When's the last time any of us felt anything?

The answer differed between each of them, but one hopeless truth remained among them all — Nobodies could not feel anything.

What did it even mean to feel? Was it simply the ability to react to stimuli? As simple as a moth fluttering around a light bulb or a mouse tracking a stray crumb? Or, perhaps, was it something more? Something deeper? A Nobody's existence was believed to be numb and empty, with no more substance than that of the moth or the mouse. Tap one on the shoulder and he'd turn to look at you. Poke him in the eye and he'd grimace from the sting. His empty husk of a body could take ill or become injured. A Nobody could eat, breathe, sweat, bleed, and even die. But among these pitiful feats of simplicity, that same hopeless truth remained — one that none of them could escape. A Nobody could not care.

One thing was for certain, however, at least for Saïx: Boredom was not unfamiliar in the least.

Like the others, his existence as a Nobody had been muted. A picture with no color. A blade with no edge. Everything was flat, dull, and lifeless. That was simply normal to him. After ten years, it became comfortable. By that time, it was all he had ever known. But it was boredom, nonetheless. It was, in fact, a Nobody's primary aspiration — the complete and utter absence of intrigue, of purpose. Boredom was the true embodiment of nothingness.

However, the occasional spark of curiosity seemed to be within their reach. Xaldin's cryptic question had followed Saïx out of the Round Room and all the way to the kitchen where he'd retreated for a cup of tea. He began to wonder how long it had really been since he'd experienced even a glimmer of something he could call feeling. As the fragrant aroma of dried leaves wafted under his nose, he wondered how long had it been since he could be enticed by such a scent? Since his mouth had watered in anticipation of what was once his favorite beverage? His fingers brushed the ceramic cup — it was hot to the touch. When could he last recall feeling hot? Feeling cold?

He sipped the tea, trying to savor its warmth as it traveled from his lips and settled down in his stomach. Focusing on that lingering taste as it rested on his tongue. How long had it been since he'd found the experience to be comforting? How long since he had called something delicious? He waited, eyes closed and breath held for those distant sensations to envelop him. Nothing. A cup of tea — the full experience of it, from beginning to end — could no longer stir him. He couldn't fathom why he might have expected anything different.

He left the kitchen soon after, passing by his comrades as he traversed the echoing halls. Some heading for the kitchen to indulge in a late night meal, others retiring to bed. How long had it been since he'd felt hungry? Since he'd felt tired? Eating and sleeping had become only habits — something to break up the grind, to ward off the boredom. Sure, their vacant forms benefitted from sustenance and rest. But any one of them could go without and never realize the consequences. Their husks could deteriorate little by little and they wouldn't notice. They would starve, but they wouldn't care.

Saïx eventually reached his room, a haven of emptiness and silence properly befitting a Nobody of his caliber. Visitors were a rare occurrence, and it was even more rare for him to visit another comrade's quarters. But this was no surprise. He wasn't sure if a Nobody could truly have friends, but he could at least say with confidence that he didn't have any, and that suited him just fine. Much of his free time was spent in this very room, alone, with the ever present glow of the moon and the growing pile of papers on his desk as his only company. All the better to truly embrace the unyielding nothingness that was his non-existence.

Even some hours after Xaldin's inquiry was uttered, Saïx's sleepless mind continued to ruminate. How long had it been since he'd felt lonesome? When did he last sit at his desk and lament the silence in the air? When did he last lie in his bed and regret the cold between the sheets? As solitary a man as he was, he couldn't recall the last time he'd had any company, nor could he remember the last time he desired it.

Desire…

Now, what did that feel like? When was the last time Saïx had longed for something? For someone? For the comfort of being in the presence of a friend, or for the thrill of catching a lover's eye? How long had it been since he'd felt his heart fluttering in his chest, or his hands trembling beneath his sleeves? How long since he'd last been touched, caressed, embraced?

How long had it been since he'd felt pleasure…?

Isa's idle fantasizing ground to a screeching halt when he realized how cold the water pouring on him had gotten. He'd been standing there, frozen, just ruminating on the past and didn't notice until it was icy enough to burn. He quickly shut off the faucet and stepped out into the frigid air. Daydreaming again, he chastised himself as he toweled off. Yet he still was unable to purge those thoughts, those images from his mind. Images from the dream he'd had last night — the wicked, shameful dream that left him in a pool of sweat. The blissful, tantalizing dream he'd wished would never end. Those scenes played on even after he woke, repeating ceaselessly behind his eyelids, tormenting him such that he couldn't hope to get back to sleep.

By the time he'd dressed and left the bathroom, the bed was empty. Lea had gone off to train some more, having risen much earlier than his usual late hours. Isa had quite missed his own training sessions, lamenting the poor shape he'd be in when he was finally allowed to resume. Though he'd recovered in the five or six days that had passed since his return from the Keyblade Graveyard, he was still under strict orders to rest. Perhaps he should have considered a meal or a walk to clear his head, but he simply couldn't summon the motivation with his mind so preoccupied. Instead, despite having just washed, he crawled back into bed, right between those same sweaty sheets. It was just as well that Lea was elsewhere, considering the state Isa was in this morning. Lost in thought, distracted, inattentive… among other things.

He rolled over and took Lea's pillow in his arms, clinging to reality, to the present. He breathed in once. Twice. Several more times. Lea's scent still lingered within the cotton threads. As if he were still there, lying beside him, warm in his grasp. It was, after all, his fault that Isa had had the dream. His fault for having skin so soft and so hot as he slept pressed against his back. His fault for looking so peaceful, so beautiful in his deep slumber. It was no wonder his fantasies followed him into his dreams. Isa would dare any man to resist such enchantment, such temptation. Who could turn away from a euphoria like this? Who would want to?

The last reflection he'd had as Saïx, after wondering how long since he'd been able to feel, was whether or not he'd recognize it if it all came back. Now, as Isa, a fully realized human being with his body and feelings restored, his heart and soul intact, he had his answer. It had all flooded back into him at once, so overwhelming that he could do nothing but cry. He could indeed feel again, more strongly than he ever remembered. Physical sensations, emotional sensations. All tangled up in knots. All screeching like hungry hatchlings inside his head. He felt everything.

But as the days drew on into weeks, the noise had quieted significantly until he could properly acknowledge each emotion, every sensation he'd missed as a Nobody. The gnawing pangs of hunger, the dull throbbing of a relentless headache. Shivering in the cold, sweating in the heat. The full weight of pure exhaustion on his wavering form. Discomfort, and the frustration which accompanied it, had come back to him in its entirety, and he remembered those feelings as if they'd never left. Likewise, regaining his heart had brought back the rapid drumming in his chest as he awoke from a nightmare, the electrified pulse in his temples during an argument, and the sickening churn in his stomach while he sat alone and defeated. Fear, anger, guilt. He recognized them all too well.

But he was soon able to identify something else, something much more gentle, but no less intense. A warm blanket on a cold night. A cool breeze through hot, heavy air. A deep, restful sleep at the end of a long and taxing day. Strong arms around his quaking shoulders, light fingers brushing across his sodden cheeks. A soothing whisper in his ear. He understood the experience of relief again. Relief from hunger, from thirst, from exhaustion. Relief from discomfort, from pain and fear. Relief from any and all disquieting emotions and sensations which plagued his newly recompleted body and heart.

Well… all except one.

He inhaled again, basking in Lea's scent saturating the soft pillowcase. A luscious scent which followed the man through the loss of his heart and back. A scent which Isa could detect from what seemed like miles away. Now, that familiar fragrance had only intensified with the return of their hearts, imprinted on Isa's consciousness for an eternity. So potent that he could almost taste it. Taste it, and drink it in. Drink it in, and declare it delicious.

Before he knew it, he was becoming aroused again. Yet another experience that he recognized easily the moment it had returned to him. Recognized, acknowledged, and vehemently avoided. It frightened him, filled him with shame and uncertainty. Even as the feeling grew and intensified, he put all efforts toward ignoring it. Even once he and Lea had become a couple, he resisted. But in this moment, right now, lying alone in bed and curling himself around Lea's pillow, running away was not his first instinct. No, this time, he wanted to feel it. Desire. He wanted to roll his hips and bury his face and pretend it was Lea with him. He wanted to quiver and shout and writhe and imagine that it was all for Lea. He wanted to experience desire. He wanted to experience pleasure. He wanted to indulge in it.

He very well might have if there hadn't been, at that precise moment, a knock at his door.

He scrambled back to his own side of the bed, hastily throwing several layers of blankets over his lap. He then frantically began combing tangles out of his hair with his fingers, if only to look casual and busy. "Enter."

It was Lea who walked in, holding two sea salt ice cream bars. "Hey," he said as he stepped out of his boots. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Still flustered, Isa cleared his throat. "No, you didn't."

Lea raised an inquisitive eyebrow, but seemed to drop whatever thought had come to his mind. He joined Isa on the bed, holding out one of the ice cream bars. "Brought you something."

Trying not to scoot away, or be too conspicuous as he adjusted the bedding bunched up over his legs, Isa unconvincingly questioned Lea's offering. "Isn't it a bit early for ice cream?"

Lea did not lower the confection, or his increasingly speculative brow. "I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before."

Isa breathed out something like a laugh, though his throat was much too tight and the only sound that came out was something like an embarrassing, breathy squeak. "I-I'm not hungry."

"Aw, come on, don't make me eat them both," Lea whined, apparently still none the wiser. "I'll get fat, and then you won't find me attractive anymore."

Isa couldn't figure out if Lea was as oblivious as he was hoping or if he was looking right through him. But the pleading expression on his face, the shimmer of his widened eyes, the way he batted his lashes while fishing for a compliment, was all too much. The tension broke at last and Isa couldn't help but chuckle. The man's charm was so powerful, his humor so disarming. At last, Isa found relief again. "I'll always find you attractive, Lea."

He finally surrendered and accepted the ice cream Lea was waving in his face. He'd surely pay the price for making this his first meal of the day, but the nostalgic taste was too good to pass up. Lea, obviously pleased, continued eating his own ice cream without another word. For the next few moments, they sat in silence, each clearly having something to say and neither one saying it. It was when he heard the sound of slurping come to a gradual halt that Isa decided to cast a glance toward his partner. To his surprise, Lea was now looking apprehensive, his unfinished ice cream melting in his hand.

"Listen…" he finally said, his voice low and soft. "You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to. But could you at least tell me that you're gonna be okay?"

When Isa's hesitation to answer stretched for too long, Lea continued, sounding more desperate with each word. "Please… I finally have you back. I don't want anything to happen to you, to us—"

"Lea," Isa cut him off. Taking his hand, he spoke firmly, staring directly into Lea's eyes as he did. "No matter what happens, I promise you that there will still be us."

The conversation he'd had with Xion came rushing back in that moment. He'd advised her to cling to Roxas with all her strength. Make him her rock, her anchor. At the same time, he intended to obey his own words. He wouldn't push Lea away anymore. He knew this man better than anyone else in any universe. He knew that Lea wouldn't hold the incident against him. He knew that Lea wouldn't let him be lost again. Lea was strong and determined. He was never afraid of the berserk — never, in all the years Isa had suffered this violent affliction. It was an immense relief in and of itself, knowing that at least one of them was brave enough to face this demon head-on.

Isa gave his fingers a squeeze, a reassuring smile, a peck on the cheek. Anything to put him at ease. His rock, his anchor. Lea's fearful demeanor relaxed at his touch, and he leaned in until his head rested on Isa's shoulder, visibly relieved.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lea asked, trying to sound casual as he lapped at the running drops of melted ice cream. "About what happened?"

Isa tensed again at the mention of the incident. "I suppose they've told you everything."

"Not everything." Lea replied. "You got separated from the group, you were attacked by monsters, you got sick from the heat… just the basics."

Isa swallowed hard enough that he was certain Lea had noticed it. "What else did they say?"

At this, Lea sat back up, looking at Isa with a sad but sympathetic expression on his face. "Hey… you don't have to be ashamed. You were under a lot of stress and it's understandable that—"

"I know."

Isa's answer was shorter than he'd intended. Lea averted his gaze after the interruption, shrinking in his seat with obvious remorse. "Sorry…"

Truth be told, Isa really didn't want to discuss it. He'd turned every detail of that day over and over in his mind and was wary of having to relive it again. But he couldn't just leave Lea in the dark; it was no better than pushing him away. It was unclear how much the man knew — if the conversation with Xion was any indication, it seemed that no one had any idea he'd spoken to Xigbar. And surely not a soul knew about how he'd seen Xemnas. Not even Terra, who had somehow taken the Superior's form in Isa's imagination.

"Being there again," he began. "It was dreadful. Seeing those walls brought me back to that day all over again."

Just the act of describing the feeling inside that dreaded labyrinth sent a chill over Isa's skin. "Xemnas… I kept seeing him, watching him torment you. Watching myself just stand there while he…"

"It's okay, Isa. I understand. You couldn't control what was happening."

"But I could," Isa insisted. "I could control what was happening. I could have taken action any time, but I stayed in my place and let him attack you." He grew increasingly agitated during his recollection, gritting his teeth through every word. "I cannot begin to describe how difficult that was… knowing that I could have stopped him. I could have protected you. And I did nothing."

"Isa," Lea gripped his shoulder. "If you had, Xion might never have come back." His serious eyes softened as he continued. "It was all worth it. I'm glad you didn't stop him. Because of that, we have both Xion and Roxas here with us. I'm… I'm grateful."

Lea's eyes were welling up. And now, so were Isa's. Of all the memories he kept of that last day in the Keyblade Graveyard, there was one image that he would always treasure — that of Lea's tearful smile as Roxas made his grand entrance. The look of realization in his eyes as their trio was reunited at last. That same glow surrounded the man now as the two sat together, reminiscing about the only good to come from that war. That same smile shone brightly on his face. And just like before, Isa never wanted to look away, never wanted to miss a single second of that light.

"Rest assured," he vowed. "That the next time someone comes after you, they will have to get through me first."

Lea laughed, grandiosely presenting his now-empty ice cream stick. "Right back atcha, bud."

It took a moment, but Isa got the message. He tapped Lea's ice cream stick with his own, a playfully symbolic seal of their promise to each other. With the mood having lightened, he leaned in to further solidify his intent with a kiss, a gesture that was obviously being reciprocated by Lea. But he stopped short when he noticed a shining blue splotch on his companion's cheek. A snort escaped him, and Lea tilted his head in confusion when that snort graduated into a fit of stifled giggling.

"What's so funny?"

"You've got some on your face."

At first, Lea's reaction was perfectly innocent. "Do I?" He asked. But his curious face soon twisted into a sly grin. "Guess you'll have to get it for me."

Still snickering, Isa reached with his fingers to wipe the smear away. He never made it that far, however, as Lea grabbed his wrist and held it tightly, stopping him in his tracks. There was no question what he really wanted; the look on his face said it all. The sultry gleam in his half-lidded eyes, the way his lips had parted ever so slightly. It was a smolder that didn't ask, didn't suggest, but dared Isa to come and get it, to make his claim now before someone else did. It was not a request, but a challenge.

With sweating palms, Isa took Lea's face in his hands and licked away the stray blot of ice cream. Slowly, carefully. Taking his time. Teasing, perhaps, but truly it took all of his restraint not to rush into the long-awaited kiss that followed. It began as just a feathery brush along the corner of Lea's mouth, then quickly grew into something with more purpose, more passion. He kissed Lea once, twice, ten times. Again and again, until their mouths were locked together, open and hungry, their tongues searching and tasting and lavishing until the pair were left gasping for air.

Isa could have been satisfied with just that alone, but Lea was bold and impatient and in no time he was on top of him. Without breaking the kiss for even a moment, he managed to slip out of his outer vest and was already working on the zipper of Isa's jacket. Then, the jacket was gone and his sleeveless undershirt was sliding up his belly. The whole encounter was moving so fast that Isa could hardly keep up, but even trapped under Lea's warmth, he wasn't about to just lie back and observe. He wanted to be bold, too. He wanted to indulge…

He dug his fingers into Lea's backside and drew him closer — a move which elicited a delightful, airy moan out of his throat. What followed was a feverish and sensual dance of grinding, grasping, clenching, panting. Lea's fingers were both sizzling hot and ice cold, frying Isa's nerves and erecting goosebumps wherever they touched. His lips were swollen and pink from biting, glistening with a mix of saliva from the both of them. His eyes were blown out and unfocused in the most blissful daze. Isa couldn't look away for even a second, couldn't let him go, couldn't allow even an inch of space to separate their eager bodies now, even as the friction between them had him convulsing and spasming. He may as well have been on fire.

In no time at all, the two had shed yet another layer until they were bare from the waist up. There was no time to lie back and admire the view, as their lips hadn't separated for more than a split second. But Isa could still appreciate the soft glow of Lea's skin even without his eyes. His fingers grazed along one winding path after another, from shoulder to hip, from collar to navel, and back again. Lea was, of course, all too happy to return the favor, tracing his own delicate shapes into Isa's arms, his chest, his abdomen, and everywhere in between.

It wasn't until he felt Lea's fingers creep under the waistband of his pants that Isa's breath hitched. This was it. This was the world-stopping moment he'd been waiting for. His most desperate wishes were about to come true. Everything was suddenly very vivid and very real. Very intense. Very frightening. The elastic was inching its way down his hips and now Isa was starting to panic. He could hear his pulse thumping in his ears, could feel it pounding in his chest. His throat was closing, threatening to choke him. He knew what was coming. That voice would be back any second. That deafening crack would sound and everything would go dark again. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't berserk. Not now, not with Lea here.

He reluctantly took Lea's arms and moved them away. "Wait."

Lea's face displayed every emotion Isa never wanted to see while they were intimate. Confusion, concern. Disappointment. "What's wrong?"

With a defeated sigh, Isa nudged Lea off of his lap and pulled himself off the bed. What was he supposed to say? He promised not to hide anything from Lea anymore, but this was so humiliating that he wasn't sure how he'd ever live it down if he revealed the truth. He began to pace, battling internally with himself over it. Planning how he'd explain himself, then changing his mind. Making up an excuse, then deciding against it. Wondering with dwindling hope whether or not they could resume this encounter after he finally admitted his plight.

"Hey, come on." Lea spoke up, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, right?"

At this, Isa paused. His rock, his anchor. His protector. Yes, he should be able to tell Lea, of all people. The man had no room in his heart for resentment. Surely, he wouldn't judge him. At least, Isa hoped that he wouldn't. He sucked in a long inhale. "I don't suppose it would be the first time for you."

Lea's eyebrows arched in apparent disbelief. "Wha—? Don't tell me that's what this is all about."

"No," Isa answered, keeping his eyes on the floor. "Not really." He heaved another couple of lengthy breaths. Working up the nerve. Stalling for time. His voice lowered as he traipsed on. "I'm sure you indulged while you were a Nobody."

"'Indulged?'" Now Lea seemed incredulous, even amused. "Yeah, with about half the Organization. I'm a guy, I have needs, you know?" But his lighthearted demeanor quickly shifted when a realization came over him. "Wait, that doesn't bother you, does it? Look, it didn't mean anything, it was just—"

"N-No, that's not it. I didn't mean…" Isa squeezed his eyes shut. "I didn't mean with others."

A blank stare. Dead silence. "I'm not following."

More silence. More vacant stares. Isa buried his face. This isn't happening.

And then, a lightbulb clicked on for Lea. "Oh. Oh. You mean that? Like, doing—?" Having confidently hit the nail on the head, Lea was now quite nonchalant with his response. "Oh, yeah, every day. Sometimes twice a day. And that one time when we got a vacation—"

"I never did," Isa finally confessed. "Not once."

Lea's jaw dropped. Isa could practically hear it hit the floor. "Never…?" He asked quietly, seeming almost horrified by the notion. "Isa, are you telling me it's been ten years since… since you've even…?"

"You're right. A man does have needs." Isa said, a bit more coldly than he'd intended. "I tried… and I regretted it."

"What happened?"

"What do you think happened? I berserked." Isa started pacing again, arms crossed and trying not to shiver as he recounted the mortifying tale. "To this day, I don't understand it. Everything just went dark. One moment, I was…" His sentence trailed off into awkward silence. His face was burning up and his mouth was going dry. Unable to speak it aloud, he made a vague, disgraceful gesture instead — an act that turned out to be more embarrassing than just saying the words themselves. "And the next, I was lying naked on a pile of scattered debris and broken glass. The closet door was torn off its hinges. The desk was snapped in half. The bed was overturned. And I couldn't remember any of it."

He shuddered as the shame overwhelmed him. "That was the first and last time. I elected not to try it again."

Lea's gaping mouth hadn't closed for all the time he'd been listening. "I had no idea…" He said as he nervously scratched the back of his neck, clearly still processing the shock. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you."

"I didn't want your help. It was too risky." Isa explained, feeling himself tremble more and more with each word. "That was one of the only times where I could not control the berserk. It was a terrifying experience. From that night on, I thought it safer to simply abstain in order to prevent any further incidents."

When was the last time he'd felt lonesome…?

A Nobody, with his empty, soulless collection of flesh and bone, could indeed have a functioning sex life, with all the same variety and intrigue as was available to his Somebody. By Saïx's understanding, the pleasure of lovemaking — and self-gratification — was greatly diminished with the loss of one's heart. But that never seemed to stop his comrades. Though he would never partake himself, he wasn't blind to the shamefully carnal activities taking place all throughout the castle, at all hours of the day and night. At the time, the thought had sickened him. Whether in appearance or personality, he found his living mates repulsive, and the thought of sleeping with any one of them was enough to make him gag. But, the longer he spent living in that monotonous place, isolated, restless and bored as he was, the more prominent the spark of curiosity he'd been feeling. That very curiosity had been his undoing.

After his single failed attempt, as he watched the dusks clean up the mess and repair the destruction he'd wrought on his bedroom, he swore himself to celibacy for the rest of his days. He'd sooner take his virginity to his grave than endanger any potential partner he'd take. His eventual falling out with Lea — the only lover he'd ever have chosen — only made it that much easier to suppress the desire still lingering in his memory. Over time, the cravings ebbed altogether and the memories faded into obscurity. In his lack of interest, he'd cast off the last of his humanity and achieved a true sense of emptiness. Saïx no longer saw any reason for seeking companionship or chasing the euphoria of intimacy. There was no need for pleasure — a Nobody could not feel pleasure. In his eyes, sex had been rendered completely pointless.

Isa dropped his head. "That was ten years ago. I don't even remember what it feels like anymore."

As expected, awakening as a human again brought all those desires back in full force. Getting together with Lea intensified the cravings a hundredfold. Lea was the centerpiece of his fantasies, the only true desire he really had. He wanted more than just Lea's company. He wanted his body, his heart, his soul. And he would give everything of himself in return. Perhaps they wouldn't merge into one unit like the cliches would so often describe, but it would be enough just to share a space. A very raw, very intimate space. Just to be close to Lea was all he would ever need. Just to hold him would make him the happiest man to ever live. And now that he had it — everything he'd ever dreamed of — he was all but squandering it.

Hopeless rumination had left him frozen in place again, lost for words and drowning in his shame. When he heard the creaking of the mattress springs as Lea stood, he half-assumed that the man would be taking his leave. But instead he heard the crunch of carpet fibers growing in volume as slow, careful footsteps approached him. They stopped at his side, and a hand was laid gently on his shoulder.

"Isa," Lea asked in the softest tone. "Do you want my help now?"

Isa turned to look at him, not sure what he was really expecting to see, and certainly not prepared for the expression that he met with. The eyes staring back at him were gleaming with compassion, with adoration. Lea was smiling. Subdued, but warm. Affectionate, even amorous. His outstretched hand was inviting, and patient at the same time. A verbal response was not required. Isa — trepidatious, but ready as he'd ever be — trusted Lea to take the lead. The moment he took his hand, everything was set in motion.

They didn't really pick up where they left off; rather, they started over. Leisurely, with less haste and more tenderness. Lea was kissing him, starting at his mouth and trailing along his jaw, down his neck. Isa could only stand there, rigid and with eyes closed, discovering all over again how each point of contact reacted differently to Lea's caress. Learning where he was sensitive and where he wasn't. Already, it was more intense than he'd ever imagined. There was no corner of him that didn't jolt at Lea's touch, no fragment of skin that wasn't burning up under his lips. It was almost too much. He had never felt so alive, so human. So afraid. He had to hold his breath just to keep quiet, much to Lea's chagrin.

"Hey, hey… Don't be shy." Lea whispered seductively. "It's only me."

As if those words made any difference. It was only Lea. It was only the sun in Isa's sky. It was only the embodiment of dreamlike perfection. Still, Isa endeavored to take his advice. He followed as Lea guided him back toward the bed and sat beside him once again. The kissing resumed and Lea's dragging fingers became more adventurous. So much so that Isa jolted away at the lightest brush.

"Lea—"

"Shhh…" Lea cooed against his cheek. "I'm just going to touch you. Is that okay?" He planted two kisses right where his lips were resting. "I won't do anything you don't want. Tell me to stop and I'll stop."

Isa, winded from nerves, nodded, and the exploring hands continued their journey. They began at his throat, moving gradually and barely gliding over his flesh. Downward they hovered, until they were back to his chest. From there, they began to turn, drawing circles on each side. Circles which turned into spirals, closing in on one, tender point. With how he squirmed and whined, it was difficult to tell whether Isa was touch starved or just ticklish, but he never protested a single moment of Lea's ministrations. Lea, in turn, didn't hesitate for even a second.

Even knowing what would happen, Isa was unprepared for the moment when Lea's spiraling thumbs finally stopped, landing squarely on his nipples. He practically leapt out of his seat as the static sensation made him jump with the shock, every hair on his body standing on end.

Lea pulled back instantly. "Too much?"

"No." Isa answered quickly, before he could catch his breath. "…Maybe."

"It's okay." Lea smiled again as his hands found their way back to his chest. "I'll slow down."

Now more carefully, Lea's delicate fingers resumed their tantalizing dance over his skin. Lingering in some spots, drifting over others, but always finding a way to draw shudders and gasps from Isa's open mouth. The pleasure became so overwhelming that he had to lie down just to keep from falling off the bed. Quivering mess that he was, he couldn't stop the shame and embarrassment from burning him up inside. Listening to the almost obscene sounds erupting from him — the pitiful, undignified sounds in his own voice — he wished he could bury himself under the mattress, under the bed, under the floor. Were it not for Lea's gentle praises, the unending mantra of "it's okay" to comfort him, Isa might have started crying several times by now.

And then, the dial was increased. Lea's hands had moved lower. Lower and lower until Isa felt himself caressed in a place he'd not been touched in longer than he could remember. It was only for a split second, but it was enough. He couldn't help it. He recoiled.

Every part of him shook as he backed away, apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lea, I just—"

"It's okay." Lea, once again with his hands raised in surrender, displayed not one ounce of exasperation. "It's okay," he soothed, his patient words overlapping with Isa's frantic apologies. "It's okay. It's okay."

"You don't have to—"

"Isa. Hey. Look at me." Lea took him by the shoulders. "It's okay."

Isa obeyed. Timid and uncertain, he stared Lea directly in the face. He took in the soft serenity of his vibrant green eyes, basked in the glow of his winsome smile, delighted in the faint blush on his cheeks. Lea was simply stunning. Beautiful as an oil painting. Isa was grounded by the image of his lover, bare skin pressed against his own, beaming at him with a devotion he didn't deserve. He was melting. They met for another kiss, and then another and another, stripping away his last few articles of clothing in between. He was now fully naked. Exposed. Feeling both hot and cold at the same time. Aching with anticipation. So hard that it hurt. He wanted this. He knew he wanted this. He was ready, and Lea would take good care of him. He could live with the nerves, or he could let them go. He could be afraid, or he could enjoy this. The choice was clear as day. He just had to make it.

Becoming pliant and relaxed, he felt something in him open. An awakening of a hunger he'd forgotten he ever had. When Lea's hand finally reached below his hips again, finding exactly the spot it had found before, Isa's skin started to tingle from head to toe. And then, those delicate fingers which handled him so carefully started to move again. He was no longer surprised, and no longer afraid. Lea's grip tightened, and his body flooded with euphoria. He groaned and tipped his head back to just let himself feel it, let himself indulge at last.

"Does that feel good?" Lea asked him, momentarily coaxing him from his trance.

Isa's strained response came out sounding a bit rough, somewhere between a grunt and a sob. "Yes."

"Is this how you usually like it?"

Isa paused, trying not to panic again. "I don't remember."

Lea grinned. "Try and relax."

He had lived for too long as a Nobody. Too long with a lifeless and disinterested husk of a body. Too long with flesh that was numb and blood that was cold. He never imagined he could ever feel quite like this. This was ecstasy. This was paradise. This was what it meant to be truly and fully human, truly and fully alive. This was a gift.

To enhance the experience further, it seemed that Lea knew exactly what he was doing. He knew just where to touch, how to move, and even which words to say. Like an expert, he'd unlocked Isa's every secret, solved his every puzzle, discovered his every vulnerability. He pressed all the right buttons and flipped all the right switches and he happily claimed every prize he won in return. When he wasn't showering Isa with kisses, he was leaning over and just watching him with a sultry expression of awe. He smirked at every sound Isa made, every whimper, every grimace. So pleased with himself. So immersed in the moment.

Reflexively, Isa threw an arm across his face to hide from those ravenous eyes, to shield himself from the embarrassment of his unintentionally lewd performance. Lea chuckled before gently taking his hand and pulling it away. "You look so good like this, Isa," he said in a husky voice. "Don't hide."

Shuddering at his words, Isa took a few breaths. He needed to ground himself again, lest he float away into the stratosphere. He tried focusing on individual sensations, one at a time. The cooling, sweat-damp sheet under his back. The heated breath blowing on his skin. The unbearable friction between his legs. The wicked incantations being whispered into his ear. It was all so clear. Every part of the experience was so pure and raw. Powerful enough to still his breath. Potent enough to intoxicate him. All weaving together into one extraordinary event from which there would be no turning back.

It was when he finally felt he'd regained some stability that he realized something was building. A faint humming that was growing louder and louder by the second. He slowed his breathing, tried to pace himself, but the vibrations expanded into waves, and then into a tempest inside him that continued to swell, climbing and climbing faster than Isa could comprehend. It really was too much. He was losing control.

He grabbed Lea's wrist and squeezed it tightly. "S-Stop…"

Lea froze, looking concerned. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"Not at all," Isa rasped. "But… if you keep going, this will be over rather quickly."

"Well…" There was a hint of disappointment in Lea's voice. "Don't you want to…?"

"What about you?"

With a reassuring smile, Lea shook his head. "Don't worry about me. This one's all yours." He took Isa's lips into a relaxed kiss. "There'll be plenty of time for the rest later on."

Isa took a glance around the room. He saw all the things he could break, all the destruction and chaos he could cause. It would happen in a mere heartbeat. He'd simply black out and wake up a few moments later, bleeding, disoriented, and surrounded by debris. And this time, he wasn't alone.

He took a shaky inhale. "I don't know what will happen."

Lea kissed him again. And then, several more times, each more fervent than the last. "Then let's find out."

The break helped, but it didn't take very long at all to build back to where he was — the point of no return. Lea's hand was pumping faster than Isa could see, clenching and relaxing with intricately precise timing. Isa was on the verge of collapse, wheezing, salivating, his hips instinctively jolting and quivering in response to Lea's touch. The pleasure was positively electrifying. Every muscle in his body tensed one by one, then released in the same sequence, like waves that surged from his core to his extremities and back again.

When's the last time any of us felt anything?

Lying there, naked, vulnerable, heaving and whimpering, the pleasure enveloped him like a tender embrace. Holding him, caressing him. Walking him through this experience, divine and sinful and beautiful and terrifying as it was. There was nothing tying him down to keep him from soaring into the heavens. Nothing holding him back from exploding into a million pieces. He was on his own now, and he had about ten seconds to make peace with that.

Pressure was mounting. Sparks were flying. He could hardly stand it. Shit, shit, shit…!

"Lea, I can't—!"

"I've got you, Isa," Lea answered assuredly. "Just let go. It'll be okay."

There was a thunderous crash in his core. The pressure built to a staggering peak and then burst into a cascade of vibrations inside him, spreading outward from his center. His hips bucked and his back arched and all his limbs clenched in unison. He cried out in surprise as his entire body began to spasm and tremble violently. He saw stars. His ears popped. There was a forceful shooting sensation in his groin and then warmth spreading over his skin. Gasping for air, a string of curses spilled from his mouth as the tension began to release, unlocking his muscles one at a time until he was a boneless lump of shivering flesh. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He could only feel as every nerve in his body was bombarded with mind-blowing, all-consuming euphoria.

He didn't realize he'd started crying until he felt Lea's fingers hastily wiping the tears away. "It's okay. You're okay." He cooed gently. "You did good, Isa."

The climax was altogether breathtaking. He could never have imagined such astonishing pleasure in his wildest dreams. Even as what must have been an entire minute passed, the intensity hadn't diminished at all. He was on some other planet, drifting in the heavens, his soul having left his body. This truly was paradise. He never wanted it to end.

He did eventually come down from the heights, floating gradually back to earth like a leaf in a mild breeze. He was still holding Lea's hand, he realized. His anchor, his protector. Lea had kept his promise. Tears started trickling down Isa's cheeks again, which Lea whisked away with the same tenderness he'd shown all morning.

"There, that's better." Lea giggled. "Ready? Open your eyes."

Slowly, Isa let his eyes flutter open. The first thing he saw was a light so bright that he wondered if he wasn't actually in Heaven. But the image soon sharpened into the perfectly arresting face of Lea. He could soon make out the gleam in Lea's emerald eyes, and the shine of his elated grin. He'd never tire of the sight — he found that he just couldn't look away.

"See?" Lea assured him. "Nothing happened. You're still here with me. Right where you belong." He then gestured toward the rest of the room. "Same for the furniture. Nothing broken."

Right where you belong. At some point, he must have forgotten his fear of berserking. That must have been Lea's special charm — his ability to distract him with his prowess. Isa was so lost in the thrill and the indulgence and the euphoria that he couldn't even think about anything but chasing the high. Now that it was over, fizzling out little by little, he realized that Lea was right. Nothing was broken. Nobody was harmed. No words could have properly expressed the magnitude of his relief. He simply closed his eyes again and his head fell back onto the pillow. Exhausted, but very satisfied.

He felt some movement beside him as Lea finally settled in and relaxed. "Look at you," he playfully teased. "How do you feel?"

Isa's brain was still full of static. It took several seconds for him to come up with an answer. "Hungry."

Lea laughed as he hauled himself off the bed. "Well, believe it or not, that's a good sign."

He picked up the box of tissues from the nightstand and handed it to Isa before wandering off to presumably find his shirt. Isa hadn't figured out how to work his limbs yet and remained helplessly in place, watching Lea as he inspected pieces of laundry from the floor. He soon found the garment, and as he was slipping it over his head, Isa couldn't help but notice the familiar, protruding shape in the front of his jeans.

"Lea… You're…"

"Hey, I told you, this one was for you." The man insisted as he fiddled with his shirt buttons. "I'll be fine."

Those words didn't alleviate Isa's guilt in the least. He wanted Lea to be satisfied too. After everything he'd done for him — not just this, but everything else — Lea deserved to feel every bit as good as Isa did just now.

"You'd better hurry up before it dries."

Lea's warning jarred Isa out of his thoughts. He turned his attention to the box of tissues he was holding, and it was only then that he became aware of the… mess he'd made. While not wanting to dwell on the obscene details for too long, he cringed at the sight of it all — he hadn't missed an inch of his belly, and the all-too-familiar substance was indeed cooling rapidly. It took seven tissues in total to take care of everything — a number that both surprised and horrified him. He'd surely be wanting another shower after this.

Isa tossed the soiled tissues into the waste basket and managed to sit upright. He pulled his shirt and his briefs back on, watching as Lea adjusted his hair in the mirror. Wondering what time it must be, he glanced out the window. The sun was shining brightly among a cloudless sky. It must have been nearly lunchtime now. He remembered then how hungry he really was. He planted his feet and tried to get up from the bed, but his legs, still somewhat numb, wouldn't bear his weight. He lost his balance and began to stumble. Lea dashed over and caught him just as his knees buckled.

"Whoa, take it easy." He said, guiding Isa back onto the bed. "You heard what Even said. You need to rest until you've fully recovered from your heatstroke."

Maybe Lea meant it as a joke. Maybe he didn't. Either way, Isa was caught off-guard and snorted at the remark. And then he started to giggle as the words replayed in his mind. In no time, he was in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Lea raised an eyebrow, amused by Isa's reaction. "Oh come on, it wasn't that funny."

Tears were spilling from his eyes again as Isa continued to laugh almost hysterically. Eventually, Lea couldn't help but join in and they both lay on the bed together, holding their stomachs and writhing and gasping for air. All for no real reason at all. Isa didn't really need a reason; he was simply overcome with joy. Everything about this day, everything about this moment was so perfect and so beautiful, so natural and so right. He'd never felt so happy in his life. That was reason enough for him.

It was Lea who finally caught his breath first. "Alright, I'm gonna go raid the fridge," he sighed, wiping his eyes with an enormous and teary smile on his face. "Don't go anywhere, okay?"

Still panting, Isa grabbed his arm before he could leave. "Wait. I'm in the mood for something… greasy. Something bad for you."

Lea paused, a curious look in his eye. "Really?"

"Yes, like…" Isa thought for a moment. "…like street food. We should go downtown."

Now Lea crossed his arms, no less amused but obviously quite suspicious. "Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

Time ground to a halt. His question was followed by sudden silence. Isa didn't even have the breath to gasp. A worried Lea started shuffling in place. "What? What did I say?"

"You said 'boyfriend.'"

Lea scratched the back of his head. "Isn't that what you are?"

Isa smiled at him, never having felt so fulfilled and content before. "I suppose it is."

With an extra blush in his cheeks, Lea returned the smile with one of his own. "Let me just get you some water. If your legs work by the time I get back, we can go downtown. Maybe take some friends along. Sound good?"

"It's a date."

Isa could have sworn he saw Lea swoon on his way out the door.