Bethany: POV.
Why am I here? A card with promises of a better life in a Wing of all places...
Just to end up in a place worse than the Backstreets. I never managed to make it into a Nest myself, but getting a chance involved with any Wing should be taken.
Thoughts that... I regret of even bringing up to my head and cursing past me.
Hearing about the Outskirts, a place filled with monsters, may have been one thing, but seeing a place that seemed to completely make those stories into a reality seemed so pathetic in comparison was soul wrenching.
Leaving one slaughterhouse, just to get into another one is just pitiful, I actually thought that an easy way out existed? Laughable, no matter where you go, death is around the corner and happiness could be called a lie.
I wasn't even directly dealing with the abnormalities, but I would only take the agents failing once for 10 clerks to die. This was the normal, and you had to accept it no matter what, there was no reason to care.
Who could smile while living in this world other than psychopaths?
...
"Care, because when you stop caring, you'll stop trying."
Why try when it only hurts? Disappointment is always waiting for you, running away is never a bad thing, admitting that you can't take it is only natural at this point, only a complete idio-
"Then I'll stay stupid rather than a spineless bastard that can't even bother to show how they feel."
But him still in front of the chamber of a WAW, no matter how hard I tried to tell myself to run away, he had awakened something inside me that just churned at the thought of lying to my own feelings.
I hate running away, I did so all the time in the Backstreets, just to keep living. Ignoring the smug faces of the bastards that took advantage of my weakness, I hate telling myself that I don't care, just to keep going one more day.
But the fear was still there... I know BongBong was still working on One Sin and Punishing Bird at a stupid pace just to give us a chance, and I couldn't even take the first step.
I told Trigger that I would do it... but I'm afraid, and I hate it.
I want to run away, and I hate it.
Excuses... someone has to take the first step, just like Trigger said... I can be afraid all I want, but if I care I can try, just like he does.
Taking the first step made me feel light-headed, so I gritted my teeth and took the second one, feeling dizzy. I bit my left cheek and endured it... I entered the chamber and felt as if cuts were appearing through my whole body.
I shut my eyes and tried to ignore it, "Sounds like quite the party outside... and I get the trembling coward to contract me?" She sounded offended, as if my mere presence disgusted her.
"I-I-I" I couldn't talk, it hurt to talk.
I heard a huff, annoyed from something the abnormality spoke again, "Don't waste my time, you can't even talk, and you expect anything to be done? Speak up coward." I'm TRYING DAMMIT!
Why won't they come out!? Please just talk! He believes in you!
The abnormality sighed, "You should listen to your body girl, run away and stop wasting everyone's time." God don't, no...
Why do I always do this!? I hate it! So why!?
"If you won't leave... then I'll take care of you." The threat was in the air, but I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried, why... why do I always want to run away.
I just... I still let Trigger down, he had told me to work with One Sin before, but I was too scared then... Rober was nice enough to not tell him...
"If there is one thing I'm good at, it is stubbornly clinging to life."
"You won't!" I shouted, finally getting air through my lungs and opening my eyes, receiving a curious stare from the abnormality.
The abnormality kicked off the wall and looked down on me, "Why wouldn't I?" I stared on that single animalistic eye and flinched, but that's fine, that means I'm alive.
"I refuse to die, we can pay you if you help! Enkephalin can be used as fuel and numb the pain, you can have it!" I couldn't lower my voice no matter how hard I tried, I was afraid and that's fine.
Trigger also felt fear, I never noticed before, but he was always looking out for us... too afraid to see someone go out, his eyes when I told him Clerks died...
I can't bear the thought of being the one that made him had that look, if someone like him can see something worthy in me... then I'll live to those expectations even if I'm afraid.
"Heh, look at you, half-dead by just being near me but staying awake from pure stubbornness... I like that, you got a deal Missy, open the chamber." My body felt rigid, but I slowly made my way to the door and opened it for her.
I wasn't sure what I saw, but it looked like a patch of blood moving through the air... too fast, she could have killed me at any moment.
My body gave out and fell down, caught by the arms of BongBong that had piled up the boxes of Enkephalin in front of the abnormality's chamber, I looked up at her.
"Oh... thanks..." I felt weak, but oddly accomplished, BongBong laid my body against the wall and gave me a soft smile with two thumbs up and started moving the boxes inside the chamber.
...
The sounds of slaughter soon turned into monstrous screams of pain, that... is oddly great to hear...
I feel sleepy... no one can blame me really...
Although the sound would make it hard to sleep, but the pride I felt would keep me awake for quite a while.
Is this what bravery is?... I like it.