I held back a sigh while staring at the door that leads to Knight of Despair. Our last talk was... nice, even if I poured out most of my problems that I held back for quite a while, there was still something that I was missing.

What was I refusing to face? I had yet to come to an answer, which was troubling, but nothing gave me any clues to what was bothering me so much.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I saw Ryn of all people staring at me with a critical eye, "You sure gave everyone quite the scare last time, I almost thought you went insane for a second." While not completely wrong, I was still a bit wary of her, getting a sword on the back of your neck would do that to you.

That and I was still feeling... a little under the bus, "Just found something that really got me thinking more about my situation, bad place to have a sudden revelation I know." I just wish I knew what even was the revelation.

She hummed in thought, "I'm not about to say I know what's up. I try to not let emotions cloud my rational judgement, but I've worked Knight of Despair a lot, and you shouldn't really let her story get to you." I glanced at her once, it wasn't the story...

I saw my reflection in her eyes and frowned, turning away from what I saw, "It wasn't the story, she ain't the first or the last one to have it rough." I commented while looking to see if Beth was coming out or not. She must be half-done with her work with the Woodsman.

Ryn was silent for a moment, "You are making a similar expression to her, you know?" I refused to turn to meet her eyes, I didn't want to look at my reflection right now.

I think Ryn must have figured something out, "I can't do a lot if you don't want to face the facts, you probably know what's bothering you and just refuse to accept it." Yeah, sure...

My head... suddenly felt as if something was laughing at me...

"Let us light a flame yet more radiant in our lives; for life is a candlelight, destined to snuff out one day."

CHEERS FOR THE BEGINNING

My head snapped to my left towards the direction Ryn had come from while Ryn looked past me, we locked eyes once and understood what we had to do before even management could make the call.

Right now my objective was a small little clown that was held together with stitched cloth and the foul smell of blood was coming from that little thing, laughing all the while messing with the door that kept Schadenfreude inside of its chamber.

I moved with purpose, butterflies flying and handing me my two magnums. The white one fired, blowing a hole through the small stomach of the little clown, while the black one blew out its legs, letting the laughing little clown fall to the floor. Completely unconcerned by what had happened, the ordeal continued messing with the door.

But I was already there, a soccer kick prepared and landing on the target that flew like a rocket and exploding in the air into a gory mess.

I turned around and saw one near the door of the Woodsman, I readied my black magnum to stop whatever it was trying to do... only for the door to open and a gigantic rusted axe to cut the little clown in half, blowing up after it, and drawing an 'eep!' from Beth that had killed it.

Well... that was quick, I glanced at Ryn, who's giving me a thumbs up while having the little clown nailed to the ground with her sword, clown that hasn't blown up...

And she is next to the- fuck me.

Ryn suddenly retreated her sword and was about to decapitate the clown, I had seen her eyes snap open for a moment, meaning that Yesod must have told her something, but it was too late. Even if she decapitated the clown, suddenly the door opened, and a wail attacked my ears.

A wail that left me petrified.

From the door, the tall visage of the Knight of Despair came out, now wearing armor on her dress. There are black spikes coming out of her body and her single eye now open, showing pure darkness that was dripping out of it as if she was crying and by all means she was.

It didn't feel natural either, the clowns must have the ability to 'rile up' the abnormalities... but that didn't matter, I couldn't move. That cry just made my body refuse to harm her.

I... wasn't sure what Ryn screamed at me, but I didn't move. Beth shouted, but I couldn't hear it, I have my eyes on the figure that was so much like me.

A fight was happening, swords moving in a dance, drenched with anguish while two people tried their hardest to not get hit, yet I still only watched the Knight that was in pain.

That could be me

My communicator released sound, probably the Manager berating me or even Yesod, but I had found what I was trying to fi-no to avoid.

I was afraid.

Afraid that if I really tried to stick with my ideals, I'll grow to resent those that I defended and myself for defending them. Afraid of showing that... well, I was afraid.

That could... be me... that...

"GAAAHHH!!!" I blinked once and saw Ryn right in front of me, a sword, going through her stomach... I looked at my shaky arms and gritted my teeth while trying to move them.

But it hurt too much.

I... had to seek penitence for my blunders, bearing the pain was only half of the work and I could no longer settle with JUST caring.

A simple, Solemn Lament would change nothing, but give more weight to my soul. Hurting myself when no one wanted me to do so, that would help no one.

Do or do not.

Care if you have to.

Cry if you need to.

But always try and never regret it.

I felt... something moving, so I let it move. In my left hand was the Cross/Mace, and my right hand held both guns of Solemn Lament.

Keep going, with your Solemn Penance.

There was light in my hands, and then only one weapon...

No, more than that, it was an idea.

Take your vows seriously, bear the pain with full confidence.

In my right hand is one magnum, but it would be more accurate to call it a hand cannon. The top part being white with black butterflies and below that the design changed to black with white butterflies, the barrel has two pieces going below and above, making it look like a cross in the middle of it and there is a skull engraving.

I glanced at Knight of Despair, that had kept her attention on me all of a sudden, that's good.

Sighing, I gave her a bitter smile, "I think I know what you felt on your journey now..." I took aim.

And fired.