadows upon the town. Each one was as unique from the others as salary workers in their black suits.
They passed several smaller businesses on the way to school, but some of them looked run down. Worn down by time.
Even then, many of them seemed as dull as everything else.
"Hey! Did you hear what happened!" Shirou heard a loud masculine voice shout. It made Taiga seem almost mute in comparison. There was excitement in their voice.
"No! What!" Another loud voice responded, not losing to the first in the least in terms of volume. The voice sounded more feminine than masculine. They both sound like they came from people a few years older than Shirou and a couple of years younger than Taiga.
Shirou looked around. Taiga and he were walking down a small road with sidewalks on each side. On the left side of the road, there were stores and a restaurant or two, while the right side only had the former. The stores were currently closed, with one of the restaurants opening in an hour. There were only three other people walking down the sidewalks that Shirou could see. Still, this particular street seemed livelier than others despite that. The colors of the buildings were brighter and more varied. The air felt lighter.
"And get this, there's a cheat code-" Taiga continued to talk, not at all reacting to the screaming voices. Normally, anyone would stop talking if that happened. It was hard to keep going if the speakers can't hear themselves.
Shirou looked around several times but couldn't find who was shouting. The other three people didn't do it. They were all walking alone, not talking to someone else. There was no one insight that could've been responsible, yet it sounded like it came from right across the street.
"Pay attention!" his sister ordered him.
"I'm trying to find out where the screamings are coming from," Shirou turned toward Taiga and explained. He couldn't hear them anymore. Did they realize how loud they were or something?
His sister slowed down her walking. A concerned expression on her face that Shirou didn't understand. Why was she looking so confused and worried?
"Shirou? What screaming?" Taiga asked him.
He was the one now confused. Why was she acting like she couldn't hear the yelling? There was no way she didn't hear it. "The two people screaming at the top of their lungs? I can't find where the yells are coming from, and they aren't doing it again."
"Shirou… are you ok? Nobody screamed…" Taiga asked, stopping her tracks, prompting Shirou to do so as well. The worry on her face grew.
Shirou frowned. He knew he heard the people shouting at the top of their lungs about something happening. Why was his sister acting like it didn't happen?
Then again, it wasn't like there was anybody else reacted to the scream. The other three people were continuing on without reacting, just like Taiga.
Did he imagine it? That would explain the lack of reaction. The way Taiga could keep talking without being interrupted, and why Shirou couldn't find the source…
No, he knew what he heard. He was sure of it. He didn't know why no one else could hear it, but it was real. He wasn't hallucinating.
"Nothings wrong with me," Shirou said as he started walking again, faster this time. He ignored the look of concern on his sister's face.
Shirou sat on the roof of his school, picking at his cafeteria lunch. He knew he needed to start making his own again soon.
The roof was covered in snow, but Shirou still chose to sit there. There was nobody else but him up there. They must not want to sit out in the cold. He was wearing pants and long sleeves, so it didn't really bother him. He'd gotten used to the cold when he was young.
He was sitting on one of the benches the school had on the roof. The whole area was caged at the edge of the roof to keep anyone from falling off.
In front of Shirou was an open notebook, and a pencil was placed next to it. The page it was turned to was empty. Blank, ready to be filled.
One of the school's festivals was coming up, and the art teacher was making them all sketch something for it. He wasn't sure what he was going to draw, but at least it was something to think about rather than being stuck on this morning.
Taiga walked him the rest of the way to school after the issue with the yelling. She kept looking at him like she was worried about it. He had to force his sister to accept he was alright when they arrived at school. Otherwise, Shirou thought she'd try to get him to return to his empty home and rest.
He didn't need to be there alone. He wanted to be at school.
Kiritsugu wouldn't want him to fall behind, and a hero can't be a hero if they flunk school.
Shirou looked up at the sky; it had only grown cloudier as the day passed. If he had to guess, it would snow again tonight or tomorrow morning.
The dark clouds made the sky look a uniform dark gray. Light still managed to get through it to illuminate the world. From the roof, he could see the buildings that surrounded his school. There was nothing of note among them.
There was nothing there to give him any ideas on what to draw. He still had a week before it was due, but he didn't want to rush it.
It was for a school festival, something the entire school took part in. He needed to do his part to help.
Shirou looked up from his paper and lunch when he heard the sound of the door to the roof open. Who else was coming to sit up here?
His question would be quickly answered once he saw the person. He recognized the purple – or was it blue? Shirou could never tell – hair anywhere. The only person with hair like that was Shinji Matou.
Shinji was one of the most popular kids in class. Shirou never really spent much time with him or anyone else in their middle school. He always spent his time helping others or keeping to himself, completely different from Shinji. The other boy always seemed to be talking to other members of their class – especially the girls – and was at the top of their class.
He was wearing the same long-sleeved and pants winter uniform as Shirou, but he was wearing warm-looking gloves.
The other boy took a few glances around the roof before noticing him and walking over to him.
"Emiya, have you seen a purple thermostat anywhere? It has water in it," Shinji asked him.
"No, but I can look for it if you need me to," Shirou offered without a second thought. If someone needed help, he had to help them. No matter what they needed help with.
"I don't need your help, you fake janitor," Shinji muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Didn't you just ask me for help?" Shirou questioned, putting his hands in his pants pocket. He started hearing that nickname a year or two ago because he spent so much time helping people for free. It was meant to be derogatory, but it didn't bother Shirou. Helping people wasn't meant to get people to like him.
"No, I asked you for information," The other boy shot back. "How you could twist that into asking for help is beyond me."
Shirou almost asked if Shinji spent his days complaining about what others do but had enough sense not to. Instead, he just shrugged and went back to looking at his notebook.
"Are you ignoring me?" Shinji sounded slightly surprised and annoyed. The red-haired boy could hear him take a few steps closer to look at what he was doing. "Wait, we don't have anything due later today, do we?"
"No, I'm doing the art project," Shirou answered. He considered picking up his pencil but decided to take another bite of his lunch before he did.
"Seriously, you're working on that right now? You know it isn't due for another week? And she's only going to be grading on turning something in?" Shinji seemed to almost scoff at what Shirou was doing.
"I know, but I still want to do my best," Shirou finally picked up his pencil and looked back up at Shinji.
"Why? Why put in more work than you need to?"
Shirou tilted his head slightly, considering Shinji's question. "What's the point of doing something if you don't try your hardest? If you try your hardest, then anything is possible. Even your most impossible dreams."
That didn't just apply to the art project. One should try their hardest at whatever they're doing, no matter what it is. And no matter how impossible it is… even if it is hard to find the will to do so sometimes.
Shinji didn't immediately respond. His expression almost looked like he had swallowed a lemon or something. His eyes turned away from Shirou.
"You're so naïve and simplistic. It almost makes me jealous of you," Shinji muttered after a few moments, his eyes slowly turning back to him. "How can you believe something so childish?"
Shirou sat up straighter. The question bothered him.
He looked away from Shinji up to the cloudy sky. Sometimes, it was difficult to think that dreams were possible.
Shirou has lost everything, surviving when everyone else he loved died. Living when he shouldn't. He's watched the one who saved him wither away and die, unable to do a thing about it.
How could he fulfill Kiritsugu's dream of being a hero of justice – of saving everyone – when Shirou couldn't even save his old man?
If he is doomed to fail no matter how hard he tries, then what's the point? Why strive for something impossible?
Shirou didn't know the answer yet, but he hoped he would one day. Until then, there was only one response he could give.
"Because I have to," Sirou answered.
Shinji didn't seem to know what to make of his response, but a sad look entered his eyes for a brief moment. A moment of understanding.
"You're a weirdo, Emiya," Shinji shook his head. He was throwing stones, given his weird seaweed hair. Shirou saw Shinji's eyes glance down at his hands. "And an idiot as well! Are you trying to freeze your hands off?"
Shirou looked at his bare hands. "I forgot to wear any, but I'm used to the cold. I can barely feel it."
"Idiot," Shinji facepalmed, giving him a look of complete bafflement before reaching into his pockets. He pulled out an extra pair of pink gloves. "Here, you can borrow these, but I want them back at the end of the day."
"I'm good. I'm not going to bothe-"
Shinji tossed the gloves at Shirou's chest. "Stop acting like a saint, fake janitor. It makes me sick. Learn to be selfish for once."
Shirou caught the gloves as Shinji turned to leave. The red-haired boy simply watched him go. Unsure of what to make of this encounter.
He looked at the gloves for a moment before deciding to put them on. He'd make sure to get them back to Shinji.
The orphan's eyes glanced back over at the empty notebook once Shinji was gone. He still had no clue what he wanted to draw.
Shirou finished changing from his school uniform into casual clothing. He was back home after school. Taiga walked him back home, showing up at the school gates early, to Shirou's embarrassment. He was fortunate that he was able to return Shinji's gloves to him on the way out of the classroom.
Shirou exited his room and walked to the kitchen, doing his best to ignore Kiritsugu's room as he passed it.
In the kitchen – or rather the dining room – he found his sister playing that game from earlier.
"Shirou! Come play with me!" Taiga shouted, grabbing a new controller from beside her. Gramps must've let her get a new one to replace the one she broke a month ago. Why he did so was anyone's guess. He would need to talk to him about this.
"No, I need to cook dinner," Shirou told her.
"Nah, I ordered pizza for delivery," Taiga explained, pausing the game and turning toward him.
"What – why?" Shirou asked, feeling like she had just slapped him.
"You should rest, Shirou," his sister told him. "You seemed out of it this morning."
The red-haired boy grimaced at the reminder of this morning and the unexplained yells. He didn't like the concerned look on Taiga's face. It made him uncomfortable.
It almost made him wonder if he was out of it this morning, but he knew he wasn't.
"No more than you are on any given day," Shirou muttered, taking a seat on the floor across from his sister. He wasn't going to sit next to her and play her game.
"I'm serious, Shirou. You've been through a lot… and now you're hearing voices," Taiga leaned forward. "Right after Kiri's death."
Shirou shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not hearing voices, and leave the old man out of this."
"You need to talk about it with someone," Taiga said. "You wouldn't even talk about it with me, your big sis!"
Shirou leaned back, dodging her eyes. He hadn't talked about his final conversation with Kiritsugu nor anything else about it. It was hard even to consider doing so. Yet, it was just as hard to ignore the worried look on his normally joyful sister.
He sighed.
"The old man… we talked one last time," Shirou started. He didn't start to cry; he already used all his tears. His eyes were left empty. "I made a promise to him."
"What?" Taiga asked softly.
"I promised him I would become a hero of justice… one who can save anyone," Shirou told her, the words feeling weird to say. This was the first time he talked about his new dream.
He watched his older sister closely, hoping she would support his dream.
She stared at him, slowly taking in what he said. And then –
She laughed, only for a moment before she covered her mouth. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh."
Shirou's lips curled downward. He looked down at the table, his hair covering his eyes.
His older sister laughed at him for saying he would become a hero of justice. She thought the promise he made was silly. That hurt.
The look in her eyes stabbed his heart. He could tell that she didn't think he could do it. The apology was only for laughing at him at this moment, not for laughing at the promise. His dream.
It felt crushing. Like a stone on his heart engraved with that message that he can't. He can't keep his promise to his old man. He can't make up for abandoning everyone else to die in the fire. He can't justify why he is alive.
Shirou stood up from the table, not wanting to talk with his sister anymore. He needed to be alone for the rest of the night.
"Wait! I'm really sorry," his older sister apologized again, worry clear in her voice. It almost made Shirou want to sit back down, but he couldn't.
"I'll see you in the morning," Shirou told her quietly. He walked out of the room without looking back at her, ignoring her calls for him to stop. She didn't try to get up and physically stop him, at least.
Rather than walk to his room, Shirou briskly walked to the shed. He crossed the snow-covered courtyard as fast as possible and entered his personal space. He closed the door behind him and locked it so that nobody would be able to enter.
The boy walked down the steps into his shed area. It was dark and a relatively large-sized area. It was far bigger than what most people would consider to be a shed. The random junk that was always there hadn't moved an inch. The space was nearly dust-free due to Shirou keeping the area clean, though disorganized.
Shirou sat down on the bottom-most step in the basement. It was colder than inside the house but not as cold as the bench he sat on during lunch that he had to remove snow off of.
He waited at the final step, just in case his sister tried to come and talk with him. The door was locked, but Taiga could and would break it down if she felt she needed to. He didn't know what he would do if she did that or tried to talk with him. All he could do was sit here and wait.
The boy's amber eyes looked at the random junk. He spent so long working on repairing the things that ended up in his shed. Fixing things was calming and took his mind off of things. Yet, he never built anything himself, and his fixes were amateur at best.
The one time he tried to build something from scratch – a grill – it came out wobbly and probably leaked a little bit of gas based on the smell it gave off. When he fixes things, they work but are never as good as they were.
Was it even possible to repair something back to its original state? Or would the breaks always show? Always hindering.
Shirou didn't know, and the answer wouldn't come to him as he waited on the step. He didn't know how long he sat there. Ten Minutes? Thirty? An hour? Two?
By the time he was sure his sister wasn't going to come, the sun had to be down. The boy could guess from the light peaking through the few open spaces the shed had to let light in.
He felt a sense of relief at Taiga listening to him. He thought she wouldn't listen to him, but he was wrong. He needed to think on his own.
The boy stood up and walked over to the air conditioner he was working on the night before. It was sat on the ground, with various tools around. The Fujimura brought it over for him to work on three weeks ago. The thing was large and old, something they were going to get rid of but gave to him to mess with. Next to it was a small mirror that ended up in here after Taiga forgot about it.
Shirou sat on the ground in front of it. He looked at the machine but couldn't bring himself to start working on it. Normally, it would help him separate himself from what was bothering him. Now, he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he couldn't start.
He needed to work through them.
The redhead laid down with his back against the floor. His eyes looked up at the ceiling, trying to find any unique part of it, but he was unable to.
Taiga didn't think he could be a hero. She outright laughed at it, but could he really blame her?
A hero was someone strong, someone who could save anyone. They would bring smiles to everyone, ending suffering.
Kiritsugu always taught him how weak he was. Told him about the countless stronger things lurking in the shadows. Things Shirou couldn't even comprehend – maybe those yelling voices were some of those? But then why would he hear them and no one else? – each one more than willing to kill him.
Him. A normal human.
The old man spoke of mages. They could bend the very fabric of reality around them; their power is only held in check by humanity's collective unconsciousness. Kiritsugu was a mage, so he taught him about their various strengths and weaknesses, with the message always being not to mess with them.
One day, Shirou could become a mage. He just had to go through something called the Awakening that somehow let people do magic. Any person could awaken, but almost no one does. Someone could be helped along, increasing their chances of Awakening, but Kiritsugu didn't have access to any of those methods.
Shirou couldn't place his dream and promise on something he wasn't sure would happen. And, he couldn't place them on what he did know.
Kiritsugu tried to show him sorcery or linear magic, but Shirou failed at it. His old man didn't know much about it, being a mage and not a sorcerer, but he knew enough to teach Shirou well. It had to be his fault he failed.
Anyone, even non-mages, can use sorcery. It's supposed to be a power fueled by knowledge and dedication. He spent countless nights trying and studying what Kiritsugu told him, but he failed.
If he couldn't even use the power available to everyone, then he would be powerless to do anything.
Shirou closed his eyes, feeling tired. Worn out.
It would be easy to give up, to accept that. Anyone else would. But 'Shirou Emiya' wouldn't be able to live if he did. Accepting that would destroy him. Leave him more empty than he already feels.
Besides, beyond his older sister's laugh –
'Kiritsugu's final smile as he passed away. Accepting his promise to be a hero in place. Believing in him.'
– he knew Kiritsugu believed in him. So, he knew it was possible.
Yes, that was it.
Shirou found himself drifting off to sleep.
An epiphany.
He would and could become a hero. It wasn't impossible. He knew it wasn't because Kiritsugu believed in him and was living proof that heroes existed.
Shirou's consciousness faded into a dream.
Snow, cold and terrible, fell upon Shirou. He lay in the middle of a clearing surrounded by trees. Snow covered everything in a harsh white.
His sense and reason dulled as he opened his eyes.
He didn't question where he was. He was simply there. Everything feeling like a dream.
Shirou stood up and wondered in a random direction. He didn't know why. He only did as he should.
The smell of trees filled the air, the wind blowing through their leaves. The sound they made was almost like music.
He placed a hand on a tree as walked into the woods. It felt cold but muted.
One step. Two steps. Three. He blinked and found himself somewhere else.
The woods were behind him, 3 kilometers away. Three steps to.
In front of him was a seemingly endless ocean. It smelt like Fuyuki's port. Snow continued to fall, covering him.
There were two islands in the distance. Paths to them connect to the shore a few paces before him.
The island on the right had a great tower on it, reaching up to the clear blue sky. It looked like something from the medieval ages, made of stone and kept in pristine condition. The path to it was made of cement, like the sidewalks he used every day. Sprinkles of snow covered the road.
The island on the left was covered in greens, trees growing in tantum with grass and vines. It was unkept, untouched. Golden lights danced in the air, illuminating the land. Its path was as green and free of snow as the island. It was untrodden upon and seemed so much longer than the other.
Shirou looked between the two islands. Two paths. He somehow knew he could only walk down on.
Which path should he choose?
Who knows what is inside that great tower? Looking at made Shirou feel like he was on the brink of realizing something. Something important. He just needed to ascend that tower.
The other island held beauty, tranquility, and purity. It filled his heart with wonder. Making him feel like any dream could come true. There was a yearning to walk down that path. To become something else.
Left or right? Right or left?
He took a step. Left.
It seemed so warm, drawing him in.
Shirou reached the path, taking his first step upon it. The line between it and the mainland was made of snow. None of its embrace could crossover to the road.
Just stepping on the road sent a warm feeling through Shirou. The accumulated snow melted off his body as he took another step upon the left path.
The yearning grew. Through his dulled perspective, it pierced.
He walked down the grassy path. His bare feet were tickled by the soft grass.
A quarter of the way through, a voice breached the silence.
"Stop," the masculine voice commanded. Shirou listened, stopping and looking around. He couldn't find its source, but it felt close. The voice was one he knew but had never heard before. "You must turn back from this path. It isn't ours."
Shirou blinked, his dreaming mind not fully comprehending the words. The meanings.
The boy glanced across the clear blue ocean to the other path. The great tower had green vines growing across the bottom now. Grass was starting to breach and break the concrete path across its first quarter.
He looked up ahead at the left island. The colors seem brighter. The golden lights were more luminous.
Shirou continued walking. Step by step. It took twice as long to reach the halfway point compared to the first quarter. Yet, it took the same amount of steps.
Once again, he heard the voice. It sounds further away. "Turn around before it's too late. The path of ascension will be lost to you if you continue."
Shirou kept walking.
The right path was covered in more green. The tower and road were slowly consumed by the same green that littered the left path.
It took him only a few seconds to reach the three-quarters mark. The island was so close. He could smell everything, the odor of the island being that of everything he loved. The lights sparked joy and dreams. The colors of not just the island but everything grew brighter still. More lively than any Shirou's seen before.
"This is your final chance," the voice spoke for the last time. It sounded distant and strained. "Do you truly wish to give up your humanity?"
Shirou blinked but didn't stop walking.
The reason of the voice meant nothing in a dream. The mind was meaningless before the heart in a land of possibilities.
The great tower was now almost completely covered in vines. The right path was almost identical to the left.
The final quarter seemed to stretch on forever. The island was ever distant. He grew closer. It grew further.
After an eternity, he reached the end of the path. The path's green grass gives way to a field of flowers.
Shirou stopped before taking a step upon the flowers.
If he took another step forward, there would be no going back. He could feel it in his soul.
Shirou Emiya walked onto the island, stepping onto the field of flowers. Their colors were as varied as a rainbow; each one glowed with reflected light. They would have been blinding before he walked down this path, but now he could see everything. Shades human eyes couldn't see were now laid out before him.
Inside Shirou, he felt something break like shattered glass. He turned to see the great tower fall, leaving behind rubble that disappeared under the growth.
The voice was gone. He didn't know how he knew, but he felt it completely disappear. An emptiness was left in its wake. The glass scattering to the wind.
Shirou took two more steps onto the island before falling to the ground. He fell gently, the soft ground feeling like a bed. The scent of the flowers was like a nursery rhyme to his senses.
He could feel it inside himself. Something – himself – filling the emptiness left by that which was broken. It took its natural place as a part of him. Or was it always a part of him? Were they different?
The merging grew as Shirou closed his eyes. He felt something growing around him. Locking him in a cocoon – a chrysalis.
Memories. Knowledge. Dreams. Ever distant. No Place. Spanning eons.
Mind assaulted. Everything made sense. Nothing made sense. He was awake. He was asleep. He was everywhere. He was nowhere.
It slid through Shirou's mind like sand in an hourglass. Flowing without resistance.
Shirou felt his body change. Ears. His back. His eyes burned. The shape of his mind changed to suit themselves – himself. His soul reaching its pinnacle.
Until –
– he woke up.
Shirou slowly regained consciousness. He felt he was lying on his side. The cold floor meant he was still in the shed. Yet, everything felt different.
He felt good. Energized. Strong. Different.
The boy opened his eyes, only to be met with the strangest sight.
The world looked different. Dark colors were darker. Light colors were brighter. There was almost a glow to everything. He could feel something flowing through some of the junk he'd worked on before.
He sat up, only to realize something was wrong. Something was different.
His clothing felt different. He could see that the colors were sharper. The quality was better. But, it was like he was wearing two sets of clothing that were one.
Shirou paused as he saw his reflection in Taiga's mirror. It was different from what he'd seen in the mirror all his life.
His ears had grown long and pointy. They weren't the ears of a human.
A small glow highlighted his irises, making them shine dimly… a bright blue. The amber was gone. Replaced with an almost unnatural shade of sky-blue.
Before he could panic. Before it all set in. He felt a weight on his back. Something there that shoul- no, he couldn't think that they shouldn't be there. Something inside himself stopped him from doing that.
He turned his head around to see butterfly wings growing out of his back. A raident gold and lustrous blue painted them. The colors flowed together into a mosaic of bright colors that seemed to illuminate the space with their brilliance.
Shirou looked at them, mentally pushing them back and forth with ease, almost as if he had them his entire life. His shirt had holes in them, leaving them completely unrestrained.
As he looked at them, the dream he dreamt slowly returned to him. The actions he took during it.
The warning of the voice that he only now understood.
He could only continue to stare at his wings as reality hit. He had lost his humanity and become something else.
And the most terrifying part was how natural that conclusion felt. It was hard for him to see anything wrong with his form. His mind told him this was how he should be.
Shirou closed his blue eyes. His wings closed around him, covering him like a blanket.
What did he do now?
AN:
Hello, and welcome to a new fanfic. Hope you enjoyed it.
This fic is set in the world of darkness, using its rules but mixing lore and characters. There are only like 200 hundred White Wolf/World of Darkness Fanfics on FFN, so I'll try to explain the lore difference in natural ways rather than lore dumping it. Basically, I am writing this with the idea that most people reading it don't know much about the WoD. Thus, that stuff will be explained. But if I fail to explain anything, please tell me so I can provide one.
Anyway, for those who do know the lore – or those willing to read about it – I thought I would give a note and spoiler.
First: In WoD canon, a changeling can not awaken as their fairy soul suppresses the spark of divinity within the person. Shirou isn't a natural changeling, though, and thus had the choice between becoming one due to Avalon (which will be talked about more later. In WoD lore, the sheath is mentioned in only one line in the second dark eras book in the section about Excalibur as an item.) and become a mage. From what I understand, the closest thing to this happening in WoD canon is Clan Trenere going from mage to vampire, and supposedly this caused their avatars to shatter and lose their ability to use True Magik. The same thing happened here. What happened to the shards of Shirou's avatar will be explored later…
And the spoiler is Shirou's Kith. I decided to go with the Eshu.
First off, I've always seen Shirou as a wanderer, going from place to place and helping people, which fits the Eshu. Specifically, their Ojo code calls for them to 'seek justice for those unheard,' which fits with Shirou Emiya perfectly.
Their birthright, where they are always in the right place at the right time, is perfect for a hero.
Also, since Shirou became a changeling – that makes him a Western supernatural in the eyes of eastern night folk despite being Asian and from Japan. They would treat him like a foreigner and possibly try to force him to leave their lands. The Hsein especially are a part of this, with 8 million dreams mentioning how it was a major embarrassment at best when they incarnated in the body of foreigners and a disaster at worst. Basically, the Eastern supernatural factions seem to really not get along with the Western ones.
Having Shirou be an Eshu would build upon this since the Eshu Kithbook brings up a very similar point about changelings feeling excluded or not Eshu due to not being Indian – which is the stereotypical ethnicity for Eshu and makes up a majority of their ranks. Furthermore, Eshu are the distrusted outsiders a lot of the time with nowhere to really belong.
And all these points could be used to build up some interesting story points.
Next, from the perspective of why the fae soul inside Avalon would be Eshu aligned – Avalon is the ere distant utopia – the no place everyone journeys to try and reach but never can. (Well, Morgan is specifically said in WoD lore to escape to the Horzin realm of Avalon but let's not talk about that.) The kith it aligns with being the ones that are on never-ending journeys makes sense. (Plus, there's the whole storyteller aspect.)
And finally, this is going to sound stupid – but when I looked up the real-world page on the real mythological Eshu, I found out the word was mistranslated as Satan for a long time. This means I can make 'Actually Satan' jokes. That was what solidified this choice of Kith for me.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and have a great day!