Remember Every Scar
Chapter Six
A/N – Thank you again for the lovely reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter you beauties!
I woke early in the morning, my head feeling foggy. The sheets were tangled up in knots around me, causing more bother than I had the energy for to untangle myself. I must have had a restless sleep. The bed seemed to represent the turmoil inside my head.
The text from Dimitri last night flooded back into my mind. What on earth was I supposed to say to him? If I didn't tell him about what had happened with Adrian and he heard from someone else, any sense of a friendship between us would evaporate. I couldn't exactly count on Adrian to keep his mouth closed either. He couldn't hold on to his own water. If I do tell him, what sort of reaction am I going to be met with? More than likely a highly frustrating one. He would think that I had proven his point all along. This narrative that I'm reckless, impulsive and irresponsible would become fact rather than opinion.
With a heavy sigh, I padded over to the bathroom, wet my toothbrush and began the monumental task that was to make me look semi human again. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I found I was shocked at the reflection looking back at me. Dark circles surrounded my eyes and there seemed there was no emotion behind them. When did that happen? How much stress was I putting myself under spending most of my moments obsessing over what Dimitri thought of me?
I found myself becoming irritable at the thought of it. I had been such a fierce woman, completely independent and a force to be reckoned with. This breakup had chipped away at what seemed like most of my personality. I made a promise to myself that morning, standing in front of my mirror and feeling hollow, that this would be the last day that I would feel this way.
I would reply to that text, I'd meet up to clear the air and I'd tell him what I had done. I would not feel any shame for it and instead I'd hold my head up high and allow myself to have fun.
I'd make sure I looked damn hot when I had the conversation with him though. Stay petty, Rose. Stay petty.
I pulled out my phone and the text flashed across the screen, still unopened but the preview of the message being enough to fill me with dread.
Sure thing. What time works for you?
I put my phone back down on the bedside table and held my breath for all of 10 seconds before a reply game pinging through. I mean he's keen I'll give him that. Had he been struggling to sleep wondering what I had been getting up to after making those comments about meeting up with Adrian? There was no point in wondering, he would never tell me either way. That's Dimitri for you. A closed book through and through.
Say 7 this evening? I've got a few things on today I can just swing by yours on my way home if that works?
I gulped. Dimitri hadn't been in my house since that day. A place it had been so natural to have him and now the thought felt alien. Almost like a car crash. You know you shouldn't entertain looking at it but somehow you can't pull your gaze away. I sent a quick thumbs up and left it at that.
Looking around my bedroom, I knew I was going to have to make some serious changes around here if I was going to have any hope of making him think I was bossing life after being dumped. There was only one thing for it. I pulled out my phone and text Lissa.
Get over here now. Belikov will be entering the building in less than 12 hours and currently the building looks like a complete depression cave. Help me!
It was the afternoon. Lissa had somehow transformed my entire house into something that resembled what could only be described as a council estate palace. Beautiful on the inside, but you couldn't ignore the fact that the guy living three doors down had just come out of prison for GBH.
"Are you going to tell me what's actually going on with you?" Lissa asked, pulling rather hard at my hair with the curling tongs. I winced and shot her a glare.
"What do you mean?"
"You! You've been acting strange ever since I got here" Lissa accused. "It's like you're bursting at the seams to tell me something but you don't want to at the same time. Jesus, you're so hard to read. I don't get how you can tell exactly what's on my mind but the trick doesn't work both ways". It's true. I'd always had a strange way with Lissa. One look at her and it was like I could read her mind. While I think it's a brilliant aspect of the friendship, Lissa gets annoyed often that she can't hide a thing from me.
I whipped round to face her, almost burning my nose on the curling tongs in her hand. Her eyes went wide and she set them aside, a safe distance away from providing opportunity to injure either one of us.
"I'll tell you but you can't tell a soul" I said, feeling my speech becoming pressured. Wow, I was thinking Adrian couldn't hold his own water and here I was about to spill everything after less than a day. She nodded, gesturing for me to continue. "I slept with Adrian last night". I went silent and Lissa leaned back. Words seemed to have failed her but the loud laugh that emanated from her was unmistakable.
"You did not" she squealed, slapping her leg as she tried to get her breath back.
"What's so funny about it?" I questioned, unable to keep the offence out of my voice. She still didn't look like she had words. She simply picked up the curling tongs and gestured for me to spin round again so she could carry on with my hair.
"I just don't know what's more surprising. The fact that you actually slept with Adrian or the fact that I wasn't expecting you to say that" she chuckled and I could feel a grin rising to my face. I started to laugh with her and before I knew it I had tears streaming down my face. "Never a dull moment with you around, Rose".
"Oh, I know it was stupid" I laughed "I just wanted to have some fun you know? You've seen how down I've been over the Summer. Surely it can't be a bad thing to let go and just do something because it feels good."
"Hey, you don't need to defend yourself to me" Lissa said, raising her hands up in surrender before taking another lock of my hair and spinning it round the curler. "You don't need to defend yourself to anybody for that matter. Least of all Dimitri".
I had missed this. Hearing Lissa talk sense and spending quality time with her. We had both gotten in relationships around the same time and it seemed our friendship had taken a bit of a backseat since. It's crazy when you think about it. We get so wrapped up in what's going on with these boys that we've known a fraction of the time and before you know it, you forget to put the time into what's really important. It was reassuring to know that, even after all this time, Lissa was still around to pick up the pieces when I needed her to be.
"There's a reason everyone thinks you're the wise friend" I sighed "and it's because you come out with little pearls of wisdom like this."
Lissa smiled at me before fluffing my hair up a little then bending down so we were level with each other. The mirror was in front of us when she spun my chair around so we were facing it. She had made me look quietly confident, a bit of a hell hath no fury like a woman scorned kind of vibe going on and I couldn't have thanked her more for it. My confidence had been knocked more than it ever had been over these last few months and I couldn't put into words how satisfying it felt to know it was coming back.
"What do you think?" She asked, knowing full well that I loved it. I said nothing, just matched her grin with one of my own before reaching down to grab my phone to send a text to Dimitri.
You on your way over yet? My night isn't looking as free as it had been.
Slight bit of a lie but something that could be turned into a truth just as quickly. "Hey, do you want to head over to the pub tonight after I've spoken with Dimitri?"
"Oh, I'd love that it's been ages since we've all been together" Lissa sighed. She fixed me with a slightly nervous look. "You do mean the rest of the group as well don't you?" She had known deep down that I had felt uncomfortable around everyone after what had happened with Dimitri. Especially since I'd pretty much been disqualified from the gang since it was always going to be Dimitri who would be easier to get along with than me.
"Let bygones be bygones and all that" I chuckled, feeling that pent up frustration ebb away. What was really the point of waging a war so petty? Lissa did a little squeak of excitement, bent down to peck me on the cheek and started heading out the door.
"8:30 don't be late" She called, slamming the door behind her and leaving me in perfect silence.
Around half an hour had passed and the sun was just starting to set, casting my room in that orange glow I loved so much. Perfect lighting for a not so perfect interaction. I was lazing, nursing a glass of wine that had barely been sipped at the whole time I had been sitting there. It seemed I was more interested in swirling it as fast as I could without spilling a drop over the sides. A new little game I had invented with myself.
There was a knock at the door downstairs and I heard it open a crack. "Rose" that all familiar voice called up. I felt my breath hitch. The familiarity of Dimitri letting himself in to my house was rather overwhelming.
"Just upstairs" I called back as an invitation, sitting up in bed and pouring another glass of wine for Dimitri.
"Hey, you okay?" He asked, pulling off his jacket and throwing it on the side of the door. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a black fisherman style jumper. So basic and yet so sexy. I guess that pretty much sums Dimitri up entirely. I handed him the other glass of wine I had poured and he accepted it politely before sitting down on the edge of my bed next to me.
"You wanted to see me?" I prompted, suddenly finding the wine a lot more appealing as I started to swig from the glass. Anything to break this intense stare between myself and my ex. He looked like he didn't quite know what to say next. Opened his mouth and closed it a few times before getting any words out at all.
"It's just about this vibe between us" He broached, fixing me with a look as if I knew exactly what he meant. Of course I did but I didn't want to be the one to lead this conversation at all. I gave a shrug of my shoulders as if I was clueless and waited for him patiently to continue. "Oh, you must have noticed it Rose. This constant sniping and trying to get one over the other." My heart was beating faster but I know my expression didn't give a single thought away.
"Any examples?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.
"Look, this isn't me saying it's all you. I know I've been a prick too" He assured and I scoffed.
"That's mighty big of you to admit" I laughed. "How much pride did you have to swallow to get those words out?"
"I mean this is exactly what I'm talking about" He said. Damn it. I knew he was right and I had just proved it with one sentence. I let out a sigh, shoulders slumping and put my wine down on the bedside table. I met his eyes and put my hand out for him to shake. He looked down, confusion apparent but took my hand anyway and shook.
It fit like a glove, like I had always known it would. Touch with Dimitri had always been an easy one, something that just flowed and didn't need any effort or brainpower. It was everything else that surrounded us that had been difficult to navigate. Our polar opposite personalities had been our downfall.
"Truce?" I asked.
"I'll stop getting digs in at you every opportunity I get" he promised "would you mind not using Adrian as a way of making me jealous all the time?" My hand fell and I was only too aware that this could go one of two ways.
"About that" I started but I couldn't get the rest of my words out. It turns out imagining this moment of Dimitri finding out I had slept with Adrian was a lot more enjoyable than the reality.
"Tell me you haven't" was all he said and he looked crestfallen. I could feel guilt and shame seeping into me. I bit my lip and looked up at him. My guilty face was all the admission he needed. "Fucking hell". He took a swig of the wine, draining the glass.
He lay back on the bed and looked at me before letting out a loud laugh. Not quite what I was expecting.
"What's so funny?" I asked, my voice mildly defensive.
"What are we doing?" He sighed. "I can't pretend it doesn't sting a bit knowing you've slept with him but I've got no right to tell you what you can and can't do. No right to really feel hurt by it. I gave that up when I ended things."
"So what are you saying?" I asked.
"I'm saying do whatever makes you happy" He said "but do it for the right reasons that's all I ask. No hard feelings from me. I still want that truce."
"Okay, truce granted comrade" I promised, letting him pull me into a half arm hug before he pulled away and grabbed his jacket off the door. "Hey, we're going to the pub tonight if you want to come. I'm sure Mason would be thrilled to get the band back together again."
"Is your new fella going to be there?" He asked and I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on I'm allowed to make one joke."
"You're on thin ice as it is, Belikov" I warned. "Are you in or not?"
"Well I couldn't possibly break Mason's heart like that could I?" He said.
"I don't know, you broke mine easy enough" I quipped. "One joke each?"
"You'll be joining me on this thin ice if you're not careful, Roza" He said, gesturing for me to head down the stairs first. We left my house with an almost brothers in arms feeling between us. Slightly odd but my God was it welcomed.
A/N – Hope you've enjoyed this chapter! New years resolution will definitely be more consistency with writing. Hope you've all had a lovely Christmas! x