CHAPTER 7 - A PERSONAL CHAT
I watched my mother leave the house, making sure she was fully gone and caught up to my father, before I turned to Sally, still stood next to me. "So… What did you want to catch up on? Why do you wanna talk?"
She looked up at me, her eyes pretty much telling the story for me. "I just… really need a break. From it all. That's why I wanted to stay. Since you live here in Feral Forest, nice and secluded… and I'm stuck at home in the chaos of the castle, dealing with dad day after day…" Damn, she seemed really miserable. Not like the Sally I knew at all. This was serious, and I knew I'd have to get to the bottom of it and let her just talk her feelings out to me.
"Hey… how about we go outside? It's quieter out there, most of the residents will be inside getting ready for bed, so we can sit on the porch and you can tell me what's bothering you."
"I'd like that… a lot."
"Then let's go." I walked up to the front door, opening it, letting Sally go outside first before following her, making sure to shut the door behind me so as to not let the breeze in. I sat down next to her on the steps leading up to the door, leaning back slightly so I could see all the stars in the sky through the trees. Sally joined me in doing so, the both of us sitting there in silence for a few moments just staring at the sky.
"So Sal, what's up with you? You really don't seem like yourself and honestly it's kind of concerning. Is back home giving you a hard time?"
"MORE than a hard time. Dad's gotten so much worse since you abdicated. He's making absolutely sure that I don't end up running away and abdicating too by having extra measures in place. On top of it all, he's just… been putting so much pressure on me with things like responsibilities I have to take over when I take over as Queen, making sure I keep up a good public image, so on and so forth, you know all about it. I also just, I dunno… I really needed a break from my role in the Freedom Fighters and from Sonic too, since he can be really overbearing sometimes towards me. I try not to be bothered by it, but I seriously need to talk to him about boundaries when I get back to Knothole tomorrow. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just want to be here with you for the night, in your peaceful little domicile to see what being normal is really like." Jeez… She's really been struggling like this without me knowing…? I feel kinda bad now that I haven't kept up with her more often. Maybe then I could have given her some better advice to help her keep her head up and keep going with the grace she usually has… She has to know though. She has to know that this so-called "normal life" isn't all that she thinks it is.
"Sal, I'll be honest with you here… the "normal life" you think I have isn't what it seems. Yes, I may have abdicated. Yes, I may be more free than you in some ways. Yes, I may have a family here that loves me. But that doesn't mean I still don't suffer the consequences of my actions. Such as my smoking addiction, the fact our father absolutely despises me and won't talk to me properly anymore without insulting me in some way, the fact that sometimes I'm so depressed and riddled with anxiety about what I did that I can't even face getting out of bed in the morning and lay there all day an emotional wreck. And, even though my life is as peaceful as you claim, perhaps it's a bit too peaceful, and sometimes I wish that I had a bit more excitement in my life. The Paramore concert was the most fun thing I've done since coming here to Feral Forest, so I think that says a lot."
"Can we talk about the concert now? Since dad's not here to interrupt you and shout at you for no reason? I'm so interested to know more about it, and it'll take my mind off of the other things."
"Oh, of course I can! As I was saying before dad interrupted me, it was the best experience of my life. Admittedly, I wasn't having the best time at first and kinda wanted to leave, but I'm glad I stuck around because once the band went on the stage, it was AMAZING. And I mean amazing, Kate's got such charm up on the stage that I was just in awe the entire time. Then, then! For the final song of the concert, she decided to pick someone out of the crowd to sing the last bit of the song with her, and she chose me! I was so scared since I didn't know the words, but she took me by the hand and just whispered to me to just follow her lead, and I did, and it turned out great! The crowd loved it, they cheered for me! After the concert was over, Kate brought me backstage to talk to her and the rest of the band for a while, and gave me her phone number! I've been texting her like everyday, and she's come around once already to have a picnic with me to catch up with me. She told me she really likes me and wants to be my friend, and she promised to teach me how to play an instrument too! I can't wait…" I looked up at the stars again, beaming… before realizing I'd maybe ranted a little too hard about Kate and how cool she was. "Don't get the wrong idea, I just think she's really neat-!"
Sally just gave a laugh. "It's ok, Elias, I know you think she's just cool, you wouldn't do Megan like that, you're too loyal to her. I should ask though, how did you even meet Kate? From the way you're describing things, it sounds like you met her a while before the concert."
"Oh, I did meet her before the concert! …About five hours before to be exact. Y'see, I was at work, just cutting some trees down as I do. I went to sit down and take a break to smoke, and I heard a sound near me, so I turned around and saw her hiding from me behind a tree. I yelled at her and grabbed my axe, she began to run so I… Chased her. With the axe. I didn't know it was her so that's why I chased her. I only caught her because she tripped and fell, and when I realized she wasn't actually a threat to me or the community, I brought her home to have a chat and she gave me the ticket for free since someone bailed on her apparently. So there you go. That's the crazy yet true story of how I came across her." All Sally could do was laugh again, clearly finding my little anecdote very amusing.
"You seriously chased her with your axe?! OH MY GOD! You can be SUCH an idiot sometimes in the best of ways!" I couldn't help but chuckle along too, finding the whole situation very amusing too. God, it was so good to feel like this again, Sally really did bring out the part of me that I really missed. Maybe abdication wasn't a good idea after all…
"Ok, but seriously. You made friends with her so easily, and she seems to really like you and wants to teach you how to play an instrument. Do you think she's trying to train you to be the 4th member of Paramore?"
"What? You gotta be joking. Me? A member? Never. She wouldn't want someone like me as a part of her band."
"You never know, Elias. If you've got enough determination you might be able to impress her enough with whatever instrument you're learning to be asked to join. I'm not very sure though, she's known to be strict and picky about who she lets in because of how tight knit the group are." I could tell that she was joking from her tone of voice, but I sat there, genuinely pondering about it. Could I maybe be a member of the band? Maybe if I did impress her enough I could get an invite into the band…
Unfortunately I wouldn't have time to think about it much longer, as the front door opened, and Megan walked out, ready for bed.
"Come on, you two, it's getting late and it's cold outside. Come inside, please. Or are you not done talking?"
"Nah, I think we're done. Sally?"
"Yeah, the personal stuff is out of the way. She's right, it's cold. Let's go in." She proceeded to stand up and walk inside with Megan, happily chatting to her as she did. I smiled to myself a little and got up too, joining them inside. Maybe, just maybe, this life wasn't as bad as I'd made it out to be? Just maybe…?
"I'm sorry I couldn't make it look more comfy, Sally. I really did try my best, but you know what it's like sleeping on the couch."
"It's fine Megan! Honestly, I'll just take what I can, it's nice enough of you to let me stay to begin with."
"It's the least we could do. I'll leave you be to enjoy your night's sleep in peace."
"Thanks!" Megan then turned and walked off to our room, leaving myself and Sally in the sitting room alone together as Sally tried her best to get herself comfy, though her words still lingered in my head.
"Say, Sally, before I go. I wanted to ask…"
"What's up?"
"I just wanted to ask… Were you being serious earlier? Do you seriously think I'd have the ability to be able to join her band?"
"I'm… not very sure Elias. You'll have to play it by day and see how things play out. The world's a weird place. You never know, the most unexpected outcomes sometimes come true."
"Yeah, you're right… Maybe… I dunno…"
"I'll leave you to think about it, ok?" I took that as a hint that she wanted to be left alone for the night to sleep, and so decided to take her advice and leave her be.
"Alright. I will. Thanks for staying tonight, I really needed someone to talk to."
"I could say the same to you. Go and get a good night's sleep, Elias. You deserve one, despite what dad says."
"You get a good one too… Well, the best one you can on a couch." She gave a low laugh and huddled into her covers more, and I gave her a smile before turning and walking into my own room, where Megan was already comfortable in bed. I didn't bother getting changed, just collapsing into bed beside her, staring at the ceiling, in a daydream about joining Kate's band. Being on that stage… in a cool punky outfit… with black hair… shredding on a guitar… jumping and dancing around like a maniac as everyone screamed and cheered my name…
"Elias!" I was suddenly pulled out of my daydream by Megan, who had turned over in bed and was staring at me. I turned and looked at her, slightly confused.
"What?"
"What's up with you? You're staring at the ceiling grinning from ear-to-ear. It's a bit creepy."
"Oh-! Uh, it's nothing! Say, can I ask you a question actually?"
"What kind?"
"Uhmm… Hypothetical."
"Oh, sure. What scenario have you come up with in your head this time?"
"Ok, just hear me out on this… What would you say if I… Started learning an instrument? Or maybe… Maybe…"
"Maybe what?"
"...Joined a band?" There was a moment of silence between us both, and I became nervous. What was she thinking about this? Maybe I was just being stupid…
…And apparently she thought the same. Because the next thing I heard come from her mouth was a laugh.
"Oh, in your dreams Elias! You seem so content here, your peaceful little life where no one can see you or hurt you, and you're very content with being here with me for the rest of your life also. So I'm sorry, unless someone starts a band here, you'll never be in one, or learn an instrument at that."
…
…
… … . . … …
.
She was right.
I
I
Stuck here…
The rest of my life…
… With her…
… Never to be with Kate or get to live my dreams…
It's all in my head
In my head as per usual…
Can't
I can't
I can't do this
I CAN'T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR FUCKS SAKE
HELP ME
HELP
PLEASE JUST LET ME-
"Elias, are you alright?" I could hear Megan's voice calling out to me, but I couldn't see her, could barely hear her. All I could hear was the voices in my head, repeating over and over that I was stuck here forever with no way to escape.
The next few moments were a blur. Leaving bed. Running out of the house. Megan shouting after me and trying to chase me with no avail. Sally also trying to chase me with no successful results. The forest. Smoking cigarette after cigarette with no way to get rid of the feelings I was feeling. Screaming. Crying. Punching a tree until my hands were completely red with blood. Falling to my knees, panicking and hyperventilating and crying and screaming as Megan's words rang in my head loud and large.
I was trapped here.
Trapped for the rest of my life with no escape.
And I didn't want that. Not one bit.
… I wanted to be with Kate and join her band.
…God, why do I always have to fuck things up?