Summary: The war for the wizarding world has ended, but one wizard has slunk back into the shadows, still broken and in pain. He who was considered last in everything must now be put first, not only for his sake, but also for the sake of those who still care. AU because Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin, and a few of my other favorites are still alive.

Disclaimer: All wizards, Muggles, magical creatures, magical places, and everything else out of the Harry Potter series was created and is owned by J.K. Rowling. I claim no ownership of any of the series' content, and I am making no profit in the writing of this fan fiction.

So…where do I even begin?

I started this story a decade ago, and I'm sure the vast majority of readers believe that I've abandoned this story and fic writing for good. I assure you that's not the case! As cliché as it sounds, real life has very much gotten in the way, but I think about this story often and definitely intend to see it through to the end. Updates will be veeeeery slow, but I now have a better idea of where I want to take things. Yay!

I've also reread the first eight chapters and edited them a TON—because WOW, some of the things I wrote—so anyone who is returning to this story will need to go back to the beginning. I think you'll like this updated version of And Thou Shalt Be First. If you feel so inclined, I'd appreciate any reviews you leave.

I hope you all enjoy!

saiyanwizard

Chapter 1: Another Chance

"How is Severus?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why not?"

"I haven't seen Severus in weeks. Maybe not for over a month."

"Then you should go down to see him."

The war was over. The boy Tom Riddle who had transformed himself into the Dark wizard Lord Voldemort no longer plagued the magical world. Society had returned to normal…or, at least, as normal as it could be after such massive devastation. Wizards and witches everywhere were trying to mend their broken homes, their broken families, their broken lives. Hogwarts and its residents were no exception. Much of the fighting at the end of the war between the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters had taken place at the school, and the upper half of the student body was now considerably smaller because so many of them had chosen to take a stand for the Light. Countless others had been wounded and sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, among them the wizard currently up for discussion.

Prior to his release from the hospital, Severus Snape had resigned as headmaster of Hogwarts. With Albus back and the truth made very public, there was no point in pretending that he had ever wanted the job. Since the curse on the Defense Against the Dark Arts position had finally been lifted, Albus had offered him the post as an alternative, and the younger wizard had turned the job down flat. Apparently, one year as Defense professor had been more than enough for him.

Albus had never been so surprised in all his long life, but the headmaster had sensed from the wizard an exhaustion that was more than just physical. He dismissed the pang of sadness that had pricked at his heart. Maybe Severus was just tired of teaching….

In addition to offering him another job, Albus had also inquired as to where the younger wizard would go now that he was seemingly giving up instructing.

"Where to now, then? Spinner's End?" he had asked.

"No," Severus had immediately replied. "I do not think I could ever return to that house. There are too many things I would be reminded of. Things I never want to remember or think about again. Selling it is really my only option, worthless as it may be."

"Then why not remain at Hogwarts for the time being?"

"I would be too much of an imposition."

"Nonsense, Severus. There will always be a place for you at Hogwarts."

"My old quarters will be needed for whoever is to replace me. And I've hurt far too many people at the school for them to want to be in such close proximity to me. The parents will be knocking down your door as soon as they get word that I'm still there."

A solution to this problem had come up almost instantly. Two days later, Hagrid had come up to the headmaster's office and informed Albus that he wanted to spend a few years in France with Madame Maxime while she recovered from her injuries. The headmaster explained Severus' situation, and the gamekeeper was more than willing to let the former Potions Master use his now-empty cabin. Albus told the younger wizard at once, and Severus accepted the offer after much hesitation on his part and several insistences from the headmaster. Since he had moved in, however, no one had ever seen him. The only thing that left the house was the occasional wisp of smoke from the chimney. Severus had shut himself away from the rest of wizarding society, and he showed no signs of letting up.

"I…don't think I should, Minerva."

"And why not?" she asked incredulously.

"After he was released from St. Mungo's, Severus was bombarded with another group of reporters," Albus explained. "They were quite persistent after the truth was revealed, so we were expecting them. I was there to bring him back to the castle, but they were already throwing questions at him as soon as we left the ward. I was tempted to hex a few of them, but the staff and I managed to usher him out fairly quickly. There was another group of reporters waiting for us when we Apparated outside the grounds. I dropped the wards and pushed him past the gates before any of them really had a chance to register that we had arrived. I believe I threatened them enough to keep them at bay for awhile, but I have no doubt they'll be back sooner or later. By the time I myself got past the gates and reset the wards, Severus was almost to Hagrid's—or rather, his—cabin. I called out to him, and he was nice enough to wait for me to catch up to him, but all he said was, 'I'm sorry, but I just need to be alone for awhile.' He looked so defeated, so tired. I don't know why, but I just could not bring myself to stop him, to further invade his privacy. You know that Severus is a very private person, and I think the end of the war was just a bit too much for him."

"Just a bit?" asked Minerva, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, much more than just a bit," he conceded.

"But surely he did not want you to stay away forever?"

"Minerva—"

"Albus," said the Transfigurations professor softly. The headmaster turned around. "Of all the witches and wizards I know, Severus trusts no one more than he trusts you."

"I'm not sure he trusts me anymore, after all I've put him through," replied Albus sadly.

"You never doubted him. We can't all say that." Minerva gave him a hard look. "If anyone can help him now, it's you. He may be secretive, but I think he gets lonely. And he's not one to openly ask for help. I know that he was always happy when he was with you." It was Albus' turn to raise an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe more like content. But that's pretty much happiness when it comes to Severus."

The headmaster frowned. "He deserves to be more than just content."

"Baby steps, Albus. He's not good with overwhelming emotional situations."

The headmaster paused. "Will you come with me?"

"I think not. At least not for this first time. I know that Severus and I shared trust at one point, but the events of this past year have shaken that." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I very much regret how I treated him now that I know the truth. I'm sure he realizes that I acted the way I did because I believed he had betrayed us, but knowledge does not take away the hurt. What he needs now is someone who knew of his role to be there for him, someone who never doubted him. I think he would prefer if he saw you—just you—first. If he wants me to visit with you in the future, I will, of course, go. I want to see him also."

She could see the doubt etched on Albus' face. "Just go down to him. Knowing Severus, the worst thing he could do is slam the door in your face."

"That's very comforting, Minerva."

"Isn't it? But also knowing Severus, I think he will let you in. Even if it's just out of curiosity, he will want to know how you are doing."

The headmaster sighed. "I suppose you are right, my dear."

The Transfigurations professor smiled. "Of course I'm right. And if you leave now, you'll be just in time for afternoon tea."

…

Albus found himself walking down the school's lawn much earlier than he expected. The grounds felt so empty during the summer. There were no students to trample on the green grass, no infectious shouts of laughter to brighten the atmosphere. I suppose Severus is grateful for that, at least. The headmaster smiled as he approached the familiar structure that was now the younger wizard's cabin. Well, Minerva, thought Albus, let's just hope that you are right.

The headmaster knocked on the front door and waited for a response. When none came, he lifted his hand to knock again. "I'll give you fair warning," came a raspy voice. "If you are a reporter from the Daily Prophet, go away." Several coughs followed the command.

Albus let his arm drop. "And if I am not?"

Silence. And then a set of tentative footsteps. The headmaster caught a flurry of curtains out of the corner of his eye but waited patiently. The door cracked open the tiniest bit, and an eye peeked out at him.

"Good afternoon, Severus," said Albus pleasantly.

The door was immediately pressed shut.

Well, thought the headmaster, Minerva was only half right. The door did not actually slam. Albus waited for sounds of retreating footsteps, but he heard nothing. Severus is light on his feet, but perhaps he has not moved from the door yet. The headmaster knocked again. "It's been a while since I have seen you out and about, my boy, so I wanted to see how you were doing."

His comment was met with silence. Albus sighed. Perhaps he should leave; he certainly was not going to break down the door. But then he heard Minerva's voice in his head. Baby steps, Albus. "I'll leave if you really want me to."

Still more silence. The headmaster waited at the doorstep for a full two minutes before deciding to back out of his visit. Just as he was about to take a step down, the door creaked open again. The space was just wide enough for him to see a thin wizard clad in what looked like pyjama bottoms and a dressing gown standing in the doorframe. The voice that spoke was slightly hoarse but held the familiar baritone quality that he knew so well. "Headmaster."

Albus barely hid his surprise. "Severus," he said, gently. Another awkward pause threatened to take over, so the older wizard pressed on. "May I come in?"

The younger wizard stared back at him, but did not move. After an increasingly tense silence, Severus asked, "Would you care to join me for a cup of tea?"

The headmaster smiled. "I would love to."

Severus disappeared from the doorframe, leaving Albus to show himself into the cabin. He shut the door behind him and saw the younger wizard busying himself with the tea preparation. Severus lit the fire on the stove with a flick of his wand before directing another wave at the door, all with his back to the other wizard. The headmaster heard the lock click.

Albus sat at the small dining table—if it could be called that—and waited. In no time at all, a steaming mug of tea was placed in front of him. Severus sat across from him, holding his own mug between his hands. Another bout of silence followed. Albus sipped his tea, determined to give the younger wizard space to speak should he choose to.

Surprisingly, he did not have to wait very long. "Why are you so quiet?" came the soft inquiry from across the table.

The headmaster smirked. "I could ask you the same thing."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Fair enough."

"Would you like me to speak first?" the older wizard asked kindly.

"It—" Severus cleared his throat. "It would feel…familiar…if you did."

Albus smiled merrily. "How have you been, Severus?"

"I've been fine, I suppose." The younger wizard cleared his throat once more.

Realization hit the headmaster. "Does it hurt to talk?'

Severus subconsciously brought his left hand to the side of his neck, running his fingers over the scar left by Nagini's vicious attack. It was a small miracle that he could speak at all. "Sometimes. I was told that it will get better over time—" He coughed slightly. "But I'm sure you already know that. I have not done much talking lately."

The headmaster nodded in acknowledgement. "Not many visitors?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Do Prophet reporters count?"

"No."

"Then no, no visitors."

"None at all?"

"You're the first."

"So I am correct in thinking that you have been quite alone for the past five weeks?"

Severus took a very big gulp of tea in response.

Albus sighed. "Did you let me in because you felt obligated to?"

Severus swallowed and paused before he spoke. "No," he said, lowering his mug. "I was wondering if you were…angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you?" asked the headmaster, raising an eyebrow.

"I turned down your offer," said Severus quietly. His hands made their way back around his mug of tea.

"Severus," said Albus kindly. The younger wizard looked up. "I will never get mad at you for making a decision like that. There will always be a place for you on the Hogwarts teaching staff should you choose to rejoin, but I understand if you've grown tired of teaching."

Severus nodded in recognition. "Thank you, sir."

"There's no need for such formalities, my boy. I am already aware of my extraordinary age." The headmaster smiled. "The students already succeed at reminding me of how old I am, so I would prefer if you would address me as usual."

"You're not old, Albus," said Severus softly. "You have youthfulness that wizards less than a third of your age could only dream of having. It's quite…annoying."

The headmaster chuckled. "You are too kind to this old man."

"And you are too kind to this Death Eater," muttered the younger wizard, his face darkening.

Albus gazed back at him with disapproval. "Might I remind you that said former Death Eater has redeemed himself in the eyes of the public?"

"The Ministry, you mean. The public still hates me."

The headmaster frowned. "Does the opinion of strangers hold such a high place in your conscience?"

"Usually."

"Do not worry about what people think, Severus. I find that those who judge without knowing the facts are often not worth consideration."

Albus saw the other wizard's grip tighten around his mug and was surprised that it had not cracked by now. "What do you think?" asked Severus.

"About what?"

"Me." The younger wizard looked up. "What do you think of me, Albus?"

The headmaster smiled sadly at his mug of tea. "I think you have done more than your share to help bring peace back to our world. I think you have suffered much for people you do not know or particularly care about. I think I am at fault for much of your pain, and I'm sorry you had to do some of the things I asked you to do." He looked up at the younger wizard and held his gaze. "And I don't think I have ever properly thanked you for sacrificing yourself, so thank you, Severus. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving us another chance to save our world. And thank you for giving our students hope for a future."

Severus averted his eyes and took another big gulp of tea. He was silent for several minutes, and Albus could see a tiny welling-up in the younger wizard's eyes as he tried to keep control. Again, Minerva's words echoed in the headmaster's mind. He's not good with overwhelming emotional situations.

A few slow, deep breaths later, the tears did not fall. "It means a lot to hear you say that." Severus looked up and cleared his throat. "Those words would not have any meaning for me if someone else were to speak them."

"There are other people who would like to thank you as well," said Albus kindly.

"I doubt that." The younger wizard scowled at the table.

"There are."

"Like who?"

"Hagrid, for one. He said that letting you stay here was the least he could do for you after all the sacrifices you have made."

"He let me stay here because you asked him to," Severus deadpanned.

The headmaster smiled. "Remus has asked about you."

The younger wizard sighed. "As much as I detest that bloody werewolf…Lupin is quite sincere."

"And Minerva. She wants to see you, too. She has requested to accompany me when I visit you. If you do not mind, of course."

Severus tensed. "How can she? After all I have done to her…." said the younger wizard tightly.

Their conversation was cut short by a knock at the door. "Excuse me, Mr. Snape," said a rather loud, booming voice. Severus visibly winced. "My name is Sylvester Martinus, and I am here to interview you for the Daily Prophet." The headmaster raised his eyebrow and glanced at the other wizard. Albus could almost see the younger wizard gathering himself mentally as he put a hand to his temple and closed his eyes. With another sigh, he made to stand, but Albus put a hand on Severus' shoulder so that he would remain seated. The older wizard rose and opened the door so that Severus was kept out of sight.

Albus thought he had gone blind when a sudden burst of white was all he could see. It took him a few moments to realize that his temporary loss of vision was due to the flash of a camera. "Oh, Headmaster Dumbledore!" exclaimed the Daily Prophet reporter. "So sorry! Is Mr. Snape in? I'm supposed to interview him."

"He is unavailable at the present time," said the older wizard as he tried to clear the spots from his vision. "Do you have an appointment with him?"

"He's been ignoring our letters," interjected the photographer who accompanied Martinus.

"Well, Severus is still recovering from his injuries. I should think that focusing on that is his top priority at the moment." Did Martinus just roll his eyes?

"But it's been weeks since he was discharged!" exclaimed the reporter. "Do you know when he'll be available?"

"I'm not sure," said Albus pleasantly. "May I inquire as to how you managed to gain access to the Hogwarts grounds?"

"We checked in with the guards at the front gates."

The headmaster raised his eyebrows. "I see. Well, if you want to schedule a time with him, I think it would be best to submit a written request."

The reporter was not going to give in just yet. "The Prophet has wanted an interview with him for weeks—"

"Yes, well, I am sure you will get your chance soon enough," cut in Albus. "Good day." He left no room for argument in his dismissal.

Martinus and his photographer threw the headmaster one last look—"we'll be back"—before they headed to the front gates. Albus watched them to make sure they would not double-back before shutting the cabin door. Turning around, he saw that Severus had his head in one hand with his eyes still closed. "Do they come often?" asked the headmaster quietly, still standing at the door.

"About four times a week," replied the younger wizard without moving. "I think the aurors let them in in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the Death Eater."

Albus gave him a disapproving look, which went unseen as Severus leaned his head against the chair back. "I'll speak to the guards," said the headmaster. "They should know better than to let unauthorized individuals onto the grounds." He gently pulled the mug from Severus' slack grip and took both mugs to the sink. "I for one believe that Poppy would be most displeased if you were not recovering in peace. She would probably insist that you be brought under her care."

Severus visibly stiffened. It was no secret that the matron was very protective of the younger wizard, but it often made him very uncomfortable.

"But I think she will be reassured if Minerva and I visit every so often to ensure that you are left alone."

Severus opened his eyes and exhaled. "I think I might be able to handle that."