Chapter 4 Courage to Be Honest
Lucas Bouchard had spent his child escaping into a story. He learned to live in the pages of a good book. He had not been honest with himself or Elizabeth about his parents' relationship or marriage. He recently learned that they were divorced. Helen and Louis Bouchard had never really been happy together as far as he could recollect. His mother was far too busy being a publisher to great authors to be a wife and mother. It was painful to want your mother but always get the nanny. It was equally as painful to need your father but not be able to reach him. Lucas' thoughts as he drove back to Hope Valley were plagued by what Elizabeth had said about him allowing her to pretend with him. In business he was capable of achieving great success but he now realized he was always pretending when it came to other aspects of his life. Reflection on his courtship with Elizabeth had him reeling. He had in fact created a fairytale romance for them both to live in. He had wanted to love Elizabeth Thornton and on some levels he had loved her. However, the more he examined their relationship the more he realized she had become his happily ever after prize. Her and her son were the happy family he always wanted for him and his parents. "It's grief," Lucas whispered to himself. Yes, Lucas Bouchard had been living a life of mourning for the family and childhood he was denied. That was the connection he never quite understood that existed between himself and Elizabeth. She was a wife without a husband and her child a son without a father. Lucas recalled the day he found her and Jack watching a mama bunny and her baby. He had recited a mother goose rhyme that reflected his true desire to be part of a loving family–to not be left alone by both his parents. Elizabeth was right about grief; it had to run its course in order for real peace and happiness to be obtained. Lucas knew at that moment that someday he would find real love and happiness and not a reflection of it in some happily ever after fairy tale. "Thank you Elizabeth for finding your courage to grieve and I think I have found mine as well." He declared and for the first time in a very long time he felt a sense of freedom.
Lucas was not the only one caught up in reflection, Faith Carter found herself wondering about why things really had not worked out for her and Carson. That limbo of a relationship had always seemed too challenging to make it work. Maybe fear and grief had made them both too
timid to try. If she were really being honest, being estranged from her own father for so long had left a pang in her heart that she could not give a diagnosis for until Elizabeth had given her unapologetic speech at the church. The numb ache in her heart even after her and her father reconciled was or is grief. She had not wanted Carson to propose because of the uncertainty of life and love. Commitment and family meant too much of a risk for bitterness and loss. Faith knew she needed to find the courage to be honest with Carson and maybe he in turn would be honest with her as well.
Carson had a sudden desire to see Faith. He did not understand why but his heart felt a sudden yearning to go home; and for him she had always been his home. Would she be ready this time to take the risk with him? He reached into a drawer of the desk in his office and pulled out the ring. The ring he had bought to ask Faith Carter to be his wife. Why had he not proposed back then? Why had he not fought just a little harder for the love of his life? Hopefully when he got to Hope Valley he would find the courage to fight this time. Carson Shepherd had no idea what he would be returning to for Hope Valley was still shrouded in the remnants of finally allowing itself to grieve.