Chapter 30: The Next Phase

Rose

Friday, December 29th, 2023

Forks, Washington

It's a rare occasion that I am outside of the house without Noelle. With the exception of work, I bring Noelle along with me to most places I go. This morning I opted to head into town without her, strolling through the small downtown shops without any rush or worry. I offered to swing by Alice's this morning to swoop Evie up before she and Jasper go away for their anniversary. I figured it would be easier for her to gather what she needed for the next few days instead of making another trip to the Cullens on the way.

If there is anything I can do to take some things off her plate, I'm more than happy to do it.

I have some time to kill before heading down to Sycamore, so I continue my stroll. Sipping gingerly on the coffee I had picked up on the way, I take my time looking at all the shops as I walk by. There isn't much at all, though it is quaint and comfortable. Covered in the remnants of the last few days of snow, some parts still a crisp white while others turned to a gray slush, it plays the role of a quintessential small town, and I think it's the exact kind of quiet I need in my life.

After so many years trying to find myself again, it's kind of surreal to think I found myself here in Forks of all places, but nevertheless, here I am and I can't imagine being anywhere else.

I tell Alice as much when we're sitting on her couch at her house a little while later. After helping her finish up her packing for her trip, she had put on a pot of coffee for us to sip on while Evie finished her nap. Jasper had disappeared into town to fill up on gas for their drive, leaving just the two of us.

"I still can't believe you're looking to buy here," Alice says. A worried look crosses her face. "I hope it's not because of me."

"Being close to you and Jasper was one of the pluses, yes," I answer, but offer her a shake of my head. "But it's not the main reason. Yes, I'm concerned about you and I feel more comfortable being closer to you, but Forks is…home."

"I get it," Alice sighs. "It's a balm to a cut you never knew you had."

"I love watching Esme and Carlisle with our girls," I say softly. "My parents were never that way with me, and they'll never be that way with their granddaughter. I just love being able to be a part of this family. They just love so much with everything they have."

I know Alice is thinking of Jasper just as much as I'm thinking of Emmett.

"They really do," Alice says. "I can't believe I let myself forget that."

"Alice, no." I put a hand on hers and squeeze tightly so she truly understands what I'm about to tell her. "You didn't fail. Society has failed us all by letting this super-human image of mothers never be challenged. I don't know why I was lucky enough to have people to talk to about how I was feeling and you weren't."

"I know there's a part of me that believes you," she says.

"We'll help you find that part," I respond. "And when you're up for it, I want you to help me help the mothers around here, too. Just like your Mommy and Me group, I want us to be the ears and voices you never had."

"God, we desperately need it around here," Alice admits, her eyes tearing up before she quickly wipes all evidence away. I'm wiping tears of my own as Alice's phone vibrates between us, and when she reaches for it we see Bella's name appear on the screen. Surprised to hear from her since she's on her honeymoon and not due back in town until New Year's Eve, we eagerly answer the call, living vicariously through her as she recounts tales of her and Edward's honeymoon road trip.

"We're just stretching our legs," Bella tells us after a few minutes of recapping it all.

"I bet you have to do that a lot," I laugh, and somewhere out there Emmett is high fiving me. "Stretch."

"It's a lot worse for Edward," Bella shares, and we all last about half a second before the three of us are exploding with laughter. "I've been calling him Fred because he's more often than not Flinstoneing us the way there with his feet through the bottom of the car."

"I honestly don't know what I like more," Alice laughs. "The Boat or The Dingy."

"The Boat definitely gave us a lot more room," Bella says, "but we've….managed."

"What's with you two and fucking in rental cars?" I ask, picturing the little car in my head. "And how in that little thing?"

We barely hear her answer over our laughter, and it feels so good to hear laughter in the house on Sycamore Lane once again. Our light, though still somewhat dim and flickering, is coming back to us.

"I miss you," Bella says before Edward is tugging her on the arm to guide her to their next adventure. She looks pointedly at us through the screen, and I know what she means. "I love you guys!"

She hangs up with a smile, and I'm pulling Alice to me before I even know it.

"We've got you."

…

I never thought we would find our house the same way Jasper and Alice had found theirs. I told myself I would not jump headfirst into this process, the way Emmett had.

I want to savor it. To enjoy every step of this journey because it wasn't too long ago when I believed I didn't deserve a future any more.

Every step I take is a step away from the darkness, and into the light I know I deserve.

I don't need to search for a reason why I lost my baby and almost my husband thereafter. I've accepted the truth behind the matter, but a thought dwindles in the back of my mind as Emmett and I follow his mother into the front door of another house in Forks.

Maybe I needed a purpose in my life other than work. I had thrown myself into it after our miscarriage, and didn't have much to show for it.

Maybe my purpose then, and my purpose now, is to help. To listen.

To live.

And when I reach for my husband's hand, threading my fingers through his as we walk into a bright patch of sunlight in a newly refurbished kitchen, I can't wait for this next phase of my life to begin.

I have everything I thought I'd lost, and so much more.

I have it all.

Just one more chapter and an epilogue to go, friends. We miss them already!