Tumblr prompt for how AGSZC would fare in a spicyness challenge. Who do you think should have won?
The five of them sat around the room, taking up every cushioned surface available, as well as the floor in Zack's case. None of them, save Cloud, could be considered small people. They all tended to take up room. And in the case of Genesis, who was sprawled on the loveseat by himself, more room than they needed.
All of them stared at the innocuous pile of packages on the coffee table, various expressions of intrigue and horror on their faces. The lollipops looked innocuous enough until you looked closer, seeing they were each shaped like-
"Ifrit's toenail?" Zack said, deep unease in his usual cheerful voice, "I'm going to regret agreeing to this aren't I?"
"Probably," Cloud said, gleefully placing one package before each of his boyfriends, "this is revenge for claiming my pasty hillbilly ass can't handle a little heat."
Genesis spluttered a laugh, "You didn't know our resident spice fiend was the tiny blond did you?"
"I mean," Zack shrugged helplessly, "nobody handles chilies quite like a Gongagan, so I just… assumed?"
"Your curry is notoriously deadly," Angeal picked up the package in front of him and began to read the instructions (and warning labels) on the back. The longer he read the further his eyebrows crept up toward his hairline.
"Hm," Sephiroth seemed unphased about the entire ordeal - and ordeal it was meant to be, "how did you become so proficient in handling heat, Cloud?"
"Oh well," Cloud began opening his package, better revealing the crimson sucker in the shape of a clawed toe, "my ma wanted to see if she could try growing some peppers in our garden even though it's not really the right climate. And she ordered them from a seed catalog at the general store right? Well she didn't really know what she was getting, and she had accidentally ordered something I can't remember the name of that was really famous for being too much spice for most people."
"Huh," Zack eyed his own sugary toe, bringing it a little too close to his face to smell it and clearly regretting it by the look on his face, "I wonder if it was one of those 'chocobo-kick' ones or the 'phoenix-ups'"
Cloud shrugged, "Either way, well, did you know that if you grow those specific peppers in the middle of your garden with totally ordinary vegetables it can do some kind of cross pollination thing and make everything growing around it spicy? Well we found that out the hard way - and come time to harvest and put things away for the winter we couldn't just not eat what we had. We really couldn't afford to throw anything out soooo we just had to get used to it."
Angeal winced sympathetically, which Cloud had expected really. The older man was really the only one in their relationship who understood what it was like to be hungry , really hungry, "That would do it, yes. I thought that was a myth, about the chilies though."
They all stared at one another in silence as they contemplated the challenge before them, each one holding the evil 'treats' at arms length.
"Okay," Zack slapped his own face with his other hand, dramatically turning his head to the side as though punched much harder, "Let's do this."
Sephiroth was the first to bring his up to his lips, watching the rest of them expectantly with a competitive gleam in his eye as he met Genesis' gaze. Both of them, without breaking eye contact, touched the tips of their tongues to the suckers.
Angeal, Zack, and Cloud rushed to do the same - none of them wanting to be out done.
Cloud had been fairly certain he'd win when he'd ordered the kit, but Sephiroth and Genesis were suddenly much more invested in this than he'd expected. Knowing the two of them, probably more than they had expected. His eyes began watering after only a couple of seconds, saliva building up in his mouth in an attempt to wash away the irritant, but he refused to give up so quickly.
He looked over at Angeal, whose face was turning an interesting shade of red, sweat beading up on his forehead.
Zack was faring much better, although there was a pink tinge to his light brown skin. After another moment he began huffing air in and out of his mouth - which apparently was a mistake. He doubled over, coughing, dropping the toe onto the table and struggling to suck in air. He fled the room, ironically the first to fall, running for the kitchen and the two gallons of milk Cloud had gotten in advance.
Angeal looked as though he wanted to faint, and Cloud heavily sympathized. He refused to be next because, honestly, even if he threw up it would be worth it.
But clearly Sephiroth and Genesis were going to be the last two men standing.
Cloud waited, sweating, for Angeal to tap out before giving in himself. He walked at a much more sedate pace to grab two cups of yogurt to bring back to the table - he needed to see who would win.
"I cn do dis ah day," Genesis mumbled around the torture device, puffy eyes streaming and face nearly as red as his shirt. His lips were swollen, which otherwise would have given Cloud a different reaction than cringing at how it clearly had to hurt.
Sephiroth said nothing, his face entirely placid and calm, even though he was looking just as bad as Genesis.
Cloud watched, slowly joined by Zack and Angeal who were slowly recovering, as the other two refused to back down.
Finally, after what had to be a record breaking ten minutes, Genesis tossed the sucker onto the table with a resounding "Fuck you!" as he rushed out of the room.
Sephiroth, triumphant, proceeded to pass the fuck out.