On Christmas Eve, when the family had returned from midnight mass at the local church (something that only Hope's parents had really wanted to do, but they'd had a nice time anyway, singing carols or, in Remus's case, falling asleep halfway through and being shaken awake by a disapproving grandfather), Remus was beckoned once again to the back porch by aunt Selene. He was exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open, but his aunt was clearly excited about something, so he tried to stay as alert as possible.

"I was going to give it to you before church, but it was all a bit hectic," she said, and her words immediately caused Remus to shake off his exhaustion and look at her expectantly, bouncing on the soles of his feet.

"You did it?" He asked. Selene nodded, and rummaged around in her deep coat pocket, producing from within the leather-bound diary. Remus clapped happily at the sight of it.

"Look 'ere." Selene opened the notebook up, turning each page to show that it was blank. "I came up with a password, see. I figured you could write it down, stick it in the middle of the notebook. Unless your friend's parents check every single page, he should find it."

"What's the password?"

"Name of your owl. She'll be delivering it I expect."

"Arianrhod?" Selene handed him the notebook.

"Open it then." Remus took the notebook, and opened up the first page. It was still blank. He said Arianrhod's name, looking down at the page. To his surprise— and delight— words started forming in front of his eyes. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. He turned the page, and saw the list of contents. He turned the page again, and saw the book's dedication. Then chapter 1. Then pages and pages of writing. All twelve chapters.

"Merlin, it's brilliant!"

"Wasn't top of my transfiguration class for nothing," she grinned. Remus couldn't stop looking at it. "Oh and when it's closed it goes blank again, so if anyone else picks it up they won't see." Remus closed the book, then opened it again. It was blank.

"Aunt Selene, you're amazing!"

"Favourite aunt?"

"You're my only aunt."

"But I'm your favourite?"

"Definitely." Selene ruffled his hair.

"Great. Now go to bed, it's late. Or send the notebook to your friend, whichever one you want. Leave me to smoke in peace."

"Okay." Remus immediately rushed inside, but quickly caught himself, turned round and said "thank you!" realising he hadn't actually said so yet. His aunt gave a two-fingered salute in acknowledgment, and Remus continued his beeline towards his bedroom.

At one am, everyone was safely asleep. Remus— though tired— was not. He had spent the last half an hour wrapping up the notebook in newspaper (they were all out of wrapping paper), and now he was trying to figure out how to give Sirius the password. He decided against writing it down in the notebook; his aunt may not have thought that Sirius's parents would go to all the trouble of searching through each page, but Remus wouldn't— couldn't— put it past them, so he had to find a different solution. Writing a letter was no good, since Sirius said his mother checked his mail.

Remus stared at Arianrhod, asleep in her cage. He did a few calculations in his head, determining that it would take her a few hours to reach Sirius if she left now, and that was without breaks, which Remus certainly had to factor in. She'd probably be there by morning.

Remus tapped lightly on the bars of Arianrhod's cage, waking her up. She hooted indignantly, and stared back at him with her large yellow eyes.

"Sorry to wake you, but I need you to send this package to Sirius Black. You remember him, right? He fed you toast at breakfast sometimes." She continued to stare at him.

"Well, I need you to do me a favour. See, I don't know if Sirius will be on his own or not, but you need to stay with him until he is, and he's opened the parcel, okay?" She blinked. "When he opens the notebook..." Remus thought for a moment; there was really only one option, and he hoped it would work, otherwise Sirius would get a bit irritated at him. "You have to peck him, alright? Until he says your name. Then you can stop. Can you do all that?" She hooted, which Remus took to be a good sign. He knew owls were smart, especially magical owls, and they seemed perfectly capable of following instructions, but even so... there were a lot of instructions. He didn't know if Arianrhod could remember all of them.

He handed her the parcel, opened his window, and watched her confidently take off into the night sky; another good sign, Remus hoped.

He sat back in his chair, the chill breeze on his face. If worse came to worse, he told himself, he'd just have to show Sirius how to open the notebook when the holidays were over.

The only time of the year that Remus woke up early was Christmas morning, but today, he managed to sleep in until at least ten o'clock— so exhausted was he from the previous night— which prompted his mother to wake him up asking if he was feeling alright. Remus assured her that he was fine.

When he eventually did get out of bed, he didn't bother to get dressed. His pyjamas were too comfortable and there was no real need anyway. The only time they left the house on Christmas Day was for an after-lunch walk, and as long as Remus bundled up in a bunch of coats and jackets, there was still no need for him to take his pyjamas off.

Besides, he was too impatient.

"Breakfast first and then presents!" His mum called after him: she was still in his room, while he was already halfway down the stairs.

The rest of the family were already up, except for Selene, who was staying in a hotel anyway, but Remus knew she wasn't a morning person. He'd probably see her at lunchtime. Lyall on the other hand was a morning person, and he was already on his second cup of coffee, reading the newspaper at the dining table. Remus's grandfather shuffled in through the back door as Remus entered the room, having just been for a brisk walk with Seren.

"Nadolig Llawen, Remus," greeted Dafydd, banging his feet on the mat to get any frozen mud off the soles.

"Nadolig Llawen, taid," replied Remus, sitting down at the dining table and pouring himself a bowl of cereal. The rest of his family greeted him with similar Christmas cheer, which he semi-acknowledged, but he was keeping his eye on the Christmas tree, which was visible from the dining room. There was— in Remus's opinion— a satisfactory amount of parcels sticking out from underneath. He was quickly reminded of Sirius just then, and he wondered if the present he'd sent would be the only one Sirius received that day. Then he wondered if it had arrived alright, and that Sirius was able to open it, but most importantly, Remus wondered if Sirius had been caught by his parents or not. He hoped not, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.

Luckily, Remus soon finished his breakfast, was told to patiently wait for everyone else to finish, and then finally, he and his family were sat round the tree with the TV playing quietly in the background. His worries were temporarily put aside.

Remus received the usual pile of "necessary" presents, such as clothes, and books from his father, but he also received a few muggle toys, Meccano from his uncle, an etch-a-sketch from his grandmother.

He stared playing with the Meccano immediately.

Remus also gave his family the presents he'd bought. Gobstones for his uncle, and a sneakoscope for Hope's parents, while his other gran received a miniature sewing machine ("the things muggles come up with!" she tutted, when Hope showed her how it worked). Lyall was given a book about football, which made him laugh. He'd only ever watched one game of football before, and he believed it to be nothing more than useless.

Seren was content with his new chew toy.

When every present had been opened, and most of the family were lazing in front of the TV, Remus collected up his pile of new stuff and carried them up to his room. He wanted to find new homes for it all, but he mainly wanted to check if Arianrhod had returned yet.

She hadn't, which Remus didn't know whether to take as a good sign or not.

If the first thing he noticed was Arianrhod's absence, the second thing he noticed were the small parcels on his desk, which hadn't been there before, each with an envelope taped to them. Remus grinned and walked over to inspect them. They must have been from his friends, and since his window was open, the owls must have dropped them off earlier and left. Although, when he opened Lily's present, he wondered where she had got the owl to deliver it from.

Lily had bought him a tiny TARDIS figurine, which was great, since Remus had sent her the taped first episode— a gem he still couldn't believe he'd found, and which he had spent most of his money on— on the morning of Christmas Eve. Owain, ironically, sent him a notebook, although this one was actually a notebook, a small blue one with bees on it. Peter, in his usual style of offering sweets to everyone, sent him a pack of sugar quills.

There was nothing from Sirius, which Remus wasn't surprised about, and James had already given him a present before term ended, since it would have been a struggle to send anything from India. James's present, which now sat on Remus's bedside table, was a signed copy of Quidditch Through the Ages.

"Blimey, isn't this expensive?" Remus had remarked when he'd opened it.

"I don't know," replied James. "But my dad accidentally gave me two, so I thought you might like one, since you're a future Quidditch player and all," he joked. Only James could casually mention the fact that he had two signed copies of Quidditch Through the Ages. Remus started chewing on one of the sugar quills, continuing his half-hearted attempt at building a replica of Hogwarts with his Meccano, while he waited for his aunt to arrive.

Eventually she did, cutting it a bit fine as lunch was about to be served. The doorbell rang, Seren going crazy for a minute before Remus's grandad could calm him down, and Remus ran to open the door.

"Happy Christmas, mate. Got you something." Remus dragged his aunt inside as everyone greeted her in various degrees of English. Remus, however, was impatient.

"What did you get?" he kept asking, bouncing around her. Lyall told him to behave, but he hardly listened. Selene found it amusing.

"Got it in me pocket, let's see..." She pulled out a thin looking package from her coat, a package which kept emerging long after it could fit inside. To the magical members of the group, an undetectable extension charm was unmistakable, but Hope's family stared open mouthed, before Uncle Tom burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting that," he apologised between breaths, too polite to say how stupid it must have looked. Remus barely noticed, however. He was too focused on the package itself; long and thin. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was.

"Aunt Selene, you didn't!" He exclaimed, undoing the string that was holding the paper together.

"Selene, you really didn't, did you?" groaned Lyall, which Remus chose to momentarily ignore.

"Come on, Lyall, he's nearly twelve. He deserves his own broomstick." The wrapping paper fell from the broom, and Remus eagerly examined it.

"It's a Cleansweep Six," explained Selene. "I'm afraid it's not the best model, money's still a little tight." For once, she looked a bit sheepish.

"It's brilliant!" affirmed Remus, and Selene switched back to her usual confident self.

"You won't be able to use it until second year, Remus, you know that, don't you?" said Lyall, slightly stern. Remus sighed.

"I can still look at it. And maintain it."

"And sneak out at night and fly it," suggested Selene with a nudge, leaning down close to him and winking. Lyall didn't appreciate the humour.

"For Merlin's sake, Selene, don't give him ideas. You know he listens to you."

"Oh lighten up you old hag, I was joking." The tension in the room was starting to rise, which wasn't uncommon for Christmas Day, but was still no less unpleasant. Hope tried to act as diffuser.

"Why don't we all sit down? Dinner's ready and I'm sure we're all hungry." Lyall and Selene reluctantly put aside their differences and sat down at the dining table. Everyone else followed suit, and Hope started to serve up the food. Remus hoped that any tension would soon dissipate once they began eating and they could all enjoy the meal, because it really was a lovely meal; but no such luck.

It wasn't long before tensions rose again, and a bickering match started to ensue.

It began with Lyall, who was still quietly disapproving about Selene buying Remus a broomstick, saying she couldn't afford to spend so much money— because Lyall knew that Cleansweeps weren't as cheap as his sister was making them out to be. Not only that, but buying Remus something that he couldn't even use yet? What was she thinking?

Selene was half ignoring him, but Remus could see his mother getting more and more annoyed by Lyall's grumbling, until she couldn't help but cut in.

"Lyall, for God's sake, just move on," she sighed. Lyall looked at her.

"So you disagree? You think Selene's present was an entirely responsible choice, hm?"

"I think that you're making Selene feel bad, and we're all trying to have a nice meal." Lyall shook his head angrily.

"You never back me up," he muttered, which everyone at the table knew was a big mistake. Hope put down her fork with a sharp clatter. Remus immediately began to slide down in his chair, but Hope decided to keep it together, for the sake of the family. She didn't want to make a scene in front of them, so she took a deep breath and picked her fork back up.

"We'll discuss this later," was all she said, and the family were able to continue their meal in relative harmony, although the atmosphere had become much more strained. Remus, on the other hand, had temporarily lost his appetite. It was alright for the rest of his family, they could go home and get away from his parents' arguing. Remus didn't have that same option.

So while the rest of his family were happy to gloss over the whole thing and laugh it off, go back to being cheerful and loud, hoping to distract any previous tension with games and jokes and magical crackers containing live mice and confetti, Remus was quiet. The mood had been set, and he knew his parents weren't going to let this go. They were simply waiting for the right time to continue.

It was the day after Boxing Day. Remus's family were heading home; Lyall's mother and sister were using the floo network, and so they were gone in a matter of seconds. Hope's family were taking the car, and so decided to stay for a cup of tea.

Remus didn't want them to leave, especially not his aunt. He knew as soon as the door closed, his parents would start on each other. It had been building up ever since that Christmas lunch, with snarky remarks, sarcastic responses, forced smiles. Remus was preparing himself to stay under the covers of his bed, with his ears covered, but not too covered, in case he was called downstairs as a witness. Which meant that he'd pretty much hear every word.

"I'd like to discuss why you think I don't support you," Hope suddenly said. The family had left half an hour ago, and they were still halfway through supper. Merlin, thought Remus. Here we go.

"I feel that you regularly go against me, and undermine me deliberately."

"Give me an example."

"By saying nothing to Selene about getting Remus an irresponsible present."

"First of all, it's a broomstick. Big deal. Second of all, she's your sister. It's not my place to tell her what she can and can't do." Remus looked back and forth between his parents. Their voices were relatively level... maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

"If it's for the sake of your child, then it is your place, as a parent. Or am I the only parent here all of a sudden?" Nevermind. For the second time in two days, Remus wanted to crawl underneath the table.

"Remus," said Hope, not looking at him. "Go to your room." While Remus was happy to obey, this was already a sure-fire sign of what was to come, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

Another thing that didn't help was the fact that Sirius hadn't responded yet. Arianrhod had returned on the night of Christmas Day, empty handed, and exhausted. Ever since then, Remus had been worrying incessantly that Sirius had been caught, and was in a lot of trouble, by the fault of no one except Remus.

He entered his room, shut the door behind him, and decided to crawl under his bed with his Meccano. Somewhere dark, and hidden. Safe. Quiet. He could already hear the raised voices of his parents, and it was making his chest constrict. He just wanted to focus on his new attempt at building a replica Quidditch stadium, although it was turning out to be rather futile. He wasn't very good at keeping the structure from tilting over and falling apart.

Coincidentally, as he was still pondering over Sirius, he heard a tapping noise at his window, which forced him to emerge from his little hide out. There was an owl, a jet black owl, pecking at his closed window and disturbing Arianrhod, who hooted at it. She ruffled her feathers in a vaguely threatening manner, but the other owl ignored her. Remus opened the window and the owl fluttered in, dropped an envelope and a small present wrapped in parchment, hooted slightly at Arianrhod who was mortally offended by the interaction, and flew away.

Remus didn't recognise the owl, but he guessed it was from Sirius, since he couldn't think of anyone else who would send him something so late after Christmas. With this in mind, he tore open the envelope. Finally a distraction from the argument downstairs.

Dear Remus,

I got your present! My parents saw, but since it was just a notebook, they didn't get suspicious. And they don't know your owl.

Speaking of which, I now have a lot of holes on my hand from her pecking at me, but she's a smart thing. And you're bloody smart as well, because the notebook changed into a book when I said your owl's name (and that's how I knew it was from you. Only you would send me a muggle book). It's really great, I've been reading it whenever I can and it's so weird, you know? Because there's so much magical stuff in it, but it was written by a muggle! Are you sure the author didn't know about the wizarding world. Maybe a muggleborn? Or a halfblood? Anyway, point is, I really appreciate it. But I had to send this to you later because my parents were hovering and I didn't want them to read this. Also, I hope you like what I got you. I didn't technically get it myself, it's something I already had (I'm not allowed out the house on my own, so I couldn't buy anything). But, it's still pretty cool!

I think that's it. Happy Christmas! (Or, happy two days after Christmas).

- Sirius

"Well done, Arianrhod, you clever bird," congratulated Remus. He didn't have anything to reward her with for the time being, but he lightly scratched her on the beak, which she always enjoyed.

As for the present, Remus unwrapped the parchment, and found a small cardboard box inside, with a lid. He opened it, and a tiny Quidditch player flew out, one of those souvenirs you could buy from matches. He didn't know the player, must have been from a team that Sirius liked, but he didn't mind. And actually, it was perfect! Because now he had something to put in his Quidditch stadium. He took the player and let him fly around underneath his bed, inspecting the tumbled down, metal structure. Remus followed him underneath, the voices of his parents coming back into focus, and causing him to retreat back into his hiding place.

He wasn't there for long though.

"Remus!" Shit, shit, shit. Please no. He groaned, and banged his head on his way out from under his bed, which made him even more irritated. He hated this part. Getting involved. Why did he always have to get involved?

It was his father who called him, and Hope was telling him not to, but when Remus came down, and Lyall immediately turned to him with an order of "Tell your mother she's being unreasonable", she gave up and instead, turned to Remus herself.

"Tell your father he's being ridiculously unpleasant, and deliberately causing an atmosphere in order to get his way." Remus didn't want to tell his parents anything, because he didn't want to pick sides. Obviously, he was on his mother's side. No matter what, whether he agreed with her or not, he had to support her. She was his mother after all. But he also hated going against his father, in case Lyall ended up hating him. He had always been insecure around his father, and he didn't want to screw up their precarious relationship by not supporting him either.

It was a lose-lose situation, and Remus was only eleven. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Well?" Demanded Lyall. Remus looked at him, trying to keep his breathing under control.

"I think you're both being unreasonable," he said, knowing full well his pleas would fall on deaf ears. "It's not fair, just stop arguing."

"We wouldn't have to argue if your mother just supported me from time to time."

"Well maybe if your father didn't keep manipulating everyone with his moods, we wouldn't be in this situation—" and they were off again. But this time Remus couldn't escape. He just had to watch, and take it all in. It was only seven o'clock but he felt exhausted. He just wanted to sleep until morning.

Eventually he couldn't take it, as the voices grew louder and louder and both of them started swearing. There was something about his mother swearing that always terrified him. Perhaps because he wasn't used to it, but the terror formed itself into anger. Her swearing made him angry.

"Shut up!" He yelled, finally causing them to stop. After a short pause, Lyall finally spoke.

"Did you just tell us to shut up?" he asked, his voice calmer now, but no less threatening.

"Yes, I did, because I don't want to listen to this."

"Do you think we want to be arguing?" continued his father.

"No! So stop then, it's useless!"

"Remus, it's not that simple—" that was Hope, and she seemed much calmer than Lyall. More sympathetic. But Remus was angry now, and he didn't care.

"Then make it that simple! I don't care, just ignore each other, or go to a hotel or something, just stop arguing!" Everytime he yelled at his parents like this, he always regretted it immediately afterwards. He felt embarrassed and weird, like he'd expressed his feelings too much and made them think he was messed up or something. But it was their fault, because they never took his anger seriously. He was just a kid to them. Well, maybe he was just a kid, but that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to get pissed off.

"Remus, this isn't about you. No matter how angry you are, we're angrier, so don't try and get attention with all the dramatics, yelling at us like a teenager." That did it. Remus's anger reached boiling point, and he couldn't hold back.

"Well you're being a bastard!" His hand flew to his mouth. Oh God... what had he done? His anger left as quickly as it had arrived, replaced with pure terror. Lyall stared daggers at him, his mother just as shocked, and equally as terrified.

"Remus, apologise to your father." Remus wasted no time in obeying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it—"

"How dare you speak to me like that." Lyall's voice was now dangerously low. "Disrespecting your father like that."

"Lyall, he didn't mean it—"

"How would you like it if I disrespected you, hm?" Remus still had his hand near his mouth, and wasn't able to say anything, his apology being the last thing he could muster before freezing up. "You wouldn't like it would you? If I called you names." Remus just shook his head, but his father wouldn't let up.

"No, you wouldn't like it, would you, Dahlia?" The room went silent. Hope was shocked, Remus didn't know how to react. He just stared at his father for a few moments, then wordlessly turned around and headed up the stairs to his room.

He heard their voices resume, another argument he supposed, but he didn't care. His father had called him Dahlia, not accidentally. Deliberately. As a punishment, or to make a point. Something so flippant. But it hurt. A painful stab to the chest, that his father saw Remus's identity as something that could be taken away when Remus was being bad. When Remus was in trouble. Like TV or a meal.

And Lyall knew what he was doing, he knew it would hurt. That's what the worst part was. Lyall deliberately went after his weak spot, and for what? Because Remus was angry at his parents arguing?

A shift had happened, between all three of them, within a matter of moments. Remus could already feel it, and he had no idea how to stop it. If it could even be stopped.