Remus's parents finally agreed to spend the day in Blackpool on a very hot Saturday morning, when all other tourist attractions in Fleetwood had finally been exhausted. At Lyall's protests, Selene insisted that she could pay for most of the rides, and any other treats that Remus wanted to pick out ("to make the day worthwhile," she said). Lyall was adamant that he could pay for it himself, stubborn as ever when it came to money, although nowhere near as stubborn as aunt Selene. Remus was sure that if they both paid and split the money equally, there would be no need for a row and no one would have to risk any sort of debt. But his family just didn't work like that, and Remus knew there'd be plenty of grumbling coming from the two of them for most of the day. At least it was between siblings, though, who argued for the sake of it with no real repercussions, than between his parents, where the consequences were much more significant.

Remus had written to Peter the night before, and Peter had written back the following morning saying that they could meet up outside the Blackpool tower if Remus was able to. Remus asked his parents, excitedly waving the letter in front of their noses, and they couldn't help but allow it, much to Remus's delight. There was something very fun about spending time with friends outside of school; it felt personal, like an extra-curricular bonding activity, or other phrases that made Remus feel like a teacher.

Before they went to the pier though, they had the rest of Blackpool to walk through, and the beach stretched on for miles. It was packed, as was expected, and Remus wasn't keen on the idea of spending much time on it. Certainly not in the way he used to as a child. For starters, he couldn't swim in the sea because there was absolutely no way he was going to wear a swimming costume, or take his shirt off, or uncover himself in any way basically. He wasn't wearing his binder at the moment, because Selene had used the shrinking spell on his chest. Remus couldn't normally have the spell during the holidays because the only other person who could do it was his father, and he didn't think either of them would be comfortable with that. So Madam Pomfrey had finally agreed to let him use his binder again, as long as he promised to take it off every night and not do anything stupid.

Nevertheless, right now his chest was flat. Even if he wore nothing but swimming trunks people would still assume he was a boy, but he knew he would feel much too self-conscious. He didn't like his body being uncovered, and he usually wore multiple layers whatever the weather. Even now, in the baking sun, he had a button-up jacket on over his t-shirt— very thin material of course, he wasn't risking heatstroke, but it covered up his arms and added an extra layer to his torso, so he ignored the mild discomfort from sweat prickling under his arms and around his neck.

So rather than let the beach make him feel bad about himself, he was content enough to walk on the pavement overlooking it, and settle on observing the sights around him. Every few minutes a green and white tram would trundle past on the thin metal tracks beside the pedestrians, faces of old people peering out at the rest of the town. Remus had never been on a tram before; it looked quite fun, even though he was fairly certain it would feel no different to riding a bus, which he'd done a number of times before with his mam.

The smells were also entertaining enough in themselves, like a guessing game of which smell belonged to which food cart. There were lots of ice cream vans dotted around on the beach itself, and one cart near the sea that was selling oysters— a weird choice, Remus thought. Other than the vague reference to the ocean in front of them, he didn't think selling oysters on a hot beach was a good idea. He certainly wouldn't eat them. He had a fear of food poisoning, and he couldn't think of anything more guaranteed to cause it than oysters that were sitting in the sun on a random man's cart. But there were plenty of other vans along the road they were walking on, with much more tempting confectionary. Remus was searching avidly for anywhere selling sticks of rock, aunt Selene having insisted there was no point in coming back until they had bought some.

"You can't go to Blackpool without trying the signature Blackpool Rock," she had said. "It's like going to Ollivander's and not buying a wand. Pointless."

He soon found a cart, a fascinating one in that the rock was made right in front of you. Remus stood there mesmerised by the cylinder stick being pulled thinner and thinner until it was the diameter of a two pence coin, after which the man behind the counter would cut it up into individual pieces. Remus had tried rock candy before; it was sold in Llandudno, a place his family sometimes frequented during the summer. There, the letters in the stick had spelt 'Llandudno rock' whereas this one, naturally, spelt 'Blackpool rock'. He'd always wondered how they managed to get the letters to go right through the stick, but unfortunately he never found out from watching the man behind the counter, because the stick had already been pre-made. It was just the casing that everyone got to see be wrapped around it.

"How do you make the letters?" asked Remus, plucking up enough courage to ask.

"We pile them on top of each other," replied the man in a very thick Lancastrian accent. "Then roll it up. The letters start out much bigger than this." Remus stared at his own stick, still confused by the logistics, but not wanting to annoy the man with too many questions. He was too old for that. So he paid five pence, thanked the man and wandered back to his parents, sucking on the peppermint flavoured stick as he continued to observe the various attractions, all much more interesting than anything Fleetwood had to offer.

He looked back down at the beach and saw a number of small children riding along the sand on donkeys. He forgot about the donkey rides; Selene had mentioned them, and they looked like fun, but he also observed that none of the children on the donkeys looked over the age of about nine. He'd feel like an idiot. Maybe Peter could have a ride, since he looked a good few years younger than he actually was. With his blonde mop of hair and red chubby cheeks, he wouldn't look out of place anywhere here. He could certainly ask question after question about the letters in rock candy.

Remus on the other hand was lanky and awkward, but he recognised a much deeper issue to his awkwardness. He was exposed here and he was absolutely convinced everyone saw him as a girl. He kept looking down and trying to examine his entire body, judging every aspect of it to make sure there was nothing that would make people suspect. Even if he was sure no one knew, he still felt scrutinised. He was sure Peter could get away with asking lots of question, he was sure any other boy of twelve could get away with it, no matter how tall or lanky they were. Boys were boys, and boys asked questions, but girls... girls weren't supposed to ask too many questions, and annoy people with their incessant talking. They had to be quiet and polite. Remus wasn't stupid. He knew all about sexism, not only from conversations he'd had with his mother, and his aunt, but also from the simple fact of growing up in a female body. Even if he'd identified as a boy early on in his life, it still took a lot of his family members to get used to that fact, and therefore he was no stranger to being told things like "girls don't sit like that" or "girls don't talk like that".

By feeling like he was being scrutinised, by feeling like everyone was judging him not as a boy, but as a girl, he was convinced that people would guess he was trans just by looking at him and he'd end up getting harassed for it, even though he knew he was being completely paranoid; for starters, he was sure hardly any of these people even knew what transgender meant, let alone try and work out whether or not he was transgender. Regardless , he almost felt like trying to convince people that he was just a tomboy, for his own safety, and he hated that feeling. And he hated that it was ruining his time in what was supposed to be the most desirable holiday destination in the whole of Britain. He avoided talking to anyone else after that.

"We're getting nearer to the pleasure beach," said Selene, nudging Remus's shoulder and pointing ahead. It wasn't hard to miss, not least of all from the growing levels of noise; high-pitched shouting and screaming and laughing filled the air around them, mingled in with bouncy circus music and the roar of machinery from all the rides. It was lucky they weren't near a full moon, otherwise Remus would be sure his eardrums would burst.

Hope was in charge of the money, since it was muggle and therefore she was the only adult there who understood it properly. After doing the maths, she allowed Remus to go on around five rides— or three rides if he wanted to buy stuff. Remus was much more focused on buying stuff, for himself and for his friends, so three rides suited him fine (although he decided to try and bag an extra one later by sucking up enough to aunt Selene). The swing chairs looked the most fun, the long spider like contraption, coloured yellow and red went up and down as well as round and round, and actually looked pretty terrifying. Remus didn't think it would be much different to flying around on a broomstick— albeit not having that much experience in that area— but unlike on a broom he wouldn't have to balance himself and keep himself upright, he just had to sit back and enjoy the feel of it.

Selene accompanied him on it, while his parents hung back. Lyall saw all the rides as a waste of time ("cheap muggle stuff, wizards can do better than this just by waving their wands"), and Hope claimed she was much too old to be going on rides like that, but Remus just assumed she was scared; his mother was barely older than his aunt.

The ride was exactly as he imagined, but no less fun. It really was like riding a self-driving broomstick, but with a proper seat that didn't make your back hurt after a while. Plus, he got to see the entire park from this height, the entire stretch of beach in fact. If anything, it was a good opportunity to choose the next ride he wanted to go on without weaving his way through a suffocating amount of people (Incidentally, the line to the ride had been depressingly long, but now he was up here, he considered the wait to be worthwhile). From where he was sitting, he managed to spot a ghost-train sort of ride, although it wasn't a scary ride at all. It had an Alice in Wonderland theme, which he definitely wanted to try next for the sole purpose of telling Sirius all about it.

Although, he started to have second thoughts about it as he drew nearer. The swing chair ride had ended, him and Selene laughing breathlessly over it and comparing the experience to real flying, receiving a terse shush from Lyall, warning them not to talk so loud. A minor risk in Remus's opinion judging by how noisy the atmosphere around them was; they could shout at the top of their lungs and it would still get lost into the wind, completely ignored by the self-centred muggles around them.

Remus told his parents about the Alice ride and pointed in the direction he'd seen it from up on the swing chairs. As he neared it, he observed many more details than had been visible from high up in the air. Plastic characters were dotted around, sitting on benches or standing on equally plastic scenery. The Mad Hatter and the playing card guards were there, lording over the park and its visitors. The cart itself, that would carry people into the ride, was shaped like the Cheshire Cat, purple and grinning. Another plastic Mad Hatter sat inside it, an arm permanently around anyone who sat next to him.

Up close, it looked a little small. A little young. Once again Remus felt that poison of self-consciousness seep into him as he stared at the wild eyes of the cat train. The people in the queue were of every age, male and female, and not all the adults in the queue were accompanied by children. He knew he was wrong to think it, but he couldn't help but be convinced that the ride was only for little girls. Since he didn't want anyone to think he was either little or a girl, he didn't want to go on the ride at all. He admitted this to Selene, and she put an arm round him.

"Listen, mate," she began. "I could tell you that you're an idiot, and the ride's for everyone, but actually, think of it this way: no one gives a shit. No one's looking at you. They're muggles, they only care about themselves. You could stand up on the ride and yell out the entire Alice in Wonderland book, all the while wearing a great big purple hat like that bloke in the train,"— she pointed to the Mad Hatter and Remus couldn't help but giggle at the thought. "And I guarantee these people probably won't even remember by the time they get off the ride and go looking for chips. Because that's all they want. Chips. See what I'm saying?"

"That you want chips?" She lightly swatted the back of his head.

"I'm saying, go on the ride. You'll never meet these people again and they'll never meet you. Just have some fun, otherwise there's no point coming here." Remus thought about it for a moment, and eventually he agreed. But only if Selene came with him. His mother decided to join them too, and when they were standing together in the queue, crowded as ever, he tried to stand near a family with two young kids, as if he was with them, just in case Selene was wrong and anyone was watching him. He was just the older brother, people would think, and the ride was really for the kids.

The ride itself only lasted for around five minutes, but it was actually surprisingly good. The cart was quite slow, as it winded around the outside before entering through the doors to the inside, but Remus was able to enjoy the sights and the sounds, and the smell of candy floss and toffee apples lingering in the air around the entrance. The music had a rather electronic feel about it, with a girl's voice— which must have been Alice— mixed in, talking about following the white rabbit.

It was dark inside, really dark, except for the purple and green lights, flashing around the tunnel and illuminating the scenes. It was unsettling to say the least, scenery changing every few metres; one minute a giant Alice was playing croquet (you couldn't see the top half of her), her arms swinging mechanically; the next you were in a garden of large, smiling flowers and a wall painted with playing cards and what looked like a clown face. The music felt almost warped, even though Remus was sure it wasn't, and the pitch black surroundings of the cart made the whole ride vaguely terrifying. Not in so much a bad way, Remus noted. As they re-emerged into the blinding sunlight, he realised that he had thoroughly enjoyed the brief journey through Wonderland, especially the part near the beginning where the cart went through a slowly-moving tunnel, as if going down the rabbit hole. Magic wise, it wasn't anything too unfamiliar but it was definitely something to write to Sirius about. Another bonus was that Remus hadn't once worried about people looking at him. He was too distracted by everything else around him and besides, it was way too dark. No one could have seen him even if they wanted to.

Remus chatted animatedly about the ride to Lyall who, despite his reluctance for all muggle rides, still listened intently, if only to humour his son. Remus asked if they could go on it again, but next time with Peter. It was getting on two o'clock, and he was supposed to meet Peter outside the tower at two thirty. The walk was only ten minutes, but they decided to set off anyway, thinking the walk would probably be longer due to all the distractions, a decision which turned out to be wise indeed: Remus spent ten minutes at another cart selling sticks of rock just so he could buy extra for his friends, ensuring first of all that the rock would last for another month (although he was sure he'd be able to send it by owl to all of his friends, except for Sirius's of course. He'd give the rock to Sirius when they returned to school). He also found a shop selling postcards and decided to buy a few to send to James and Lily, and maybe a blank one to give to Sirius, with a picture of the Central Pier on it— he could tape the stick of rock to the back.

They arrived at the tower around five minutes before two thirty, but Peter was already there, waving enthusiastically when he spotted Remus. Remus ran over to him, waving back.

"I bought postcards!" He yelled in greeting, showing them off. Peter in return held out a bag of toffees.

"I bought muggle sweets." He offered some to Remus, who gladly took them. "They're not as good as wizard sweets, but they're nice to chew on." He then drew attention to an old man standing next to him, wearing a suit and hat.

"This is my great uncle Arnie," explained Peter, and then in a whisper "he's a muggle."

"Isn't he hot in that suit?" Remus whispered back so Arnie couldn't hear, although he couldn't imagine the man was focusing on anything other than not passing out from heatstroke.

"Dunno. He always wears a suit, whatever the weather." It was a nice suit though, brown with white pinstripes. He looked a bit like a Frank Sinatra type, but much shorter and with more facial hair. Remus waved to him, and Arnie tipped his hat, just as Remus's own family joined the small group.

"This is my mam, dad and my aunt Selene." Five minutes was spent on the greetings, then Remus and Peter left the adults to talk about whatever adults talked about and went their own separate way, making a beeline towards the tower.

It was high, really high, and it was very reminiscent of the Eiffel Tower, which Remus had only seen in books, but he didn't imagine it could be any taller than this.

"There's a circus inside," said Peter, his voice slightly strained from how far back his head was. "And an aquarium. And a ballroom."

"How much are they?" asked Remus, voice equally as strained.

"Dunno." Peter finally brought his head down. "I went to the menagerie last year but that closed down. Haven't been to the others."

"What was the menagerie like?"

"It was alright. It was just animals like what muggles know. None of the magical stuff, like unicorns or anything." Selene popped up behind them.

"Heard there's a circus here," she said. "You boys interested?" They both lit up excitedly, although Remus had slight reservations.

"It's not expensive, is it?" He knew his aunt had a habit of spending way beyond her means for the sake of others; the broomstick fiasco had proved just that, so Remus had no choice but to be cautious.

"Course it's not, everyone goes, don't they? And no one here is rich or they'd all be in Spain." Her confirmation was enough, and the boys said no more. They wanted to see the circus, so Selene bought tickets for everyone, much to Lyall's annoyance. He had to stop her from buying snacks as well, especially since they already had enough. Peter had his muggle sweets and Remus had his stick of rock which was nowhere near finished, and probably wouldn't be for another day or two. Besides, snacks were quickly forgotten once the show started; the stick of rock lay dangling half in and half out of Remus's mouth as his eyes were glued to the animals being paraded around the room, the music playing loudly and the ringmaster shouting with as much enthusiasm as one man can muster.

Peter's favourite part, judging by the laughter beside Remus, was when the clown came out and did the usual slapstick comedy, although he was very good. It wasn't just buckets of water thrown over him, it was actual comedy, with impressions and songs thrown into the act. Remus found himself laughing along as well, despite being sure that he had outgrown clowns years ago. The clown was called Charlie Cairoli, and according to Peter he was the town favourite. Remus could see why.

The sun was creeping ever closer to the horizon when they re-emerged from the tower. Peter wanted to go to the aquarium, but Arnie said it was getting late and they had to be home by six. Remus's parents shared similar sentiments, but as they walked back to the beachfront, a tram trundled past, and Remus asked if they could head back on the tram instead of walking. It wasn't expensive, and everyone was pretty tired after the hectic day out, so there was little reluctance from anyone. Remus and Peter sat next to each other at the back, leaning out the window and pointing out anything that was even remotely interesting, anything that could prompt even a semblance of a conversation. They were high on sugar, and excitement, so pointing at a cyclist, or a cart owner, or a dropped ice cream on the pavement was enough to cause a much-too-loud conversation that was almost incomprehensible from all the bursts of laughter coming from the two of them. The rest of the tram was probably, and righteously, pissed off at them, but even warnings and shirt pulling from disapproving family members didn't do much to damper their spirits.

They said goodbye near the end of the beach, which was quite far down the line, so the crowd was finally thinning out by the time they got there, although it was still barely dark. Remus told Peter he'd be heading home in a week, but he'd definitely write, and they'd see each other at school when September came around. Peter said he couldn't wait, and the two boys were dragged away in opposite directions, waving to each other until their arms were tired. Remus spent the twenty minute journey back home chatting away about things his parents and his aunt already knew about, like the circus, and the fairground, but they listened anyway, because no doubt they were glad that Remus finally seemed like he was genuinely happy.

All thoughts of self-consciousness had evaporated hours ago, and all Remus was focused on was sending souvenirs and letters to his friends. For once, he could finally act like a kid.

Remus was allowed to spend another night at his aunt's place, an agreement they'd reached after he'd begged them to let him stay there instead of the manky old motel. They all stayed down in the pub until ten o'clock, drinking— in Remus's case, juice—until Selene insisted that Hope and Lyall went back to their motel, and Remus could go to bed. He protested at that, since he hadn't written any of his letters yet, but she winked at him, while giving a vague answer on why there was no need for them to be here after ten. Remus was starting to suspect that the bar changed around this time in a way that Selene didn't want the family to know about.

Although this time, she actually let Remus stay downstairs, once his parents were safely out the door, on the condition that he stay in the corner and write his letters.

"Why don't I just go upstairs then?" He asked. She shrugged.

"I was thinking I'd quite like you to observe the pub after ten. It might interest you." She didn't say much more than that, and as ten rolled around, Remus didn't really know what he was supposed to be observing, except for customers who had similar styles as the people he'd seen before, like Rosie and Rolanda. In fact, Rosie was there again, chatting to Selene as usual, but there were some new faces too. Remus enjoyed the people watching, although he was still far too engrossed in his letter writing to really pay much attention.

He wrote as much detail as he possibly could in his letter to Sirius, about the Alice in Wonderland ride, meeting Peter, going to the circus and watching Charlie Cairoli. The letter eventually turned into a two page long account of his entire day, double sided as well, and he was so invested in what he was writing that he didn't notice the pub becoming busier and louder until he looked up twenty minutes later and was surprised at all the new people hanging around.

It still seemed like a normal pub, but he noticed some key differences that he supposed Selene must have been talking about. For one, this was supposed to be a wizarding bar, but a lot of these people were wearing muggle clothes, and not just for disguise like wizards who went out into the muggle world but didn't really know how to put an outfit together; these people knew what they were wearing, and had styled it accordingly. There were other punks hanging around, in jackets and black boots, as well as people in flare-legged slacks and t-shirts that were tied at the waist to form a sort of crop top. Remus didn't know what they were called, but what was interesting was a man near the bar was wearing one too, and Remus thought those sort of shirts were only for girls.

Remus went back to his letters, putting Sirius's letter in the same envelope as James's one, so James could send it on to him. He kept one eye on the pub this time, though, and very soon something else caught his attention. On the other side to where he was, in the corner, two girls were sitting very closely together, sort of laughing and smiling but their faces were practically touching. Remus knew it was rude to stare, but he couldn't help himself, and he certainly wasn't able to look away when the two girls started kissing each other, a little drunkenly, but passionately nonetheless. Remus hadn't been expecting that at all, and he started to take a closer look at his surroundings, of the guys who were buying each other drinks, or his aunt getting as close to Rosie as those other two girls were.

He think he knew what Selene had been talking about now, about how the bar changed after ten, and how these people were different because they were all like Ezra, the guy he'd met last night. He had a lot of questions flooding his mind all of a sudden, mainly what his aunt was doing running a bar like this, but also why she had wanted him to observe it.

He sat there, watching, a little confused but he certainly didn't feel anything against these people. He'd be a bit hypocritical if he did, although he didn't know how different being transgender was to being a homosexual, since it wasn't something he'd thought about before, or had even thought to compare. But he knew there were people who didn't like these people, just like there were people who wouldn't like him. Maybe that's why his aunt had wanted him to be here, to make him feel less alone.

Aunt Selene came over at that point, shaking him out of his reverie.

"You getting tired yet? You can go up to bed whenever you want."

"No, I'm okay," he replied, quietly enough for her to sit down opposite him and ask if he was alright.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but..." she waited for him to continue his sentence, but didn't press. Truth be told, he didn't really know what to ask. He knew what he wanted to ask, but didn't know if it was too personal or not. He decided to brave it, and if she refused to answer, then it wasn't a big deal.

"You and Rosie," he began. "Are you two really just friends?" Selene looked at him steadily, seemingly working out whether to answer or not.

"What do you think we are?" she asked instead, which made Remus look down at the table, at the markings of the wood on the surface, tracing the patterns with his finger. If his hunch was wrong then saying it out loud might be awkward, but could he really be blamed for thinking what he thought? Judging on what he'd seen so far, he didn't think so.

"I think you two are... more than friends." He didn't look at her as he said it, but he sensed her leaning back in her seat. She didn't reply for a moment.

"Yeah. We are," she eventually said. Remus finally raised his head, staring at her a little wide-eyed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but... don't tell our family. I don't know how they'd react." Remus had never seen her look shy before, she usually oozed with confidence that filled up an entire room, but right now she was almost sheepish.

"But they're okay with me," he reassured. "If they're okay with me I don't see why they wouldn't be with you."

"I know, I know but... I don't know. Your mum will be fine, but my brother and my mum might be different. My mum especially. She's desperate for me to find a husband and have a kid and all that bullshit. She wouldn't be very happy to find out I've been a lesbian this entire time."

"But how can you be with Rosie if no one knows?"

"Our relationship works. She stays over sometimes, I stay over sometimes. Our friends know we're together, and so do you now. I think that's enough. At least at the moment." Remus didn't think so, and it made him sad. He didn't think they should have to hide their relationship, especially since they looked so happy together, which was much more than could be said for his parents, and they never had to hide their relationship. Except for when it had broken down. It was a weird set up, why one couple had to hide that they were happy and another had to hide that they weren't. Remus didn't think he'd ever understand it.

"So this place," he continued, "is for people like you?"

"Yeah. After ten o'clock at least. It's a good refuge, a hiding place if you will where everyone can just be whoever they want. It can get pretty rowdy sometimes."

"Why's everyone wearing muggle clothes?" She looked around at the room as if she hadn't noticed.

"Rebellion I guess. We're already outcasts to society, so we embrace it. Fuck the ministry and all that anarchist stuff."

"But you're outcasts in muggle society too, aren't you?"

"Yeah, which is why we pitch the two together, use them against each other. We wear muggle clothes to piss off the wizards, and we use our magic to piss off the muggles. You could say it's punk." Remus sat there quietly, thinking about her words and linking them to the people around him. Their clothes, and their purpose and their lives. To his life.

He went upstairs about an hour later, too tired to carry on writing, and his aunt had to return to the bar again. Back in Selene's flat, he put on the Pink Floyd record again, quietly this time, for ambience. He used both his owl and Selene's owl to send off his letters to his friends, some of the envelopes containing postcards, and Selene's owl— the stronger of the two— being tasked with carrying the relatively heavy sticks of rock. Remus absentmindedly continued chewing on his own one, which was now halfway finished. The letters were still intact.

Twenty minutes later, the record ended, and Remus hopped into the makeshift sofa bed in the living room. He didn't stay awake for too long, but the conversation he'd had with Selene played over and over in his mind. Looking back on it, he'd consider that talk in the bar as quite a significant turning point in his outlook on life.