So,... now it is van day. Every single day I slip on the steps outside my house. It's gotten old.

The first time I tried to avoid the truck accident by dashing to the sidewalk but slipped on the parking lot ice falling on my butt. Edward who was watching me burst out laughing. Then the truck came. Bella wasn't supposed to be on her butt. Edward was too distracted by my antics and reacted too late to get to me in time.

I tried parking on the street and that worked but the day didn't advance. Apparently to beat the day I had to get hit by the van. I was understandably reluctant so I skipped school. There was no point in going if I wasn't going to go along with this stupid cosmic video game so I let the day play quite a few times until the twilight got so painful I finally had to admit that I needed to beat the day and not just learn a few new violin songs, work on some math problems and read a comic book or twenty. Bella didn't get badly hurt in the book. Edward saved her. I could do this.

It wasn't that simple. Foreknowledge of the event meant I couldn't help but react to things differently than Bella would have. Edward always tried to save me. I had to survive an automobile accident without spilling a drop of blood or Edward couldn't control himself. Do you know how difficult that is? He really wants to be the hero but he keeps ending up the villain. I needed to figure out exactly where I'm supposed to stand. I needed to know how to hold myself. I had to figure out what to do with my backpack and school books.

I'd been squished by a van or chomped by a vampire a lot by the first time I kind of survived the van accident.

It was heartbreaking. Together we managed to avoid spilling a drop of my blood. I was so happy for a few moments before I despairingly realised that the day wasn't going to be advancing. He looked so worried, so frantic when he asked me, "Bella? Are you all right?"

I didn't want to break his heart. Everyday he tried so hard, I tried so hard. Tears leaked out of my eyes, "I can't feel my legs," I admitted.

There was devastation in his eyes. Still holding me cradled in his arms, he went so still. For a long while I don't think he even breathed. I just lay there crying stupid tears, not for myself really. We'd try again tomorrow but my tears were more for how destroyed he seemed in that moment. It occurred to me that he was on some level probably staying still because he knew if he moved it could be the end of me. He had all the training of a doctor. I knew that but he didn't look like he was thinking doctor thoughts. It looked like he had tried very best and he knew he'd failed and it had destroyed him.

When they transported me to the hospital I was conscious to hear him pleading with his father to fix me. It was the first time I'd made it as far as the hospital. I remember in the books that Edward's siblings had given him a hard time for potentially revealing himself, risking the family to save a human. Carlisle didn't waste his precious energy scolding Edward. He just told him he'd do his best. He gave Edward a quick hug and then focused on being a doctor.

I managed to stop crying not long after. I decided tomorrow I was going to skip school and learn that song from Annie, the sun'll come out tomorrow. I think it's just called Tomorrow. I could use some saccharine sweet upbeat positivity after today. I ran through the accident in my head wondering how I needed to position myself differently. I knew exactly where I'd been hit. The injury point hurt blindingly. Actually it hurt a little too much to think properly so I just tried to memorise the details of the incident to replay later when the trauma was gone.

Carlisle kept interrupting my musings and memorising, with diagnostic questions. I don't think it alarmed him at all that I was having trouble being present enough in the moment to answer.

He did smile a little when he asked me how much it hurt and I tried to tell him it didn't, only to scream a moment later when one of the nurses moved me the wrong way. It was only the ghost of a smile. He told me I didn't need to be so brave, that letting him ease the pain would lower my blood pressure and heart rate and help him make me better.

He tried again to give me pain relief. I pleaded with him not to. I wasn't terribly coherent anymore. "Please no, I need to be awake and alert or I might not remember the physics of the trajectory change needed, point of impact, an inch forward or backward, was there rotation, all our yesterdays don't light the way to stupid Hamlet." Believe it or not, that sentence made sense in my head. Stupid literary focused Isabella Swan. Have you ever looked at a picture of Stephanie Meyer and then read her description of Isabella? Literary focused Isabella hmm… Stephanie, did you always secretly want a vampire as your snuggle bunny?

Oooh,... apparently though they'd asked about the pain relief, the very strong muscle relaxant hadn't been optional.

"This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius..." trippy. That song was written in B minor. "Jupiter aligns with Mars," I bet it would sound pretty cool on violin. "And love will steer the stars."

I wasn't conscious for much more of that day.

Annie day, I scribbled out math and physics on about a hundred sheets of paper, and wondered if I was leaving behind a trail of alternate universe Edwards all devastated that they had failed their one true desire to be good, to be the hero of their own story. I hoped not. My first Dad was alway saying, " You must learn math and science. They are the building blocks of all learning." My parents spent thousands on private tutoring for me because they thought the American school system was inadequate. I'm pretty sure the calculations I was doing are advanced college level here. Now I was using my afterschool cram school learning to calculate how to get perfectly hit by a truck? This afterlife is weird.

From then on I was extremely focused on where to step and how to hold myself. I knew even after I got through the accident the first time there were important conversations that had to happen. I need to be able to replicate the accident perfectly because it would likely have to happen correctly more than once.

I think the van accident took about five to six hundred days to get right. It was a difficult thing to count. Some of those days Edward saved me completely but I wasn't allowed to be completely unscathed if I wanted to beat the day or I wouldn't officially meet Carlisle. Some days I'd be saved but it had obviously required Edward to do something that gave him away as supernatural. No, no, no Edward, that's not the way to do it.

When the day finally ticked forward I leapt out of bed cheering and screaming happily like a complete maniac. I was yelling about how finally, "We did it!" or as Dora the Stupid Explorer would say, "¡Lo hicimos!" I wonder if Edward was spying on me during the nights by that point in the story? If so I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete lunatic. Oh well, even if he was, the sun'll come out tomorrow and all that.

I think I have a slight concussion but I couldn't be happier.