Chapter 1 Courage to Mourn
The simple truth is that she never really had the time to grieve. Jack Thornton had died not long after they were married. Elizabeth Thornton had gone from grieving widow to expectant mother to mother without a moment to pause or take a breath. Now sitting here alone at his grave stone six years later she finally knew why she had made so many mistakes. Her heart had never healed; it was still broken and bruised and sore. People kept saying it was time for her to love again but she had not been ready. Barely two years after the loss of her beloved husband Jack she had been expected to be open to love again. She did not want that; but all of her friends were saying she deserved to be happy again. Again, what did that mean anyway–as if happiness came only from romance and passion. She was happy being Little Jack's mom and teaching her students. She was happy even with the heaviness of all that she had lost. She did not know how to explain it to Rosemary who seemed ecstatic about her two suitors. She had not listened to her heart that told her that she needed more time to be angry, hurt, and confused about Jack's death. Now she understood as she placed the lavender flowers on her husband's tombstone that her grief had been stalled because she was pregnant, stagnated because she had to raise her son, and buried because everyone kept pushing her to be happy again. These were Elizabeth's thoughts as she sat talking quietly beside her husband's grave. "I'm going to take the time I need to grieve now because I deserve to feel all of the pain and sorrow that comes with loving someone as much as I love you. Jack this is not fair you should be here with me and Little Jack. He should be able to get to know his father and not just hear stories about you." Elizabeth allowed her tears to fall freely. "I am angry at myself and you too. Sometimes I blame you because you could have said no you could have asked them to send someone else. I feel like you wanted to go, you wanted to leave me behind and go on another Mountie Adventure. And I am angry at your beloved North West Mounted Police. They took you from me, they were always taking you away from me. Someday I'll move on to forgiveness but right now I am going to feel what I need to feel. I want to be able to honor the request that you made in your letter to open my heart to love again. I will with time but not on anyone's terms but my own. I love you Jack and I miss you so much." Elizabeth rose from her husband's grave walking back to where she had left Sergeant she mounted the horse and rode away feeling a new sense of peace and happiness. She had decided to love herself enough to let grief take its full course because she deserved to mourn her first great love.