Chapter LXXIII
Silent Tears
My sad awakening is greeted with agonizing tortures, which engulf me in liquid fire. My mind is still in a daze. I can only moan painfully in response to the deadly abuse. Cruel reality hits me with coldness and violence, shakes me fiercely while showing an evil smirk; it takes pleasure in making me suffer. My exhausted breath turns each of my inspirations into overwhelming trials for my survival. On the path between consciousness and unconsciousness, I whimper despite myself…
I felt so good, so peaceful in the darkness…
I want to go back there…
I reluctantly open my eye. All my senses are altered… Maa, except the blazing inferno of my whole being, it takes me time to understand what's happening around me. My vision is completely blurred; the darkness prevents me from seeing anything. I barely hear anything, and my sense of smell is non-existent. My toothache got worse and is unbearable. I want to tear my Sharingan out of its orbit. I feel like it's dissolved in acid… If I could move, I'd be writhing in pain. To top it all, I really want to rub my paralyzed, itchy nails on something…
Slowly and despite my ordeal, I feel gentle caresses on my scalp. Careful fingers slip between my locks; it would be nice if it wasn't for my bath of suffering. I flinch when I turn my head briefly. My iris immediately gets used to the darkness, in which I recognize this shadow near me.
Naruto is at my bedside and watches over me. His shinobi headband is tied around his neck, and he holds my left hand. His azure-blue eyes have lost their shine and sorrow tarnishes them; tears are stuck in the corner of his eye sockets, under which there are pronounced dark circles. The blond hasn't slept since he poisoned me. The room is in almost darkness. I conclude that it's evening or night. The curtains covering the windows and my useless vision prevent me from being sure.
Suddenly, the pain strikes me absolutely everywhere; it rips from me a wail, and I grind my teeth. I hear with misery the worried squeaks of my student, like his breathing that has accelerated.
The odious crisis finally over, I gasp. Naruto's anxiety-ridden face approaches mine. He also let go of my hand to delicately place it on my cheek.
"… I'm … fine, Naruto…" I mumble. "It just … hurts everywhere… You don't have to worry… It's nothing…"
Naruto releases a tear. It slides down his cheek before landing on my skin; the clear drop becomes a needle soaked in alcohol that pierces me, mixing with my blood like a throw of salt on open wounds. I try as best I can to hold back my voice, but I can't; it responds to torture by itself…
Without warning, Naruto licks my forehead … again. Until his drool anesthetizes my skin, it hurts and I feel disgusted. I can't defend myself, push his mutated tongue coated with saliva away from me… I don't know what's the nature of his unwanted and unpleasant gesture; my brain is too weakened to think, to find this obvious answer. I can only tolerate his slimy tongue when it's used to numb my skin and to make his bites painless…
"... Naruto… You have to sleep … find sleep… I don't like seeing you … hurting yourself like that…" His sapphire eyes shy away from mine. "You promise me, Naruto...? You're gonna sleep when … you've poisoned me … once again?"
The feral boy stares back at me. At the same time, I'm hit with another painful crisis, which shakes me mercilessly like a tidal wave. I escape a cry that tears the silence, then lamentations of despair. If I could, I would cry.
I can't anymore…
I want to sleep…
I want to die…
The mattress in my bunk is sagging. I open my eyelid despite the pain and agony. Naruto looks excruciatingly serious. He climbs extremely carefully into my bed. He gently feels the sheets to make sure he doesn't step on me. His rather suspicious intentions worry me; my painful heart races and smashes my ribs like sharp knives would. Naruto straddles me; both of his legs are on either side of my hips and brush against me. With his eyes closed, he leans towards me, grabs my face and holds it in his palms.
The moment he opens his eyes, I understand too late that he wants to subjugate me under his hypnotic powers. Panic builds within me at a rapid pace. His now luminous eyes chase away the darkness, capturing my gaze with ease since I'm defenceless.
Without an ounce of chakra, I am at his mercy…
A tingling sensation invades me, spreading throughout my body. A biting cold seeps under my flesh and … the unbearable suffering fades little by little. My skin, my organs, my veins, my chakra veins… All the pains, even those that afflicted my Sharingan, vanish as if they had never existed; only my paralysis persists with intensity.
With his chakra devourer powers, Naruto erases all my pain, the same way he erased his demonic bite in my neck. I'm completely free from my nightmare. I'm stunned, speechless, flabbergasted… The desire to die disappears from my mind. The euphoric joy that grips me can't be explained with words.
Never in my life have I been so happy to be under a genjutsu.
A memory resurfaces, putting an end to my fleeting jubilation. As soon as his irises stop glowing, rivers of scarlet flow from his eyes. Naruto hastens to wipe away the blood, grinding his teeth. He trembles in pain and presses his palms against his eyes; at that, he groans silently. I've forgotten the terrible consequences that his powers have for his eyes… Selfish, I'm in no way sorry for him; the happiness of being freed from my suffering is too great to let the regret that I might have for him reach me.
'Thank you, Naruto.'
I can finally breathe, rejoice in being alive. With infinite patience, I wait for the teenager to recover, so he can pour his venom into my body. This feeling of well-being is an illusion; I'm still in a precarious and unstable situation. I must recover, flee death which holds my ankle with its putrid fingers; every second it tries to take me into its eternal kingdom, from which no one ever return. Naruto's poison is necessary to escape it, that's understood.
After an indeterminable amount of time, Naruto removes his bloody hands from his eyes… However, one detail makes me frown. Like this full moon night that I want to forget at all costs, the light has left his pupils; a tapestry of darkness covers them, veiling them behind a misty and unfathomable shroud.
Could it be possible that Naruto has become … blind?
My fears turn out to be true. My student gently feels the sheets in order to find my arm, which escapes his obstructed vision. The devastating repercussions for his eyes after using his powers are worse than I initially thought. His pupils are indeed losing their light. As a result, he's blind for an indefinite period. I better understand why he avoids their use at all costs. I know it takes a tremendous amount of chakra, but I had no idea of such consequences for him. Guilt creeps into me. That said, I sincerely needed relief from my martyrdom…
However, Naruto doesn't give me time to mope as he takes my arm. He feels and examines my skin with his fingers to choose where to sink his fangs. Without embarrassment and hesitation, he slides his mutated tongue over my forearm before biting me painlessly. Apart from the unpleasant and boiling heat which seeps into my flesh and my veins, I don't suffer more than that. I don't have time to live the whole experience anyway.
I sink once again into darkness.
- XxX -
Kakashi's precious life was all that mattered to Naruto. Seeing Kakashi in pain and whimpering caused such painful aches in his heart, so much so that his eyes no longer cried. The suffering caused by hunger no longer affected him; even the terror of being between these four nightmare-creating walls no longer affected him. Aware of the fragility and great vulnerability of Kakashi's body, Naruto had sworn to protect him at all costs, to protect him against anything and everything. He refused to let humans tarnish his beauty with their disgusting and unworthy hands.
A dark rage had possessed him when a human he did not know tried to defile Kakashi, to desecrate him, to put an end to the fire that represented Kakashi's life. Naruto covered it like a blanket to protect it from the winds seeking to extinguish it forever. His anger and hatred were so great that he was ready to kill. Unfortunately, the human had escaped from his grip and deadly lightning. The bone was fractured in her arm. If it was not for Kakashi, Naruto would listen to that little voice in his head screaming at him not to let her go, to catch her and make her pay for her unforgivable crime with her life…
But Kakashi's precious life was much more important than revenge.
The sapphire-eyed boy considered this broken arm to be an acceptable punishment.
Despite his desire to defend Kakashi against any potential threats, Naruto could not cure the evil that was eating away at Kakashi. There was a way … but the shock would be too violent for Kakashi. Kakashi was far too weakened, and Naruto refused to take any risks. It was too early to do it anyway. Kakashi's body had not had time to adapt, far, far from it. This adaptation time greatly slowed down Kakashi's recovery, still on the verge of death.
Since Kakashi trusted them, the blond reluctantly tolerated the hateful human who had broken his tail and the other always by her side. Naruto hardly contained his murderous impulses when they touched Kakashi with their vile and muddy hands, which made Kakashi dirty. Although they were providing care, he could only hiss loudly as he analyzed their every move. At the slightest suspicious movement, he was ready to pounce, tear the flesh with his sharp claws, tear out the blood vein in the neck with his fangs and pierce the skin with his lightning bolts like destructive, violent thunderstorms.
Each time they visited, Naruto fought against himself, fighting against the irrepressible urge to eliminate the humans who could heal Kakashi unlike him. His mind was in constant torment. He was jealous of them. He too wanted to heal Kakashi like them; he too wanted to erase the marks of his bites. He wanted to acquire their strange healing powers so that he no longer had to let them taint Kakashi with their ugliness… Naruto could only hope for nothing. All he could do was poison Kakashi to make him sleep. His venom allowed Kakashi to recover his fatally low chakra, from which his body continually drew the energy necessary to adapt.
Naruto felt so helpless.
Fortunately, they did not come often and had stopped their unwanted visits. Instead, Sakura, the human creator of miracles, took care of his precious Kakashi… However, he had a hard time accepting that she touched Kakashi, that she soiled him with her disgusting and filthy impurities. Yet, the urge to attack her was not as strong, although it crept into his unstable mind. He looked at her with a glare, hissing as a dire warning. Naruto was ready to take her life if she did even the slightest harm to his precious Kakashi. Unlike the other human who ended up with a broken arm, he would not let her slip through his clutches.
Day and night, Naruto remained at his post and watched over the precious human in the apple of his eyes. He had taken care to plunge the room into a soothing darkness. His hand no longer let go of Kakashi's; he was convinced that it reassured Kakashi despite his imposed sleep, that it helped him heal faster.
He listened to the exhausted beating of Kakashi's heart, his weakened breath which painfully inhaled oxygen and the infernal noise of the demonic machine. He wanted to sabotage this mechanical box with his lightning to silence it. But for Kakashi's well-being, its cohabitation was obligatory. Over time, the blond understood that this thing allowed Kakashi to breathe, to fill his lungs with air, since Kakashi was no longer able to do so. This realization tore Naruto's heart in two.
His organ of love screamed with sorrow, but his eyes were dry, as if he had exhausted all the tears in his body. His blue irises did not deviate from Kakashi's inert body. He forgot the overwhelming and painful hunger like the ember wounds on his arms and ankles. Thirst dried up his mouth, which became pasty. His need to urinate became urgent and as a result, put him into increasing discomfort. Fatigue was more and more present; his eyelids were so heavy. The itching in his fingers was hellish; only the act of scratching could silence the annoying itching, but Naruto could not leave Kakashi's bedside no matter what. Of course, time was a non-existent concept now.
When Naruto saw Kakashi regain consciousness while letting out small sounds of pain, he felt like the ground was collapsing beneath his feet. These weeping lamentations bled his ears raw. He hastened to gently caress the silver locks; a sincere attempt to ease the evils that were shaking Kakashi.
Once again the feral boy silently cried dry tears. However, a solitary liquid tear made its way out of his eye, in which there was only darkness fuelled by despair. Of course, Naruto was happy that Kakashi was awake, but seeing him in pain, hearing his little trembling and broken voice…
His joy had vanished immediately.
After offering him a kiss as a sign of affection, Naruto's heart stopped. Kakashi knew about the insomnia he was putting himself through. He had no idea how Kakashi knew that… One thing was certain: he had disappointed Kakashi with his devastating decision towards himself. If Naruto fell asleep, he could no longer watch over Kakashi. Kakashi could not defend himself; easy prey if humans wanted to attack him.
His chest was stabbed even more when Kakashi's scream tore through the silence. Although they were invisible, he felt the desperate tears of his precious Kakashi. Naruto was unable to tolerate Kakashi's tears. Despite his limited chakra reserves and the excruciating pain that would follow, he decided to silence his cries once and for all with his pupils.
For Kakashi, he was ready to endure agony.
For Kakashi, he was willing to sink into pain.
For Kakashi, he resigned to give up his sight.
After carefully climbing into bed, Naruto bewitched Kakashi with his powerful powers; he erased all the suffering that was burning Kakashi's body. Then, tears of blood blurred his vision that sank into darkness, but Naruto did not care. He took care not to stain Kakashi with his scarlet fluid and therefore, he preserved the beauty of this winter skin, which was fighting against the destructive sun.
Of course, horrible pain burned his eyes; it was like real acid dissolving his eyeballs and bleeding them raw. For Kakashi, he forgot his sufferings, accepted being condemned in a universe empty of light and darkness. He was completely exhausted and his chakra reserves were depleted. With the use of such a powerful spell, he did not know when his vision would return to translate the world into images.
In his blindness, Naruto found Kakashi's arm and bit into it. Then he placed a hand against the unsightly and inevitable wounds. He realized too late that his palms were still stained with his fresh blood. He did not need to see to know the extent of his mistake, that of having made Kakashi's beauty ugly. His nostrils, pricked with sticky liquid, communicated the information to him with precision similar to his dull eyes.
He waited until his bite stopped bleeding. He licked the blood from his hands and Kakashi's delicate skin. The taste of iron imprinted itself on his tongue as he made everything disappear. Naruto had gotten used to it from biting flesh. This taste no longer displeased him—rather, he was now indifferent to it.
Kakashi's faint words haunted his mind. Kakashi wanted him to rest, to sleep… Kakashi had asked him to promise him that. Since Kakashi was already aware that he was not sleeping for inexplicable reasons, Kakashi would know if Naruto continued to watch over him until his venom left Kakashi's body.
Whether Naruto liked it or not, his body was crying out for sleep. If he did not rest, he would stop producing venom. Moreover, he could only respect his promise made to his precious Kakashi.
Nightfall was a great time to sleep. Granted, he could not recover that much, but he could keep his promise while still protecting Kakashi. However, Naruto was fidgeting in place. He had to urinate, empty his bladder, which was on the verge of bursting; he had held back for more than a whole day.
He focused on his sense of smell to examine the room. Having no other choice, he left Kakashi's bedside and scanned the area using his hands and nostrils. He listened to the distant echoes of the humans lurking around their makeshift and atrociously hateful den. A wandering desire to move Kakashi into the nest to make him safe sprouted in his head for a breath. If it was not that Kakashi's life needed this machine, Naruto would consider it.
To the misfortune of the blond, this room did not have a water source, from which he could have drunk before defiling it. Leaving this room to find one was an absolute no-no. Unable to restrain himself, Naruto resigned himself to choosing a corner of the room, opposite the bed in which Kakashi was lying to empty his bladder…
Relieved at last, he found his place at Kakashi's bedside. Fear devoured his insides at the thought of closing his eyes. Even though he held Kakashi's comforting hand, he feared losing Kakashi. He was terrified that this flame would go out forever during his nap. Thanks to the accumulated exhaustion combined with the use of his eyes, Naruto would sleep despite the presence of the night. He sat on the floor, on his knees, and rested his head on the edge of the bed.
As promised to his precious Kakashi, Naruto let himself sail on the river of dreams and too often cruel.