I'm back, b*****s! Surprised to see me? I'll bet you are! But I am living my best dark lord life in this new millennium. The orcs figured out how to make me popcorn in the void and I have endless amusement just watching the turn of current events going on in the world below.
But there's only so long you can watch trash reality TV. And come on, I refuse to believe that some of this is not staged for entertainment value. Nobody is THAT stupid… (Except Sauron). Who, speaking of the devil, I've gotten him hooked on social media and now he spends his days zombie scrolling through insta and snapchat leaving me to my writing. I have some most fiendishly excellent stories brewing, but I just thought, why not go back to the beginning and, as a [s]love letter[/s] [s]apology[/s] nuisance to our favorite DEAD hot-headed elf, write a story about him meeting his equally delusionally psychotic wife.
Oh my dear spirit of fire, the statute of limitations has expired on your last lawsuit. All I have to do is wait you out…
Fëanor and Nerdanel: A Tale of Unexpected Love
by Morgoth Bauglir
In the mystical land of Valinor, where everything was just too perfect and beautiful, Fëanor, the hottest and most brilliant elf ever, was strolling around, flexing his crafting muscles. He had abs of steel and a mind that could outsmart even the smartest. As he strutted through the gardens, his dark ebony hair glinted like a onyx under the sun of Valinor.
Meanwhile, Nerdanel, the quiet and mysterious sculptor, was doing her thing, sculpting statues that were so lifelike, people almost mistook them for real beings. Her beauty was as subtle as her art—understated but totally enchanting. She had this aura of mystery that made Fëanor, the mighty heartthrob, curious.
And then, by the shimmering waters of some fancy elf river, their paths collided. Fëanor, with his intense gaze, locked eyes with Nerdanel, whose eyes were as deep as the deepest ocean. Instantly, sparks flew. Not the usual crafting sparks, but the love-at-first-sight kind.
"Hey there, I'm Fëanor. You're pretty good with your chisel," said Fëanor, trying to act all cool and collected.
Nerdanel blushed, her cheeks turning a shade of pink as she replied, "I'm Nerdanel. Your reputation precedes you, Fëanor. They say you're as hot as the sun."
Their conversation was like two cool elves trying to outsmart each other but failing miserably. They talked about crafting and sculpting, but mostly, they just stared at each other, lost in each other's dreamy eyes.
As the sun began to set, casting a totally romantic glow over Valinor, they reluctantly parted ways, promising to meet again. Little did they know that their love story was going to be a drama-filled rollercoaster ride, full of misunderstandings, epic battles, and tragic destinies.
But for now, let's bask in the beauty of their budding romance and hope for the best, because this is the kind of cheesy love story that Middle-earth (and lets be honest, the real world) totally needs.