Every step felt heavy, the hallways of Control made me feel just a bit nostalgic, even if it hadn't been that long. Being in a place full of monsters that want to kill you make it seem like the time that passes is longer than it should be.
That and well… I was going to have E.G.O training with Trigger, but Amelia didn't have good things to say about his condition. The general rundown that she gave me is that he is angry at something, she guesses it involves his 'Hero complex' as she calls it, but I don't think the same…
Amelia left quickly after that, saying she had to now say the same thing to Malkuth. I didn't protest, I was too busy thinking of how Trigger has been acting.
Every time he lashed out, he seemed to snap out of it right when someone he knew looked at him, and acted… depressed right after it. It all seems like he is stressed about something, and he is fully aware of what it is.
But even then he doesn't ask for help, at all. In fact, the more it happens, the more he tries to hide it.
I couldn't think of a way to make him open up to anyone, but maybe… I could calm him down, or at least I hope to do so.
Reaching the Training Area, I opened the door to see Trigger smoking from his new pipe, I felt a grimace trying to form on my face and I cooled my expression before that happened. His right arm was covered mostly with a big golden gauntlet, a couple of butterflies flew and grabbed the pipe from his mouth and took it inside his coffin.
"Hey there, seems like your time has finally come." His voice wasn't cheery, but he did seem… better than before. Then again, he can hide how he feels pretty well.
I gave him a brief nod, "Well… can't exactly pass up on this one of a kind chance." Giving him a small smile, Trigger responded with a tilt of his head and a small chuckle.
"Well… I doubt Dakota or BongBong didn't say anything about how this usually goes." My smile became a bit more amused. I was a bit curious about what they did, and Dakota was nice enough to give me the general rundown.
"Let the E.G.O in your head. You deal with whatever they are doing to me if it gets out of hand." Trigger nodded with a small smile on his face, and pulled out his E.G.O gun. With the fusion through the use of his butterflies, he grabbed it on his free hand.
He gave the Woodsman E.G.O I was wearing a weary frown, "Try to use some moderation, that one hates me." I gave him a thumbs up and opened my mouth to say something, but I really didn't know how to bring up… anything to try and help him.
Great… I can't even ask a simple question.
I took a deep breath and begrudgingly let the E.G.O inside my mind, it wasn't that bad, a little empty… so empty.
Trigger across from me was so full, he had what many lacked and I really wanted a piece too, he could share some of it, he could…
Blinking, I stared closer at Trigger. The Woodsman E.G.O was giving me a sense that I didn't know how to describe, but I felt attracted to Trigger's heart… yet now that I take a closer look, he feels… both hollow and full. No… it would be better to say that his 'heart' was draining and filling at the same time.
I was brought back to my senses when Trigger bonked me in the head with the barrel of his gun. It was light, but the sudden wave of clarity made it hard to ignore, "You… took that surprisingly well, I could see the armor in your suit getting bulkier too. So how did it feel?" Trigger looked curious, and even a bit surprised. Guess BongBong and Dakota had stronger reactions.
It took me a moment to come up with an answer. I was still trying to understand what exactly I saw was… "Umm, if I had to put it into words, I'd say empty and longing for what I don't have. Kinda like I was lacking something vital about myself." Trigger's reaction… or lack thereof, was a bit unsettling.
From his coffin, a couple of butterflies came with his smoking pipe, that he immediately started using, "Care to go in a bit more detail?" He asked me, expression mostly blank aside from a small narrow in his eyes.
"It makes me think to the time before you helped me, always feeling like I lacked courage… something that I always wanted." At my explanation, he seemed oddly silent. A plume of transparent smoke left the side of his mouth, and he suddenly asked me something really weird.
"That's… interesting. A bit of an unrelated question, when did you decide to befriend me?" I blinked a couple of times, running the question a couple more times through my head and finding the timing for such a question a bit off.
I answered nonetheless, "Well, you helped me a lot. I just felt like… I had to repay you in some way." Trigger's expression didn't change. After a couple of seconds, he released a bigger plume of smoke, while sighing in… disappointment?
"Thanks for answering honestly, seems like you are pretty good at this E.G.O gig. You should probably give it a few more tries by yourself, but don't get too crazy." He turned around and walked out of the room, I was too shocked by his sudden change in mood.
I wanted to call out to him, but he gave an air that just felt… tired. So I forced myself to not say anything.
Was it something I said? I ran our talk a few times through my head and I couldn't find anything, but… it probably has nothing to do with me.
But then what is the issue? How do I find the issue?
I left the room, legs moving by themselves and my thoughts simply going through the interactions with Trigger, still trying t-
A hand grabbed my shoulder, I looked at it with confusion and I looked to whoever it belonged to. Angela was standing in front of me, an arched brow present on her face, "Please do try keeping attention when walking." She said and took a look around the hallway, a small frown on her face.
"I seem to have missed him. Do you perhaps know where he went?" Her question… she is looking for Trigger?
He didn't say where he was going… "Sorry, he didn't say where he was going." Angela nodded slowly at my words, I'm a bit curious about what she wanted of him.
"Did you need him for something?" I asked curiously, and Angela didn't respond for a couple of seconds.
"One could say that, something came to me after a… brief talk we had some moments ago. So I wanted to confirm it with him." I blinked a couple of times and focused more on her tone… she sounded vaguely worried.
I didn't want to pry, but I was feeling a bit down after not being able to do anything about whatever is plaguing him. So I simply went for it, "Maybe I can help with that. I like to think me and him are in good terms." Angela gave me a slow nod, like she saw some logic in my words.
"Does he seem unhappy with himself as of now?" The question… kind of floored me. I didn't know what to say here, was that really the problem here?
Was he just… not happy with himself? I thought back at his reactions to what I said, that I befriended him because-
No, not only with himself with his situation, "Angela, I know answering a question with a question is just dumb, but… how many times, since he started working here, has he been in the 'spotlight'?" Could it be that he disliked being seen as important?
Angela blinked once, it was one of those rare times I saw her eyes, "I believe it would be easier to say when he wasn't." Alright, alright…
So, what I have here is that Trigger seems to hate being seen like a figure of some kind, he also dislikes that said 'view' could get people to approach him for said 'view' rather than himself. He may also fear failure to an unhealthy degree, even just a look from someone else can set it all off… and I said I befriended him because he helped me. Great, fantastic.
This may not be the full scope of the problem, but it's a start, "Right, so… I think he may be suffering from success." I threw my guess up in the air, and Angela quirked a brow while frowning.
"Elaborate." She simply said those words, and I felt a bit forced to talk, only a bit.
I explained my theory about his issue and Angela took a pensive look before her eyes snapped open, "She knew." I sputtered at her… was that a growl?
Angela closed her eyes again and nodded at me, "Bethany, it is better if you go back to whatever duties you had been attending to. I have… someone to talk to." She quickly left after that, and I was left a bit dumbfounded before shaking my head and running towards Training.
Malkuth has to know about this, she may even have more information on whoever Angela was talking about.
I just hope we can help before Trigger does something rash.