P A Y D A Y5: THE A CHRISTMAS DLC Written by: SirArthorhipoint (jasonmerc)

And Fastidiousbeeb (skirrrrrt) Brought to you by Clear Splash

CHAPTER 1: SCARY CHRISTMAS COOKIES

The new safehOUSE was not in washington it was in virginia sydney made cristmas cookes for everyone. "Oooooooohy delicious" sydney said because shes a girl juts like joy is so dont forget about it. Wolf took a bite and it wasw so bad he spat out his clearsplash everywhere. "OOOOOOH SHEEEEET ISSOMUDDAFUGGINBAD". "SYDNEY YOUPUDDA MODDAFOGGEN COCAINE NODDASUGAR":. "Yeh oooolroight" jimmy said he likes sydeys cookeys. "You kerals im trying to carol" locke said he lives in bains room now because

[REDACTED]

Authors note we didnt do the secret heist yet idk what happenes\

"Shhhh keep quiet or else your gonna wake up" "Who" said sydney" …………… "aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH" someone yaughned. "OHHHH SHEEEET" and wolf drove away in the van and hit joys idiot game truck "EVERYONE ITS CHRISTMIST" said DallaS …. Said eeryone else who wawsnt dallas "SOOO WHERES MY PRESENT FROM VLADS COUSING IN LAW" "Uhhhmmm!!" said johnwick AND duke its not here yet its not chrimstmas "BUT IV E BEEN SO GOOOOOOOD" dallas was sad now He THEN pointed at his other best friend hoxton "YO HOXTON GO GET ME A PREESENT" "Ooowweeee" and hoxton went to aldis to get something for dallas "foohken wanka"

CHAPTER 2: DALLAS: STEALING CHRISTMIST??

Hoxton got his shooping cart with lettunce and cabbbages and 2% milk for locke. His phone rang he had and he said "ohyy?" "BHHHH HOXTON ITS ME SALLAS" "BHHHH GO GET ME SOMETHING CHRISTMAS FLAVOREDE" Hoxton put on his mask and wet into eomplyees ONLY area in the back and saw a worker workering. "Get down on tha graund lad" and he died his hands. Theman pointed at the dairy and said "there is chriswtmas things there". "Oweeee thanks" and he got him to stand up. Hoxton untied him then shot him with the judge so he was in outerspace now. Hxton got christmas tree flavored coffee and candy cane soylent for w01f "BHHHH GAT MEE SOM SHOOGAAAAAA teehee" said syeney

Oweeeeeee said hoxton its gonna be a while so he stealthed to the sugar isle but someone was there. Hoxton had to go on the otherside of the cabinet so she wouldnt him. "Now where tha fook is it" and he found something yellow "gottet". Hoxton reached over the shelf with a very long arm and got the syugar from the lady she couldnt even see him beacuse theyre bankrupt so they cant afford unreal 4 they still use crappy diesel. Hoxton got to the checkout and threw the bag at the person "That will be 500000 offshore money" "OOWWEEEEEE BUT I JOOST WENT INFAMOUS" "Too bad and also OLOLOLOLOLOLOLO" He beat him up because the cahsier was also a CLOCKER

CHAPTER 3: NOW ITS THE REAL DEAL

Dragon was playing cards with sokol because nobody really cares about them anyway.

CHAPTER 4: YEARS LATER

It was yEARS later at least a year maybe more years the gang was at the safe house or what left of the gang. Dallas (the fat one) Wof Hoxton and chains i think hes the black guy watching TV from NEW YORK CITY in UNREAL ENGINE 4.

Authors note: wr found this story YEEEARRRSSSSsss later in unfinished state after payday 3 which was also years later in an unfinished state so here we goes nothing

Fembain (oops) i mean whats the bitches name again. Oh its shade thats right cast some SHADE on them for being so lazy

BHHH LETS GET YOU BACK IN THE GAME

"SHUT UP FEMBAIN ITS CHRIS-MISS" sald sallad. Tey rembered years ago when the holidays and everything was so simple when payday 2 worked. But then its OVERKILL making the game so of course the totally brike the Disel Engine so ebveryone moved to unreal new york. DALLS drunked the egg-nog. There in new york now because they had the offshore island the boughted with billions of offshre payday but then someone stole the island while there sleeping so now they have nothing. But x-MISS is about being thank for what you have so the four THEIVES and JOY and PEARL clinked there glasses of egg nog and sat by the fireplace with no money at all. Then there was a RALPH NADER so dallas shot him with the 1911 WHICH IS the best gun in the game because its in payday 3 whitestreak is NOT in there.

And then they lost connection to Nebula so everyone got kicked and payday 3 is down for another week thanks game s as a service

So merry xmas everyone and remember all the good times you had with payday 2 because smile that its over not cry because it happened