Zagreus titters with nervous energy.

"Stop squirming," says his mother, tugging at the collar of his linen shirt to straighten it.

"I'm not—" Zagreus chokes slightly when his mother tugs a little too hard. "Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous."

His mother scoffs at that. "Since when have you ever been the nervous sort? Last I checked, you were hard-headed and stubborn, which made you a thorn in my side. Have you forgotten why you were sent off?"

It wasn't entirely due to his colorful childhood but Zagreus winces nonetheless. His mother catches the look, huffing slightly as she pulls away to grab his waistcoat. "Oh, just ease up. You'll be fine."

"It's not… It's the Ton, Mother. I just don't want to make a bad impression. It isn't so easy to get over a less-than-stellar reputation."

Persephone's gaze softens at that and she tuts softly. "Zagreus," she says, helping him slip into his waistcoat and fastening it. "I do not think that your reputation is as tarnished as you think. Boys will be boys, and it has been some time."

Zagreus sighs. His mother means well but it has also been some time since she was as youthful as he. "It's complicated," he finally replies.

She scoffs at that, deeming his waistcoat neat enough. Next is his tailcoat, which she sweeps her fingers over, smoothing away dust.

"You said that I was a thorn in your side," says Zagreus then, smirking.

Persephone's mouth curls into a smile as she tugs on his lapels, evening them. "Yes, well, you better not be anymore considering the cost of your education abroad. Really put us out, you did."

"Oh, I'm sure."

His mother chuckles, patting his chest with a gentle touch. "You'll be fine, my darling son. Truly the charm of the room. The women will not be able to resist. I like Megaera, you know."

At that, Zagreus grimaces, to which she laughs heartily.

#

The realistic thing is that Lady Megaera is likely to be the only woman who will even give him a glance, and that's because she's lazy, not because she's enamored with him. They shared a kiss once, in their youth, hidden in a copse of trees away from prying eyes. It was a quick, stilted sort of thing which Megaera heavily criticized, but said she'd overlook because Zagreus was a safe choice.

"Welcome back to Olympus, lad." Zagreus relaxes at the kind voice of his old tutor, relief swallowing him. Achilles nudges him gently with an elbow before handing over a glass of brandy. "What are you thinking?" he continues taking a sip from his own crystal-clear glass.

"It's rather daunting, isn't it? Being presented?"

"Then be thankful that you aren't a woman, yes? They're the ones to be paraded around."

Zagreus cringes. "Yes, that's—well, expected, I suppose, but still exhausting." He sighs, rubbing at his brow. "Still, the role of the man—"

"Ah, yes, procuring a wife." It's Achilles' turn to cringe. "Truly the worst part, yes?"

"Perhaps for a man like you." Zagreus shoots Achilles a sly grin. "How is our dear Patroclus?"

Achilles' gaze softens. "He is good. Thank you for asking." He pauses, rubbing at his chin. "I wonder though—just how are you? You've been away for years. It must be jarring to come back to such… festivities."

"Ah, well, I've always expected it, I suppose. And I like to think that I've mellowed out in my years away."

"Have you?" Achilles raises an eyebrow. "Last I checked I had to keep one eye on you at all times."

Zagreus smiles back, not one bit ashamed. And really, he shouldn't be. While he ruffled a few tailcoats, it was never that bad. Surely not enough to have been sent away to a boarding school. But, the past is in the past, and Zagreus knows that his mother tried to talk his father out of it.

"Achilles, I—" Zagreus pauses, catching the face of someone across the room. "Thanatos," he murmurs softly, stilling as he just keeps staring.

Thanatos watches him back, seemingly spelled in the same way.

Oh, this is awkward, thinks Zagreus, nervousness curling in his gut. Suddenly, so much comes back to him at that moment. Soft hands and fingers curling together; shoulders nudging together as two boys lay out in the grass, watching the clouds in the sky.

Thanatos is more handsome now than Zagreus could have ever imagined, and old feelings begin to simmer once more, churning his gut.

Achilles looks between the two of them, hiding a smile behind his hand. "Commission a painting," he says. "It might last longer."

"I—" Zagreus has no words. Instead, he looks away, mildly flustered, his cheeks turning pink due to being caught in his wanton pining. Zagreus downs his entire glass, thankful for the burn of the brandy in his throat, Achilles laughing the entire time.

#

Thanatos has never been good at dealing with people, least of all old friends who disappear without a trace. Zagreus never got to say goodbye before he left for school. There were a lot of reasons—it was last minute, there was no time, and there were too many things to say and sort through.

Zagreus was not good at facing his fears, then, and even worse at addressing them. He's older now, wiser, and a little more lived. But he finds it hard to break the ice, so he doesn't.

It is awkward and not in the way that Zagreus expects.

Thanatos, in a strange show, is the one to speak to him first. "Still running away, I see. I should have expected it. Tell me, Zagreus, how's that been working out for you?"

Zagreus is busy having a cup of tea on the porch when he is accosted. "Thanatos? What are you doing here—"

"My mother is visiting yours and all but demanded that I tag along. And so, here I am."

"I…" Zagreus's mouth snaps shut. "I will admit, I didn't quite expect you to greet me."

Thanatos sighs softly at that. "Zagreus—"

"No, no, let me finish." Zagreus clears his throat. "It is a welcome surprise. I've been wondering exactly how to approach you, but this makes it easier. I wasn't sure that you'd… Well, in any case. Why don't you sit down? We have a lot of catching up to do."

Thanatos hesitates, his hand resting on the back of the empty chair. He bites at his lip, thinking, hesitant.

Zagreus is already pouring him a cup of tea when he decides to sit down.

#

Zagreus and Thanatos do not talk about those moments of attraction in their youth, despite knowing they should.

Instead, it goes like this:

They spend their afternoons together, sharing tea and biscuits. Their evenings, like everyone else in the Ton, are spent at balls and parties, drinking brandy, and sharing in the gossip that floods through the town.

Both Zagreus and Thanatos avoid women, and the idea of wives, indulging instead in lingering looks toward each other, and the barest brushes of their fingers.

As a teenager, it was awkward and fumbling. As an adult, it is twice as bad. Zagreus's heart thuds loudly in his chest, and his pulse races in his throat. Thanatos stares—he stares—hands trembling slightly as they just watch each other from across the room.

"Zagreus," says his mother one evening, just before sunset, surprising him on the balcony of Maegara's home. She hands him a glass of brandy and leans against the railing.

He knows that look on her face, the one where she knows too much. She's caught him pining after Thanatos, staring from his high perch. "Mother—"

"Let's take a walk," she says, tucking her hand into his elbow and tugging gently. Zagreus does without effort, and they begin to walk the garden. "I have eyes, you know," she says eventually, patting his arm. "The entire Ton has eyes. The two of you aren't exactly… subtle."

Zagreus sighs, pinching his nose. "Mother, it isn't—"

"It isn't?" Persephone tuts at that. "It should be, you know."

That isn't the answer he expects. Zagreus falters slightly in his step, nearly tripping over his feet. "I—er, what?"

Persephone sighs softly then, tugging him to a stop. She reaches out and cups his cheek, smoothing a thumb over his cheekbone. "When you find love you shouldn't fight it," she says to him sweetly, petting his face. Then her eyes crinkle with amusement. "Though, I would keep this from your father for the time being."

Zagreus cringes. "Yeah, he'd…" He isn't sure exactly what his father would do.

His mother laughs. "Even if he does say something, just remind him that he was young once, and he certainly wasn't entirely distinguished."

Zagreus doesn't know whether or not he likes the mischievous glint in his mother's eye.

#

His mother's words stick with him and Zagreus finds himself pondering the idea more often than not.

Love, she'd called it. Zagreus is a fool, unsure if that's what it is, but then he thinks of how easy it was, when they were young, with those fleeting touches and pinked flushes. It's more complicated now, but nothing has really changed—just the way these thoughts now curl in his gut instead.

"I thought I might find you out here."

Speak of Hades himself. Zagreus turns and leans against the railing, head tilted to the side. "Thanatos," he greets.

"Hiding, are you?"

Zagreus raises a brow. "Aren't you?"

Thanatos sighs, his face tipping skyward, causing his bangs to fall back. He nurses a glass of brandy and rubs at his brow. "There isn't a use in hiding it, is there?"

"It's the women," murmurs Zagreus. "Vicious lot, they are."

Thanatos presses against the railing next to him, resting on his forearms. "I thought I would have to peel Dusa off of me. She's sweet, but she's—"

"A little overbearing," cuts in Zagreus with a laugh. "Yeah." The silence stretches over them awkwardly.

You shouldn't fight it, his mother said. Zagreus's mouth parts as he thinks of what to say, but Thanatos speaks first.

"If I were to be honest, I have very little interest in the Ton."

Zagreus blinks, watching him. "Oh? That must send your mother into a fit."

Thanatos laughs softly. "Ah, yes. Ever the disappointment that I am."

"Thanatos, you aren't—"

"You left without a word, you know."

Oh, thinks Zagreus, words thick in his throat.

"It made me wonder," continues Thanatos, "what exactly it was that I did wrong. Zagreus, we were…"

Something indescribable, that's for sure. Zagreus bites at his lip before tugging at Thanato's sleeve. "Hey, it wasn't as though I wanted—"

"What did you want, then?" when Thanatos meets his gaze, his eyes are searching. "Because I knew what I wished for."

Zagreus's blood pulses in his neck. He swallows thickly, his fingers still hooked into the stiff fabric of Thanatos's coat. Against his better judgment, Zagreus pulls him close and kisses him. It is a terrible idea. They are outside on a side balcony, away from most prying eyes, but this is still the sort of thing done in private.

Thanatos falls into it eagerly, reaching up to cup his face. He's taller and wider, but he leans into Zagreus and kisses him back with surprising tenderness. It is sweet. Their mouths press against each other almost hesitantly. When they pull back, Zagreus's fingers are curled tightly into Thanatos's cravat.

"That's what I wanted," he blurts. "It's what I still want, even now. I've never not wanted it, I've never stopped."

Thanatos's expression softens as he slides his thumb across Zagreus's bottom lip. He smiles as he leans forward again, and this time, when they kiss underneath that full moon, and sky littered with stars, they don't stop.