A/N: I think it actually gets funnier the longer I go between updates. This website might be obsolete now, that's how long it's been, lol.
Chapter 10: December 17
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Years ago, the Brotherhood decided that Pietro was a necessary evil, and they had also unfortunately grown to genuinely like him sometimes, so they had agreed that he could stay and they would all just have to put up with the way he sometimes grabbed them and towed them along in the slip stream created by his powers. One moment, they would be in the kitchen, the next, they would be in New Jersey. In much the same way that the X-Men got used to Kurt teleporting them without notice, the Brotherhood got used to Pietro.
Piotr, not being a member of the Brotherhood and also not living in close enough proximity to Kurt to allow for frequent teleportation, is not used to it. He sits down on the floor of the basement where Pietro deposited him and waits for the room to stop spinning. A second later, Pietro appears again with half of the Brotherhood in tow. One more second, and there are Bobby and Kurt. Wanda strolls down the stairs with Fred on her heels, Pietro not being quite stupid enough to try dragging either of them in his wake.
Piotr swallows and says, "Kitty."
Pietro rolls his eyes and then goes back for Kitty. "Now that we're all here," he says, dropping Kitty directly into Piotr's lap in an act of vengeance that leads to squawking (Kitty) and uncomfortable shifting (Piotr), "I have some really, really, really bad news."
"You say problem," Piotr says, frowning. "What is wrong?"
"The commandos have Remy," Pietro answers, and they all start shouting at once.
"Commandos?"
"What?"
"Is he stupid?"
"How did that happen?"
"I thought he agreed to wait for us!"
"You didn't tell me about the commandos!"
"You know Remy does whatever he damn well pleases anyway, Kurt, how were we supposed –"
"Is he dead?"
"Is he okay?"
"I cannot believe you didn't tell me there were commandos –"
"Everybody shut your face holes!"
Piotr is not proud of shouting that, okay, but sometimes a man just needs a minute. "Katya, I did not mention commandos because I thought Remy would come home in time to tell you himself."
"You knew he had gone?" That's Wanda, who is something of an enigma to Piotr, because they do not talk to one another, ever.
"Of course," he sighs. "As Bobby says, Remy does whatever Remy damn well pleases, always."
Kitty bites her lip. "What are we gonna do?" she asks. "We have to tell the team!"
"Oh yeah?" Lance challenges, standing up and clenching his fists. "Says who? We don't need the stupid X-Men!"
"Hey!" Bobby and Kurt exclaim.
"We only need the two stupid X-Men we've already got," Lance amends. "And we've got you!" He smiles when he says this and reaches out to nudge Kitty's arm. "We have you, so we don't need anyone else."
Piotr does not much care for Lance's friendly tone and his friendly smile or the way he thinks his hair looks cool like that. Just saying.
Kitty is smiling back at Lance. Kurt makes a gagging sound and says, "Okay! Good to know that horror train is still running! What are we going to do about Remy?"
Piotr refocuses and claps his hands. Then he feels stupid, because they all turn and look at him like he's done something stupid, but he refuses to back down. "We are going to rescue Remy," he says determinedly. "And we can do it without X-Men. Anymore X-Men," he adds before Bobby can say anything. "Here is plan…"
000
Remy wants to die, maybe. A little bit. He hasn't felt this sick in his entire life, and that's including that time with Mercy's gumbo and the Pixie-Stix. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see his own muscles quivering in his biceps.
Remy takes a moment to appreciate that his biceps have enough definition that he can see them, even with his arms strapped down at the wrist to the metal chair and his head clamped in place, facing directly forward. At least he still has his good looks.
Sort of. Remy grimaces as blood slides down his forehead and stings his eyes. He blinks impatiently and pulls at the straps again, just enough to remind him that, oh yeah, the reason his arms hurt so much is because they are full of needles. His head pounds, either from the drugs or from the way that Rumlow guy keeps banging it against the metal headrest of the chair every time he tries to move and escape.
Which has been a lot. He doesn't even know how long he's been here at this point, but it must have been hours by now. He's actually starting to wonder where Piotr and the boys are. By now, surely, they must have realized that he was gone, especially when he didn't show up for the tree finding ceremony or whatever it's called.
… the Tree!
Oh no, this is bad. The finding of the Christmas Tree is the most romantic moment of the year at the institute, and while Remy has been stuck here, slowly having his brains (and nerve endings) fried by creepy evil government scientists, Rogue has probably been drinking hot cocoa with that cockatrice, looking gorgeous and glowing in a green scarf, hair all dusted with snow because she never remembers to wear a hat, maybe even holding hands –gloved, of course –with the angel, prancing through the snowy woods.
Alright, maybe the drugs are getting to Remy a bit. There's no need to be unrealistic. Rogue doesn't prance.
She does, however, drink hot cocoa by the gallon, and Remy is missing it! He pouts, just a little, and then gets his face under control as he remembers the camera in the corner, pointing directly at his little torture chair. These creeps don't deserve to witness the beauty of Remy's pout.
There is also a chance that he's about to throw up and he really doesn't want to give them the satisfaction.
"Ah, Mr. LeBeau, I see that you are awake."
What is it with the bad guys and stating the obvious? It's almost as though they just want to hear themselves talk… oh, wait.
After due consideration, Remy decides to say this out loud, smirking as the comment causes Pierce's face to briefly turn an interesting shade of puce.
Why the heck does Remy know what "puce" is? Has Piotr been sending Remy subliminal messages in his sleep again?
Is Remy's brain so messed up on pain and sedatives that everything just feels and looks and sounds really weird right now?
Oooh, it's probably that one. Ouch.
Puce –Pierce –gets himself under control and smiles at Remy. It's gross.
"You're responding very nicely to our tests," he says.
Remy is not impressed. "You're not impressive," he says. "Why do you keep shockin' Remy?" he complains. "Shouldn't you be tryin' to extract DNA or somethin'? My powers don't just pop out when you electrocute me, you know."
Pierce shakes his head and moves over to the side of Remy's chair. He fiddles with something Remy can't see, on account of the clamps and all. And then pain lances –eww, Lance –through Remy's hands, as though his skin is both burning and freezing at the same time.
Pierce puts his hands back into his pockets and takes a step back while Remy writhes in the chair. His arms suddenly flare with an all-too-familiar rush of warm, moving energy, and magenta light washes over him.
"I'm afraid you simply don't understand our methods, Mr. LeBeau."
Remy really hates the way this guy keeps saying his name, as if the very words are implying that Remy is stupid, but he doesn't manage to say that before Pierce nods to someone Remy can't see from the corner of his eye, and the pain shoots up his arms and straight to his head, and then he passes out.
000
It's quiet. The moon hangs in the sky above Bayville, half-hidden by clouds which threaten snow. Christmas lights twinkle, and sometimes shine blindingly, all up and down the silent streets. It is nearly midnight, on the 17th of December, and not a creature is stirring.
BANG!
"Ouch!"
"Shh!"
"Sorry!"
Piotr looks at Kitty with what he hopes is a serene expression. "Softly, Katya," he murmurs through gritted teeth. "Murdering Toad would also be too loud."
Kitty turns from where she is trying to melt Toad's brain with her eyes and half-smiles, half-grimaces at Piotr.
"I know," she whispers. "I'm just like, a little on edge, y'know? I'm worried about Remy."
Piotr nods. "I am also," he says, "but we will have him back soon, yes?"
Her face settles into determination, a fierce scowl making lines around her eyes. "Yeah," she says darkly, glaring up at the walls of the compound, "we will."
Time to go. "Ready?" Piotr asks, just loudly enough to reach to all of their ears. All around, heads nod.
"Then let us go."
And they go.
Kitty grabs Piotr with one hand and Blob with the other, phasing them all through the wall. Blob lifts her up onto his shoulder and she shoves her hand through the security cameras in their little corner of the compound.
BAMF! BAMF! BAMF!
Kurt finishes teleporting the rest of the group and they all circle up under the fritzing security cameras.
Piotr nods to Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. "Are you sure you are fine on your own out here?" he asks.
Scarlet Witch rolls her eyes. "I would be fine without him," she mutters, jerking her thumb at Pietro.
"And you're not staying out here to take on a whole team of commandos by yourself, I don't care how good your powers are," Quicksilver hisses back.
Piotr takes this as a yes, and moves on. "Then we're ready any time you are," he says.
Scarlet Witch rolls her eyes again and saunters out into the middle of the grassy yard, followed by her brother, who is very clearly trying to keep his pace to a reasonable speedy walk. They pause halfway between the gate and the front of the biggest building and all of the cameras start blinking red lights.
Wanda points one finger at the cameras and they start to crackle with red light and spit sparks. The other hand, she aims at the gate. She clenches her fist, and the metal frame and bars crumple and collapse.
The doors to the first building burst open and commandos spew out onto the lawn, shouting and shooting. At first, Piotr is momentarily terrified that he has just gotten Wanda and Pietro killed, but then he watches the bullets veer sharply away from Wanda at the last moment and realizes that if he can't see Pietro, neither can the commandos.
Time to let them all do their jobs, he reminds himself.
"Okay… go!"
000
Inside the compound, Remy is unfortunately conscious again.
"Touch Remy's teeth one more time an' I'll bite your fingers off," he warns in his best Logan imitation. Remy does excellent Logan imitations. It's a Best Quality of his for sure.
Unfortunately, Pierce does not seem appropriately apprehensive about Remy's threat. He must not have ever seen or heard of Logan, then.
Remy's impression is flawless, thank you. And nobody who has ever seen or heard of Logan Howlett is going to not be apprehensive in the face of that snarl.
Wow, Remy's head really hurts.
Also his face.
And his arms.
And also his legs and his back and shoulders, and really, every single part of his body right now.
Pierce is still monologuing. Probably something about how Remy's teeth hold untapped stores of his mutant powers, and it would be a shame not to blah, blah, blah, blah. Remy stopped listening fully after the first couple of rounds of electrocution.
It turns out that Pierce has gotten his team of mad scientists –none of which are brave enough to come and face Remy themselves, incidentally –to create a device that uses electricity to draw a reaction from the X-gene, causing the mutation to manifest. It also has the "regrettable" side effect of being horribly painful, as the electricity involved is directly applied to the body of the mutant in question.
Remy wants to punch science in the face. Or maybe just those scientists.
He'll settle for Pierce though.
In addition to the weird science, they've been keeping Remy strapped to this chair, so that each time his powers flare, he has no choice but to reel them back in, lest he blow himself up along with the metal. It's exhausting.
And annoying.
"Mr. LeBeau, you don't seem to be listening."
"'M not," Remy mumbles, rolling his neck just enough to aim a glare at Pierce. He hopes his eyes are doing that thing where they brighten and darken with the light, because he has it on good authority that it's real freaky and he's feeling like playing the devil at the moment.
Pierce simply sighs and edges his way over to Remy's chair, so as to receive the full brunt of Remy's glare, he can only assume. Incorrectly, it turns out, as Pierce leans down to stare directly into Remy's eyes and… that's it? He doesn't say anything or even smile in that creepy way, he just… stares at Remy's pupils. Which, yes, is creepy, but like, in a calm way. Lots of people stare at Remy. Even, specifically, Remy's eyes. Heck, Bobby was doing that just two days ago.
Granted, Bobby was trying to see if he was developing telepathy as a secondary mutation, but still. Remy frowns, wondering if anyone has ever told Bobby that Remy is more or less immune to telepathic scrutiny.
"Mr. LeBeau!"
Oh, right, Remy is being tortured right now.
"What?" he snaps.
Pierce looks annoyed, so at least something is going right. "I said that we are ready to take our tests to the next step."
Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.
Before Remy finds out what new horrors the "next step" will bring, a shrill claxon cuts through the quiet of the hallway outside of the lab and Pierce frowns so fiercely that Remy is almost glad he is immobilized, since it means he won't inadvertently give Pierce the satisfaction of flinching.
"What on earth is going on out there?" Pierce huffs, turning away from Remy and striding out the door, followed by the scientists, scurrying at his heels. Remy catches his breath and listens to the sound of their tapping footsteps echoing down the tiled hallway and realizes that, for the first time since he first woke up in Pierce's custody, nothing is actively hurting him.
Oh, he definitely still hurts, but in a lingering kind of way, not an immediate, noticeable cause kind of way.
He waits for a minute to see if anyone will come back, and when he doesn't hear anything, Remy starts wriggling.
000
Everything in this stupid commando base is freezing cold. It's like bad guys don't believe in central heating or something. If Kitty wasn't wearing her X-Men uniform, insulated and perfectly adjusted to her body's normal patterns, she would probably be practically hypothermic by now.
As it is, she shivers a little, possibly for dramatic effect, as she sticks her head through another door. No Remy. They've gone through three hallways already, and Remy is nowhere to be found. She's starting to worry that the commandos have simply moved him to a secondary location.
"Nothing," she sighs, shaking her head at Piotr and the other boys. Bobby looks worried, which is kind of weird to Kitty. She hadn't realized that Bobby and Remy were such close friends. But Kurt is worried, too, and so are the Brotherhood boys, and Kitty thinks that Remy maybe has more friends around Bayville than even he knows.
"We will keep looking," Piotr decrees, and strides down the hallway to the staircase at the end. There, he pauses. Kitty peers out from around Kurt and sees why. There are two flights of stairs: one going up, and the other going down.
Before anyone can say something intelligent like, "Let's definitely not split up and start running around the commando base in two groups of people who don't know where they're going!", Lance starts for the upper staircase and says confidently, "So we split up!"
Kitty opens her mouth to say, "No way," but then Lance grabs her hand and pulls her up on the stair with him.
"Kitty and I will take the upstairs with Blob," he says. "That way, both groups will have some muscle and someone who can get us out of a tight situation." He gestures to Kitty and Kurt and Piotr and Fred, vaguely.
That is… actually not a bad plan. Kitty warms to Lance again, very briefly.
Piotr looks like he wants to argue, but Kurt quickly puts his hand on the tall, broad, muscle-y shoulder and says, "Good plan! Let's go!" They split, Blob, Avalanche, and Shadowcat going up the stairs while Colossus, Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Toad head down.
The upper level is quiet; the only sounds Kitty can hear are from her companions and from outside, where Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are still raising hell, if the screaming and continuous rattle of gun fire is any indication.
They check three doors in a row and find nothing. The first hallway is a bust. The second hallway only has one door, at the very end, which seems promising, but then turns out to be nothing more than a boring, empty office.
Kitty has just turned to her team to pout in frustration when a squad of about seven commandos rounds the corner of the fourth hallway and runs right into them.
For a moment, everyone is too surprised to do anything. Then, some kind of Emma Frost inspired monster takes over Kitty's body and says, "Hey, boys. Come here often?" It –Kitty refuses to admit or believe that she is the one doing this –even winks and cocks one hip in a move that would probably be sexy if Kitty actually had hips to speak of.
The commando in the front of the squad raises his gun. "Who the hell are you?" he demands.
"Okay, that's a little insulting," Kitty says, and then punches him in the face.
Lance goes flying past her to barrel into the other commandos like a bowling ball. Fred grins at the ones frantically aiming their weapons at his wide chest and spreads his arms out.
"I'll eat your bullets," he declares.
They try shooting anyway, and Kitty has to phase three times to avoid the ricochet, but in the end, there are seven commandos lying on the ground, moaning in various states of injury, and Fred is pretending to lick his fingers.
Lance neatly knocks a few of the commandos unconscious with a sarcastic apology. Kitty does not apologize as she does the same, but she does explain.
"We need you to be out of the way," she says remorselessly, answering the question none of them asked, "and it's not like we believe you'll just stay here all nice and quiet, even if we tie you up."
"Leave that one," Lance suggests when she reaches the last commando. "Maybe he can tell us where Remy is."
"Basement level!" the commando blurts out. "You're looking for the other mutant, right? The one with the freaky eyes? He's in the basement! There's a laboratory."
Well that was easy. Kitty smiles sweetly and says, "Thank you," before clocking him right in the temple. He sags to the floor with a sigh.
Good thing her gloves are reinforced with steel bands, or she would probably have broken something by now. Or. Well. Broken something of hers, anyway.
She smiles brightly at the boys and says, "Well, we know where to go now!" She links her arm with Lance's and ignores the way he blushes, holding out her hand to Fred. "Come on! I have the shortcut!"
They drop through the floor, sliding incorporeally through the tile and stone and insulation of the second floor, then the first, and then land precisely in the middle of another fight.
A commando taking a swing at Kurt finds his fist going right through the fuzzy blue face. He yelps in shock and reels back. Kitty lets go of Kurt's tail and he draws back his fist to drive it directly into the commandos stupid, surprised face.
Piotr is all metal, calmly deflecting bullets and ripping the guns out of the hands of the commandos. Iceman has frozen several of the commandos and Toad is currently licking their faces, for reasons Kitty isn't really sure of and doesn't think she wants to know.
Avalanche clenches a fist and the floor underneath two of the commandos splits and then immediately clamps shut on their ankles, now buried in the concrete floor. Kitty is impressed. Did he recently learn to do that? Lance's control has never been what you could call great, but that little demonstration was pretty cool.
Blob and Piotr go for the last commando at the same time and then each tries to defer to the other.
"No, no, I insist," says Freddy, holding the commando by the collar at long, long arm's length.
"Please, do not stop for my sake," Piotr returns, waving for him to go ahead.
Kitty marches up to the hapless commando and puts him out of his misery with a round house kick she learned from Rogue, leaping into the air to give herself both the force and the height needed to reach his jaw where he hangs in Fred's grip. The kick connects with a satisfying and solid thwack! and Kitty makes sure to add a little pirouette to her landing, just because.
The look on Piotr's face is worth it.
"I take it that Remy's not upstairs?" Kurt asks, gently reaching up to shut Piotr's mouth as he limps up to join their little stare down.
"Are you hurt?" Bobby asks him. Kurt grins sheepishly.
"I stubbed my toe."
"Remy?" Piotr shakes off whatever spell he'd been under –Kitty preens smugly –and looks at her expectantly.
"We ran into some more 'friends' upstairs," Lance volunteers, looking sulky. What's his problem? Kitty wonders. "They said that Remy is down here somewhere, so we came on down."
"We ain't seen him yet," Toad says with a shrug. He's upside down, sticking to the ceiling.
"He must be close, though," Kitty says, clenching her fists. "They said… they said there was a laboratory."
They fall silent for a second, each imagining the multitude of horrors a secret base could be getting up to with a host of commandos, a lab, and a mutant. They could be experimenting on him, torturing him, cutting him open or forcing him to exercise or do any number of other horrible things. Kitty is sure that she looks sick; everyone else seems almost grey.
And then a familiar drawl says into Kitty's ear, "There a reason we all standin' around in the hallway?"
000
The guy Rumlow left to guard Remy wasn't very observant, which is too bad for him, but only fair if you ask Remy. He's been having an awful day; it's about time that he had something go right for once.
You're the one who decided to run off and break into the commando base all by yourself, an annoying little reasonable voice that sounds kind of like Scott says in Remy's head.
Shut up, Remy tells it. There was a good reason. He can't really remember what that reason was now, but that's definitely more to do with the agonizing pain and mad science experiments rather than that he didn't have a good reason in the first place.
Anyway.
The point is that he got away from the guard with no problem, knocked him out clean and left him slumped in the corner of the laboratory, and even managed to get hold of some small and easily boom-able items to charge and throw if he needs to.
And then he rounds a corner and sees the Super-Secret Brotherhood of Sub-level Ninjas standing in the hallway. And Kitty, but Remy will worry about how none of these boys knows what "secret" means later.
He's never been so happy to see anyone in his whole life.
Whoa, Remy, you really want to make that statement? He pauses for a moment of self-reflection. Is he happier than he was to see Rogue smile for the first time, way back in Louisiana, when she helped him save his father and gave him hope that he still isn't sure he deserves? Is he happier than seeing Mercy and Henri tie the knot? Is he happier than when Belle kissed him for the first time? Is he happier than when Rogue kissed him for the first time?
Okay, so Remy has never been so happy to see anyone in the past four days, for sure. Remy has hardly seen Rogue at all in the past four days, so though it hurts Remy's soul to admit it, she's not really a contender for that spot at the moment.
The Super-Secret Brotherhood of Sub-level Ninjas (and Kitty) all look pretty sad for some reason, so Remy sidles up to Kitty and asks, "There a reason we all standin' around in the hallway?"
She gasps, "Remy!" and throws herself into his arms, which is painful, which he says, pointedly and loudly.
"Ow, ow, ow!"
"Sorry!"
The boys gather around and start talking all at once.
"Where were you?"
"How did you escape?"
"Did they have you tied up?"
"Did they probe you?"
"Ew! You can't just ask people if they were probed, Bobby!"
"Are you hurt?"
"What did they do to you?"
"Who are these guys?"
"Shut up!"
Everyone shuts up. They all look at Piotr. Who is glaring. At Remy.
Oops.
"Hi, Pete."
"Remy," Piotr says. He does not sound happy.
Remy tries a sheepish grin. Sheepish has worked very well for him in the past. It does not have a noticeable effect on Piotr, who simply crosses his arms over his chest and looks very disappointed in Remy.
That stings a bit more than he'd thought it would.
"I'm sorry?" he says, hesitantly.
"For what?" Piotr growls. Some distant part of Remy's brain notes the similarity to Logan's trademark Noise of Disapproval with a hysterical sort of appreciation. Piotr is pretty good at that. Not quite as good as Remy, but then, who is?
"Uh, for getting caught and making you guys have to come and rescue Remy?"
Nope, that was not the right answer. Petey looks even madder now.
"Remy! You big dummy!" Kitty jumps in. "We were worried about you! You should be sorry for not waiting for us!"
Remy opens his mouth to protest, because it isn't like Kitty had even known about this whole thing before he ventured out on his own, and then blinks in surprise when the rest of what she said catches up with him. They're all… nodding? Even Lance, who is, impossible though it may seem, not Remy's biggest fan. They were all… worried.
Something that feels kind of like a bad emotion and a good emotion at the same time twists in Remy's stomach.
"Oh," he says, wincing at how awkward he sounds. In his defense, this has not been a great day for him.
Piotr reaches out to grab one of Remy's shoulders, very carefully. He flinches in spite of himself and Piotr freezes instantly.
"Are you alright?" he asks quietly, instead of whatever he was about to say, which was probably more scolding. Remy is pathetically grateful that it isn't more scolding. He might do something utterly humiliating, like collapse.
Or cry.
"Remy's… been better," he says with as much dignity as he can muster. It isn't a lot, granted, but it's all he's got at the moment, so he'll cling to it as long as he can.
Kitty pulls his arm over her shoulder and he tries not to look like she's the only thing supporting him. What the heck happened? Five minutes ago, he was ready to break out of this place on his own power, and now that he's found his friends, his legs don't want to work? What kind of shoddy body is this?
"It's the adrenaline crash, Remy," Fred says knowingly.
Oh, crap, was he saying all of that out loud?
"Yes," says Piotr, taking his other arm and tactfully lifting his listing weight off of Kitty's slender shoulders.
Great.
"Can we go home?" he asks. His head feels like twelve times heavier than usual. "Remy needs his beauty sleep."
Kurt sounds relieved when he laughs. "Ja, let's go."
A red-white-and-blue blur streams to a stop right next to them and Remy is possibly jumpier than he'd even realized, because he doesn't relax the instinctive charge of the four screws he had pried out of the chair earlier until he hears Pietro's obnoxiously overblown sigh.
"Oh, good, you found him," Remy hears through the pounding of his heart in his ears. Pietro puts Wanda –oh, good, Wanda knows about this, too! –down and his hands on his hips. "Time to go."
"Commandos?" Piotr asks.
"On their way up," Pietro answers grimly. "We held them off for as long as we could, but there are a lot more of them than we guessed." He grimaces. "Like, a lot, lot more."
Great. Remy heaves a great sigh. "We –"
The voice slides into his ears and pokes irritatingly at the back of his neck. Remy has never actually felt the hair there stand up, but now he definitely knows that it isn't hyperbole. Hackles, whatever those are, consider them raised.
"Leaving us so soon, Mr. LeBeau?"
All Pierce needs is some scales and a certain lack of limbs and he'd fit right into one of Dr. McCoy's terrariums that he thinks no one knows about.
Listen, Remy makes it his business to know everything about everyone, okay? Hank might think he's being sneaky, keeping the snakes down in the infirmary, which everyone avoids if they can help it, but Remy got suspicious after the first time the good doctor didn't force him to come down to have an injury treated, and he did some snooping. And it's not like Remy knows why Hank feels the need to keep three different kinds of garden-variety vipers in the basement of the Institute, but unlike some people, Remy doesn't feel the need to interfere in other people's hobbies, so he's never bothered to ask.
Pierce, on the other hand, has some disturbing hobbies that someone should probably do something about.
Remy mentally apologizes to snakes for the comparison, on second thought.
"Remy, who is this?" Piotr asks, as calmly as possible for someone who has probably asked the same question twice now. Remy shakes his head to clear it.
"Uhhh," he says, just to be annoying. Pierce's face actually flattens a little, so it's worth it.
"My name," he says, "is Alexander Pierce. I represent a very powerful little subset of what you all might call the World Security Council." He pauses for effect.
"Never heard of it," Toad comments, flicking his tongue.
"Yeah, is that like the U.N.?" Lance asks, scratching his head in genuine confusion.
"Sounds boring," Pietro scoffed, nearly vibrating in his efforts to keep at least relatively still.
Pierce sputters. "Boring? Young man, we are shaping history!"
"Oh, I definitely fell asleep in that class," Lance nods. "That's why I've never heard of you."
"No, I think his little group just doesn't really do much," Fred says doubtfully. "I never fell asleep in history, and I've never heard of any 'World Security Council.'"
Pierce looks both perplexed and frustrated with this turn of events. Remy thoroughly enjoys watching the Brotherhood put that look on someone else's face for once.
"Whether you've heard of it or not," Pierce recovers, "the fact remains that I represent the interests of a small group within the group, who are taking a keen interest in the benefits which mutants might provide to the planet."
"He wants to weaponize the X-gene," Remy says tiredly. Beneath his arm, he feels Kitty stiffen in horror.
"Mr. LeBeau is correct," Pierce admits amiably. "And we are making marvelous progress. I'm sure with all of your help it will go much faster."
Oh, crap. "We really need to run, now," Remy mutters in Piotr's ear. They start backing away from Pierce, and the rest of the group starts to follow suit.
Pierce is holding a gun. "I'm afraid I can't just let you walk away, Mr. LeBeau. We've come so far, you see."
Remy musters up the last surge of spite he has in him to flash his signature charming smile, with a twist of smirk for flavor. "Who's walking? Remy said, RUN!"
He flings out his hand and lets the handful of glowing, metal screws fly directly into Pierce's face as the rest of the SSBSN (and Kitty and Wanda) start running in the opposite direction. The sound of the explosion and Pierce's subsequent scream were both immensely satisfying. Except… wait…
"Why are we runnin' up?" Remy howls. Piotr is practically carrying him at this point, but it's Kurt who looks back and shouts.
"We need to get outside, and we can't go through that many commandos!" They race up the stairs, Pietro zipping ahead and then back to make sure they aren't about to run into any unexpected surprises. The third level is extremely empty, and a door at the end of the very first hallway is clearly and helpfully marked: EXIT –ROOF ACCESS.
They hit the door at speed –well, normal speed, not Quicksilver speed –and spill out onto the roof, which is lit brilliantly with a string of bright red caution and white floodlights. The effect is kind of like Christmas lights, which would be a nice thought if they weren't about to die. At this point, Remy's shoulders are starting to ache from supporting his weight between Kitty and Piotr's distinct height difference, and his head is pounding again. Everything is so, so loud.
His ears are buzzing. Or maybe that's just the sound of the Scarlet Witch zapping the door so that no one can follow them up. He blinks, trying to clear his vision, but to his dismay, the creeping darkness at the edges does not retreat.
"Remy is gonna pass out soon, just lettin' y'all know," he mumbles into Kitty's hair.
"Hold on!" she exclaims, squeezing his waist. "Just a little further, Remy, come on!" Remy can feel her anxiety rising, despite already being at nearly peak frequency because of the holiday. Remy doesn't know why Kitty always gets so nervy around what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but from December 1st until the 26th, she's a ball of pent up energy and worry, flitting from project to project, to presents, to… to…
Presents.
Oh no.
What day is it? Remy doesn't even remember anymore. How long was he in that base? How soon is Christmas?
"Pete!" he says urgently, causing Piotr to halt instantly and look down into his face, earnestly giving Remy his entire attention.
"Da, what? What is wrong?"
"What day is it?"
Piotr looks confused. "What?"
Remy tries not to sound too pathetic as he says, "I didn't miss Christmas, did I?"
For a moment, Piotr just stares at him, and then he rolls his eyes so hard, Remy wants to ask if he hurt himself. "Nyet, Remy, you did not miss Christmas."
Remy sighs in real relief and smiles lopsidedly. "Oh, good. I don't have Rogue's present yet. Remy's got to compete with Tweety-bird somehow."
Kitty makes a sound like someone is choking her and says, "That's not a very nice thing to say about Warren, Remy."
"You knew who Remy was talking 'bout," Remy points out.
"Are you done yet?" Pietro shouts impatiently, despite the entire exchange only taking about twenty seconds. Time, for Pietro, is always running too slow.
Something bangs on the door. Wanda's zap job holds it steady, but it won't last forever. They have to find a way off of this roof.
Luckily, other people have been doing that while Remy zones in and out of awareness and ponders what he's going to get Rogue for Christmas. Unfortunately, they haven't found a fire escape or anything, and the commandos are starting to swarm both at the door and on the ground.
"We have to jump," Kurt is saying, which is ridiculous, so Remy must not be hearing right. All that electricity must have messed up his ears. Except that they're all nodding and moving to the edge of the roof and pointing at something Remy is having trouble focusing on, and oh, god, they're about to jump.
"Um," Remy says.
"We can make it to that building down there," Kurt is saying, again pointing into the darkness. "I can teleport us from there."
"Why not now?" Lance asks stubbornly. Kurt glares at him.
"I have to hold onto this many people and teleport into the darkness and hope none of you get lost or loose? No way. If we can get off the roof, we'll have a little more time, and I can make two trips without accidentally losing anyone. That good enough for you?"
Lance subsides, grumbling, and Remy tries again.
"Um… Remy isn't in prime jumpin' condition, here."
Piotr picks him up and slings him over his big, solid shoulders. "There. Now you will not have to jump."
Well, this is humiliating.
On the other hand, fainting halfway through jumping off of a roof would also be embarrassing, as would admitting that he can't even see the target he's supposed to be jumping at. Remy chooses his battles, okay?
They line up like this: Kurt, whose night vision is probably the best of all of them, Toad, who is hands down the best at this kind of thing, Scarlet Witch, who is possibly just going to float across the distance, Lance, Bobby, and Fred, who are all sort of nervously eyeing the gap, Pietro, who will not be jumping, exactly, Kitty, who practices gymnastics in the woods with Kurt and is probably cool as a cucumber, and lastly, Piotr, carrying Remy.
"Why are we last?" he mutters.
"Because if we start to fall, I want to be able to toss you and have someone on the other side to catch," Piotr says pleasantly.
Horrified, Remy gently punches him in the ribs. "Don't you dare fall! How's Remy supposed to live with that if you die a horrible death from falling three stories trying to save me?"
"I have metal skin," Piotr says. "But I appreciate knowing that you care so much."
Remy had forgotten that. "Fine," he says, glad that none of them can see his face, which is surely as red as these caution lights by now. "Fall then, whatever."
"I will not fall," Piotr says, sounding amused, and then he jumps. Remy screeches, which he will emphatically deny later. He hadn't noticed everyone else jumping.
They land on brick and Piotr gently sets Remy down. Bobby steadies him and Remy tries not to throw up.
"Let me have Remy," Kurt says, pushing everyone into position. "We have to be quick; I think this is the barracks or something, so there are probably more commandos on the way right now." He has his arm around Remy, his tail wrapped around Kitty's waist, and Toad clinging to his back. "I've got one more arm," he says, and Pietro pushes Wanda into it too quickly for her to protest.
"Back in a second," Kurt says, and then BAMF!
The world disappears and then reappears in a split second, and now Remy really does need to throw up.
BAMF!
Remy spits out a string of saliva and bile as a follow up.
"Gross," Toad says, which is pretty rich coming from him.
BAMF!
"Remy, are you alright?" Piotr asks, kneeling next to Remy, who sits back on his heels and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. His trench coat smells terrible. It's probably all the fear and pain sweat.
Remy refuses to agree with pretty much everyone else that it always smells this bad. His coat is amazing, and they're all just jealous. They should be so lucky to have this coat. Not that they ever will, because Remy's coat is special, and he's only ever let anyone in the world wear it besides himself and none of these morons are her.
Rogue liked wearing his coat.
He's pouting, oops.
"Oui, fine," he finally answers Piotr, which is a lie, but at least he doesn't barf again. He looks around and frowns.
"Why the hell are we at the high school?"
Bayville High is weird in moonlight. The lockers are even uglier than usual. The last time Remy was here, he was, admittedly, sort of stalking the X-Men, but even he remembers those lockers. The hallway smells kind of like potato chips and depression.
Are the students of Bayville High, like, okay? Should they do something? Remy can call a guy.
Well, maybe the Professor can call the guy. Remy isn't exactly on speaking terms with the man. He just stole something from his house one time.
Some senators just have terrible security, that's all Remy can say.
"It was the first place I thought of," Kurt admits, sprawled on the floor next to Remy. He looks winded, which isn't a good sign. "Also, I have possibly been shot."
"WHAT?"
Bobby's screech resonates through Remy's aching head and he winces. Kurt very calmly allows both Bobby and Kitty to fuss over the (tiny) laceration in his cheek where the bullet had grazed him. He will definitely need stitches.
"Or you won't be pretty anymore," Remy tells him.
Kurt squints. "I missed the first part of that, I think," he says, "but… thanks?"
Remy waves his hand magnanimously, happy to have been of help. "We should call someone to come and get us," he says. Everyone turns to stare at him incredulously. "What?" he asks.
"You want to call someone?" Bobby asks skeptically.
"What happened to not ruining Christmas for everyone else?" Pietro demands.
"That was dumb," Remy says. "Whose bright idea was that?"
"Yours!"
"Oh. Well, it was dumb. Don't know what Remy was thinkin', but that was definitely the worst idea ever."
Well. Actually. Hmm.
"Top five at least," he amends.
Kitty already has her phone out. "I'm calling Rogue," she says, and Remy jerks, reaches out, and snatches the phone out of her hand.
"Do not," he says, "call Rogue."
She looks exasperated. "Remy, now is not the time for your relationship issues. She's gonna know what happened as soon as we call someone else anyway!"
"Not Rogue," he says stubbornly, holding onto the phone. For some reason, the idea of telling Rogue that Remy had gotten himself into so much stupid, stupid trouble, all in the name of preventing someone from hurting their collective appropriated family, and had failed so badly at that, makes him feel sick to his stomach.
"God! Fine, who do you want me to call then?"
Good question. Who should they call?
Oh. Oh no. Oh, god. But that's the answer that makes the most sense.
"Can't believe Remy saying this," he says, staring at Kitty in shock at his own thoughts, "but…"
She waits, phone in hand.
"Call Scott."
000
Later, at dawn on December 18th, Alexander Pierce asks, "Is everything in place, Commander?"
Rumlow salutes, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Pierce, who stands with his hands clasped behind his back like a horrible, pant-suited child who has been told not to touch things in the grocery store, inspecting the squads. His hair is singed, and his skin is still an angry red color where the mutant's kinetically charged screws exploded right next to his face.
"We're ready, Sir," Rumlow says.
That little rescue mission the other mutants executed had taken out nearly thirty men. At least half of those had been by the pair at the front gate, alone. Rumlow has assembled the remainder of the small task force Pierce had brought to Bayville for this assignment. There are only about fifty soldiers left functional, give or take ten or so who should technically be off duty receiving medical attention for concussions and sprains but who now have a bone to pick with some mutant brats.
Pierce surveys the small army with a satisfied gleam in his eyes. Rumlow holds his salute.
"Well, then, Commander," Pierce says finally. "On your orders."
Rumlow nods sharply and barks out the command.
"Load up! We're taking that Institute!"
He turns back to Pierce as the men begin climbing into trucks and stowing chests of grenades and smoke bombs. "Are you coming, Sir?"
"Oh," Pierce says calmly, putting his hands into his pockets, "I'll follow along behind." He smiles.
"Someone has to make sure we have everything prepared for our new guests' arrival."
…ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS! four calling birds, three French hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!
A/N: Why are all the commandos male, E? Don't you think Pierce is an equal-opportunity evil employer? Nope! Next question.
Additional, No-Longer-A-Spoiler Disclaimer: I do not own Pixie-Stix.