A/N: Was really sick for awhile, sorry about that.
First and foremost, this is a tribute to Death Battle. I don't own a thiiiiiiing.
Now then, can anyone see this?
Seems the site broke again last night *sigh* so I'm not entirely sure this is visible. Notifications are down -have been for two weeks- we're getting blank pages, stats aren't showing up, and chapters keep disappearing. But hey, at least the app works.
...I was going to stay out of Chainsaw Man. Too sad, too painful.
bloody death battle gave me the idea.
After all, if Gojo can do it...
In other news depression's starting to hit real hard these days. Sometimes I wonder why I do anything at all. I can't claim to understand what's going wrong with my head. I don't even know why! One moment I'm fine, then my mood craters for a few hours, then I'm back again for a bit, and the cycle repeats. Its rather annoying; as though I've become a prisoner in my own mind sometimes. Sure, what's one more mental problem on the pile. Not like I don't have enough, what with already being this old. Feels like every day is a battle sometimes. My doctor is of no help at all.
Take a walk he says, go outside more he says, you'll be fine he says. *siiiigh* Don't bloody feel fine. Maybe I should see someone else...
With my fifteen year anniversary on this site finally here, I find myself reflecting on the little things in life. What was once a lazy pastime meant for me and a few friends really grew and evolved over time. There are days when I look back on the last fifteen years here and I wonder if anyone will remember me; if I made an impact, despite never making a single cent on any of these stories. Some days were happier than others, and some stories I enjoyed writing WAY too much; to the point where I'd stay up all night working on them.
And of course, there are times when I look to the future and wonder what will become of things when I'm gone.
Of course, I try not to dwell on the latter overmuch; I'm still alive and still writing. In an ideal world, I'd like to keep doing so for as long as I can. But old age is catching up to me and these days, the world is filled with so much madness and death. Feels like everyone's lost their minds, the world over. Even before that, so many friends and fellow writers I once knew are gone, now. Will I still be here in twenty years? Ten? Five? Its a chilling thought. But for now, I'm still here, still writing.
Not Q&A for a bit, as someone complained. Ah, well. Can't please everyone I suppose. Trying my best to keep everyone entertained here.
Alight, I've kept you long enough. As ever, I own no quotes, references, quotes, themes or memes!
They're simply tributes to legends far greater than I; an old man who writes as a pastime.
SPOILERS FOR CHAINSAW MAN AHEAD:
"Control's a funny concept. But y'see, there are many things in this world that simply cannot be controlled.
However, there are just as many things that cannot. Emotions, for instance. Don't believe me?
That's alright. Always been more of a visual learner myself.
Go right ahead. Take a good long look now...
...and don't tell anybody about this."
~?
No Devils Here
It was a chance encounter.
You see, Makima hadn't expected to meet Naruto Uzumaki. Despite what some might say, it was not a planned event by any means or measure; indeed, had she been at all aware of what he could do and what he was capable of-what would transpire from said meeting-she would have endeavored to stay far, far, FAR away from such a living embodiment of chaos. Probably would've left Japan altogether, really. Hindsight was as they say, twenty-twenty. Looking back, she'd almost certainly underestimated him.
And yet somehow, someway, she stumbled upon him in the most mundane of ways.
Was it chance meeting? A twist of fate?
Or just bad, blind bloody luck?
She would remember that night well; the moon was full, the night cold, the air so thick she could taste in on her tongue, see it in the steam when she breathed. The cold seldom never bothered her anyway. Not so her escort; they complained most bitterly, growling and grousing every step of the way. She'd taken two men with her on a whim. They were middling at best; mere pawns she had little hope for. She didn't particularly care for them one way or the other; hey'd make useful meat-shields if nothing else. After all she was very much a creature of control. Or devil, really.
Semantics, she supposed.
They found him in an old abandoned warehouse off the wharf. He wasn't making any attempt to hide, nor did he run when they found him within.
He sat upon a mound of bodies, some devil, others human. Each had one defining feature. They'd been painted orange from head to toe and they were, all of them, very much alive. So much so that she could hear them even from here, their groans -growl in some amusing cases- of pain was a most amusing melody to her ears...
.
..
...the perpetrator slightly less so.
The culprit himself didn't look all that worse for wear. Bar a rather grievous cut to his right cheek, he was utterly unharmed. She took him in at a glance; to the naked eye he looked...ordinary. Bright blue eyes framed by tawny blond hair, whiskered cheeks, and a mild smile. He was just the sort of person she might've walked past on the street without so much as a second thought. Even his clothes weren't much to look at; orange and black tattered and flat. He paid them utterly no mind as he unwrapped a cheeseburger and bit into it.
And yet despite that, of perhaps in spite of it, he had a strange scent.
Not blood or bone or battle, he smelled like...fire?
No, that wasn't quite right, was it?
She inhaled deeply, trying to make sense of the strange smell assaulting her senses. There were more scents about him, clinging to his shoulders and stomach. Nine. She couldn't hope to quantify them properly. It didn't stop her from trying. Sand and a low lonely wind. Baleful blue fire. A deep presence beneath the ocean. The vague aroma of burning earth. An odd steam. A sickly sweet perfume almost like an acid, mingling now with the scintillating scent of charred ozone that heralded a lightning trike. And there, lurking beneath them all...
DEATH.
She recoiled with a tilt of the head. last one had her recoiling.
"Child." a voice rumbled through her head. "You may smell me and my kind, but I SEE YOU."
"Huh." Her soon-to-be-victim muttered between bites, distracting her. "This era has decent food if nothin' else." His gaze flitted down to them a moment later and noticed her. "Hey, lady. You look important." a quick gulp followed as he polished off the last of his meal. "Did you come to fight me, too?"
Mildly bemused by him, Makima stepped forward. "That depends on your answer. Did you cause all this?"
"Yuuup." he smacked his lips, producing an audible. "Folks wouldn't leave me alone, so I kicked their asses and knocked 'em out. Hope you don't mind."
It made sense, of course. They'd had reports of missing devil hunters for days now. Seems this was where most of them wound up.
"One last question." the ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Would you rather die as a devil or live as my pet?"
"Pet? His brow furrowed. "Oi, oi. I ain't a devil, neither. No devils here."
That was rich. How could she possibly pass up a pun like that? Answer? She couldn't.
He was trying to provoke her, and hell knew he'd managed to get under her skin in such a short time.
"Oh, but there is one." Her lips curled ever so slightly. "You're just not looking in the right place. Are you as blind as you are deaf?"
His eyes widened in confusion, then realization. "Aw, hell."
Her assistants bridled. "Miss Makima?!
"Ma'am? What're you do-
She flicked a hand out, lazily obliterating the guards accompanying her with the backswing of her arm. Their ruined corpses toppled behind in a bloody shower. Easily replaceable. Besides, she could just say the "Devil" did it. No one would be able to prove her wrong.
"Lets see how quick you are." she flicked a chain at him. "Fetch~!"
He barked a laugh at her. "Fetch?! I'm not your pet!"
Not yet, he wasn't. But he would be...
.
..
...oh, dear. He'd caught it. That was new.
"Oi." the blond turned his head and exhaled slowly, expelling a plume of steam from his mouth. "That wasn't very nice. You're not a good person, are you?"
Was she? Makima thought she was a perfectly reasonable devil, better than most, really. "I have my objectives. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me." The wound on his cheek she'd noticed earlier closed. Fast. Too fast to be human.
Earlier, he'd said he wasn't a devil. What was he, then?
He yanked her chain.
In hindsight, Makima knew she probably should've let go of that thing.
Definitely should have; because she found her face in his hand a heartbeat.
"Sorry." His fingers began to squeezed round her wide eyes, "Gonna be a bit rough."
It would've been simple for him to run her through with his fist then and there..but he didn't. Instead he launched her across the warehouse; toward the very entrance by which she'd come. Plenty of power behind it, but his actions smacked of foolishness; a man unwilling to stain his hands with the blood of others.
As such, Makima had all the time in the world to right herself and face him once more.
"Strong, chatty...and naive." the ghost of a smile plucked at her lips as the shadows stirred behind her. "I'll be sure to put it on your tombstone."
He flung a brace of knives her way. She deflect every last one, drew her sword and swept in at his head. It shattered against his skin; the blade bursting into a thousand shards of sharpened steel to leave her clutching the now useless hilt. Blue eyes shimmered into gold as her own widened, a hint of orange dusting the lids of his eyes.
"Sorry." a finger flitted up to touch her forehead. "Swordproof."
FLICK.
Makima's world inverted.
With a single flick of his finger she went sprawling, smashed through the warehouse wall and crashed across the wharf. Her body struck the water, bounced once, and then, quite suddenly, he was there; levitating beside her as she tumbled through the air. His head tilted and in that instant, Makima caught the hint of a razor grin in the moonlight before his boot blasted its way into her ribs, shattering three as he sent her skipping back the way she came. Gravity was most unkind. She struck an abandoned building and it came down on her head, burying her body and skewering her seven ways to Sunday.
Makima couldn't die easily; her contract assured that; indeed, her wounds were already healing.
As such, she felt no fear.
And yet.
Her lips pursed in a frown as she glared up at the ceiling of her impromptu tomb. Well, this was a problem, wasn't it? He was clearly faster than her, if not stronger. She'd never met a Devil like this before. Just what was he? His scent made no sense andohdearherehecameagain...
"Oh, jeez! I'm sorry!" she heard a muffled grunt mere moments before the mountain of debris shifted overhead. "I didn't realize you were that squishy-
Moonlight greeted her. She thrust a hand up. A storm of chains cracked out like a giant whip, blasting him backward with a whoop.
"Careful," she hummed, dusting herself off. "I could have died."
"Hmm." the blond boy who may-or-may-not be a devil thumbed his chin as he climbed to his feet. She torn a bloody trench in his chest but even that was healing now as she looked on. "So you're sturdy, then. Or you're just using a weird jutsu. Suppose that's good." his hand fell as his body adopted a loose stance. "Means I can start using some of mine." He stomped a foot, drew his fists up, and stepped forward. "Remember you started this. Don't go complaining on me now...
Her lips pursed. "Whatever is a jutsu-
"RASENGAN!"
Oh.
That was a jutsu.
...it hurt more than she expected.
A spiraling sphere smashed her down, eviscerating her torso and annihilating her innards to kick up a plume of dust. Her contract prevailed of course; some poor soul in Japan probably exploded in her place. Her body stitched itself back together in the time it took a human to blink, and she was no worse for wear.
"Lady, I've done this shtick before." her annoying adversary stomped through the smoke, uncaring as her wounds closed. "You gonna stay down? Or do I have to put ya down?"
She absently scrubbed her face of blood and sighed. "I'm afraid I don't understand that reference, boy."
"No worries, you will. And I ain't a boy." he jerked a thumb up to the strange metal plate worn round his head. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I've taken way worse than this. That said," he tilted his head to regard her again, a gesture awfully reminiscent of a certain kitsune, "It must be sad."
Her brow furrowed. "What is?
"Being alone." he swept a hand her way. "I can tell. You're not really enjoying this, are you?"
"You don't know me."
"Don't have to," he thumbed his nose at her, "You think you're special? I've dealt with dozens of your kind back where I'm from. We'll fight it out, and you'll see. But we don't have to. We can talk-
She flicked a chain at him. He caught it and reeled her in like a fish again. A heel smashed into her chest with devastating force. She felt her heart tremble and several organs besides, smashing her body against a wall. He stomped down on one foot to pin her and held her there
"Look, he sighed. "We don't have to do this-
Something sparked to life in Makima in her. It felt like...anger.
Scowling, pointed her right hand at him, forming a gun with two fingers. She pressed it to his torso.
"Bang."
Say what you would about Naruto, but he knew how to take a hit. Even as a massive hole burst through his chest, he only grunted. He didn't even look angry, only mildly annoyed, no confused; like he had seen her attack coming and not thought to dodge in time. Or maybe he had. Whatever the case, he stood his ground with that baffled look on his face.
Good. It suited him.
Laughter bubbled out of her. "Bang!"
This time, Naruto stumbled as a second wound ripped into his torso.
"Bang~!" Makima dragged out the word, giggling as she shot a hole in his stomach.
Naruto laughed right back. Why? Why was he laughing? Did he think this was funny...?!
He grinned at her, the grin of a man who had seen terrible things, horrors most men couldn't comprehend.
"Is that all ya got...?"
Makima's smile died an ugly death. "BANG!"
She blew off his right arm, then his legs, and sent him skidding across the wharf.
She could have finished him, but she didn't. Was she enjoying herself? She hadn't felt this in so long.
She slammed a chain into his neck and used it to drag him upright. He looked so much better on his knees, looking up at her.
"You weren't half bad." she crooned down at him, eyes aglow. "Its been awhile since I enjoyed myself this much, but playtime is over." her fingers tightened around the chain, willing him to obey. "Be a good boy and roll over, won't you?"
"..."
His silence made her angry.
She wanted to hear him scream.
Ah, there it was at last. That was the expression she wanted to see. The shock. The pain. The awe. The moment he realized she was better, that he was going to lose. His shoulders started to shake, not with sobs as she had first expected, nor pleas and whimpers for mercy, but something else entirely. The grey ghost of a smile tugged at his whiskered cheeks. Was he...? No. Surely not?
"Have you finally lost your mind?"
"Naw," he giggled again, "I just realized why the shinigami sent me to this world."
Shinigami? No matter. It meant nothing. "Any last words?"
She wasn't prepared for the grin that followed.
"A few." he smiled up at her, and despite the blood, she was stricken by just how pure that smile still was. "I haven't had this much fun in ages. What did you say your name was?"
A chill shot down her spine. She hadn't. She really shouldn't. There was no point; for dead men told no tales. And yet. "...Makima."
"Alright, Miss Makima." He nodded once, rattling his chain in her grasp. "Lemme give ya some advice."
Naruto hummed and beckoned her closer with his remaining arm.
Against her better judgement, she leaned in.
"The next time you fight someone like me..." her victim rasped out one last hoarse little laugh. "...aim for the head."
His body blazed into golden flame; almighty heat made manifest. Her chain shattered in its wake.
It was her one and only warning before all hell broke loose.
He grew back his limbs in an instant.
She didn't see them but she felt them; because he swept her feet and drove an open palm into her stomach. A hand snapped up and caught her by the throat in midair, clawed fingers biting into her windpipe. She choked, briefly surprised by his speed then found herself airborne. A whisper of motion behind her and then her spine snapped in half as clenched knuckles smashed down on her like the fist of an angry god. A plume of shattered stone and decimated dirt sprayed upward but she never saw it; because the impact was still driving her down, beneath stone and bedrock, cratering the docks.
Water rushed in.
She thrashed upright in it with a gasp, spluttered for air. Her gaze glimpsed movement in the smoke, and took aim at him again. "Bang!"
A ruined log clattered to the floor at her feet, horribly pulped.
Her eyes bulged, unable to comprehend. "What?"
Someone whistled behind her.
"You're too slow~!
A sea of smoke swarmed around her. She whirled, ready for an attack...
.
..
...and found herself gazing at a horde of scantily clad blond women wearing nothing but smoke.
"Sexy Jutsu~!"
Makima blinked
She blinked HARD.
"...Sorry, I don't swing that way."
"Eh, figured." the lead blond blew her a kiss. "Made for a helluva distraction though."
The ground erupted beneath her feet and the real Naruto came barreling through in an almighty uppercut.
Clenched knuckles found her chin, driving her teeth together with an awful click.
From there, everything dissolved into a red slurry of violence.
He didn't fear anything, did he? He just kept coming. She couldn't even keep up with him now; blocking only broke her limbs. She used all her tricks. All her tools. Every devil she had under contract. For all the good it did her. Naruto gave her "pets" all the attention they were due; which was to say none at all; his clones ripped through them like they weren't even there.
And then, quite suddenly, he was upon her.
Naruto gave her no time to aim, slapped her hand aside, and slammed her down into the street, scrambling her brains in her skull like eggs on a hot sidewalk. Pain snarled up the back of her head, then began to recede-until he repeated the process and smashed her down yet again. Once. Twice. Thrice. Every time she began to heal he smashed her down yet again. Did he even notice the innocent lives he was taking? Probably not. His hand tightened around her throat and slammed her down again. He had her. They both knew it.
Stalemate. She couldn't kill him, but he couldn't kill her, either.
As though sensing that very thought, the bemused blond beamed down at her.
"There are ways to win without killing your opponent, ya know." he took his hand from her throat and beamed down at her, pressed both hands together, finger to finger. "Isn't that right...Kurama?"
The world blurred and he was gone.
Makima sat up, massaging her throat with one hand, blinking in mild curiosity.
What was it this time? An illusion? She hadn't thought him the type. Darkness loomed around her; miles of inky blackness and dark dank water as far as the eye could see. Were they still on the warf? He'd brought her to some sort of wide open space that she didn't recognize and damnitall she couldn't SEE-
Something stirred in the darkness ahead of her.
Something large. Something massive, bigger than an entire city.
Something that dwarfed her so utterly she could barely begin to comprehend it.
"Hello, little devil." that deep sonorous voice issued forth from the giant fox before her. "You're playing with the big boys now."
She had seen monsters. She had seen devils. She was one. This exceeded all that. This was old, this was ancient, this was beyond her. She had a split second to realize the enormity of her blunder before the beast moved and when it did, she couldn't
A clawed finger stabbed into her skull, the point of which pierced her temple.
Blood sluiced down her face. There was no pain, nor was there an end.
But there was sensation. Information rushed in. Memories, myriad.
She saw. She heard. She felt.
Toolargetoobigtoomuch!
"Hurts, doesn't it?" Naruto reappeared in her peripheral vision and tapped a finger to his skull. "I'm told Biju comprehend time differently compared to people." his voice rose over the ringing in her ears, the voices, sounds and sights singsonging merrily at her. "Kurama's lived for hundreds of years. He's seen it all. Done it all. And he's sharing all that information with you." His head tilted further. "You can barely comprehend my words right now, much less move at the moment. That's good. I want you to watch this.
Blue light snarled to life in his palm.
It was a struggle to see it over the sheer information bombarding her brain, but see it she did.
Because you see, it was death.
A keening sphere larger than the last, rimmed with rings of light.
He held it out to her now, and though she couldn't move enough to flinch, something in her quailed at the sight of it all the same.
"This here, is a Rasenshuriken." Naruto's voice rose over the keening whine in her ears. "It attacks its target on the cellular level. I've built upon and improved it over the years. One hit from this thing, and you'll be gone for good.
He closed his fist around it.
"I can kill you, if push comes to shove, but that's the thing. I don't have to." he spread his arms with a smile. "All I have to do is keep you here, in our seal, bombarding you with information. Forever...or at least until you see my side of things." he stepped over his partner's paw and stood over her, casting her in his shadow. "Now, then, blink once if you understand me."
She blinked slowly, sluggishly.
"Blink again if you want to spend the rest of your life here."
What could she say to that? She knew. Nothing at all. He had her. Checkmate.
"Now, then. I think I'll take a page from your book. You told me to roll over earlier, didn't you?"
Naruto caught her by the tie and yanked in her in to growl at her.
"Be a good girl and sit."
Makima sat.
A/N: Aaaand there we have it.
Makima meeting something/someone she couldn't control.
Would you like this to continue? Moreoever, would you like weekly updates? Ya or nay! By all means let me know!
So...in the immortal words of Atlas... ...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?
And enjoy the previews. If this becomes a story, of course.
(Previews)
"And what do you want?"
Were they bantering, now, as they cuddled? Oh, well. She supposed she could indulge him.
"I want an idea world, without fear, death, and bad movies."
Naruto tilted his head. "That last one was oddly specific."
She shrugged. "We all want what we want."
"Is that so?" He gave her a deadpan look. "What if I want you to stop?"
Makima couldn't help but titter a little at that. "I'm afraid that option isn't on the table."
A blond brow quirked as he placed a fist against his chin. "I could kick your ass again. How that for tabling it?"
"You're amusing, but I'm starting to lose my patience. SIT."
Power sat.
Now be a good boy and die.
"Makima, no."
"Aww, not even a little?"
Naruto began to tap his foot.
...boo." she dropped her victim with a sigh.
"Denji, my man, trust me when I say you DON'T wanna stick it in crazy."
"Ain't that what you're doing?"
"Maybe, but the differences is I can beat Makima's ass if she does something stupid. I've done so several times. Here, lemme tell you a story...
R&R! =D