My deepest apologies for the five-month absence. I thank you all for your patience, and I hope you like this new chapter.
Have a happy New Year 2024, everyone!
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Life
The wail of the sirens filled her ears. They were the very first thing she noticed upon returning to consciousness. Her whole body ached, and she could feel bandages against her forehead. Her left arm, immobilized, most likely in a cast. She could smell blood, antiseptics, and… tears?
Doctor Akagi opened her eyes. There was so much white around her that it hurt. She let out a groan.
"Ritsuko?" a trembling voice called.
She turned her head, a small yet extenuating action that sent new jolts of pain down her back and chest. A purple-headed blur at her right was babbling something. It became more defined as her eyes regained strength, until it transformed into a sobbing Misato Katsuragi, wearing a dirty dress. Had she not been so dizzy, Ritsuko would've been surprised to see her there.
"Ritsuko!" Misato pretty much jumped on her wrapping the doctor into a sloppy but emotional hug.
"Ouch."
"Oh! I'm so sorry!"
Ritsuko gave herself a moment to study the situation. She was in a moving ambulance, there was no doubt about it. Her clothes were ruined and stained with blood, probably her own. Her left arm in a cast, just as she suspected. Misato sitting next to her, with watery eyes and a red nose dripping snot.
"What are you doing here?" Ritsuko asked.
"I was so worried about you!"
"That doesn't really answer–"
"I thought you were dead!" Misato sniffled, and resumed her crying. "When I got the call… They couldn't contact Matsuhiro, and when we got here everything was in ruins, and… and… We dug but we only found corpses," her voice broke in a painful gasp. "And… and you weren't moving at first, and I thought…"
Ritsuko watched as the stoic-in-action Major of Nerv became a fountain of tears and snot, her words quickly devolving into babbling she couldn't understand. It was so easy for her, to switch from an experienced and unflappable military tactician to a wailing mess of emotions. Ritsuko let out a chuckle not devoid of jealousy.
"Have you been drinking?" she asked.
"Yes, but that's not the point!"
Misato sniffled loudly. Ritsuko looked down at herself, and with her free hand, tore off a small piece of her ruined labcoat. "Use this."
"Thanks."
As Misato blew her nose, Ritsuko recalled the immediate events before her blackout. The test of Unit-03, she remembered that. She had ordered all the systems to be checked and re-checked, just in case. She had personally overseen the Suzuhara boy as he got in the entry plug, going so far as to give him some words of comfort, or at least an attempt at such.
Then, the alarms. An inhuman scream, followed by light and heat.
"It was an Angel," she groaned. "It was inside Unit-03. Oh, gods…" her good hand went to her forehead. "We analyzed everything before the test. Everything! How did we fail to find it?"
"They're a bunch of dirty cheaters," Misato said, wiping her tears off with that same piece of labcoat.
"And how come you're not at HQ, directing the defense?"
"Kaji took care of that."
Ritsuko blinked, caught off-guard by that revelation. She gave Misato a good look, from head to toe, focusing especially on the dress. It seemed familiar.
Her brain organized her memories, putting them in order. The events before the accident became clearer, and with that came an awareness of everything else that was supposed to happen that day. Ritsuko remembered a wedding she had chosen to miss. It was easy to connect the dots.
"You came for me. You left it all… for me?"
Misato knelt next to Ritsuko, and clutched at the scientist's shirt with both of her trembling hands. "You're my best friend. I don't want to be angry at you anymore. I don't want to lose you."
The good Doctor Akagi had been dreaming of that moment for the past days, albeit foolishly, or so she had told herself. Now that it had arrived, she found no words to reply with. No sarcastic remark, no cynic commentary, no logical analysis of any aspect of the human soul; nothing. In fact, she found herself biting her lip to not start crying herself.
Hearing Misato's words had felt good. Healing. Soothing. But it also pained her, because she knew she didn't deserve it. She hadn't earned Misato's forgiveness, not while she still ignored her most heinous crimes. Ritsuko's hand went down and rested on top of Misato's, with the intention of pushing them away.
Instead, she thanked her only friend in that cruel world. She was a selfish woman, after all. She needed that comfort, that stairway to redemption. She wanted to bask in the soothing light for a little more, until it was truly her time to fall.
"How did you reactivate Unit-02?"
They hadn't let her shower. Not even a towel to dry herself. It was the second time she was stinking of LCL in the commander's office. Once again, Fuyutsuki had been sent somewhere to do something else; so Commander Ikari would be judge, jury and perhaps executioner. She had hoped for Kaji to be there, but he seemed to have vanished from the GeoFront.
"I don't know," Asuka averted her gaze, crossing her arms and making a very evident pout. Not her best reply, but at that moment, teenage defiance was her only defense.
"The MAGI report that the reactivation was internal. You're the only who could've done it. How?"
Although his pose, demeanor and tone of voice were as monotone and dull as ever; Asuka could sense a delicious uneasiness in the air. Gendo was upset, even if he tried to hide it. She smirked and, unable to resist it, poked at the dragon. "Maybe I hacked it."
The commander's shiny glasses pierced her soul with a lifeless stare. She could feel the eyes behind them, glaring at her like icy daggers.
"The Evangelions are the most expensive, most advanced technology devised by mankind," the temperature in the room seemed to go down with each of his words. Every syllable was delivered almost like a tranquil yet firm slap. Something to put a rebellious child in her place. "MAGI, a computer with unparalleled processing power and speed, monitors their systems. Each Unit was the result of collaborative effort between the most brilliant minds this century will ever see. They can't be hacked, much less by a teenager. College degree or no college degree."
Her smirk was erased. Her ego, deflated; but Asuka didn't show him any other sign of weakness. She stood her ground, not giving him the decency of looking into his eyes, pretending to be more interested in the wall or the ceiling. He wouldn't get neither fear nor respect from her.
"Did someone in Germany give you a code to start Unit-02?" he insisted. "Perhaps a vocal password that the Eva would respond to, even deactivated?"
Asuka rolled her eyes at the commander's paranoia.
"This attitude is unbecoming of a pilot. Tell me what you did to put Unit-02 back on its feet."
"I didn't do anything."
She pulled the control levers so hard that they seemed about to break. She kicked and cursed at the darkened LCL, receiving no answer. The lines remained off, the comm. windows closed, even though she had pressed every possible button. Her anger faded quickly, smothered by the unavoidable realization that Unit-02 would not move.
She would not move. The fight was over for her.
Asuka let her tired arms fall. She sighed a stream of sad bubbles. The entry plug around her seemed so big, and she so small, so alone.
Some noises came from outside, muffled by the flesh, bones and armor of Unit-02. Asuka wondered if Unit-01 would have engaged Unit-03 in combat. Was Shinji piloting? Had they found a way to increase his synch ratio? Or was the commander finally using those replacements, those dummy plugs Doctor Akagi had told them about? Perhaps he was the cause of the sudden lack of power, as well.
Pain burned in her chest, and her arms trembled as she gritted her teeth. She was going to fail.
She remembered Shinji on the Ferris Wheel. She remembered his smile, his shyness and his courage. Would he still want to be with her if she failed to save Suzuhara? Would he be angry? Would he be sad? Would he focus on someone else, or perhaps retire into his own mind and never look at her again?
Would he abandon her?
Memories of a past that still haunted her clashed with the dread of a future yet to come. She looked for her usual defenses, but they weren't there anymore, not after everything she had gone through. Only the small Asuka remained, that little girl frozen before the open door of a hospital room.
In her mind, that Asuka looked at her older self. They embraced, like they had done in her nightmares not too long ago, and called for someone. They were sure that the cruel universe would ignore the plea, but still, Asuka called.
"Mama… Mama, help me… Please…"
She felt that tingling in the back of her head, the same from whenever she synched with her Unit, but this time it didn't stop there. It went down her neck and into her chest, warming her like an embrace in Winter. Asuka watched, mouth agape, as the systems turned on one by one and the light returned to the entry plug.
"Kaji?" she asked. "Did you do this?"
No answer came, no holographic window opened. This time, however, it didn't matter to her. She could feel her Unit once again, its muscles responding to hers, and she smiled. A victorious grin, with all the teeth.
The walls of the entry plug showed her the battlefield outside. Shinji, in his giant demon form, was crying over a battered Unit-01. Behind him, Unit-03 was pulling itself back on its feet, its intentions pretty clear.
"Oh no, you don't," and she commanded Unit-02 to deploy the knife and throw it.
Asuka sniffed in the most defiant, annoying way she was capable of. "I didn't do it. I thought it had been Inspector Kaji, or one of the technicians."
Ikari let out a brief sigh, in an uncharacteristic moment of normalcy. Maybe his defenses were shattering, or perhaps he was getting fed up with her attitude. Regardless, Asuka considered it a victory.
"If you're gonna throw me in a cell, do it quickly," she said, as nonchalantly as if she was talking about that night's dinner. "I'm tired. I want to take a nap."
In truth, she very much wasn't okay with going to the cells; but she just couldn't help herself. She wanted to try her luck, to show him that he had no power over her.
The commander pushed his glasses up. "Unfortunately, with Units 03 and 01 damaged, one pilot hospitalized and another useless; I can't afford to detain you."
Asuka could've jumped and cheered. Scot free, mostly. She kept winning against the mighty Gendo Ikari.
"But," he continued, "other measures shall be taken to deal with your problematic behavior. A dummy plug will be installed into Unit-02, and at the very first sign of disobedience, it will be activated. In fact, the dummy plug will be considered the main pilot from now on. You will be an accessory at best, one which shall be returned to Germany if it keeps giving us trouble."
Accessory. It. Those two words were like a punch to the gut for Asuka. She wondered if he had chosen them deliberately, if he knew about her past and her fears. And she wondered what more could he possibly know about all the pilots.
"One more thing," he added. "Unit-04 will be sent to us in two weeks. As soon as its pilot is chosen, and as soon as Unit-03 is repaired and the Fourth Children recovered; you and Unit-02 will be taken off the active roster and put in the reserve. Pray that an Angel attacks in the next two weeks, because it'll be your last chance for the childish glory you crave so much. Now leave."
Asuka swallowed the reply that was already climbing up her throat. As much as she wanted to have the last word, to loudly defy and insult the commander, even she knew that it would be pushing it too far. It wasn't smart to jeopardize her victory just to satisfy her greedy ego. She settled for giving him no salute of any kind, then turning around and walking away, haughty and proud of herself.
The door opened before she could reach it, revealing two Section-2 agents flanking a handcuffed Shinji Ikari. Asuka's advance came to a halt. One of her hands went to her mouth, to cover a worried gasp.
He looked at her, and she looked back at him, and in a brief stare they talked without words. Their eyes sent messages, from one soldier to another, from a friend to a friend.
He told her that she didn't need to worry. She responded that she wasn't. There was a bit of white lie in both, but they had built enough trust over the past days, and especially in that afternoon, to not care. To understand, perhaps.
So, Asuka left the office. She didn't look back when the door sealed itself shut, even though a part of her wished to stay and try to eavesdrop; but that would've been disrespectful to Shinji. She had to trust him, as much as, she was sure, he trusted her. After an elevator ride where she was alone with her thoughts, she finally got out of her plugsuit and walked into the shower to clean off the LCL.
She remembered the last time a similar chain of events had taken place. Back then, she too had ended up there, with hot water running down her face, her body, her legs. However, this time she didn't feel like crying. She hadn't rushed into the shower, desperate for the respite of a wet and steamy refuge.
Accessory. Reserve. Childish. Gendo's hurtful words were there, floating around in her mind, but they didn't cause her any pain. How could they, when she had just won? Not only had she saved that monkey Suzuhara, but she had also, finally, killed an Angel solo. Mostly solo. The final blow had been hers and hers alone. The Sixth and the Eight Angels hadn't counted, the former because she had been sharing her Unit with Shinji, the latter because she had needed to be rescued afterwards, and she had used his knife, too. But this one…
And yet, Asuka found, much to her surprise, that her mind went to other, certain memories, rather than the ones of her victory. A Ferris Wheel. A Haunted House. A new dress. Some idiot being brave enough to ask her on a date. Perhaps braver than herself. Those memories wouldn't be tainted by the death of a friend, the wounding of a comrade, or the crush of a defeat. They would remain warm and happy, for her to relive as many times as she wanted.
Life. She had lived that afternoon, in a way she hadn't in a long, long way; and she would still live tomorrow, despite Gendo's best efforts. And perhaps, she thought, that was more important than killing an Angel. Perhaps that was the real victory.
Asuka didn't cry under the shower. She laughed, to celebrate that she was alive. She laughed at herself, because of how much she had changed and because she didn't care anymore. She laughed at the commander, at SEELE, at the demons and the Angels and to whatever else the universe dared to throw at them.
She laughed because she was happy, and for once, it didn't involve Eva.
Shinji wore saggy and oversized clothes, a far cry from his usual white shirt and black trousers. It seemed that they had been picked in a hurry from somewhere, and they were stained with dirt. He wondered if his father had noticed it, or even cared.
"Leave us," Gendo said to the agents. Thus, Commander and son were soon alone, locked in a duel of stares.
The temperature of the whole room seemed to drop. Shinji had never truly realized how empty and dark that place was. Granted, they were in the middle of the night, but he was sure that, even at noon on a sunny day, his father's office would be shadowy and gloomy. He wondered about the purpose of that, if it had any.
"I am fairly sure of the answer," Gendo said, "but I'd rather hear it from you. Are you the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01, or are you the so-called King of Demons, using the body of Shinji Ikari?"
Shinji thought he didn't care about his father anymore, that he had left that ogre and his shadow behind forever; yet he felt a freezing sting in his stomach. A last ember of family love must have remained in his soul, for Gendo's words had smothered it, leaving only cold rage in its place. Shinji's eyes turned crimson for a second. After all that time, that man still doubted him? Could he even see him as his father anymore?
"I am Shinji Ikari," he said. "I just ended up in the body of the King of Demons, but my mind and my soul are still mine."
He waited for the reaction. Gendo didn't move an inch, and in the penumbra of the office, with his glasses reflecting the light from some source somewhere, he looked more like a statue than a man.
"I see," was his only reply.
Shinji took a deep breath through his nose, glaring at the commander at all times. That seemingly disinterested response only increased his current hostility towards him. His rage, the one that sometimes appeared during battle, manifested a taunt he couldn't fight back: "You were too quick to dismiss those agents. What if I hadn't been Shinji Ikari?"
He said it with a very un-Shinji, but quite Asuka-y, smirk. Alas, it was erased from his lips by Gendo's new and immediate response. "In that case, the agents' presence wouldn't have mattered, would it?"
They returned to the silent duel of glares, the son wondering if the father was smiling behind his gloves hands.
Gendo raised his head a little, enough so that the smallest bits of light reflecting off his glasses shone like a menacing beacon. "You're not here to ask questions. You will answer only when spoken to."
Shinji didn't look at his shoes, or at the wall. He wouldn't avert his gaze, not even before those two cold, white dots behind a desk.
"You have been hiding important information from us," Gendo continued. "Your childish actions have caused the death of civilians and the damage of infrastructures, with the subsequent monetary expenses. This very afternoon, you attacked essential Nerv property, increasing the cost of the post-battle repairs. But more severe than that, your interference jeopardized the destruction of the Ang–"
"You were killing Touji!" Shinji's scream was like an angry punch, shattering the commander's monotone voice.
But Gendo didn't seem affected by that. Not even a twitch. "Unit-03 had been overtaken by the Fifteenth Angel, thus becoming the enemy. The pilot was expendable. And I didn't give you permission to speak."
"Expendable?" Shinji's eyes flashed red as he repeated that word, almost spitting at every syllable. "He was still alive in there! The Angel had taken the Eva, not him!"
"Irrelevant. It was the most pragmatic decision."
"Well, your decision was wrong! Asuka and I saved him and she killed the Angel! And now you get to keep Unit-03!"
"Unit-01 was severely damaged by your hand."
"Only because you didn't even try to save him! You gave up, just like you gave up on me! Just like you gave up on Mom's memory!"
There. The twitch. Something had cracked in his father's stoicism. The statue had moved, had become a man for just an instant, vulnerable.
After a moment of heavy silence, Gendo pushed his glasses up. "Unit-01 was your mother's life's work."
Shinji felt as if his soul had fallen to his feet. All of his rage, bravado, and hatred towards the commander took a brief backseat as a cold realization hit him. His brain replayed every punch he had landed onto the purple helmet, and it reminded him of the taste of the Eva's blood as he had ripped its arm off its socket.
"I told you I kept everything in my heart," his father said. "Your mother left something much more valuable than a picture. She left us a weapon to protect our future, to ensure that mankind would survive the coming of the Angels. She left us hope, and you spat on it."
The urge to vomit climbed up his throat, but Shinji swallowed it down. He thought of the flowers he had left on her empty, ornamental grave; and tears almost escaped his eyes. A part of him wanted to turn tail and run, fly back to that cemetery and kneel in front of her tombstone, begging for forgiveness. Another part wanted to go do the same at the Eva cages.
"Every time you hit Unit-01, you were hitting your mother. It was her blood you spilt, her jaw you broke, her memory you almost destroyed."
Shinji's breathing became irregular, raspy, and hard. Sweat soaked his hands and forehead. His legs felt the urge to tremble, failing to hold his own weight. He couldn't even keep his attention on Gendo anymore, and the commander was little more than a blur in his anxious eyesight.
He took some air in, then out. He closed his eyes.
When Unit-02 stomped the pathetic true body of the Angel, Shinji cheered as hard as he could, even though he knew she couldn't see him.
"We shouldn't stay here any longer," Sosuke said, knocking on the car's open door to attract his attention.
Shinji hopped in, and soon they were driving back to Tokyo-3. Slow, lights off, using the shine of the city as a guide. The last thing they wanted was to attract Nerv's attention. Shinji got dressed with some clothes that had been procured for him. They were saggy and oversized, but they would do for the time being. The car slithered around and between the trees, using a withered and unkempt road, a remnant of the old Hakone.
"You did a good job," Sosuke said. "Both of you."
Nodding, Shinji let out a long sigh, draining all the stress from his body. Some refused to abandon him, though. He would've preferred to go look for Touji's entry plug and make sure he was fine; but he knew it was risky. He had no choice but to trust in the shock-absorbing properties of the LCL and in the plug itself.
"Sorry about your date," Sosuke added.
"It's alright," Shinji said as a rebel blush appeared on his face. Not unwelcome, however.
"There's still some night left. Perhaps skip straight to the fancy dinner?"
Shinji chuckled. Where would he even take her? What restaurant or pizza place would open that night, right after an Angel Attack? Maybe their date would have to end with them having instant ramen alongside Pen-pen in the apartment.
"Actually," he said, pushing all those happy thoughts to the side. "I think I want to first make sure that Touji is okay. I guess they'll send him to the GeoFront's hospital, so… um…" He gave a nervous, pleading look to the swordsman.
"Wanna go down there? They'll scold me for bringing you late, and then they'll scold you for being late," Sosuke laughed. "Ah, whatever. It'll be worth the scolding. You have a friend to see and a girl to pick up."
They drove in silence and shadows for a while, always towards Tokyo-3. Alas, they would never reach its still-empty streets, for when they were almost there, a blinding flash forced them to close their eyes. The brake was stepped on, and had they been going faster, maybe they would've crashed against something. Instead, the wheels just screeched and stopped.
When they opened their eyes, they found themselves surrounded by a circle of black cars, and men in equally black suits. Some of them had their hands on their guns, ready to draw them.
Sosuke signaled Shinji to remain in his seat while he stepped out.
"We've come for the pilot of Unit-01," Shinji heard one of the agents said. "He's to be sent to the GeoFront immediately. The commander wants to see him."
"I haven't been notified," Sosuke replied.
"Sosuke Oshiba, as of tonight, you are relieved of your duty as a Section-2 agent and caretaker of the pilots. You are to be detained and transported to Headquarters as well, under suspicion of treason."
From his seat, Shinji saw a small change in the swordsman's stance. Any other person wouldn't have noticed, but Shinji had spent enough time training with to recognize how he moved, even how he breathed when he was about to attack. He saw Sosuke's thumb grazing the blade's handguard and pushing, ever so slightly, ever so stealthily…
Shinji walked out of the car. "I'll go!"
His words gave pause to everyone around him. He became the target of dozens of stares, he felt their weight over him and he knew what was coming; but he pushed through and took a step forward.
He saw Sosuke relaxing his stance. No point in fighting, for the decision had been made, and he would respect it. The swordsman lowered his head, a silent apology for having failed in his mission.
"It's okay, Mister Oshiba," Shinji said. "I think… I think it's time I confront my father."
Confident words said by a nervous voice.
An agent approached, handcuffs ready, and Shinji extended his arms. Before they took both of them away, Sosuke spoke one final piece of advice:
"If he tries to get a reaction out of you, don't give it to him."
He opened his eyes. He swallowed all the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the doubt and the hatred that man awoke on him; but he wouldn't bury it and forget it, no. He would not let it fester in his stomach. He would save it for a more appropriate time. For now, he needed to remain calm. Otherwise, his father would win.
Shinji wondered if, behind his shadowy facade of frozen indifference, the commander was growing uneasy. Were his mighty plans crumbling just because his son wasn't throwing a tantrum after such a low blow? Shinji hoped so. It filled him with joy and made it so much easier to avoid that reaction that his father could be looking for.
"It doesn't matter," Gendo said, his voice almost failing to hide his disappointment. "I'm going to make sure that it doesn't happen again. You'll go back to being an asset of Nerv, this time under my direct command."
He spoke like each of his words was a hammer hitting a nail in a coffin. A king, from his blackened throne, sealing the fate of the rebel peasant brought to him in chains.
"You will no longer be considered a pilot," Gendo continued. "You will be retained in a maximum security cell inside the GeoFront, to be let out only to help eliminate Angels and hostile Demons. When you're not on the battlefield or in your cell, Doctor Akagi will perform extensive examinations on you, to determine if we can copy your powers and apply them to the Evas."
The hammer kept falling, and the nails kept piercing the wood, deeper and deeper, sealing the coffin.
"Your contact with the other pilots, and with the rest of Nerv personnel, will be strict, limited and dependent on your cooperation. You are forbidden from accessing the cage of Unit-01. And needless to say, you won't return to school nor to Major Katsuragi's apartment."
"No."
Gendo halted just as he was about to push his glasses up. From inside the coffin, the prisoner had fought back, sending the nails flying.
With a single flex of his arms, the handcuffs in Shinji's wrists were shattered into many pieces of metal.
"You asked me who I was," he said. "I am your son. I was once the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. I am the holder of the Demon King's powers. But, above all that, I am Shinji Ikari. I am not your prisoner, and I won't be your guinea pig."
The commander looked down, at what remained of the handcuffs on the floor. Shinji wondered if he did so to not look at his face. Perhaps those pieces of metal were a reminder that things were escaping out of his control. Maybe his eyes were trembling behind those emotionless glasses. He now wanted his father to look at him, albeit for a very different reason.
"I won't live in a cell," Shinji said, raising his voice a little. "I will stay with Miss Misato, and I will go to school with my friends. I will fight, yes. I will protect everyone from Angels and Demons, but I will do it for them. Not for you."
In the deafening silence of the vast office, the sound of Gendo rubbing his gloved hands was like the growl of a beast losing its patience. And yet, it had no effect. The son stared at the father, defiant, through the latter's armor of aloofness. The distance between each other, the gloomy and empty office, the cold pose, the glasses hiding his eyes… Shinji was no longer intimidated by any of those defenses.
Gendo must have noticed, for he reinforced his threats. "I promised to the Prime Minister that I would send him the First Demon so that the whole country can get retribution for Old Tokyo. I could do that right now."
"You won't, because you need me."
Shinji knew he was pushing his luck, but he could see his father growing nervous. He could sense it. Even if that man clung to his stoic mask as much as he could, the small changes in the way he stared, breathed and even sat were noticeable.
"You said it yourself, that day," Shinji said, encouraged. "When I first saw the Eva. You only called me because you needed me, remember? And you still do. Otherwise, you would've sent me to the Prime Minister already, but you had me brought here for an interrogation because you want my powers. You want me to fight. You need me."
Gendo didn't respond. His threat disarmed, he seemed to retreat even further into his pose and his shadowy throne. Shinji waited for a new attack, or for a confirmation of the accusations. Perhaps now was when his father would reveal a trump card, or a secret weapon hidden under his desk, or he would try a new method of extortion, or…
"I see," Gendo said, and that's all Shinji got. "Do as you wish. As long as you don't interfere with Nerv's mission, I don't care."
A pause. The tension, which had been building up, stopped right as it was about to burst. The commander's silence made the whole room feel colder. Shinji took a deep breath, maintaining his angry stare, one that he wasn't sure his father was even acknowledging anymore. Disappointment set in. It wasn't the resolution he had imagined or hoped for; but he guessed it would do. Perhaps it had been foolish to expect anything else.
Shinji turned around and walked away, maintaining his straight pose as he crossed the office doors. Without hesitance in his steps, he moved through the corridor, head high, not making visual contact with any of the few people around. In time, he reached the nearest elevator and was quick to push the button.
As soon as the doors closed, as soon as he was alone in that small cubicle; his legs failed him and he fell on his butt. Every inch of his body was trembling, and sweat droplets ran down his forehead. Air escaped his lungs, in what was half a stressful wail, half a liberating laughter.
He had done it. He had done it! He had stood up to his father, defied him and said everything he wanted to say! He still couldn't believe it. He wasn't even sure that he could break the handcuffs!
Shinji cried and laughed, and some of the tears fell in his mouth, but he didn't care. He welcomed the salty taste, just as he welcomed the uncomfortable sweat now staining his clothes. As far as he was concerned, few things could ruin that night anymore. For the first time, even though he was in his domain, Shinji Ikari didn't feel nor fear the looming presence of his father. And the tears kept flowing, and more cackles escaped his mouth, and they all carried the pain of many years. At long last, he could let go of that baggage.
It was so liberating that he didn't notice the elevator stopping, nor the doors opening, until a nurse was crouching next to him, asking if he was okay. Shinji apologized for the troubles, still smiling like an idiot and not caring about it. He asked if a Touji Suzuhara or a Ritsuko Akagi had been sent into the medical ward, and after being given directions, he stood up and went on his way, wiping his tears on his sleeves.
He found Asuka waiting next to Room 202, leaning her back against the wall. Shinji froze upon seeing that she was wearing, once again, the Chinese-style dress from their date. Maybe it was all the emotion from the battle or from his meeting with Gendo; but in her eyes, she was more beautiful than he remembered.
They ran to each other.
"Are you okay?" they asked, in perfect unison, only to stutter while sporting equally intense blushes.
Each tried to ask if Gendo had been too harsh on the other. Once again, their questions were almost identical, word for word. Shinji coughed, nervous, and Asuka averted her gaze while playing with a lock of her hair.
"You smell of sweat," she said, desperate to say something, anything that he wouldn't; hopefully putting an end to that mutual display of dorkiness.
"Sorry," he said.
"And your father is an asshole."
"He is," he clenched his fists. "If… If he insulted you, or if he threatened you…"
"He did, but I don't care," her eyes went back to his, a spark of worry in them. "What about you? Does he know? What is he gonna do to you?"
Shinji smiled. "He knows, but he can't do anything."
Asuka returned the smile and bumped his shoulder with her fist. "You did pretty good out there."
"Not as good as you."
Her fluster intensified, and she grumbled something in protest, which caused Shinji to chuckle. He looked at the room's door, just a few feet away.
"The doctors still aren't finished with Suzuhara," Asuka said, guessing what he was going to ask, and pointing at 202 with her thumb. "Akagi is in there. Misato and Rei too. The nurses told us that only two visitors at a time are allowed."
Shinji let out a relieved sigh.
The door opened, and their guardian walked out. Her dress had stains of dirt and mud and blood, it was wrinkly and even a bit ragged. She dragged her feet, rubbing her red eyes and cheeks with the back of her hands. The smell of alcohol, faint but unmistakable, reached Asuka and Shinji.
"Misato?" he asked.
She looked at them, and her lips trembled. Before either could react, she closed the distance between them and pulled both into a big, sloppy hug. Her hands pushed their heads into her chest, and she sobbed in their hair. It wasn't a cry of sadness or misery, not at all. There was pain in her wails, yes; but also love. Hope. Happiness.
Shinji returned the hug almost instantly, his hands hesitating just an instant. Asuka doubted for longer, but she did the same.
Her embrace was the tightest one.
Misato's blubbering could be heard through the closed door, earning a chuckle from Ritsuko. It was much easier to laugh now, with her wounds properly treated and the pain numbed by morphine. She only wished she could have a cigarette.
"Gave you a good scare, didn't I?" she asked Rei, who was standing next to her bed. "Sorry. Angel caught us unaware."
Rei had remained quiet and calm during the whole visit, leaving Misato to do all the emotional stuff. Even after their long talk while in the ambulance, that woman still had plenty of tears to shed, and plenty of half-drunk sappy declarations to embarrass them both. Ritsuko remembered that letter she had sent to her mother long ago, shortly after meeting Misato for the first time. It seems that she was once mute. But now she is quite talkative. It's like she's trying to make up for those days.
She wondered if Rei would be like that one day. If she would become talkative, rushing, in her adulthood, the words that had been stolen during her childhood. By Gendo. By SEELE.
By none other than Ritsuko Akagi.
She raised a hand towards the girl, not sure what she wanted to tell her. That it was okay to shed tears? Encourage her to not bottle up her emotions? Apologize, perhaps? Convey, somehow not looking like an asshole, that she was kind of disappointed because she expected her new ward to cry for her?
But Rei was faster. Without asking, without waiting; she fell to her knees and embraced Ritsuko, burying her face in the doctor's chest.
It didn't hurt. Rei managed to not upset the wounds. She was so light. Ritsuko blinked, mouth agape, as the room sunk into silence. It wasn't long before the whimpers began, just as she felt tears on her shirt. That only made it much more difficult to say anything.
Rei trembled. Ritsuko could feel her discomfort. Her healthy hand patted the girl's head, which only caused even more trembling.
"I'm not used to crying," Rei said.
"It's okay. I'm not, either. It's uncomfortable." She remembered how Rei had brought her tears out, in front of the tank where her sins floated. She could easily recall the pain of Misato's slap, as well.
Ritsuko's fingers found something among the cerulean hair. A cat-shaped pin stared back at her, with eyes that were just two black dots. One of them had faded a bit over the years. Another uncomfortable moment, that morning. They were popping out all over the place in her life, as of late. Ritsuko didn't like them.
But she was glad to have experienced every single one of them.
She caressed Rei's hair, hoping to provide her just a fraction of the comfort she had brought to her life. For once, Ritsuko couldn't wait to get out of Nerv. She wanted to go back home, to hear Tako and Gizmo begging for food, to watch a movie with Rei or help her with her homework.
She didn't want that cigarette anymore, strangely.
Kaji waited, fighting back the urge to sleep, even though there was nothing else to do in that claustrophobic cell. Not that the hard, cold bench would be comfortable to sleep on, even with the old and cheap pillow. The pillow would probably make it worse.
The cut in his lip still stung, after who knew how many hours. It helped him to stay awake, as did the uncomfortable taste of blood in his mouth. Not a single tooth had been broken or knocked out, by some miracle. His ears had stopped ringing, but the right eye was too bruised and swollen, and thus remained closed. It wouldn't have made much difference, really. Not much there to see, and even if it was, the darkness would hide it.
As it turned out, Kaji didn't care about any of that. They could have thrown him into an even worse cell, with rats and spiders and a broken toilet, and he would not give a damn; because Asuka and Shinji had won. They had taken the commander's victory away from his gloved hands. Even Rei had shattered her shackles; how could he not be happy after witnessing that? It made the cut lip, the bloody nose, the aching jaw, the black eye and the kicked stomach all worth it.
And, in a more personal level of satisfaction, calling Gendo Ikari out on his bullshit had felt really, really good.
The door opened, and a white light, so bright that it almost hurt his working eye, flooded the pitiful cell. As his vision adjusted, Kaji quickly scanned for any clue on the identity of the visitor. He looked for a suit, glasses, a beard, gray hair or even a gun pointing at him, in the worst possible scenario.
He wasn't expecting to see a familiar and quite attractive figure holding a first aid kit.
"Hey," Kaji said. "You're a sight for sore eyes," he pointed at his face. "One of them, at least."
"Don't make me regret coming here," Misato stepped into the cell and crouched in front of him. She opened her first aid kit, dipped a cotton ball in some alcohol and then pressed it, as gently as she could, against Kaji's wounded lip.
He hissed.
"Oh, don't be such a baby," she said.
Kaji took the time to watch her, to observe every detail of her. Same dress from their date, now dirty and ruined. Hair unkempt and wild, bags under the eyes. However, the radiance and serenity of her smile made it clear that the alcohol had run its course, and had no influence over her anymore.
"What time is it?" he asked.
"Morning already."
Kaji whistled. So Ikari had kept him there all night. Not surprising, considering the circumstances.
"The Suzuhara kid," he said. "How is he?"
Misato put some ice on the swollen eye. "Mild internal bleeding in a non-vital area, lots of bruises and a minor concussion. He'll recover and walk away, good as new, in just a few days."
"I'm glad."
"You're not the only one," Misato chuckled as she washed the dried blood off his face. "Poor Shinji wanted to go see him right away, but the doctors say he's not to receive visitors until at least tomorrow."
He laughed.
"Rits is fine," she continued. "Her wounds are a little more severe, but nothing serious."
"What did I tell you? Stronger than she looks."
She pinched his cheek. "Smartass."
Her smile washed away the coldness of the cell, just as her hand washed away the pain of his wounds.
"Thanks for taking over," Misato said. "So that I could go to her."
Kaji hunched. "I wasn't a very useful replacement. I couldn't help the kids."
"What are you talking about?" Misato left the cotton ball in the first aid kit, and then she fixed his tie again. "You supported them, and you gave Shinji time to arrive. And most importantly, you stood up to that bastard. I wish I could've seen his face."
"I could've done more."
"Maybe," she kissed his forehead. "But nevertheless, you did good."
He put his arms around her and pulled her closer, in a tight embrace. It was a sudden action, with barely any thought behind it. Kaji clutched at the back of her dress, not caring to maintain that suave facade of matureness he had held for so long. He didn't care to appear vulnerable in front of her, or that such an action would be improper of a spy. He wasn't even that good at spying anyway.
Kaji wanted Misato's warmth. He wanted to fall asleep next to her, and to be greeted by her face in the morning. He wanted out of that stupid game between Nerv and SEELE. To walk out of that cell holding her hand, to make up for all the lost time. To survive whatever the future had in store for them, and then see the sun rise on a world at peace, with Ritsuko, and Sosuke, and Shinji and Asuka and Rei.
And her. Always with her.
Kaji wanted to live.
"Katsuragi…"
"No," she hugged him back, pressing his head against her neck. "No more of that. Remember our promise. From now on, it's Misato."
For once, Tokyo-3 wouldn't face days of reconstruction after a battle, except for a street where a shoe shop had mysteriously exploded. The new day went by as the citizens returned to their houses, some having no option but to re-evaluate their opinion of Nerv in the process. When they didn't find their earthly possessions scattered everywhere due to the stomping of giants, or crushed under the feet of the Evangelions; a thought crept upon their minds: maybe Nerv wasn't as irresponsible. Maybe.
"Although, even a broken clock is right twice a day", some mumbled to themselves, still not willing to forgive past events.
The remains of Unit-03 were recovered and hauled down to the GeoFront. The wounds in the land itself would remain until vegetation grew over them, another reminder of the fight against the Angels. When the sun set once more, ushering in the night; Asuka and Shinji were, at last, allowed to return home.
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Pen-pen waddled their way, as fast as he could, flapping his wings and warking. Asuka crouched and began to scratch his head, and the bird squawked, pleased, at the ruffling of his feathers.
"I guess he missed us," Shinji said.
"Yeah. Between the battle and our date, we've been away for almost a day and a half-Hey! Don't peck! This dress is new!"
Shinji chuckled. He couldn't help it. "He must be hungry."
Pen-pen approached and, after begging for some headpats from him, pecked his leg in a gesture that Shinji knew very well.
"I'll prepare something for him," he said. "Then we could go out. I was thinking of this place, I hope they're open tonight…"
The growling of a stomach interrupted him. He looked up, and saw Asuka clutching her belly, her back turned to him in a bad attempt to hide a shameful blush. He fought the urge to chuckle again, and a new noise made him suspect that Asuka was fighting it, too.
"I'm exhausted," she said, pretending the grumble hadn't just happened. "How about we stay here and eat something from the fridge?"
"Oh," a part of Shinji, the most selfish one, was glad to hear that. He too was pretty tired, and although he had suggested it, he didn't really want to go anywhere.
The rest of Shinji chastised such thought. It was all for the date, he told himself. He needed to put effort if he wanted it to work, no matter how tired he was.
Right?
"Sure," he said. "I'll… I'll prepare something…"
"Don't you dare touch the stoves!" she wagged a Sohryu-esque finger. "I can tell that you're as tired as I am, so no cooking! I know Misato has some instant ramen and other stuff. We'll use the microwave. But let's change and shower first. And besides, didn't you ask me to not cook anything?"
Yes, but that had been all part of his plan. His intention had been to surprise her by taking her somewhere fancy, or as fancy as he could afford. However, that had been a day and a battle ago. The plan had been changed, and she didn't even know of it in the first place; so why would she reject the food? Didn't she like his cooking anymore?Had the date been a failure, after all, and she was in a bad mood?
Shinji watched as she walked away, towards her room. Maybe a day and a half was too much time, after all. Perhaps there could be no picking up where they had left it.
"I'm sorry that the date didn't go well," he said, already staring at his feet.
"What are you talking about?" Asuka's voice came from the corridor. "I got my first solo Angel kill, we saved that monkey friend of yours and we probably threw a wrench in your dad's plans. So far, it's the best date ever!"
Shinji looked up, his face beaming like the morning sun. It's, she had said. Present tense. Not over.
After two quick showers, the dinner was some reheated food, which they ate while sitting on the floor of the living room, among cushions. Pen-pen sat between the two, with his own dish, and yet he still he tried to steal from one kid or the other. He succeeded a couple of times, much to Asuka's chagrin and Shinji's amusement, and vice-versa.
The channels flashed on the TV. Asuka, who held control of the remote, zapped past the news, the political programs and those weird Japanese contest shows she still didn't get. When she found a rerun of an old anime, about robots and giant monsters, Asuka looked at Shinji with a raised eyebrow. He shuddered and grimaced, and so did she. The last thing they needed was a reminder of their job, so after chuckling and zapping some more, they settled on a comedy movie.
All in all, it wasn't being the dinner Shinji had envisioned for his first date. Non-fancy food and even less fancy drinks, in the same apartment where they slept and went to the bathroom, in clothes so loose and informal that they could've been pajamas. In fact, he was sure that he had seen Asuka sleeping in that very same outfit once.
But he was comfortable. Much more, he suspected, than he would have been in any restaurant, wearing a suit. There was something special in the way they laughed at the movie, not having to control their volume or worry about who could be watching. It was unique, the way Asuka ate with as little finesse as possible, sometimes even speaking with her mouth full. He found enjoyment in not having a chair nor dining table. A certain sense of freedom, not unlike when he had walked out of his father's office. Yes, just the two of them, in a cozy and familiar place, a penguin between them yet closer than they'd ever been.
Not the first date of his dreams, but better than anything he'd ever dreamed of.
They finished their dinner not long before the movie ended. Shinji was quick to collect the dirty dishes and empty cups and take them to the kitchen before Asuka could protest. Luckily, she seemed far too comfortable on the cushions to offer herself to do it. In any other situation, he would've gladly welcomed her help, and even enjoyed one night of him not doing the chores for once; but not that night. He needed an excuse to step out of the living room, just for a moment. Otherwise, it would ruin the surprise.
After leaving everything in the kitchen sink, to be washed later or whenever, Shinji went to his room as quickly and silently as he could. It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for, as he had left it prepared even before leaving to visit his mother's tomb. When he returned to the living room, Asuka was zapping through the channels.
"What do you wanna watch now?" she asked, not looking in his direction. He didn't answer, and waited for her to turn her head.
When she did, and her eyes opened wide, Shinji felt a pang of pride. At the same time, the hand holding the cello began to sweat a little, and a nervous tingle ran down his spine.
"You play?" Asuka asked.
He nodded. "I started when I was five. I haven't touched it since I arrived here, though."
Shinji dragged a chair from the kitchen and sat close to Asuka, who scooped more cushions around her, getting as comfortable as possible. Judging by the growing smile on his face, she had probably guessed what was going to happen. Shinji gulped.
"How come?" Asuka asked. "I mean, why did you choose cello? It couldn't have been your father's idea."
"It was my teacher's. He thought it would do me good," Shinji got comfortable in the chair and cleared his throat. Instrument in one hand and bow in the other, he looked at her, which turned out to be surprisingly hard. "So… for the end of our date, I would like to…"
"Don't ask," she said, hugging a yellow cushion, her eyes and grin on him. "Show me what you got."
He smiled back.
He put the bow across the strings.
A horrendous screech emanated from the instrument. Startled, Pen-pen, ran to hide in his fridge. Asuka covered her mouth with both hands, to prevent laughter from coming out, while Shinji's face turned so red-hot that he was certain the sweat on his brow had evaporated.
"I-It's because I'm out of practice!" he said, fumbling in his chair. He changed the angle and position of the cello, only to return to the original almost instantly.
"Want me to close my eyes?" Asuka offered, fighting back the giggles. "I can turn around, if it helps."
Shinji's first instinct was to accept, but he forced himself to shake his head. He couldn't do such a thing, not after everything he had managed in such a short amount of time. Standing up to Medusa, standing up to his own father, asking Asuka on a date. How could he look at her, talk to her, if he let fear take the wheel after so many little victories? How could he live with himself, after such betrayal to his own soul?
So, he pulled the bow one more time. The melody was slow and clunky at first. Every now and then, his fingers would tremble and his grip would be unsure, missing some notes and failing at some chords. However, as the seconds passed and music filled the apartment, these mistakes became rarer. Shinji's eyes were closed, and they opened only a few times, to look at either the strings or Asuka, just for an instant. And when he closed them again, she would be in his mind, her hair shining like the sunset, her laughter and voice more delicious than any melody he could play, her smile at the center of his life. A life that had changed in ways he could've never imagined, but right now, it didn't matter. The Evas, the Angels, the Demons, SEELE and Nerv… none of that mattered. Only her smile, her voice, her hair, her eyes, her hands, her friendship.
He finished, and was rewarded with applause. Just one person, but at that moment, more than enough.
"Impressive!" Asuka said. "I had no idea you could play so well!"
"Thanks," Shinji blushed. "I'm not very talented, though."
A cushion flew right into his face.
"Bullshit," Asuka declared. "Didn't you hear your own music? And forget about the mistakes at the beginning. You said it yourself, you were out of practice. Hey, I'd say that makes it even more awesome! You do have talent!"
"I don't know, I always thought that I'm only good because I've been playing for so long," he threw the cushion back at her.
"Well, persistence is a virtue, too," she caught it. "It indicates passion."
"Honestly…" Shinji scratched the back of his head, sheepish, "I could've given up anytime I wanted. The only reason I didn't was because nobody told me to stop."
Asuka rolled her eyes and groaned. "Should've known. So boring."
Her own fingers jolted to her mouth as soon as she said those words. Shinji could see worry appearing in her eyes, along with shame. She probably hadn't intended to say those things; it has been an automatic reaction. It seemed that the grown-ups were right about old habits.
"No, you're right," he said, looking at the bow in his hands, "I was boring back then. Scared of trying new things, when maybe I shouldn't have been." He leaned on his cello, with care to not put his full weight on it. "I should've kept playing because I wanted to, not because they didn't tell me to stop. I should've learned to swim by myself, just as I learned to cook, but this time not out of necessity. I shouldn't have spent so much time running away."
Shinji looked at Asuka. She was smiling, resting her cheek on a pile of cushions. The worry and shame in her eyes had disappeared, replaced by a gentle twinkle. Admiration, perhaps? Or just happiness? Maybe both?
"Still," Asuka said, "I could've said it in a nicer way, I guess."
Shinji was unable to resist: "Yes, you could have."
Such words earned him another cushion to the face, this time accompanied by their shared laughter.
"In any case," he continued, "Could I play you another one?"
"You can, and you will."
This time, the bow didn't trip while caressing the strings, not once. Shinji's concentration remained unbroken, his posture correct, his grip on the instrument neither too tight nor too loose. The melody flew, smooth, since the first very chord. It was so soft that, unbeknownst to both of them, Pen-pen had fallen asleep in his fridge, and was enjoying a pleasant dream.
The new recital came to an end, eventually. Asuka applauded once again, going so far as to stand up from her nest of cushions. That was a new one for Shinji. Nobody had ever given him a standing ovation before, not even his old teacher. He felt a pleasant tingle running down his back.
A rebel yawn escaped Asuka's mouth, putting a stop to the clapping. Shinji was about to chuckle at that, but it was far too contagious, and he yawned as well. No wonder, he thought. They had spent the whole previous night awake, and they hadn't caught much sleep while in the GeoFront either.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't think I can play a third time."
"Don't apologize, dummkopf," she rubbed her eyes. "But yeah, we should get some proper rest."
Shinji stood up, holding onto the cello as if it was life ring in a pool. Asuka forced a cough, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Despite what they had agreed, neither seemed in a hurry to go to their rooms.
No. It wasn't that. If anything, they'd love to run into their rooms and close the doors behind them, putting an end to that uncomfortable silence; but they couldn't. They owed it to themselves, and to each other. Or at least, that's what Shinji thought.
So, he decided to take the first step. "I like you, Asuka."
Nothing she didn't know, technically, even if he had never used those exact words. And yet, her cheeks turned red, her breathing stopped for an instant, and her whole body tensed, like a deer in the headlights.
"I li-like you a-a lot," Shinji continued, his grip on the cello and bow growing tighter, hands wet due to nervous sweating. "I… really had fun today. I want to do it again sometime, a-and I hope you feel the same. But you don't need to answer right now."
He bowed and turned around, feeling that a weight had been somewhat lifted off his shoulders. Yes. That was enough, for now.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Shinji stopped. That didn't sound like the voice of a deer in the headlights. More like an upset lioness.
He looked back. In an instant, Asuka had reverted to that pose she used so much, with her fists on her hips, and glaring at him like she usually did whenever he said something dumb. Her cheeks were still a little bit red, though.
"Um…" he gulped, fearful of whatever mistake he had just made. "I'm going to my room. You said we should get some rest, and… the date is… over?"
Asuka rolled her eyes and huffed. "You're hopeless. A date is not over until you kiss the girl, idiot!"
She said it with confidence, and yet uncertainty and fear twinkled in her eyes. Shinji would've seen them, had he not been busy getting more nervous than he already was. His throat grew so dry that he almost began to cough. He could feel his heart racing in his chest.
"D-did you brush your teeth?" Asuka asked. Wait. Asuka was stuttering? No, it couldn't be. Shinji convinced himself that it was a hallucination caused by the stress.
"No," he said. "Did you?"
It was the most uncomfortable episode of teeth brushing in their lives. She went first, and then Shinji followed. He also washed his face with cold water, but it didn't do much to calm his nerves.
They returned to the same spot in the living room. The cello was resting against the wall. Asuka had turned the TV off. Shinji's attention was on her lips, but that didn't help his nerves at all. If anything, it made his legs wobbly, and his fists so tense that his own nails seemed about to pierce the palm of the hand. A part of him was scared and wanted to run, while another was equally terrified of not doing the deed. Of what he would miss. He couldn't deny that he had thought about it more than once. What would her lips taste like? Would they be soft?
Asuka huffed, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She was getting impatient, Shinji could tell. That was never good. Still, he found it difficult to move. New doubts assaulted his mind: what if he didn't do it right? What if he didn't like it as much as he hoped?
What if she didn't like it?
No. No more questions. He was tired of being afraid. Whatever had to happen…
He closed the distance between them, perhaps faster than he had intended. However that night would end…
Asuka flinched a little, and her blush grew more intense. And yet, her eyes remained firmly locked into his, her stare defiant but also… proud?
His hands held her arms. A tiny squeak escaped her lips, but she didn't move. She still waited, she still expected. I want to be here, that's what her eyes were saying!
Shinji wanted to tell her the same, but words refused to form in his mind or mouth. Now it wasn't the time to speak.
He leaned forward, and so did she.
And their lips made contact.
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AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Can't believe it took me almost four years to reach the kiss moment xD
I want to give many thanks to SheriffJohnStone for being my beta-reader one more time, and also to Baran_No.54 who joins us as a second beta-reader! Their help was invaluable, they gave me a lot of ideas for this chapters and aided me whenever I got stuck in a scene. Special thanks go to Author0fntent, LDGV, Calborghete, Shtrudlle, AirGuitar035, Sunsetman, lord mau shinji 500, deathbringer374, Romulo Nidoking BR, RealRemainder, Guillaume Grigna, Chucky117, Wing Zero Alchemist, GizzyGadget and two Guests for their review and support, and also thanks to everyone who follows and favorites, and to my dear friends in Discord who helped me with vocabulay. Love you all, guys and gals.
Now, for some bad news: Demon Lord Shinji will enter into a one-year hiatus. And I'm afraid this isn't a New Year joke, I mean a hiatus of 10-12 months. I do this for two main reasons. The first is that I need to focus on work and some personal projects, and I can't just dedicate as much time to writing fanfiction anymore. The second is because I need to plan the events for the next chapters. I have many ideas, but I don't think I'll be able to use all of them. My beta-readers will help me sort them out. So I'll be using this long break to write drafts, maybe have some scenes pre-written. That way, when DLS comes back, hopefully you won't have to wait another five months between chapters, because I'll have stuff already prepared.
This silly story of mine wouldn't have grown so much without all of your support. I'm very thankful to all of you, and honored that you've liked it thus far.
Again, Happy New Year. I wish you all the best for 2024. See ya :)