I was many things... moody, vindictive, foul-mouthed, disrespectful and incapable of tolerating whiny little fucks.

But I can recognize and acknowledge those that try the hardest. Now Trigger may just be... a bit crazy on the way he handles Abnormalities, but if it works, then I can't really form an argument that doesn't make me sound like a dick.

And then there was Malkuth. She failed, a lot, but always stood back up even after her emotional outburst days ago. She stood back up, ready to try again, to be better.

Those two are people that aren't common in the City. Everyone says they have it bad, everyone blames whoever they can and never think they should be trying HARDER, but no. They're miserable, and they use that energy to fucking complain instead of doing something about it.

Which was one of the reasons I couldn't take Rober seriously, but he definitely knew how to talk back. With time, I noticed that even if he complained, he still went and did his best and he earned a bit of my respect... only a little.

Bethany was a wreck, but she pulled herself together when the time was right, so she's... fine in my book.

Amelia is a mouthy bitch. She can handle herself well enough, and I know this is rich coming from me, but she gets angry incredibly fast, and unlike me, she was clouded by it. Then again, I have been angry for so long, it really doesn't bother me anymore.

Gonzales is a special guy, full of bravado that made me question his sanity at times. Then again, you have to be crazy to be so forthcoming about dealing with Abnormalities, he pulls his weight and that's good enough.

This is the first time I have been amongst people that, well, actually give a shit, and it's such a breath of fresh air... if only we didn't work with damn monsters for a living, but with the good comes the bad.

I was walking towards the room that I just KNEW had bodies at some point. Malkuth, even if she had my respect at the time, was very intense on the way she handled quitters, and this is coming from me. I could just tell by the look in her eye that if we fucked up, we were goners.

She mellowed... well more like she reflected and changed her approach, and that means we go back to Trigger, the man that had the biggest impact on her. Rober told me the story and even if he doesn't trust Malkuth 100% like I do, her look didn't lie, she hates this place as much as we do.

What pushed Trigger to get impaled and still try to reason with the person that was trying to kill him? I have no fucking clue, but I respect the hell out of it.

Opening the door to the room and I found... only orange metallic walls with nothing around, aside from Trigger with his arms crossed in the middle of the room, giving me a small smile, "Well Dakota, you are getting what you asked for, how does it feel?" I really didn't like to stall the training, mainly because I was very eager to start, but I held back from being rude.

"My body is ready, and if you make a dirty joke, I'll kill you." He rolled his eyes at me with his smile still present, he was just hard to read at times. Even if I knew he was usually in a good mood, I know he also uses that to hide his other feelings.

I was curious why he suddenly got more proactive with this E.G.O training stuff, and I'm betting it has something to do with whatever the big head honchos wanted to talk about... E.G.O fusion and another thing on the list of 'Shit Trigger just does'.

"Well, I'll start by telling you that this is stupidly dangerous-"

"Yeah, if you did it, that would be the obvious conclusion."

"I'll take that as you being ready then. First of all, forget everything you were ever told about E.G.O, because you first need to let the feelings of the E.G.O inside your head." Trigger replied with a small but significantly more serious smile.

I rose a brow at that, well... shouldn't be that hard, the E.G.O suit of Funeral of the Dead Butterflies and the E.G.O weapon of Red Ridding Hooded Mercenary just felt right on me... more so Red's than the other one, so I slowly opened my mind...

If you ever got rid of the one that ruined you, will you finally sleep soundly?

Who knows? I'm just certain that paying blood with blood will always just ask for more, but that's just the way it is sometimes.

But mourning their memory would be just, as everyone suffers and deserves at least that much.

A lie, they don't need to be remembered, You can't handle what they did.

So did we, we all did, so mourn for those that suffer.

LISTEN TO ME

The sound of a church bell washed away the incredibly loud and intrusive thoughts that weren't my own. I blinked twice trying to regain my bearings and saw Trigger holding his new E.G.O weapon and taping the 'cross' of the barrel on my forehead... at least the barrel is aiming away from my head, that would be awkward.

"So what did you experience?" He asked casually, and I frowned. It was like seeing two trains about to clash and neither wanted to pull the brakes.

Which is exactly how I put it into words to him, he looked at me up and down, then at my suit and the weapons on my hips, "Yeah, those two clash too much to make it work... unless you feel like following my example too much, but you should have resonated more with one than the other." It wasn't worded like a question... but it did feel like one.

"Red's just feels right in my hands-" This time he was the one to interrupt me with a smart ass remark.

"Yeah, she kinda is like a much more mature you." Fuck right off, Trigger.

"-Eat a dick, but yeah, I can get why she hates so much whoever the fuck the wolf is. I know I'd hate just as much if someone fucked me over that badly." Trigger hummed at my words and scratched his chin for a couple of seconds.

"Then this time ONLY let that one in, be prepared by constant repetition." Wasn't that an understatement? We did this many more times, every time he was trying to point me in the right direction of working with my weapon rather than against me.

It is STUPIDLY hard to get a grip on my anger every time I do this, and I'm pretty sure I swung with the ax/knife for his neck more than once, but he never told me if that actually happened. Losing myself to the anger was easy, but he always used his E.G.O to push back the thought away.

This wasn't only dangerous for me, but for him too, and that made me respect him a lot more. He encouraged me, even when I failed many times, and he didn't seem that bothered by what happened when I went too far into it. I know he didn't mention the times I tried to take his head after the E.G.O got to me, but I just got the feeling that I TRIED to do it.

I was improving too, by the end of our session, I wasn't losing my shit... but I still didn't know how to fully tap into the power of my weapon.

But this session cemented one thing in my mind.

Trigger DESERVED my respect and loyalty, because he had the exact same feelings towards me.

In his eyes, we are equals, and that's not something you see in the City anymore.