Jacob lay awake again, eyes tightly closed, trying to force himself to be still. His entire body was exhausted and taut, his wolf prowling under his skin. It hadn't been this bad in months.

run. home.

"Not yet."

bella. bella. bella.

"Stop." The words were whispered through clenched teeth. "One year."

He'd told himself he'd wait a year and then go home. He would wait. His wolf growled a low tearing threat. run. The pull towards Bella was almost a physical pain. But he'd fought it before and he would fight it again. He'd been so stupid before, pushing at her, trying to make her make a choice. To make the obvious right choice. To choose him. It had all been wrong and stupid and he wouldn't do that to her again. She'd made her decision and it was his job to live with it.

Jake, where are you?

His eyes flew open. "Bells?" He half sat up, his heart leaping.

mine! The wolf coiled and sprang, flinging Jacob off his bunk. He grunted in surprised as his head smacked into the wall. mine! His body was shaking so hard, he could feel his skin begin to thin, and split. mine! It felt like the first time he'd phased, his body betraying him, taking his normal life and tearing it to shreds as the wolf had broken free. run. run. run. The wolf, crouched, ready to pounce again. run! run! run!

The first time he'd phased, Jacob thought he would die. His whole body burned, melting from the inside out, the spirit wolf pushing out of it's cage into his very bones. They shattered and shifted, every atom re-molded into the form of a giant russet colored wolf. Hair pushed through his skin, like a thousand needless all pushing into him—or out of him—at once. His teeth crunched, changed, sharpened. The pain was unbearable. He'd opened his mouth to scream, but all he heard was the piercing howl of the monster he'd become.

"You control the wolf," Sam told him later. "Never let it control you."

Control took patience and a strength of will that had to be taught and earned. The spirit wolves were still animals, and they wouldn't submit without a fight. Jacob had beat his wolf into submission the quickest of the entire pack, but it had taken nearly two weeks.

"Your spirit wolf is strong," Billy had told him, the first week he returned. Their kitchen was still in shreds from his phasing. "Stronger than the rest."

"Why?"

"You're the grandson of Ephraim Black," Billy's eyes shone with a rare sort of pride. "You were born to be the Alpha."

"Sam's Alpha." The reply was sharp, automatic. "He phased first."

Billy had grunted. He might as well have shouted.

"I don't want that on my shoulders, Dad." Jacob had growled.

But his wolf had wanted it. The wolf knew its place, knew what was his, and wanted it. Jacob had grit his teeth with the effort of keeping his wolf quiet in those first few months of running under Sam. It raged within him, itching to be let out, to take control, to hunt. The smell of leeches was everywhere; all over the woods of La Push; all over Forks; all over Bella. But Jacob had won control in the end. At least, he thought he'd won. Jacob sucked in a painful breath. The burning now was worse than his first shift.

Jake, we need you.

His wolf sprang again, sinking it's teeth into him, mine! run! protect! Jacob didn't hear his own yell of pain as his wolf finally ripped free of his body. Lungs heaved, drawing in great gulps of air, the wolf scrambling to its feet, ignoring the terrified shouts of the other loggers. It shook itself and sprang out the too small door of the shabby cabin, wrenching it off its hinges. Its mournful howl broke over the night.

protect. home. la push. bella. mine. protect. run. bella. mine. home. la push. run. run. run!