(A/N: I welcome you all to me torturing the shit out of the main character, I mean this quite literally it almost seems like I woke up and decided I hated the guy... oh well, I hope you enjoy this long ass-chapter!)

I glanced at the marksman at my left with an arched brow, Der was quite the... chill individual. We have yet to actually exchange words aside from minor comments on our looks, and I really didn't mind. The problem is that I did become a bit self-conscious about the fact that I had just met three junkies, and here I was doing drugs myself.

'Demon' drugs, if what Der said was true, and the worst part is that I can't deny this is helping with my mood. A plume of transparent smoke came from my lips and I sighed, "I was just losing my mind over a bunch of guys doing drugs, yet here I am." Der chuckled at my words while enjoying his own narcotic.

"No one said we can't be hypocrites. They can't work, you can, end of the story." I... really hate how simple he can make things, I'd wish everything were just as simple in life.

But that'll be asking for too much, "There is... some truth to that, but I'm a bit curious as to what you meant by 'Devil's power' when talking about whatever we are smoking." At my words, he hummed for a moment before giving me an eye smile.

"Simple, I met the Devil, made a deal with him for magical bullets, the last one that would apparently kill my most loved one's, so I simply killed everyone to see if they could really hit anything. Last one ended up going through my heart and now... well, I'm a souless Devil." He said all of that so... unsparingly, and bluntly. I had to stop myself from just gaping in his direction.

Then it actually settled in just how little he valued what he had, this motherfu- I put the pipe back in my mouth and inhaled like I was a vacuum cleaner, trying my best to push back those thoughts while still being angry at the marksman who gave me an eye smile. How the hell does that work?

I released a bigger smoke this time, still just as transparent as the last, and then I glared at him, "I'm... care to elaborate?" Because that's just... killing people that care about you for the fuck of it... doesn't sit well with me.

He glanced at me with what felt like a curious look, "I wanted to see if they could hit anything, the only people I would never land a shot were my loved one's. What pushed me to do it? Probably curiosity to see if I was a bad person, I aimed away from them, you know? Every shot landed. Maybe making a deal with the literal Devil wasn't that smart in hindsight, but I really can't feel that bad about it. Losing a soul usually means most of your empathy leaves too." It didn't feel like an excuse or an explanation, he was talking as if this was a fact.

"I'm... what the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked with a perturbed expression, he took one whiff of his pipe before glancing at me with an arched brow.

"Who knows, you seem to value your loved one's a lot." I sputtered at his words.

I clenched my teeth, "Who wouldn't? They care about you, and you care about them. Pretty damn simple if you ask me." I took a big whiff from my own pipe to calm myself down and the urges of Gold Rush.

The marksman hummed and put away his pipe inside his cape, "It seems to me... you are hiding your true intentions behind... an overexaggerating interpretation of your feelings." My head snapped away from him and I clung the pipe to my mouth like my life depended on it.

He rose his index finger up as if to ascertain his point, "You want others to treat you with the same care you hand out, to validate your own fantasy." The gauntlet covering most of my right arm clenched, the gem in it glowing with a faint gold color.

Then, Der shrugged, "Not the worst I've seen. Are you scared of how others would look at you if they found out about how much joy it brings you to be around them?" My teeth were digging into the pipe in my mouth and my vision was getting blurry because of tears, frustration that I was trying to contain.

"I... just want to feel like I belong. My memories are getting farther away from me each day, sometimes I could think about what I did beforehand, even a few stupid references to... shows? But less and less came up, and I needed something that felt REAL. They all saw me with just warm expressions and I clung to them, because they validated my place... well, here." I sighed and the gem's glow vanished. My shoulders slumped, and I felt... defeated.

The marksman released a morbid chuckle, "That's the thing about impulses and desires, they aren't good or bad. Just... a speck of momentary happiness." I huffed at his words and put the pipe back in my mouth, despondently.

"You speak about it with familiarity. Is that the experience talking?" I asked him and leaned against a wall. I'm going to become really good friends with this pipe, and it's 'The Devil's' drug.

He laughed heartily, "I'm literally souless, I go through life with impulses and desires giving me joy. Not the best, but I could be actually dead, so that's something good." At least he is happy with what he has... well, as 'happy' as you can be while literally being a souless 'demon'.

Well... "So what now? I'm guessing you just felt like crushing my walls like they were wet paper?"

"Yup."

"Eat a dick."

We both shared a small laugh at that interaction. I hate his guts... but I could be dealing with Yesod or Netzach, so he isn't that bad.

"I'm no one to tell you what to do, I just decided to point some things out. Do what you will with the information." He pulled out a handkerchief and started cleaning his rifle. Well... he certainly just does whatever he feels like when he is bored.

I rolled my eyes at his words and the room flashed green, "Hopefully next time I come here, you feel like baking me a cake." He barked out a laugh and made a 'shooing' motion with his hand.

Leaving the room, feeling... even more conflicted now, I sighed and glanced at the closed door… and continued to smoke from the pipe. I feel like I'm going to be using this thing a lot.

The annoying thing is that I'm going to be dealing with this guy for a while.

I glanced behind me when I heard the sound of spinning wheels, seeing Jeremy bringing a cart with cleaning utensils. Below it were rags and buckets along with many cleaning products, like sprays and bleach. Up there on the cart was a tray with a transparent bag full of fresh meat.

My stare turned confused, and I couldn't help but ask, "What's with the cart?" The stare he gave me was one of bewilderment.

"Umm… you know, the one all departments have, to deal with specific works with Abnormalities and have said items on hand. Like we are all told when starting work here?" Jeremy stared at me like I was some kind of alien.

For some reason, that stare made me flinch. When someone gave me that kind of look… the one that made me feel like a foreigner. I couldn't help but remember just how… much I don't belong here.

And then I go and like an idiot show how little I know of the world around me. Have to be more careful, MUCH more careful, "Sorry, it must have slipped my mind… it has been a while since I used it." This was apparently the wrong choice of words, since he gaped at me.

"How do you handle Abnormalities?" He asked me suddenly, and I averted my eyes for a moment.

"I… talk with them?"

"All of them!?" He seemed stupefied by the notion, he quickly calmed himself down and signaled to the cart with his hands.

"Alright, so this is why this cart is so important." Jeremy gave me the quick rundown, it was a multipurpose cart that had everything the current department needed to perform the best works with different Abnormalities.

Giving them food, cleaning them, cleaning the room, things like that.

Through the whole lecture, I felt out of place for not finding out such obvious and necessary information, I should have tried harder to…

Jeremy snapped me out of my thoughts with a pat on the back, "Try to keep it in mind. You may have… somehow made it work out before, but better safe than sorry, right?" I gave him a slow nod.

His orders were to keep working with Der, he was the safest bet until everyone else was back on their feet… Jeremy suddenly ran back when he heard Amelia shout something about gross and killing someone. He grabbed the mop before that, though.

The next three works with Der were… silent. I gave him the cleaning materials that he happily took and hummed to himself while giving maintenance to his gun, I simply leaned against a wall and smoked from my pipe religiously.

Something in the back of my head told me the moment I stopped smoking was the moment I'd have to face the fact at some point I'll have to ask someone to explain… everything to me.

I didn't want to show how little I was. The weight of my words and everything I did would seem like just a child that was too naive talking out of his ass.

The moment I left from Der's chamber, I felt an unending hunger, a craving for what I didn't have to be fulfilled, something that I really needed and WANTED.

A perfect meal, an excellent substitute

THE COMPLETE FOOD

From the floor sprouted worms with deep brown and deep amber carapaces, brown flesh underneath along with bright amber orbs at the sides, and mouths filled with sharp teeth ready to tear into flesh.

I let my butterflies take the pipe from my mouth and I clenched Gold Rush that was in my right arm... time to let out some frustrations.

To show everyone that I'm worth it.

Gold Rush's gem glowed brightly and started surrounding the gauntlet with a fire-like golden aura that moved around like an aurora. I moved forward like a bullet, gauntlet arm reared back, there are five worms.

Instead, I punched the ground. The aura around my gauntlet seemed to make the blow stronger, and damn did it feel good. A wave of golden power coursed through the ground, sending all five worms high into the air.

Using the strength of Gold Rush, I pressed the floor with it and threw myself towards them. I held out my new E.G.O weapon, ready to do a clothesline. The first worm was turned into red paste, the second fared just as well as the first, the third verse same as the last, the fourth one at least left some flesh behind and the last one looked like a cherry pie when I connected the blow.

It didn't feel like enough, so I slammed my feet on the ground, pivoted with my left and slammed what was left of them on the wall. Feeling an ecstasy that I usually don't try to thrive in, victory.

My lips were almost splitting my head apart in an almost disturbing smile. I glanced behind me and my expression instantly shifted to horror, before I looked away.

Jeremy seemed slightly perturbed from the smile, but that wasn't the one that forced me to look away.

Amelia looked at me like I was a complete stranger, and that was enough for me to call my butterflies to hand me back my pipe and start to smoke from it again. God fucking-

THE COMPLETE FOOD

We ate endlessly to live, inevitable depletion, garbage…

"Seems like you have it under control... we should go back before Zele or Tiffany choke on their own vomit." Jeremy played it off surprisingly well, but he was still caught off-guard by the smile I had showed.

Amelia didn't immediately leave with him. I could feel her stare on my back, but I didn't turn to meet her stare... I couldn't.

She didn't say anything, and once she did leave, I chuckled to myself. It would have probably exploded into hysterical laughter had I not been filling my body with a relaxing drug.

After smoking a bit more, I grabbed the cart from the floor and put the flesh back on the cart, along with the tray under it. It didn't have a scratch on it... must be made from good quality metals.

After that, I went back inside Der's chamber. I have yet to hear Netzach talk through the comms, he probably doesn't even give a shit.

Once inside, Der was there giving me a couple of claps, "You are quite the exemplary individual when it comes to the art of combat." I threw him a glare that he shrugged off, while I released a plume of smoke from the side of my mouth. A couple of hours with this thing and I don't need my hands to hold it anymore...

I really just can't stop looking like an idiot. Complaining about my time seeing people drugging themselves up, and now I'm clinging to this fucking thing like my sanity depends on it.

And the funny thing? It does!

Der coughed, "Please do try to keep your time to... well, yourself. This is work hours, after all." I gave him a flat stare and I sighed.

"How the hell did you see what I did?" I asked, hoping to distract myself from today in general.

He laughed at me like I was an idiot, "I would be a poor shot if my eyes could be hampered by some walls and... whatever you use to weaken me and the other creatures you have here." I gave him a weary stare.

"You don't sound that bothered by it."

"Why should I? This is a pretty poor prison considering how many times they managed to leave their chambers" At his words, my eyes widened. Do they... really just let Abnormalities leave?

He did say we use something to weaken them, he must mean the Qliphoth Deterrence... and the doors don't seem like they could keep things like the Woodsman inside.

I... hollowly laughed at how obvious that was. Yeah, of course we matter that little that even the Abnormalities here seem to have more freedom than they- I mean we do, is that a good thing? I don't know, I'd like to think I'm in a pretty good spot regarding some Abnormalities, but...

…

I leaned against a wall and let my body fall down. Now I was sitting on the floor simply smoking and exchanging shit talk with Der, who seemed to enjoy my misery, good for him.

Everything is out of control, apparently Abnormalities can do whatever the fuck they want as long as they don't kill all of us and keep producing energy by existing. There is a stupid shadow plot going behind the scenes, and I don't know if I can trust anyone with the information. My world is cracking the fuck open because I just accepted that I love people looking at me like I'm the best thing ever since Pizza... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE PIZZA COMES FROM ANYMORE!

It was all so easy when everything I did was just an impulse, and I was living the moment. Then suddenly everything became a high stakes moral dilemma with mysterious plans going behind the scenes and no right answers, and then I have to face the fact that there is little of me to actually be called a person since I have FUCKING NOTHING aside from the last 10 day's and whatever stupid random shit pops in my head from memories and impulses that become fewer and fewer, and those were basically specks of information in the grand scheme of things.

The butt from a rifle smacked me in the cheek and threw me to the floor, "Try not to have a crisis in front of someone you were exchanging insults with, that's very rude." He moved his finger side to side, like he was telling a dog to not bite the carpet.

There was no retort from me, only a deep sigh, "Yeah... I guess." I got up the moment the room flashed green, and started walking away.

"Try to live a bit more in the moment, like when you were doing worm genocide." I didn't look at him when he said that, I simply left the room.

I released another plume of smo-

My cravings for attention became higher, suddenly I just wanted all that love I had handed to be rewarded with the same amounts of care.

We could only hear the weakest and faintest of their acts. We sought for love and compassion from them

GRANT US LOVE

I heard it in painful slow motion, something big falling through the air, the loud clanging and creaking of metal, and the disgusting crushing sound of flesh and bones being torn and broken.

All of it from the Main Room... all of it came from there, and it was silent. I could hear some kind of... slithering and gurgling from it.

Slowly I approached the door, my face just... devoid of anything.

The moment I opened the door, I saw a gigantic onyx obelisk with purple runes engraved on it and black tentacles ripping Zele to pieces. I could see at it's base the legs of Amelia sticking underneath, the rest of the body was crushed. The only thing I found of Jeremy was his hand gripping his rifle at the left of the obelisk. Tiffany was missing her legs towards the right of the obelisk, her eyes completely glassed over, her chest completely still, she was dead too.

I...

I-I just can't fucking w- I failed, and they would look at me li- but the Manager can go back and then I ca- but I still failed and tha-

My left hand was covering my face while I was hyperventilating, the tentacles were getting closer to me.

…

Live in the moment...

Yeah, if I kill this thing for revenge, then I would still have something. The others would be understanding, and if the Manager goes back? I get the joy of crushing this thing with my bare hands.

Gold Rush glowed like a miniature sun, the same aura of before but brighter and stronger, tears streaming down my face and an eager ear-splitting smile on my mouth.

I threw myself towards it like a golden comet, the first hit that landed completely cracked the obelisk. The sensation on my fist, even though it didn't directly hit the obelisk, simply felt… orgasmic, stupidly stimulating and my smile became bigger.

My gauntlet was reared back already, and it was shining with anticipation to land another blow, and I didn't keep myself waiting. Landing the next blow that sent a shockwave through the whole room and sending pieces of onyx stone everywhere. There it was over, I spasmed from pure joy, my gaze snapping up and expanding my arms, reveling in the moment.

I lowered my gaze and saw what was left of the bodies. My smile didn't go away, but the tears doubled in quantity, and then I started laughing hysterically.

Yeah, I avenged you- please tell me the Manager is going back- but if not then at least I did SOMETHING- but that still means I failed.

I fell on my knees and kept on laughing, just waiting for the Manager to make his choice.