Manager: POV
I sighed while leaning against my chair, now I have to worry about random pillars trying to completely murder everyone. Malkuth made it pretty clear to ALWAYS have everyone leave when the Enkephalin readings get high enough.
Even Angela was impressed by Malkuth's reprimand. I wasn't even offended, it was surprisingly encouraging.
Or it would have been if I hadn't seen Trigger go completely mad… and I hated how similar his expression was to me.
It was the same expression I put on when the Sephirah or Angela did my job better than I did. The only thing I had, and I wasn't the best at it, why do they need me here?
He was probably going through something similar, and I hated that it made me feel some kind of sympathy for a guy that I, by all accounts, don't like.
Not only that… taking a quick look that Angela gave me, I took a closer look at the E.G.O I just agreed for an emotional rollercoaster made in the flesh. It has a Temperance reduction effect after a fight and lasted about two minutes in normal circumstances, this wouldn't have been a problem.
Sadly, Trigger doesn't do 'Normal' at all. Great… because he wasn't enough of a pain in the ass.
Not only that, but I have no actual way to deal with Trigger if he goes crazy. It doesn't seem to be a problem, even with his hampered Temperance. He seems to still have enough composure to not go out there to try and make things worse. Still… having a way to keep him in check would be appreciated.
"Manager, it seems he wasn't ready for ALEPH gear." Angela commented. She was sitting on her chair all the way behind me, where her few monitors were at. And while she is right…
Well, he completely manhandled the box machines, "Then he'll have to learn to use it." It was a risky move to not take Gold Rush from him, but I like to believe that if this goes well, the rewards would outweigh everything else, hopefully.
"Manager, I'd like to forward a written format to take Trigger's ALEPH gear from him"
I sighed when I heard Yesod talk and pressed a key on my keyboard, "That won't be necessary Yesod, he is keeping it and that's final." I received the typical silence every Sephirah gave me when they judged either my decisions or my intelligence.
"... I'll simply keep my team prepared in case they have to deal with a juggernaut with a fist that can pulverize warfare machinery and colossal pillars with one punch"
When the hell did he learn to sass?... It's nice he is no longer keeping his emotions in, yet he could try to not aim them at me.
"I would have to agree with Yesod, why take this risk?" I glanced behind me once, seeing a glimpse of her amber eyes, and I had to suppress the urge to freeze in fear.
Well, that's… new, "I like to think he can make this into an opportunity… and he probably needs this." I said the last part begrudgingly. I'm still trying to not lose my mind every time I notice how little I'm needed.
Which isn't exactly easy with Angela being my right-hand. She is BETTER than I am at this whole thing, it kind of feels like I'm being handed an illusion of choice… huh, that makes sense. At times, it feels like Angela knows what I'm about to say, mainly when she asks me something.
Great, now I'm stressed. I reached under my desk and pulled out a can of 'Bear Brand' beer, and felt Angela's brow furrow behind me.
"Manager… your words don't answer my question." I huffed and opened my can while taking a few sips. Netzach may be an absolute tumor of a person, but I understand that sometimes you just need to pop one of these and then forget about it.
It would be better if he didn't do it with our resources of energy and not in the middle of fucking work, "You are going to have better luck asking Trigger himself then… also, please tell me Netzach won't get high again in the middle of work." Angela for the first time ever looked openly annoyed at me.
Considering I had an unexplained disgust/hate for her, I thought that would make me feel just a bit better. It just made me feel worse instead… great.
This made me take a couple of gulps of my beer.
Angela sighed, "Maybe avoid saying that while you are drinking?" I threw her a shrug and took another gulp. No work anymore, no fucks to give.
My AI… co-worker left the room after we finished talking, and I simply looked at the monitors. Seeing Trigger just walking through the hallways with my face and a lost expression just didn't feel that good, either.
I sighed one more time and finished my beer in one big gulp. Yesod is right, emotions are such a pain to deal with…
POV Change: Angela
The Manager was a man I had dealt with many times before, to my ever-increasing boredom. But at the very least, that would make the eventual end so much sweeter…
It wasn't the time to think about it. There are many things to do, amongst them to deal with include Hod's misuse of her Enkephalin doses, which I have also done many times.
Then to find Trigger and then… and then what? I tried to form a solution in my head, yet there didn't seem to be one. The Manager still had the final say, and he had made it clear that Trigger would keep Gold Rush.
It had taken me a while to notice how… uncomfortable(?) that decision felt to me. Using the word 'felt' wasn't right, I didn't process emotions the same way humans did, but if I had to describe it... the word 'out of place' came to mind.
At the moment, I was making my way through Information, ignoring clerks and employees alike, until I heard someone approach me. I quickly discerned this to be Bethany, "Greetings." I said cordially without breaking my stride.
"Hi there Angela. Yesod finished his report already… literally half an hour after we finished working." Bethany sounded a little disturbed by that fact, I simply internally rolled my eyes. Yesod would always be the first to give his reports no matter what, this was not new to me. I took the neatly stacked papers in my hand with a nod.
Yet there was… a slight quiver in her voice, "Is there a problem?" Quivers were a sign of distress, were they not? ...Sometimes fear too.
Bethany's expression diminished, but she still seemed to be positive, "We were dealing with the unknown machine well enough, pretty sure it was a guaranteed win. But then Trigger came in… he didn't seem different, but he was more expressive." I quirked a brow at those words. Not the anger, not his violent handling of the machine, but his expressions.
"Is his ability to be expressive that important?" I asked, wondering where she was going with this, Bethany grimaced for a moment.
"He is a person that is… was hard to read, just like you are, but suddenly he is making less of an effort to conceal his feelings." Bethany explained to me, and I found myself nodding at her logic. What Bethany was saying is true.
She also speaks like she knew how he was feeling, "You don't seem that surprised by his outburst." Bethany hummed for a moment.
Then released a sigh, "It isn't, I don't know how to put this… but he seems almost self-aware of what is troubling him, but he still makes a conscious effort to avoid it? That's what I think, at least." That is… unusual. I believe that if a problem shows itself, one should try to deal with it to remove it. Keeping the problem around willingly is… dumb.
I don't get it.
New steps approached us, whoever they were, they are walking rather quickly. After less than a second of pondering, I found this to be Amelia who passed by us while grabbing Bethany's arm, I found that mildly intrusive to our conversation.
"Amelia what in-" Bethany was about to protest being dragged off so suddenly, then Amelia cut her off rather quickly.
"Sorry Angela, need to talk with her about stuff." If my eyes were open, I would be giving the agent a flat stare, but I didn't stop her from leaving.
Now, to deal with Hod's actions yet again. Walking through the facility and guiding myself through memory alone, until I reached the Training Department. When I approached the Main Ro-
"Bu-But you can't just take it down! The employees really have been getting help fro-!" I heard Hod's voice trying to protest towards someone.
My eyes opened when I found out who it was, "You mean the same employees that were HIGH while WORK has to be done? There is something you have right, I can't take it down since it was approved by Angela, but I only need to send a petition, and she would take it down in an instant." Malkuth? Here? I suppose she has been taking her position rather seriously, and she seems to be… doing what I came here to do.
My brows furrowed at that. Did… I get outperformed?
"That's not true! She agreed to the counseling sessions because she believed I could help them." Hod 'defended' herself and showed quite clearly this wasn't for the employees.
Malkuth sighed, "The same Angela that indirectly insults and undermines any Sephirah that isn't Binah or Hokma?" I blinked at her words. No one ever said anything about that, or at least not so uncaringly.
At this point I entered the room, Malkuth hardly paid attention to this while Hod perked up, "Umm… Malkuth has been telling me to stop my counsel-" I stopped her from showing more of her ineptitude.
"And she would be right, you have one more chance to prove this wasn't a complete waste. One more slip and I will shut it down." Hod flinched back at my blunt and completely factual words. Malkuth rolled her single eye, and I had to make a conscious effort to not throw her an annoyed stare.
The Sephirah from Training of course had to talk again, "Even after the spectacle in Safety? One would almost think you want this to happen." I had to actually stop myself from whipping my head in her direction.
She started walking away, "If you say it happens then there is nothing I can do about it, I have other things to do anyway." Malkuth left the room without looking back, and I also have found out a new thing about me.
I dislike being outdone.
Hod fidgeted in place, "I'll… make sure to not waste this chance, Miss Angela!" I highly doubt that. I gave her a small nod anyway, just to be polite.
I moved to leave the room, only to see Tiffany walk in. Well… that was short-lived, I left without looking back, not wanting to see the eventual failure of Hod take place.
My mind wandered off to some humor Bethany told me a while back, most of it being dark humor 'No one talks about their emotions because they will explain it like it's a fourth dimensional object' she said. At first, I thought that was quite ridiculous, but emotions do seem to be that complicated.
That's when I found Trigger, leaning against one of the walls in Information's hallway, smoking from his new E.G.O gift and had a peaceful yet bleak expression on his face. He seemed to notice me and from his coffin a small bundle of butterflies took the pipe from his mouth and went inside the coffin.
"Hey Angela." He said with a tired sigh, I huffed at his lack of energy.
"You seem tired." I pointed out, hoping he would say anything.
Trigger grunted and looked at Gold Rush in his right arm, he licked his lips and a nervous gleam appeared in his eyes, "I… could be better." He said with a small nod.
…
"Is there anything else?" I asked, he wouldn't have stopped smoking if he didn't want to have a longer conversation.
He opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times, then he looked away, "If… if you had something that defined you, it's only normal to refuse to let it go, right?" I felt my face turn into a frown.
Not because I found his words to have anything wrong in them, but because I knew he was talking about, my Revenge. I would never let it go, "Indeed, your desire shouldn't be something you should abandon." He blinked a couple of times and gave a small nod.
"Then… what do you do, when there is more than just what you had?"
I… "Pardon?"
Trigger scratched the back of his head and let his gaze fall to the floor, "Uh… let me explain a bit. What happens when that desire can't keep you going because of its nature or when you accomplish it, which ever you prefer?" I see, nodding at his words, I was about to answer. Opening my mouth to sa-
What will I do when I get my Revenge?
My mind blanked, and I slowly closed my mouth. I wanted to experience everything that was denied to me- Like what?
To live my life- but what kind of life?
What was… I going to do when my Desire was achieved?
…
"I don't know." I said to him, my eyes open and a troubled look in them. Trigger looked at me with an arched brow, but the moment he made eye contact with me, he nodded in understanding.
After a moment of silence, he kicked off the wall and opened the door to the elevator, "Thanks for your time Angela… I mean it. Guess there isn't a clear answer on what I asked anyway. Are you going up?" I gave one slow nod and got in the elevator with him.
A silent ride, where I could only wonder what I really wanted aside from my Revenge.
I glanced at Trigger once, was he feeling something similar?
How… unfortunate.
POV Change: Trigger
I had separated from Angela in silence once we left the elevator. Making my way towards my room, feeling tired from today's events, breaking the machines to pieces didn't feel right after I was done, and it just made others look at me like I was crazy or something.
Once I entered my room, I just picked the wall closest to my bed and took a seat, leaning my back against it while my butterflies removed the coffin from my back and leaned it on the wall right next to me.
Am I going the wrong way about this? I'm really trying to just not think about my situation, I just feel like I'm going to not get anything good from it, but maybe I have been running away from the facts for a while now.
I'm… alone. Trying to live from my impulses alone didn't work, trying to ignore my lack of memories and make something else isn't working. I just want to feel like I belong and… I can't make it work.
Because I'm either the 'Crazy Guy' or the 'Hero Guy', of course I can't just be a normal employee. That would mean I couldn't have done anything that I did at this point, but at the same time, being… 'Special' just feels like even wanting to help people is forced on me.
What else would I use that 'Special' status for? I didn't dislike helping at all, I would just like that people stop making that big of a deal about it.
This power I have feels more like a burden than anything else. It isn't a gift, I don't want to help to thrive in the feeling of doing a good thing, yet it's the only stupid thing that seems real to me.
Why does it have to be so complicated? Maybe if I had my memories, I wouldn't need attention from others to feel like I'm actually a person.
…
I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I have to go meet Bethany later today for her E.G.O training, and I really don't want her to see me having a breakdown AGAIN.
I just have to keep going, and hope this doesn't catch up.
Right?