Life, as I have found out in my recent... adventures, tends to throw you curveballs from all sides with the intention of hitting you in the balls.
I have AGAIN experienced that today, "And you are saying I'll have to work with Knight of Despair?" I asked Ryn, who was giving me a small smile.
She is also wearing a blindfold for some reason, "Yeah, I have been assigned to Schadenfreude today, and since Yesod doesn't want you out in the hallways." My face became increasingly more plain when she said that, guess I'm still not over what happened.
"He decided to keep you out of them while letting you perform your work." She finished, apparently ignoring my sudden shift in mood, well she is professional if nothing else.
I glanced at Beth, now wearing the EGO set of the Woodsman, and let me tell you... seeing her of all people carrying a giant axe with one hand is... kinda out of place. She was staring at us like a fight was bound to happen.
Which probably would have if I was a more hot-headed person, "I see... anything else?" I asked, trying to see if Yesod said anything else about me... well no, he most likely thought about it but never said it.
She shook her head, "Not at all, just do your part and DON'T walk around when Bethany finishes work with the Woodsman." Ryn rose the blindfold above her eyes and walked away, waving at me as a sign of goodbye.
"Beth, chill, I'm not about to start throwing hands." She laughed nervously, taking note that she most likely noticed my drop in mood that I'm really not hiding. I gave her a pat on the back.
"I know, but that doesn't mean that the wrong words can't cause some... ruckus." I wanted to deny her claim... but I'm not sure what I would have done if Ryn brought up the conversation of yesterday.
I shrugged at her, "That's... a good point, but I'd like to think I'm doing fine." My reply was met with a small smile, at least we aren't moping anymore.
"All Agents prepare for Work"
Beth gave me a small bow, "I need to get going Trigger, be careful." She hurried to do her part, while I sighed and started walking towards the chamber containing the Knight of Despair.
A weird feeling was weighting in my chest with each step, it was pretty unfamiliar to me... it kinda felt like my chest was trembling? Like how machinery would make unusual sounds if they didn't get proper maintenance.
Once I was at the door, it felt like I had a motor inside of me. It didn't feel... out of place, yet that wasn't enough to ignore it.
I shook my head and tried my best to ignore the weight of it, and entered the chamber. I saw a tall, pale lady with half of her face covered in pitch-black darkness, wearing a long blue dress that imitated a night sky filled with stars.
I would call her a thing of beauty... if she didn't look so sad, yet she had a small smile on her face that spoke of familiarity and bitterness.
A smile directed at me.
The feeling in my chest became more prominent, I was about to try and keep my head in the game by starting a conversation with the Abnormality...
But she spoke first, "It's a heavy burden, isn't it?" Her voice was soft, not completely in the physical way, but in the fact that she... felt small and tired.
Still, the question made the feeling in my chest to become impossible to ignore, "I'm... not sure what you are talking about?" I asked, feeling a little out of the loop.
She shook her head, "Once you see their faces, you never really forget them, less so when you want to keep them safe." I wasn't sure if something exploded, but my chest started... to feel pain.
I grasped it and looked at it, even lifted my shirt to see if anything was there, but I found nothing... yet her words still lingered in my brain.
The vault with bodies.
What could have- NO, what had happened to Rober.
The Clerks in Information Team.
Faces that NEVER left my mind, things that a simple prayer never appeased, "No, or at least... I don't think it should." This experience was new to me, I knew of 'failure', the weight was great.
"It weighs on you, pride, morals, even ideals... but it's all overshadowed by the weight of just one life." I frowned at her words and she... lowered herself, sitting on the floor. I glanced at her for a moment and followed her actions.
The metal floor is so cold, is that really the last thing they felt when...
I shook my head and stared at her, "I never experienced this first hand before, I thought that as long as I showed that I cared... it would be enough, yet the moment I saw them lose so much for nothing... I felt as if I was looking down on them." Because they all must have wanted better and never got it.
Yet here I am, naive ideals and all, still kicking.
Her smile became much more sardonic, and I would even say pathetic, "It's always easy to say, I did too expected that it would work out... it got me here, yet I can't seem to let that dream go." I wasn't sure how to react to that.
Mainly because I could feel her pain for some bizarre reason, just like she could feel mine.
All she had left was the pride of a weathered knight that tried to do good, and it ended poorly in the end.
All that I was... a young man trying to do good when everything else tells him not to.
"Would... you share it with me?" I asked, suddenly feeling just... terrible.
She stared at me for a moment, her smile dimming... yet not all gone, as if remembering better times, "It was... long ago, yet still so vivid." She muttered and glanced at me.
A broken mirror looking with pity at the reflection it found projecting.
And I didn't know if I was scared of how accurate that felt, "A long time ago... there were four girls looking to make the world a better place..." I was told a story from the eyes of someone that felt so much like me.
And how the world did it's best to break her in half.
By the end of the tale, I stared at her with pure... melancholy.
Because my mind had only one question by the end of the tale.
Would that be me in the end?
"I... apologize, but I need to go." I said suddenly, just feeling ill. She nodded, not bothered at all by my sudden departure. She seemed worried to... I ignored the decorated shield that seemed to fly over me in a protective manner and the green light that showed my success at work.
I ignored the worried Beth.
I ignored the questioning Ryn.
My walk took me to the bathroom, the only place with mirrors, and I stared at my reflection for what felt like hours.
It wasn't cracked.
Yet, why did it feel like I was looking at a million different pieces?