I entered Training and felt a sudden lack of... urgency enter my body. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to think about what could happen if I just decided to stop, so I kept moving, TRYING to run, but the feeling in my legs felt too relaxed. It made the effort of moving them harder than it had any right to be.

My eyes perked up when I saw Gregor on the floor, saliva flowing out of his mouth, a completely fulfilled expression on his face. I glanced around, not stopping my... fast walk? I just knew that stopping wasn't an option, and he isn't in any immediate danger.

Walking past him, I moved towards the next elevator. I have to find Yang, the Abnormality that apparently reacts to negative emotions. The elevator moved up, and I was biting the inside of my cheeks, drawing blood and using the pain to not end up sleeping on the floor and thinking everything would be alright.

Once I entered the Main Room of Training, I saw the bizarre sight of Rober and Gonzales hugging... no pushing back, a big white and flying fish with round emerald eyes and simply looking harmless.

It didn't help that despite all abnormalities breaching, I couldn't hear conflict... maybe Yang also leaving was a boon in disguise, well for now that is, maybe it's aura affected the other abnormalities too with enough exposure.

Rober's expression was relaxed while also being determined, his legs slumped from time to time, and he also seemed to HATE pushing Yang back, which was... a thing I guess.

Gonzales looked regretful at his actions, like he had just kicked a puppy but was regretting the fact he did so. He had to straighten his back constantly to not fall back.

But not long after, they both slumped forward and fell to the floor. I scratched the chin of Punishing Bird and took a deep breath, watching the fish swim through the air towards m- no towards the elevator.

Guess... it's time to start.

I always wondered where did everything I thought about came from? Continents that sometimes pop in my head, the type of food I bake, my ability to sing...

The fact that I know what to do, but now how I learned to do it, didn't bother me at first... then my mind drifted to a single thought, 'Was I me? Was I pretending to be someone else?' I build a personality from vague feelings and even vaguer information of myself.

Did I mourn because I felt bad... or because I thought I should feel bad? The day that I saw the bodies of countless employees that Malkuth didn't find up to the task had been quite the sight, and I do feel bad about what happened. Yet when I really think about it, there was no previous experience that could make me feel that way, my lack of memories made sure of that.

But with only feelings guiding me, I let them take the lead and said what I thought was the best at the time. Maybe to some they would ring through, but when a 'nobody' talks like he knows, is he speaking to others or themselves?

Was I trying to reach to Beth and Amelia? Or make myself feel better?

Who knows, I don't even know myself, I would like to find out but where to even begin...?

I'm trying to find my footing and I already told someone else I'd help them stand on their own, and here I am still tripping on thin air, just like my words are just that.

Really... I'm not about to go back on my word, but just seeing how much I mean to them makes me worry, 'Does the nobody deserve so much?' I'm just winging it at this point, with nothing, I'm doing what I can.

No matter which way I spin it, there is the chance that I may NEVER get the answers to those questions, so I could end up with this personality that grew on me naturally and never find out if this is who I... well was, and if I DO find out who I was, would I like it?

At some point, I was on my knees. I wasn't sure when or how... and it didn't matter.

I can't even deny what Yesod has said about me, just going around without thinking about the consequences because I DON'T want to think about what could go wrong.

Because I'm afraid to fail.

Failing means I won't know who I was, failing means I spoke hot air, failing means I lied to the people I trusted.

Every time I go out there, it feels like time flows so much slower. Every time I have to push myself, my body is constantly contradicting itself, shouting 'It's over! One more time! It's Over! One more Time!'

Failure means at some point, I'll go out there, give it my all, and then it'll be over, just like that...

So each day I do suicidal things to get better, to make things better, so that I don't have to worry about the day it won't be enough, just like I failed Rober before.

And even then, things only went well because I'm 'special' for some reason, I didn't lose my memory when the Manager used that time returning technology. So it makes me wonder...

If I wasn't 'special' then, at that point, everything would have been done. That day I wasn't enough and because of my circumstances things went well, so if I take everything that I lost back... do I lose everything that I have?

Would I stop being 'special' and would be powerless?

My hands covered my head and I simply stared at the floor, someone was chirping on my shoulder, something white was wrapping itself around me, none of it mattered.

Not now, when everything seemed to just take me to the same place. So I keep trying, because that's everything my 'freedom' lets me do.

The road just seemed so... confusing. It feels like I'm moving inside a labyrinth, so I walk, wondering where to go.

Young Saint, Following the Road of Thorns

Pained by the steps taken

Remember

Indecision is Parent to Failure